Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'abuse'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Quitting Adderall Forums
    • Announcements
    • Tell your story
    • General Discussion
    • Lounge (off-topic stuff)
    • Supplements, Energy Drinks, and Alternatives
    • Member locations (for meetups)

Calendars

  • Community Calendar

Found 8 results

  1. ATTN: All those who hate the pharmaceutical industry and feel they would never have started using ADHD medications if they'd been properly informed of their harm (my law firm McEldrewYoung will talk to you and get your consent and verify my words before you officially join) I have never used ADHD drugs myself, but lost my fiancee to Adderall addiction three years ago. Since then I've been researching the vested interests who have caused these controlled substances to be recommended as supposedly "safe" and "beneficial" for even toddlers. This continued to bother my conscience for 3 years day and night, during which I've conducted extensive research. The facts I've compiled (including personal communications with the FDA and Health Canada who have admitted to the alleged misrepresentation) have convinced a large law firm (MCELDREW YOUNG, ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW) to start a class action lawsuit on contingency, alleging the violation of the public's right to informed consent about Adderall, Vyvanse and Daytrana, Strattera, Concerta, Ritalin or Focalin. YOUR HELP IS NEEDED TO SUCCEED AT GETTING THESE HARMFUL MEDICATIONS OFF THE MARKET, please keep reading.this about what you can do to help. I'll be an expert witness in this lawsuit, and to guarantee its success, we are looking for principle plaintiffs (also called class representatives) who are trusted members of this forum who want these drugs recalled as badly as i do, who would do everything humanly possible to represent the best interest of every other class member (possibly thousands of damaged parties who can document side effects such as depression, heart disease, etc. including documentable addiction/abuse). These principle class representatives will get a larger compensation (can be up to $30, 000 more than everyone else), their names will be publicly disclosed but not any information from their medical records (the rest of the class members will neither have their names nor damages publicly disclosed). I have read about class action suits whose class representatives were paid-off to agree to settle for almost nothing with a non-disclosure agreement preventing the press from hearing anything. I have also read about class representatives who have agreed to settle for a huge sum for the law firm and negligible amounts for the injured plaintiffs themselves. This is why I don't want to take chances with just anyone the law firm may assign, but want trusted members of this forum who will promise here that they will not let any such thing happen to this lawsuit. You can read more about the responsibilities of class representatives here: https://library.nclc.org/class/010901-0 So if you'd like to do this, I hope you are as outraged as me me to have been a victim of pharmaceutical fraud, wanting as much as me to end it. Again, I'll be asking these people to promise here to do everything they can to negotiate a huge settlement from the drug manufacturers or let the case go to trial if the drug companies refuse to comply, never signing a non-disclosure agreement and allowing us to create a huge public stink about this fraud ruining millions of innocent lives each year. To see if you qualify to represent this class, please read the top part of this questionnaire: http://adhddrugslongterm.com/class-action-lawsuit/ and then fill it out if you wish to participate (will only take 5 minutes to complete, my law firm McEldrewYoung will talk to you and get your consent and verify my words before you officially join). Then my law firm will get back to you. When the law firm contacts you, I may get compensated for my 3 years of hard work if you'd kindly let them know that this essay (http://adhddrugslongterm.com/Misrepresentation_of_ADHD.pdf) helped you realize the full extent to which ADHD drugs have been misrepresented as "safe" and "beneficial" (you don't have to read all of this, but please keep reading until you see how badly you all have been defrauded by the pharmaceutical industry -- trust me, you will end up as furious as I am before you finish the first page or two, you can verify every statement instantly with clickable references). My law firm may also ask you when was the first time that you realized that your right to informed consent was violated. People who realized this sometime in the past may not qualify to participate as the lawsuit has a statute of limitations for 2 years. But the statue of limitations starts now for all those who have realized that their informed consent was violated after reading the facts I've presented to them: http://adhddrugslongterm.com/Misrepresentation_of_ADHD.pdf. Thanks again for your much appreciated contributions to help prevent future generations from falling prey to increase drug company profits. Asli Theobald, M.S., Information Systems Analyst
  2. ATTN: All those who hate the pharmaceutical industry and feel they would never have started using ADHD medications if they'd been properly informed of their harm (my law firm McEldrewYoung will talk to you and get your consent and verify my words before you officially join) , I have never used ADHD drugs myself, but lost my fiancee to Adderall addiction three years ago. Since then I've been researching the vested interests who have caused these controlled substances to be recommended as supposedly "safe" and "beneficial" for even toddlers. This continued to bother my conscience for 3 years day and night, during which I've conducted extensive research. The facts I've compiled (including personal communications with the FDA and Health Canada who have admitted to the alleged misrepresentation) have convinced a large law firm (MCELDREW YOUNG, ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW) to start a class action lawsuit on contingency, alleging the violation of the public's right to informed consent about Adderall, Vyvanse and Daytrana, Strattera, Concerta, Ritalin or Focalin. YOUR HELP IS NEEDED TO SUCCEED AT GETTING THESE HARMFUL MEDICATIONS OFF THE MARKET, please keep reading.this about what you can do to help. I'll be an expert witness in this lawsuit, and to guarantee its success, we are looking for principle plaintiffs (also called class representatives) who are trusted members of this forum who want these drugs recalled as badly as i do, who would do everything humanly possible to represent the best interest of every other class member (possibly thousands of damaged parties who can document side effects such as depression, heart disease, etc. including documentable addiction/abuse). These principle class representatives will get a larger compensation (can be up to $30, 000 more than everyone else), their names will be publicly disclosed but not any information from their medical records (the rest of the class members will neither have their names nor damages publicly disclosed). I have read about class action suits whose class representatives were paid-off to agree to settle for almost nothing with a non-disclosure agreement preventing the press from hearing anything. I have also read about class representatives who have agreed to settle for a huge sum for the law firm and negligible amounts for the injured plaintiffs themselves. This is why I don't want to take chances with just anyone the law firm may assign, but want trusted members of this forum who will promise here that they will not let any such thing happen to this lawsuit. You can read more about the responsibilities of class representatives here: https://library.nclc.org/class/010901-0 So if you'd like to do this, I hope you are as outraged as me me to have been a victim of pharmaceutical fraud, wanting as much as me to end it. Again, I'll be asking these people to promise here to do everything they can to negotiate a huge settlement from the drug manufacturers or let the case go to trial if the drug companies refuse to comply, never signing a non-disclosure agreement and allowing us to create a huge public stink about this fraud ruining millions of innocent lives each year. To see if you qualify to represent this class, please read the top part of this questionnaire: http://adhddrugslongterm.com/class-action-lawsuit/ and then fill it out if you wish to participate (will only take 5 minutes to complete, my law firm McEldrewYoung will talk to you and get your consent and verify my words before you officially join). Then my law firm will get back to you. When the law firm contacts you, I may get compensated for my 3 years of hard work if you'd kindly let them know that this essay (http://adhddrugslongterm.com/Misrepresentation_of_ADHD.pdf) helped you realize the full extent to which ADHD drugs have been misrepresented as "safe" and "beneficial" (you don't have to read all of this, but please keep reading until you see how badly you all have been defrauded by the pharmaceutical industry -- trust me, you will end up as furious as I am before you finish the first page or two, you can verify every statement instantly with clickable references). My law firm may also ask you when was the first time that you realized that your right to informed consent was violated. People who realized this sometime in the past may not qualify to participate as the lawsuit has a statute of limitations for 2 years. But the statue of limitations starts now for all those who have realized that their informed consent was violated after reading the facts I've presented to them: http://adhddrugslongterm.com/Misrepresentation_of_ADHD.pdf. Thanks again for your much appreciated contributions to help prevent future generations from falling prey to increase drug company profits. Asli Theobald, M.S., Information Systems Analyst
  3. 8 Stages of Amphetamine Use/Abuse

    I found this online in another forum a while ago and recovered it recently. I've put it in the announcements because it feels more like a "sticky" than a discussion doc or question or personal tale. I found it really accurate. Hope it's helpful. Stage 1 of Amphetamine Use - During this stage, amphetamine will be at its hedonic peak; the pleasure of taking amphetamine will not get any higher from this point on. The most notable feelings are a "lovey" feeling, powerful euphoria, increased motivation, deep philosophical thinking, strong feelings of "lust", etc. Length of phase: 1-3 days with binge usage; 5-10 days with daily usage; About 5-15 uses total if used sparingly with atleast several days inbetween doses. Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Powerful euphoria - Empathy and socialability - Overwhelming amount of increased motivation Stage 2 of Amphetamine Use - During this stage, the "lovey" and empathetic feelings of amphetamine quickly fade, although the "pleasurable" feelings of euphoria and increased motivation are still present. The decrease in empathetic feelings is likely responsible from a depletion of serotonergic vesicles. Most users note that it is impossible to transition back to "Stage 1" at this point, no matter how long of a break a person takes from amphetamine. This suggests that a permanent tolerance develops for the empathetic effects of the drug - whether this occurs from a psychological acclimation to the effects, or from physiological reasons, I don't know. This is the stage which doctors aim for when prescribing amphetamine for medicinal use with ADD and ADHD. This stage can be prolonged for quite some time (and if the dose is low enough, some medical professionals say that this phase can be prolonged indefinitely) this is assuming of course that the user continuously maintains an adequate amount of high quality sleep (7+ hours a night), proper nutrition, and a non-sedentary lifestyle. Length of Stage: 1-7 days with binge usage (note that binge usage is defined by immediately taking another dose once the effects of one dose wear off or begin to wear off, interrupting sleep in the process). 2 Weeks to 6+ Months if used daily (and maintaining a healthy lifestyle). Indefinitely if used sparingly (with 3-5+ days inbetween uses). Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Increased Motivation - Slight Euphoria Stage 3 of Amphetamine Use, the "Tool" phase - At this point, most if not all empathetic effects of usage have diminished. This point is characterized by the fact that amphetamine becomes the sole motivator for tasks, hence the nickname "The Tool Phase" because amphetamine is now used as a Tool for accomplishment. The negative physiological effects (the "body load") become more prominent. Length of Stage: At this point, it is hard to define the length it will take to transition from one stage to the next. Some users will find that if they take breaks from their usage or just lower their dose, they can go backwards to earlier stages. Some binge users may even rapidly progress through the stages, possibly even skipping to the final ones or developing psychosis. Characteristic Effects of this stage: - Period of 'positive effects' and period of 'negative effects' from taking a dose begin to merge. (usually, if negative effects are present they only follow after the positive effects wear off) - The user needs amphetamine to stay at/above a baseline level of motivation, and when amphetamine is not in effect the user is below a baseline level of motivation. -In order for a task to be done effeciently, the user finds that they need to be on amphetamine. - The level of euphoria decreases to a point where it is no more significant than the level of euphoria which most people get from daily life without amphetamine. Stage 4 of Amphetamine Use, "The Decline" - The efficiency of amphetamine as a "Tool" begins to drop significantly, and this stage is characterized by the "comedown" (the period of negative effects after the drug begins to wear off) becoming much stronger. The "comedown" may even begin to merge in with the period of positive effects. At this point, the body load may begin to become painful. Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Painful body load (Muscle Pain, High Blood Pressure, Inadequate Circulation, Dehydration, Malnutrition, deterioration of the skin and other tissues, etc). - Depression - Severe Anxiety Stage 5 of Amphetamine Use, The Procrastination - This Stage may or may not be experienced by amphetamine users. In this stage, the positive effects of amphetamine are almost absent if not completely gone, and the "coming up" of a dose of amphetamine is subsequently followed by an immediate barrage of negative effects (both physiological and psychological). The reason this phase is called "The Procrastination" is because the user forgets how unbearable the negative sensations are (due to amphetamine compromising the brain's ability to efficiently make memories, especially goal-orientated memories); by the next day, even though the user may have told himself to not take amphetamine, he takes amphetamine again anyways (due to the brain not being able to make a goal-orientated memory, the brain was unable to produce counter-motivation to stop the user from taking more amphetamine the next day). This might possibly be the most psychologically painful and strenuous phase for the amphetamine user, since he is unable to figure out why he keeps taking amphetamine even though he clearly knows it only causes him pain. Characteristic Effects: - Repeatedly taking amphetamine despite knowledge that it no longer gives the desired effects, and only causes negative effects. Stage 6 of Amphetamine Use, Irritability and Pessimism - This phase is characterized by extreme irritability. The user begins forgetting the drug is responsible for his negative feelings, and begins to blame things in the environment around them instead. The user begins to think that other people are responsible for how poorly he/she feels. The user might show hostility, or social withdrawal. The user also begins to develop an extremely pessimistic attitude towards life. Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Acute Depression - Severe Anxiety - Irritability, even when the drug is out of the user's system - Psychosis - Inability to Sleep - Severe Restlessness - lack of willpower - Inability to find "the right choice of words" - Obsessive Thinking Stage 7 of Amphetamine use, Nihilism and Dissociation - During this phase, incidences of psychosis begin to emerge (if they haven't already) even if the drug user has been maintaining an adequate amount of sleep. The user usually becomes nihilistic, thinking that nothing in life matters or has meaning. Some users may even become solipsistic, which means they think that they are the only things which are real in the world. Solipsism is often accompanied by paranoia, or thinking that others only have the intention of harming the solipsistic individual. If the user had obtained any philosophical or metacognitive methods of thinking during the earlier stages of amphetamine use, those same metacognitive methods begin to eat away at the person's psyche. They feel as if they are helpless to do anything besides sit back and watch their mind become unravelled. Even if the user realizes that his irritable attitude towards other people isn't how he truly feels, he is unable to manage his irritability (most likely due to a complete diminishment of serotonin, as well as the brain's ability to make memories being compromised). The individual's ego may begin to deconstruct itself, and the user may have a feeling that they completely lack any willpower to do anything. This stage is also accompanied by a large amount of confusion. Characteristic Effects of this stage: - Confusion - Paranoia - Unbearable Depression and Anxiety - Delusions - Increased Incidences of Psychosis - Increasingly Painful Body Load - Lack of willpower - Cognition become confusing and incoherent. Users often claim things like their mind is "too loud", "jumping to false conclusions", or "doesn't make sense" and the user feels helpless to control this. - Panic Attacks become very prominent - Feelings of Deja Vu - If weight loss was experienced in beginning stages, it may come to a hault or even reverse into weight gain - Inability to experience pleasure - Akathisia - Feelings that an individual no longer has "free will" - Difficult to form coherent sentences and speak properly. Similar to "Clanging" or "Word Salad" experienced in schizophrenics. Stage 7b "Letting Go / Giving Up" - This stage is not always experienced, but in some instances after the user has experienced an excruciating and unbearable amount of anxiety and mental stress, he may experience a period of "Letting Go" in which the brain gives up on constructing/maintaining its deluded psychological structures. The negative effects of the drug temporarily fade, and the user has a "moment of peace". This temporary phase usually only lasts several hours (if not less) before the user returns to phase 7. Since the brain during this phase has completely abandoned any attempts to make goal orientated behaviour, the user may find it difficult (or simply not want to) to take care of themselves. However, during this phase, the user will find that they will actually be able to get to sleep, and they should take advantage of this temporary somnia to get sleep. I do not know what neurological mechanisms are responsible for this phase; it is almost as if it is the brain's last resort - to enter a careless and stressless stupor. Perhaps the brain releases endorphins in response to the unbearable anxiety? Characteristic Effects: - Stupor - Irresponsiveness - Carelessness - Ironically, if effects of "word salad" or "clanging" were experienced in stage 7, they are no longer as present in stage 7b. Stage 8, "The Stupor", Brain Damage - In this stage, amphetamine no longer gives effects, and the brain's desire for taking amphetamine (even if taking it has become a habit) begins to drop. As long as amphetamine use continues, the user makes no progress towards recovery of any sort. The individual is unresponsive and disconnected. Amphetamine has a tendency to make the user put too much effort into anything/everything, and this gives the brain not a single moment of psychological "rest" (where the individual doesn't think deeply). However, during this phase, it is quite the opposite - the individual's mind is in a prolonged state of resting and won't even follow through with the very act of thinking if the thought takes too much effort to think. During this phase, the user may have a steep decline in intelligence. Characteristic Effects: - Prolonged episodes of stupor and carelessness - Lethargy - Diminished Intelligence and mental efficiency - Irreversible Psychological Damage - Possible brain damage - The individual may develop a "permanent stuttering" which persists even after amphetamine has long since been ceased. - In a similar way that the stuttering develops, an individual may develop a possible permanent difficulty talking, using correct grammar and sentence structure, or expressing thoughts to others. In severe cases, this may even resemble a schizophrenic's clanging or word salad. - Essentially, the mind at this point is irreversibly compromised. The user's personality might have changed permanently. The individual may be much more easily irritated for the rest of his/her life. Cognitive functioning will never work the same as it used to. Although the user may make improvements and greatly recover, it will almost always seem like something "isn't right" in the mind, or that something is "missing". Individuals will still be able to lead fulfilling lives, and some may make amazing recoveries where they feel normal again like they did before they ever began using. Unfortunately, in severe cases, the individual may never be the same again.
  4. Another Life

    GPA 3.5 and I had one more final exam. Just one more. Then I would be walking across the stage to get my 4 year diploma. I had an internship with a MAJOR soda company starting this week. But man, I was tired. I didn't want to study for that last exam. I wanted to be with my roommates that night and enjoy these last few nights as a college sorority hipster. Okay, I will study at the library and meet up with everyone later. I was walking out of the house when a friend approached me and gave me a capsule. She said it would help. But only works when you get sleep. I walked across that stage with the same 3.5 GPA. I failed the drug test for my internship 2 days after I received my diploma. Twelve years later and she's sitting on the couch. She's been alive almost 2 months. She watches her husband make coffee while her baby plays on the floor. The oldest child will be down any minute. That she, well that's me. And I confessed to my addiction almost 2 months ago. I took my last pill almost two months ago. And I'm a different woman. A new life. It's like I woke up. And my twenties are a haze. I was addicted to a medication prescribed to children and adults who have a learning disability. An attention disability. DISABILITY. When I could see the bottom of the orange bottle through my pills, I panicked. How long are you going to continue your cycle? Doctor appointments, picking up scripts, pharmacy trips, paying out of pocket because you can't wait another week when your insurance will cover your refill. Are you going to take these pills when you are sixty years old? Eighty? It has to stop at some point. Nobody can successfully continue a narcotic like this forever. How it's FDA approved and available at a pharmacy within a 2 mile radius of my home keeps me up at night. My old life has been through more than I want to admit. But I will. Over time. I consider myself an expert on the drug. And I'm not done researching this narcotic. And I'm not done researching the lives of the people who dedicate themselves on this website.
  5. Hey all, This is my first post here. I want to tell the story of my life over the last 6 years, how my life is now, and where I want to take it from this point. I have changed as a person since that first orange pill and I do not like what I have become. I hope I can find support here in order to get my old self back... the funny, caring, sociable, witty, kind, and sensitive person I used to be. Here it goes: I started taking Adderall IR back in my sophmore year of college because I was having trouble with my courses. I am a bright person and was in gifted classes as a child. I was simply not able to stay interested in my homework and studying long enough to get it done. I saw a psych and got a script for 20mg, once daily. Over the first 6mo of taking it only for school and study, my grades went from B-/C to A's. I was so pleased with this change and felt great about making the choice to take Adderall. Because I was now so successful in school, I began to feel confident in my everyday life, while not on the medication. I met a wonderful girl and we began a relationship. We moved in together after 6mo, and since January of this year, we have been engaged to marry in March 2015. I made her aware of my Adderall prescription early on, and she had no opinions about it so all was good. Over the first 6 months of taking Adderall for school, I would have extra pills left over and occasionally gave them to friends I would study with, etc. At about that time, I began to need more of the meds to get the task done and would start running out before next months refill. My doctor agreed to double my script to 60 tablets of 20mg. I was back in control now with the additional supply. I gave the extras to my study buddies, and even shared them with my girlfriend for her to study on. A year into my prescription, I started to take the medication for non school things like cleaning the house, getting things done at work, staying up late drinking with my friends(since alcohol makes me tired). Once in a while turned into a few days a week very quickly. I was getting spoiled by the superhuman ability to get things done while on adderall. I found myself taking 40,60,sometimes 90mg a day when i used. At this point it was not an everyday thing and i did not "crave" the drug, I just would take when I needed to get something completed. My sleep began to suffer, so my doc wrote me a script for Klonopin to help me sleep. I wasn't suffering from any side effects at this time. I strategically planned out the timing of my meals, etc so that I wouldn't lose weight. Looking back, I think this would be the time where I was beginning to plan my days and weeks around Adderall. in 2009, I graduated from College with a BS in Finance with Personal Investments focus. I now had no homework and thought about stopping my script. I did not stop it however, because I had been giving them to my girlfriend/fiance for a while for her studies and I wanted her to succeed like I had. I started taking the adderall when she did and would surf the net or clean the house, etc. I got hired by a big name investments firm 3mo after graduating and relied on my Adderall to get me thru the several licensing exams i had to complete. Every thing was fine during 2010, I was working and the GF and I would take Adderall. We never took it to the point where I would run out of pills early, but it was close. I would often have to ration them out. During 2011, our tolerances had grown and 60 20mg's per month were no longer adequate. My doc would not increase my dose. We would start taking a larger dose at one sitting, but compensated by not taking it as many days of the week. I found that I was starting to get lazy on non Adderall days... low motivation, very unfocused, sometimes a but crabby. I would save up things to do and knock them out over an 8 hour 90mg Adderall session. The same applied for my girlfriend, who had progressed to using not just for school. By the end of 2011, we found that Adderall was dictating our lives to a noticeable extent. We would buy some off friends when we ran out. This made me uncomfortable but I justified it with some sort of Adderall induced made up excuse or rationale. Over the next year, we continued to build tolerance and by 2012, I could handle 120mg a day and her 60-90. When I took Adderall during work, I turned into a supermachine. I was a top performer in my firm and was getting recognized and promoted. I would go to my interviews on Adderall which, looking back, prob got me the promotions. The success was not really me though, it was the Adderall. My boss's expectations of me were based on the levels of work I did on Adderall so I began to feel like a fraud. I would run out of my meds a week or more early, and had to buy from others to keep up the work performance. If I couldn't get some for a period of time, I would tell my boss I wasn't feeling well, blame things like bad luck, or simply call out sick. I was losing my motivation without adderall. After doing this routine for a year, I began to notice a lot of changes in my personality that had surfaced over the past few years. I was now anti-social....which was not how I was before Adderall. I had low interest in hanging with friends/family and would make up excuses as to why I didn't want to see them. I was taking so much adderall(120-140mg daily) that i was often fatigued. The day after a long adderall binge, I did not want to do anything or see anyone. My brain felt like mush and I physically felt like crap in general. I went out of my way to drink ensure shakes and eat healthy to help offset this. My sense of humor had all but vanished while on or off adderall. I stopped doing previously enjoyable activities like watching movies or listening to music, etc because those things weren't Adderall mindset tasks that I could satisfy myself by completing. Over the past 6 months, things have gotten to their lowest point. I am on written warning for work absence. I will take adderall too late in the day or too much and not be able to work the next day. Or I will be out of Adderall and not want to go to work because a workday without it sucks. This is hurting my performance on the job and I have not had a promotion in the past year. My life revolves around the drug, or the lack of it. When I get my monthly refill, my fiance and I go thru all 60 pills in about a week and then spend A LOT of money on Adderall from others to barely get us to next month. We often fall several days short and during that gap, our house turns into a mess, nothing productive gets done, and I find my ADD gets out of control. I will have a constant feeling of frustration because I don't have any Adderall and my extreme ADD behaviors often piss off my fiance. My fiance feels the same way and we fight more because we are grouchy over no adderall supply. We are not as close as we used to be because our common interest is adderall, which makes us self absorbed when we dose. So in effect, the Adderall is making us more distant. I have lost many of my friends because they got tired of being shot down when they invite me to do things. Here are the awful personality changes I have caused myself. I feel this way on and off adderall, with my longest off period being about 6 days..... I am unable to feel many emotions anymore. I feel like a shell of a person and most of my interactions with others seem like I'm just running thru the motions and feel fake. Everything in life has become task oriented and very serious. I look at everything thru a lens of what needs to be done and what is the fastest & most efficient way to do it. I have blinders on and miss the details of everyday life. I neglect my dogs sometimes because Im so self centered now. My memory sucks now and I often cannot remember important things that people tell me. I have these tics that I picked up from Adderall use. I hate the tics and others are annoyed by them as well. I have developed a panic disorder. I never had panic attacks until about a year ago. They are horrible and I thought I was having a heart attack the first time it happened, My fiance called 911, and I went to hospital in the ambulance, and spent 3 days there. They did every possible test related to my brain and cardio system and luckily found out that I am completely healthy. I was surprised that after this much Adderall abuse, my heart was in perfect shape. My Fiance hasn't abused as much or as long so she is prob fine, although her personality has changed like mine has. Also, we found ourselves not getting many important tasks accomplished on Adderall. I will get a wild hair and work on some pointless project for 5 straight hours which will end up being a total waste. The task was just something to stay busy with. I think that we are hooked on this medication because life feels boring without it and the tasks we do on the drug satisfy some awful adderall developed need/desire. We have essentially forgotten how to live our lives. I feel like I have to take the drug to do anything....... including social events, work, chores, even days alone at home. I hate the drug but I keep taking it. My fiance and I decided a couple weeks ago that we wanted to stop using Adderall. We made it 6 days before giving in to the temptation. I dug out my script from the kitchen drawer and had it filled. We proceeded to go thru all the pills in 5 days. That's 240mg per day between the two of us. I usually take 25% more than her, and I actually took about 180mg yesterday! Of course today I feel like complete shit because I went full throttle for the past 5 days, but also becaue I disappointed I failed my plan to stop. I have no more pills left, but I have several easy connections. I deleted their numbers and asked them not to sell me any if I ask, but I had done that before and it didn't work. If I want to get Adderall, I will make it happen. I am worried that I wont be able to stop before things get even worse. I am also concerned that my emotions are going to be stuck in a vacant state forever. I want my old self back. I want to laugh, love, and live. I want to be normal again. Today is day one of another attempt at quitting, and I worry it could become another fail. Please share any thoughts, ideas, words of encouragement, etc with me. I really want this.
  6. This is a question for anyone that was abusing adderall with a history of depression, but found something that filled the void after coming clean. Was there something specific that changed in your life or that you did to change your life to keep you HAPPY {for the most part} and off adderall? PS this goes for whether you were or were not a.d.d. Im finding it hard to be sober and honest with myself and say I would NEVER do that stuff again even though I rationally know it's stupid. I admire the shit out of people that stay clean. Im just wondering if there was some awesome thing that took it's place for lack of a better expression.
  7. I will try to make this as short as possible. I am 20 years old and have been abusing adderall for about a year now. I experimented with it in high school and one summer almost every day, staying awake for up to 3 days non stop, hallucinating, not eating, going literally insane. Well, i decided i wanted to get a skript because i was battling with severe dependence to weed. On top of that i have been bulimic/anorexic for 7 years, so the weed made my bulimia that much worse. I was ecstatic when i got the prescription after 10 minutes of being in my psychiatrists office. Things were great, the typical adderall story. I was motivated, happy, losing weight without trying, i decided to go back to college, kept my first long term job, you get the picture. After the first month or so my tolerance was building very rapidly. I took a few days off the drug here and there, but that didn't help to slow it. I started at 10mg and am prescribed 40mg a day now, but take anywhere from 60-110mg a day, everyday. I always had a HORRIBLE time with the crash. It seemed even at the beginning the adderall high only lasted TOPS 5 hours, then slowly the crash took over the rest of my evenings. So i turned to heavy drinking to combat the debilitating lows. It helped, until it didn't. Now i am back to drinking and smoking weed to comedown and sleep. Here are my side effects. It started with the usual rapid heartbeat (only when crashing), extremely cold, anxiety, intense irritation towards others/noises, itching(feeling like there was a bug or feather touching my body, id itch the hell out of my skin and be left with fingernail marks all over), and of course insomnia. I think about a month or two ago (i have no acurate perspective of time, since it all seemed to just fly by) i started getting intense heat flashes. I would go from freezing to burning up with a rred face and rash on my chest, then back to freezing, i have been getting bad muscle tremors. My head will quickly twitch side to side throughout the day, as well as my legs and arms. My hands are shaky as a leaf, always. Everyone notices that too. My eyesight gets blurred/foggy dduring the crash. Usually my right eye will lose a good 30% of it's vision and get bloodshoot. There's many more symptoms, but the worse one has to be my fingers/hands. I have always had bad circulation and in cold temps. my fingers turned numb and i had to warm them. But since starting adderall it has really made it much worse. Now, they turn purple/blue even when it is not cold out. My hands are never just normally white anymore, they are always purple or very red. It is VERY embarrassing and everyone at work comments on it. I also noticed that now when i smoke weed i am very weird. I always was self conscious, especially high, but now it's like the entire time i am in my own head, picking things apart. When my friend is talking, all i am doing is nodding and wondering if he is analyzing me/how i look. I realize especially when i've smoked weed that i subconsciously am curling and uncurling my toes, digging my fingernail into my hands, biting my cheek, and i never look my friends in the eyes, i stare of into space and pretend i am present. I have come onto this site a lot when i feel i am ready to quit, like last night. But here i am today, considering taking my adderall. I don't even know why. It's like the adderall numbs my emotions and feelings towards others, but when i am not on it i feel completely numb. A different numb though. I have never been able to deal with feelings. Ever since i was a little girl. I never talked about how i felt, i put on a happy face, hid behind my eating disorder, then drugs, alcohol, weed, now adderall. I don't know how to be "normal" i am so used to living in my own dysfunctional world. I don't know if i can learn to cope in the real world.
  8. Controlled Adderall Use?

    I have been sober for 2 1/2 weeks now and this is the longest I have made it without my prescription I started taking adderall because it was suggested to me by my doctor. I have ADD and I am an Aspie (high functioning autism). I have relapsed twice in the past 3 or 4 months, but I finally swallowed my pride, confided in my significant other, and quit cold turkey. I can honestly say I feel "normal" again, although my immune system has been down, I am very fatigued, and a bit depressed here and there. When I decided to quit, I was going through my college finals..probably wasn't the best idea, I didn't get very good grades, but the stress of finals and the over consumption of my prescription pushed me over my limit. I will admit that when I first started taking adderall, I was not taking it every day. I only took it when I was studying or taking an exam. My grades were great and I felt like I could compete on the same level with the other classmates. I started taking my prescription daily when I broke off my engagement, I guess I used it because it got me through the odd emotional phase; as an Aspie emotions can be even more confusing than for the average Joe. That was 2 years ago. From then on I was taking more and more to fill that void, but 6 months ago I started a new relationship and he actually pointed out my "nasty adderall obsession". He has been there to guide me through my transformation and he has let me decide to quit for myself without pressure. Quitting a routine, bad or good, is especially hard for someone with Autism. Routines are what some of us rely on to go about our days. I think that has been the hardest for me, on top of the addiction. Anywho.. My boyfriend and I are thinking about trying to control my substance intake. Since adderall does help me in limited and controlled doses. I have asked him to control when I receive a dose and for the appropriate occasions, which we have discussed with my physician. I will not know where my prescription is located and will only receive a daily dose every-other-day. That way I don't abuse the adderall, receive the benefits of it, and hopefully create a more reliable and controlled routine for myself. I am sure this plan seems flawed, but I think it may work. I am getting my refill tomorrow and I will reply to this forum to let you all know how it's working, or not, and maybe this discussion can help others as well. If any of you have any advice, similar experiences, or other comments questions, please reply. Thank you for taking your time to read this. -TheHopefulJunkie