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Found 69 results

  1. NBC documentary

    Hi all, I'm a journalist at NBC News and I'm working on a story about Adderall addiction. I'm interested in speaking to people who have been or are currently addicted to Adderall. Please reach out to me through here or via e-mail if you're interested in chatting with me about the topic. I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks, Nirma
  2. NBC News documentary

    Hi all, My apologies to those that have already seen/heard about this but I'm a journalist at and I'm working on a story about Adderall use among adults to shed light on the widespread problem that many struggle with in the dark. I'm looking to talk to people who are currently addicted or have been addicted to Adderall. If that's you or someone you know, please message me. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much for considering and best of luck to all! -Nirma
  3. Hello folks here on the Quiting Adderall forum. My name is Will Hoppin, I am 17 and live in the SF Bay Area (Marin County specifically). I'm currently making a documentary on Adderall use among my peers in high school because the demand for teenagers to focus and achieve is higher than it ever has been -- there is so much competition now. I've already interviewed a few of my friends who are taking it and now I'm looking to interview a couple of people who've been taking it for a number of years -- in particular people who've stopped taking it, or are trying to quit. The film needs to show the contrast between teens who feel that it's a harmless performance enhancer, and adults who have more insight and experience about how serious a pharmaceutical it really is. I don't have to tell anyone here on this forum how pervasive the Adderall issue is in society right now. (!) My hope is that together, we can shine some light on the subject and raise consciousness about it. Thank you for considering it, and if you'd like to get involved (or know anyone who might like to get involved) and see some interview snippets of what I've already shot, please contact me. My email is With gratitude for all, Will
  4. Losing Touch with Reality....Again

    Hi! I am new to the forum and am not ready to create 'My Story'. But I will soon. The condensed version is that I went to a psychiatrist in 2014 and because I am a master manipulator was able to obtain an ADHD diagnosis and a prescription for 3 x 30mg per day Adderall. So 90mg right out of the gate. The reason I wanted it? I watched a friend completely transform her life and her body with those oh so tasty orange footballs. She accomplished everything and more and lost thirty pounds. And, she gave 100% of the credit to her new best friend, Addie. I fell in love instantly with the drug about an hour after my first pill. I liken it to the first hit of crack I smoked. I thought I found heaven. Until I was pulled into Hell. Quickly. Addie was different, or so I thought. I did not have to roam the streets and put myself into extreme danger to get high. I was losing weight, I was working like a superhuman. My apartment has never been cleaner, down to the tile caulking (each tile, thank you very much!) in the entire bathroom. I, also, lost weight very fast. Though I knew I looked tired, I played off the whole 'heroine addicted model' role and loved every minute of it. From 2014 through today my dosage is approximately 90mg up to 120mg when I have pills. I come down using Xanax. I talk to myself, I do not go out of the house when I am high, I still do a ton of 'work' but it mainly consists of the equivalent of herding cats all day. My Master's degree program is going great because I can sit for hours and hours and study (I have a tendency to read out loud to myself at this point). I am pissed because it seems my body has adapted to knowing the substance is going to cause what it thinks to be starvation, so my body compensates for it. No more rapid weight loss...suck. Fast forward to 2017. I am losing touch with reality. I run out of pills very early in the month, and absolutely dread the crash that is going to take place, but now I look forward to it. If I can brace myself for a hard, painful landing, I can laugh again. I can watch my Sundance Doc Channel and enjoy lounging on the couch, remaining in one spot long enough to relax and take in the show from beginning to end. I sleep so well. I dream. (I never dream on Addie and only get four to six hours sleep max when I do my Addie Run). I want to break free of this cycle, but then again, I don't want to. I mean, I get three months worth of work done in the 15 days I have the pills, then rest for 15, then the cycle starts all over again with the next bottle. The party's over I am afraid....
  5. Hellooo! I need a bit of advice/support/whatnot on an issue I'm having currently. To say that I was addicted to Adderall is an understatement. I was taking 200-300 mg per day at my heaviest use. It was utter hell, but I got things done. I've toughed it out, and celebrated one year off of Adderall on Jan. 19th. As proud as I am of being off for this long, I'm growing very frustrated with how little I get done during my day. I will sit down and write a list for things that I want to accomplish the following day, only to sleep until 11am, putz around all day long, and then end up feeling guilty about not getting a damn thing done all day long the next evening. I do a pep talk "tomorrow will be different....I'll wake up and work out and clean the house, and blah blah blah" make another list, and then repeat. I'm so frustrated at myself. We own our own business, and I have plenty of time to get stuff done, since I'm a work at home mom. But, I rarely get things done in a timely manner, and my poor husband has had to hire someone else to do my end of the job to make sure it gets done. My house is a disaster. I've gained a ton of weight. I've gotten depressed. I just want to be a productive member of society-- why can't I do it?!? I'm hoping someone will tell me that this is normal, and that it's what happens right before you actually get up off your behind and start living life to its fullest. Please tell me that this isn't what I've become forever. Any ideas on how to kick this? I know part of my problem is social media, so I'm trying to not go on as often. (Unsuccessfully, thus far.) I am at the point where I'm debating if I was wrong to not use medicine to help me. I really hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that I don't have to go back to medication for relief of symptoms. Thanks!
  6. Week 1

    Im 9 days without adderall. Week 1 was good, I was still motivated and happy to have myself back. But now I just feel tired and disconnected. I just want to be in bed all day and sleep. I have been having disassociation with my friends and the people I surround myself with. I get annoyed easily if people are talking about themselves too much or bias. I dont know why? I also just wonder off in conversation frequently and come off as rude. Did anyone else feel this way when quitting?
  7. Only Two Pills Left

    I am not able to see my physician until June. My toes, hands, (occasionally) crotch have been having the cold sweats. Is it my body telling me to stop? I look inside my medication bottle everyday and see the amount decreasing. Little orange pills leaving. I've decrease my dosage over the past months from 30mg to 15mg a day. Now I should be doing 10mg a day because I look inside my pill bottle and there are only two pills left.
  8. Hello folks here on the Quiting Adderall forum. My name is Will Hoppin, I am 17 and live in the SF Bay Area (Marin County specifically). I'm currently making a documentary on Adderall use among my peers in high school because the demand for teenagers to focus and achieve is higher than it ever has been -- there is so much competition now. I've already interviewed a few of my friends who are taking it and now I'm looking to interview a couple of people who've been taking it for a number of years -- in particular people who've stopped taking it, or are trying to quit. The film needs to show the contrast between teens who feel that it's a harmless performance enhancer, and adults who have more insight and experience about how serious a pharmaceutical it really is. I don't have to tell anyone here on this forum how pervasive the Adderall issue is in society right now. (!) My hope is that together, we can shine some light on the subject and raise consciousness about it. Thank you for considering it, and if you'd like to get involved (or know anyone who might like to get involved) and see some interview snippets of what I've already shot, please contact me. My email is With gratitude for all, Will
  9. Hello folks here on the Quiting Adderall forum. My name is Will Hoppin, I am 17 and live in the SF Bay Area (Marin County specifically). I'm currently making a documentary on Adderall use among my peers in high school because the demand for teenagers to focus and achieve is higher than it ever has been -- there is so much competition now. I've already interviewed a few of my friends who are taking it and now I'm looking to interview a couple of people who've been taking it for a number of years -- in particular people who've stopped taking it, or are trying to quit. The film needs to show the contrast between teens who feel that it's a harmless performance enhancer, and adults who have more insight and experience about how serious a pharmaceutical it really is. I don't have to tell anyone here on this forum how pervasive the Adderall issue is in society right now. (!) My hope is that together, we can shine some light on the subject and raise consciousness about it. Thank you for considering it, and if you'd like to get involved (or know anyone who might like to get involved) and see some interview snippets of what I've already shot, please contact me. My email is With gratitude for all, Will
  10. Terrified

    Hi, I'm a single mom. I have a great career and, on the outside, look like I have it all together. But, I'm addicted to something new and nobody knows. I've struggled with Percocet addiction for three years. I've been on suboxone three times, this time for 4 months. Never went to rehab or joined any support groups. I did go to a 3 day detox 1.5 yrs ago when I wanted off and didn't know I could get suboxone from a Dr. Those 3 days were hell. My family and best friend knew about that and they all think I've been sober since. But I had fallen off twice and been off and on subs. They have no idea I'm on subs right now. My life is falling apart financially. I make good money. My job performance is struggling and I'm very talented at what I do. Two days ago I was placed on a warning. If I don't improve then I'm fired. I have a company car too so I won't have a vehicle. I was actually doing very well on the suboxone and things had improved for me. Then, 2 months ago I decided to ask my psychiatrist about treating my ADD. She knows I'm on suboxone. But, she prescribed me vyvance. The first couple of day I hated the way I felt. Nervous, pain in my feet, terrible. So, she switched me to adderall. I immediately fell in love. But, after 3 days, I had to take 2 pills to get the same effect. So, my psychiatrist saw me at the 2 week mark and increased my adderall. Same thing for the next 2 weeks and next two weeks. I was ripping through my 30 day scripts in 2 weeks, then getting a new, higher dose filled and the pharmacy had to because it was a different script. Now, I'm at a 30mg xr and one 30mg ir. But, I take double. Some days I even take up to 210 mg. My body just gets used to it so quickly and I can't feel the effects. Well, 3 weeks ago my psychiatrist said okay no more adjusting every 2 weeks, see you in a month. I ran out a week ago. My appt with her is in 5 more days. My sister takes one 20mg xr a day and has for years. Well, she's been on a vacation and I have her keys. She left a bottle of the 20mg capsules in her cabinet. When I first ran out last week I took Bronkaid (contains ephedrine) and caffeine pills for 3 days to stave off full blow withdrawal. Then I realized my sister had those adderall and I could sneak some. At first, I took one. I thought, just one to make me feel better. Bronkaid and caffeine work but it's fucking aweful, jittery, shaking, not pleasant. Well here I am now. Took all of her pills this week, 3-4 a day to function. I saved the capsules and filled them with vitamin c beads. I am a terrible person. I was sobbing last night as I filled up those capsules. I put them back in her cabinet. My sister is my best friend and trusts me. And I'm a monster. She gets back Sunday. My plan is to go back into her house wed after I get my script, while she's at work, and dump the vitamin c, then fill them with the beads of my adderall. I took the last ones this morning knowing my kid is at her dad's this weekend so I can sleep for 2 days. And I'll take Bronkaid/caffeine to get me through work until my Wed appt. I'm about to take a 2 week vacation to back to the Midwest with my daughter. Staying with my grandma so would be perfect time to quit but I'm terrified. I'm so fucking scared. But I hate who I am on the adderall. On one hand I love how much energy it gives me but I have a very short temper. I find myself yelling at my daughter and she doesn't know how to even react because I've never yelled at her. I see her happiness fade from her precious, innocent face when I yell and I then I hate myself. My parents always yelled at me and I promised I wouldn't do that. My daughter doesn't deserve that. She's the most innocent, beautiful, perfect little creation of God and I strive to be the best mommy in the world for her. I want to tell my sister what I did and that I have another addiction and cry in her arms and have her help me find outpatient rehab. I can't do in-patient for a month or I'd lose my job. I am so pissed at myself for thinking I could take another mind altering pill and not get hooked. I barely drink alcohol. Prescription pills are my devil.
  11. Hi everyone, First time on this site, and it's a miracle I found it tonight. I'm a 20 year old girl at an ivy league school and I've abused Adderall everyday for the past 8 months. My tolerance is so high now, I'm taking somewhere around 60-80 mg a day and have topped probably around 120 mg in one day when studying for finals (no ADHD, but have prescription). I have made so many excuses to continue using: Oh, i'll stop after THIS exam... or ill stop after I lose five pounds... or i'll stop after I get a job ... My mind and body are sick of this. To give a little background, I'm the epitome of a type A individual. Not only do I feel I need to achieve super high grades, I need to be at the top of my social circle, get a great job, and in generally appear like I'm absolutely crushing it in life. But am I? Does sneaking around and stealing Adderall from your best friends sound impressive? How about not sleeping til 6 AM and having giant black bags under your eyes for days? Or the eye-lid twitches, thinning hair, compulsive eating late at night, and restless leg syndrome that frequently visits me? I'm sick of the lying, hiding, and stealing, sick of the constant shame, sick of the headaches and body aches, sick of the insomnia, sick of NEVER wanting to do fun things with my friends/family. I'm sick of cleaning my room, car, or closet for hours. I'm sick of spending days on end in the library, sick of being consumed by meaningless tasks. I'm sick of Adderall. I yearn for the girl I used to be. On one hand, I obsessively ruminate and find research on potential long term damage I may be doing to my body, but on the other hand, I crave the crazy drive Adderall gives me, and almost automatically reach for another pill. Sometimes right after I put it in my mouth, my brain catches up and thinks -"WHY did you do that!" Then I'm feeling guilty, and self pity, and I'll eventually reach for another. It's almost comical what completely stupid tasks I've done tweaked out, and how much I LOVED it. This is why reading posts like this from other people is so comforting (maybe this is human nature's innate selfishness- how it's reassuring when others are suffering with you) The other thing? I've actually GAINED weight because I've lost my old healthy eating habits (now I don't eat for a while, then eat half the fridge much later). It's like that part of me that had willpower has been atrophied. I can rant about its evils, but there is no denying the impacts of Adderall from its mental manipulation. I'm starting a new very competitive job in 1 week exactly that I need to be on top of my game for. And I've lead myself to believe in the last 8 months that my performance is entirely reliant on Adderall. For example, I'll take a pill- then sit there for 10 minutes- wonder why am I not in my groove yet- and pop another... then feel such self-pity/guilt (WHO am I? How are all these people studying and doing well NOT on 100 mg of adderall?!?) I actually achieved the same high GPA way before Adderall ever came into my life, but instead of motivate me, that fact just makes me sad. School is currently out, but 'm terrified of walking into work extremely lethargic and un talkative next week. This is what's keeping me from flushing my pills down the toilet. So my plan in the next upcoming week is one of COMPLETE abstinence on days I don't need (every day up until my first day of work) and reducing to 20 mg on days that I do "need" until those days don't exist. I've lost so much confidence in myself and my abilities, that it's time for me to take back control of my life, or choose to continue this downward spiral. Reading posts about women with newborn babies taking pills just to play with their kids make me sick; not because of what they do, but because if I don't stop now, I can see myself doing that exact thing in 8-9 years. I'm trying to remind myself that the only true moment we have is the present... the past is the past; it does me no good to sit here and dwell on what "could have" or "should have" been in a life sans Adderall. Simply stated, it is what it is. Life rarely goes as planned, and this is where I am at now. I will be a stronger, happier, healthier person when my body and mind heal. Breaking up with Adderall, the absolute favorite vice of any type A overachieving narcissist, is the best possible thing for me. I feel in my soul this is not how I am supposed to live my life. If you're interested in joining me, I'm going to post daily updates to hold myself accountable. This is not going to be easy. I'm rewiring old habits that are so engrained in my behaviors- for example: Mom asks me to do laundry? Adderall. Feeling kinda sleepy or hungover? Adderall. Going out with friends? Adderall. Think I'll eat too much at dinner? Adderall. Even tonight as I've been writing this I still have addy in my system...probably why this is like, almost a novel. Sorry if you're bored. Once and for all, my dear fellow Adderall worshippers, now is the time to end this toxic relationship. We can do this together!!!!! Lets break up with this little pill that has become mentally/physically abusive to us. Saying goodbye to Adderall is saying hello to life... which sounds pretty damn good to me. I'm ready to put down the vacuum, (or pencil, textbook, iron) and become a PERSON, who actually likes fun things and laughs a lot and doesn't talk a mile a minute and freak everyone out. I realize tomorrow, when i'm struggling to stay awake throughout the day, this optimistic pledge won't seem as cheery and ambitious. I'm sure I'll be feeling like a fat lazy slug... but hey this is a necessary phase. xoxo, nance
  12. So it all started a month ago, where I was so stressed out on handling school after five years of being out, living on my own, and holding a full time job. Where, I absent minded finding the girl who's known for her addy use, to buy some. I don't know what came over me, messaging her...meeting her, and getting some from her for the first time..but it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.. Now before I continue my current situation i'll give you some background info...I guess in total I dabbled in all sorts of drugs for about seven years? I'm 22 so that should tell you that I was living like I was 21 when I was 16. Amps were always my favorite though, I was addicted to meth for about two years, and my boyfriend actually dove in with me, to get me out..didn't end well..but we're both clean from that. In fact, up until a month ago all I was doing was smoking weed, and I hardly did that just because it gets in the way of school and makes me to anxious. Now I did addy before when I was slowly getting into meth. But not how i'm abusing it now. I dont won't do it at work, because as many of you know once you do something on this drug, its never as fun as sober. I really wish I didnt go to school on it. So just on my days 2 days out of the week for the last month. I lost count on how many mgs ive done. To get to my title topic, my boyfriend is strictly straight edge now... except for the occasional drink,which i'm very proud of him, even stopped smoking weed for his job. I feel loads of guilt eating up in me...i've been keeping my use a secret even from my friends. No one knows but that girl. I love my boyfriend so much, but sometimes he's really controlling, and me keeping this from him makes me feel a little dangerous if that makes sense? It's something he can't control...But if he ever found out...I don't want to think about what would happen... Sorry i'm rambling... I finished off the last of my stash (40 mgs)... the reason i'm posting is I think I need to quit before this gets out of hand? But I don't know how... I don't know when... I love railing them...just the motion, and prepping. I know its really bad for you, and its a waste but I just can't seem to stop. I've developed a habit, when its my weekend and my boyfriend leaves for work at 5 am, I get up..turn on full house ( ) and start cutting up my pill...I love how I can get the house clean, study and even getting ready, even the process of doing my make-up is great. Long story short, I just cant get over it... but I need to, I hate how i'm doing this to the guy I love, and probably marry. I'm starting to get huge headaches, i'm smoking more weed then I want to, just to handle the comedown... Any tips? Advice? * sorry this is my first post, and I just skimmed the I don't know if I was suppose to talk about triggering details...
  13. Not gonna lie guys, this is a bit long. I have a lot to say but I promise that if you endure this wall of text you will feel a rejuvenated sense of why you decided to quit in the first place. I've taken adderall steadily for the past 6 years of my life. I was 19 when I took my first dose and I thought that I had finally found a way to get ahead and utilize my full potential. In case you're super shitty at math, I'm 25 now. Everything was so clear, I was able to focus on tasks for ridiculously long amounts of time, I suddenly had this "inspiration" in my everyday life that I simply didn't have before, I was losing weight (mainly due to forgetting to eat as often) and I was looking great. My skin was glowing and my eyes radiated resolution and confidence. All of that sounds pretty rad right? Unfortunately, there was one problem; it was all completely synthetic and artificial. This is not to say that I didn't have the potential to be an efficient powerhouse without the drug, but I wasn't learning how to do it on my own. I was relying on a pill every day to do it for me. I justified my continued abuse in literally any way that I could whether it be "I don't even take that high of a dose" or "my doctor prescribed this to me for a reason right? I need this." Three years in to my drug fueled lifestyle and I realized that I hadn't accomplished shit. Adderall had gotten me hyped up every day but I somehow ended up falling in to the same cycle of not doing anything to better my life or to get ahead. I continued to waste the high on playing video games or going on youtube tangents for several hours at a time, and usually ended my days by binge drinking myself to sleep. Adderall's euphoric effects simply made me content with achieving nothing. It was around this same time that I noticed something; my pills didn't seem to be working anymore. I would take my XR at the same time I did every day, but I just seemed to be fast-forwarding through the feel good and arriving at the crash landing. My thought process had become foggy and I didn't enjoy activities that I normally adored (writing/playing music, going to the gym, and in general socializing with others.) I started to develop symptoms very similar to bipolar disorder and was seldomly ever actually happy. My girlfriend of 4 years decided that she couldn't deal with my constant mood swings and unenthusiastic attitude anymore and left me. Not even for another guy; she just preferred being single over having to deal with someone who had lost all confidence and sense of self-worth. This threw me in to a mild depression, but I never actually dealt with it properly because I didn't have to. I didn't have to, because I had the ultimate fallback, the ultimate safety net; my adderall. I began to become even more reclusive and shit on a few relationships that I had cherished since I was like 8 years old. My personality had shifted from the happy-go-lucky life of the party fun-factory to the strung out pathetic malnourished loser that overcompensated for his lack of substance by getting buff and trying to fuck random girls. I'm trying to keep this as short as possible guys, I PROMISE you, just bare with me for a little while longer. Fast-forward to about a month ago. I was on my way home from school (something I should have been finished with 3-4 years ago) when I caught a glimpse of myself in my rear-view mirror while stopped at a red light. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. My eyes sported enormous, symmetrical unsightly bags underneath them and were bloodshot and exhausted looking. My skin just seemed pale, lifeless and dry. I forced a smile to maybe alter the image of whoever I was looking at, but it looked forced and to be blatantly honest, rather creepy. Creepy? Me? When did I become that type of person. Everyone loves me. Or at least they used to. I pulled over, killed the engine and just sat in my car for about 45 minutes. I didn't cry, I didn't listen to music or call anybody; I just sat there and reflected on what the fuck I had been doing for the past 6 years. What the hell was I doing with my life? Why was I so unhappy? It was at this moment that I made quite possibly the best decision of my life. I headed straight home, grabbed my pill bottle and emptied the contents into the toilet. Before I even had time to contemplate rescuing them from their watery grave, I flushed and walked away. I won't lie, the first two days sucked. I was pretty sapped of energy and ambition, and was getting agitated over the littlest things VERY quickly. I fought back with lots of caffeine and exercise, and once day 3 arrived I woke up with a feeling I was not familiar with at all. I woke up feeling RESTED. I woke up feeling like I had actually slept the night before and that I was naturally motivated to get up and cook breakfast for myself. It was on this same day that I genuinely laughed until I cried at some random stupid shit I saw on the internet. I'd forgotten what that was like, and it was like this warm wave of happiness that rushed over me. After the first week, I began going to the gym again. Only now, things seemed to be different. I was making eye contact with other gym goers and employees there and even struck up a few random conversations. I caught a couple girls smiling at me as I walked by and thought to myself "holy shit I'm happy." I felt like I was radiating positive vibes and that everyone could tell. The best way I can describe the feeling is that I was finally on the same wavelength as everybody else, and was surfing it like a fuckin pro. And so here I am; a month after quitting amphetamines and I feel like I'm myself again. My appetite has returned to normal, I'm genuinely excited to see people and I'm hardly ever at home. The best part is that the functionality and efficiency that I had experienced on adderall is now permanently embedded in to my brain. I was able to focus while on the drug, and I now remember how to do so even though I'm off of it. Quitting Adderall is hands down the best thing that I could have done for myself. I feel more sociable, more approachable, more attractive and a whole hell of a lot healthier. I really hope that anyone who reads this has decided to do the same because nothing but good can come from it. Thank you SO much for reading this and feel free to share your story with me as well.
  14. My Life is Shit, I am shit

    My life has turned into shit. I've been prescribed adderall since I was 18, i have been binge using it for 10 years now. I never even needed it for add or anything really, definitely never took it as prescribed. I just abuse it. I pop all 90 within a week and a half, rarely sleeping and then i crash for 3 or 4 days, am zombie for a week until I buy more from hookups and count days until next prescription. I am an alcoholic drinking at very least a pint of vodka or 12 beers a day. I work from home, my business is going to shit. I crashed my car and got second dui. I just finished probation for that still don't have license or car or sobriety My girlfriend of 4 years broke up just broke up with me and kicked me out; i had to move back in with parents. She said my problems are not her problems and she doesnt want me in life anymore. My girlfriend before her died of overdose. I really loved them both. Now I just sit here and sulk alone and not nearly fucked up enough. I have no friends left, not that i mind because i hate everyone and everything. I dont know how to have good time and am always miserable. I take handfuls of addies and am very productive until i get all sketchy and twitchy and depressed. I see a counselor a few times a month. I guess it keeps me from killing self. I am so bored and broke and pathetic. I destroy everything good around me and don't appreciate any of what i have when i have it. "I am like King Midas in Reverse - everything i touch turns to shit" I am overprivileged piece of greedy shit i think i am too stuck in ways to change #fuckmylife
  15. I need your advice

    Hey! My name is Scott and I am 25 years old. My current Adderall use is 60mg. I take Adderall XR and Adderall Tablets. My reason for writing this is to seek out advice from all of you. I am going to be completely open about everything. I can guarantee you this is gonna be a long post since I just took my adderall, which I apologize about in advance. I am looking for suppourt, advice, assurance, and really anything you have to help me in quitting adderall. Before Adderall: Growing up I have always been an unusually bright person. My friends would describe me a shy and outgoing. I prided myself that my friends saw me as dependable. I had dreams and ambitions. I think that was my dominant trait actually. I just knew where I was going, and no one was going to stop me! In school I wasn't the "top" student, not even close. My hobbies were hanging out with friends, cooking, couponing, etc. If something caught my interest, it was easy to have the motivation I needed to get involved. I was normal, if not usually chipper. And waking up in the mornings was easy as can be. Starting Adderall: I started taking adderall in May of 2012, after my little brother was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor told my mom it was usually hereditary and so I looked into it. It explained me perfectly. I was forgetful, unorganized, and somewhat lazy. I think a lot of the issues I had were other people's opinions of me versus my opinion of myself. To my mom and family I was lazy and unmotivated. But looking back I was a typical teenager/early-adult. Either way I decided I wanted to get tested. After being tested the doctor said I was a classic of ADHD Type-2. Type-2 simply means that I stare off into space and daydream versus setting fire to a classroom. Once diagnosed I went to my doctor and we met. He told me all about ADHD and what I could be. He showed me photos of handwriting before/after and grades that improved with treatment. Treatment being Adderall. When I first started taking adderall, it messed with my "senses". I felt like I was in an out-of-body experience. I quit it for a few days. I called my doctor after I returned to normal and told them about my experience. He told me that I just need to "stick-with-it" as my body adjusted to the new drug. I did. Taking Adderall: Starting out I was still myself. I was a socialite and still stayed actively engaged with my friends. My magical moment came when I worked myself up to 20mg. I had a almost high-urgent need to do something. I always wanted to be a cleaner, and now I was. I didn't enjoy cleaning, it became something I "loved" to do. I had ridiculous amounts of focus, and I could focus on something and actually accomplish it. I think I started misusing Adderall when I got a job with the county and had to wake up at 5:00AM. I took it to STAY awake. I realized soon that the dose didn't always have the same effect, so I started increasing my use. The next year I got a job promotion where I had to stay alert. Therefore I used Adderall to stay mentally sharp and awake. I worked long days and would take 40mg in the morning at 5:00AM and 1:00 PM. I really didn't sleep much anymore either. I also stopped hanging out around friends and became more of a homebody. I then moved out of my moms house and into my own place. I lived alone and I think that added to the social anxiety. As the year went on I started to need Adderall in order to wake up, versus simply stay awake. It eventually got to a point where I would spend all day in bed, because I didn't even have the energy to get up and take Adderall. It was somewhere around this time that I started to hate going out in public. I just lost interest and would rather stay locked up then go out into the world. I rarely saw my friends. In fact I saw my landlord more then I ever saw any friends. I would go see them and I really enjoyed it. Even though now I was quiet and reserved versus Loud and obnoxious. I don't know what it was. I didn't feel uncomfortable I just didn't have that same spark I once did. It wasn't long after this when I realized I needed to quit Adderall. I decided to quit and went cold-turkey. I SLEPT for a good month. Afterwards, I would go to work and come home and sleep. Then after three months from summer break, I went back to work. I no longer enjoyed waking up like I used to. I was always late to work. All was fine until I started getting the "head-bobs" while driving. I wasn't as clean anymore and my entire work performance suffered. My landlord was upset at how filthy my apartment was. Eventually I talked myself into taking Adderall again. And everything took off except I was at 40mg versus 60mg. But after a month I went back to 60mg. I then moved in with roommates. We get along great and I really enjoy them. But I think after six months they are starting to not be a fan of me anymore. I spend time with them, but I mainly stay locked up in my room. Plus my room is a mess. I cleaned so much that I am sick of it, and the 60mg doesn't seem to be doing much. I also started back college, which I had been forced to quit due to finical aid issues before I started taking Adderall. I can barley make it out the bed to go to class. I have to take Adderall or have something extremely important to do in order to get up and go to class. Even then my sleep schedule is so messed up because I work overnights on the weekend. When I am not working I sleep. Overall: Since taking Adderall I have become secluded from society. I used to love waking up in the mornings but now I can barely get up to take my Adderall to get motivated for the day. And once I am up I only have 4-8 hours that my Adderall works, and then I have to re-up or crash or burn. My room is a mess, nothing is organized, I see my friends once every few months, and I just feel like I'm drowning. I take Adderall everyday. Fear of quitting: Last time I quit Adderall I went through an awful month of just sleeping. And even after that was over, I had little to no motivation. I could wake up, but really all I wanted to do was sleep. I loved to go see friends but honestly I think we just drifted apart. They don't ever care to hang. Plus, I live with roommates and I need to clean, to maintain peace. In addition I'm in college and I can't afford to go through this as my grades may slip. I don't know if I am also depressed or if my Adderall addiction is the culprit. Questions: I have taken Adderall for 3 — almost 4 years now. I used to take 40mg, but now I am up to 60mg. How long would it take to get over the initial part? I have looked at the "alternatives" forum but I don't know what anything is. Can one of you explain the basics and common alternatives? When quitting Adderall what can I expect with my job since I live on my own and have to pay bills? Do you feel that friends were a vital role in your success with quitting Adderall? What suppourt networks are in GA? What do you personally recommend after reading my story? Did anything I say stand out? I don't know much about this addiction, but I know it's a biotch. Is there anything I can do to prep for coming off Adderall? Any advice you have? Lastly, do you ever feel like you are "you" again? Thank you for everything, and I apologize about the long post in advance.
  16. Did you detox at home? In a hospital? At a friends? What was it like? Tell your story~ I detoxed at Silver Hill hospital in CT. I detoxed from benzos as well as adderall so I was put on a ton of valium to begin with. This hospital is/was amazing. The taper was smooth, the staff was amazing, and they treated us addicts like people. (I love spreading the word about Silver Hill to anyone on the east coast who is thinking about detoxing or doing a 28-day program. If it weren't for SH, I would not be sober today.) In 2011, I detoxed in MA at Adcare, which was the most painful experience of my life (do not go there!) Silver Hill showed me that I could live without adderall. I decided their 28-day transitional living program, which was focused on DBT.Their staff is amazing. Their doctors, nurses, counselors, psychologists are all top-notch. Their program/education is packed with great therapy and tools to use during early sobriety. They keep you busy. Their food is amazing. They have yoga :-) If you'd like more info, message me!
  17. Hi there-- I'm 6 months sober from adderall. I used adderall to avoid a pretty severe eating disorder (binge eating/bulimia) which has come back in full force now that I've stopped taking stimulants. I'm miserable right now..terribly unhappy with my weight and with my body image. I am basically suffering from an eating disorder addiction as opposed to suffering from a drug addiction. I guess the question I keep asking myself lately is..what's more painful? Living day-to-day with an eating disorder and terrible body image? Or living day-to-day dependent upon stimulants? If anyone can relate to my situation, I would love to connect. Thanks for hearing me out :-)
  18. Secret Dependence

    Hello. I just found this website today and I must say that I am extremely surprised and happy to have found such a large and supportive community dedicated to one single cause (or goal in this case). My story: I've struggled my entire life to pay attention to anything for longer than a few minutes. My friends and family always told me I was being inattentive or daydreamed too much. I had no idea why I had such a hard time concentrating on literally the simplest tasks I was given. I first began secretly taking adderall as an undergrad in college. I was given a few 30mg XR pills from my friend during my freshman year and from the first time I took them; I was hooked. I loved the immense amount of power and control I suddenly had over my mind and body (or so I thought at the time). But I couldn't morally deal with taking Adderall without a proper prescription, so I decided to meet with a psychiatrist and ended up getting a formal diagnosis of ADD within a few months. I did not tell my parents; who are extremely old-fashioned. That was five years ago and up to this current day, my parents still do not know about my dependence. They simply think that I had some sort of epiphany at college and pulled myself together enough to start making straight A's and B's. I am currently still taking Adderall, but since graduating with my Master's in Social Work with an emphasis in Mental Health (ironic, right?) I have come to terms with the fact that I am now completely dependent upon Adderall to function throughout my daily life and that at some point soon I need to stop using Adderall to simply get up in the morning. I want to have a life that I can truly live. Of course I want to quit, and yes, I miss aspects of my former self. But there were many things about myself before I started taking Adderall that I do not want to go back to. This is why I have been foiled in my past attempts at quitting Adderall; because I am afraid of who I will revert back to once I stop taking it. But I think the one thing that I miss the absolute most about my former self was my ability to have a "stomach-hurting-slapping-your-knee" kind of laugh. I had been told my entire life that I had a very infectious laugh, even as a small child, which I loved. Since I began taking Adderall five years ago, I have not laughed that amazing laugh one single time since. I miss it dearly and I can recall many instances during the past five years in which I wished I had that laugh still. But no matter how funny I find something to be, that laugh has continued to evade me. It seems minuscule and non-important; to have a good laugh. But to me, it was a defining feature of myself that I absolutely loved. I also think that it shows just how much Adderall has impeded my ability to truly show my true self even in the simplest ways.
  19. To whom may listen, I try not to make my threads long so I will try my best to get my point across so bare with me please. So I was taking Vyvanse for about a solid year now and like I said in my previous thread "My story in a Nutshell" I have been through HELL and Back with the whole Adderall addiction. Everyone has their own story but believe me I have been there and can relate to a lot of the stuff people are saying on here and agree that Adderall is terrible and don't think anyone should be on it let alone on any stimulants for that matter. So today would have marked 7 days clean from Vyvanse and I slipped up today. During my clean time from the Vyvanse I had all the usual symptoms and was getting by without them. I really can go without them but I am starting to think that this period in my life I think that I am going to stay on them for the time being. Now during those 7 days without them I went about my normal routine and even stayed pretty busy. My downfalls without taking them is of course I'm not as focused, I actually crave beer more which I am trying to stay away from alcohol in my life at the moment. On Saturday I did 8 hours of community service but what bothers me is that I always feel like I need to have some sort of substance in my body to function like a energy drink such as a "White Monster" which is my drink of choice and I don't like that I feel that I need that. I Eat a lot which is normal but I eat bad stuff and I feel like at times I use food to comfort me which I know this is a withdrawl symptom that I am dealing with and its natural that I feel this way when I go off them. Now this past Sunday I woke up and I went to the park to play basketball outside. I was feeling great and felt amazing after I was done. I was happy and just in a great mood. Well my friend wanted to go get something to eat at a sports bar and I made the mistake of drinking WAY too many beers. And Monday and Tuesday I felt miserable. Yes that was a choice I made and that could've been prevented but that was the lowest points during my clean period. Now today is where I slipped up. I went to work from 4 am to 8 am and took a half day of vacation. I should've just stuck my day out but we were kind of slow and I didn't want to be there. Well this is where addiction gets you. I came home today and I was BORED!!..I was bored that's it and I texted someone that I knew had vyvanse pills. I was craving one because I was bored. How pathetic but I know you guys can relate and boredom and addiction go hand and hand. Well I go to pick up the pill and the person gave me a dark blue pill and said it was a 25mg pill. My prescription is 20mgs so I was like ok and I took it. After I took it they told me it was Adderall instead of Vyvanse. I was like damn it I didn't want that but oh well it wont hurt me. First I made the mistake and gave in to my cravings and second I took an Adderall pill which I haven't taken in years. Well after about 30 mins those awful feelings came back from the time I used to be on Adderall pretty bad. I feel like shit as I am typing this but I am managing. Adderall to me is WAY different then Vyvanse as to how they make me feel. When I'm on Adderall I crave more and My anxiety goes through the roof which I am feeling it bad at the moment. So that was my slip up and this leads me to my next statement. Right now currently in my life I am very lonely and have no license to drive anywhere. I have a loving family by all means but I am not around them a lot unless its the weekends. I have a long road ahead of me with getting my life back on track through all the stuff that pertains to my DUI I got over a year ago. I am on probation, I am not allowed to drink alcohol which is a blessing because I cant stand feeling like crap the day after drinking and lets face it when you don't drink you're healthier and a better person. I enjoy not drinking but without my Vyvanse I don't have the mind set to push through these hard times especially on my OWN. I don't have a significant other at the moment because I have problems to fix in my life and I choose not to be in a relationship until some difficulties in my life pass. See the main reason a lot of people want to be off a drug is to get your old self back and just be you and I am the same way 100%. I want to be healthy as much as I can and don't want to be on any meds. But when Im on Vyvanse I don't have really any bad side affects that I do when I am on Adderall. I am not my "True Self" but I actually live better at THIS TIME in my life because I'm focused on where I need to be and it cures my depression. If I had a significant other I wouldn't be on Vyvanse 100% fact. I am only prescribed 20mg pills once a day and I can manage taking just that, at the most maybe 2 pills on certain days. So basically Is it wrong to get by with my Vyvanse during this time frame of my life until I get back on track. Its really really hard to do it on my Own like I said and the Vyvanse is like my significant other at the time being. I don't drink alcohol while I'm on it, I eat a lot and always healthier at that, I can still sleep while I'm on my Vyvanse, I exercise and I am determined more towards the future when I am on it. I know it can be done without meds but this time in my life I really think I should stay on it. I have like 12 more days until I can get my Vyvanse refilled and I am totally Ok with waiting it out and I don't mind it one bit. I'm not mad that I don't have them or count the days down or get excited when the time gets closer to getting them filled. Its just walking that FINE LINE to manage being on them or not and that's what sucks. I just wanted to express what I am going through and by no means am I giving up and being selfish saying that Its ok to be on a stimulant because I DONT want to be on anything I promise its just a time in my life that I think I need to focus on getting back on track. Its really hard to explain but yeah with taking the Adderall pill today I don't like it at all one bit. I wont ever go back to them but the Vyvanse I don't think is doing me any harm right now in my life. I want to be as healthy as I can and with being on a pill I know that Im not the healthiest I can be. Everyone on this site is not perfect and are beautiful in every way and I know I have a good heart but its that fine line that I cant overcome at least right now in my life. I have already beat Two big addictions in my life and One being Adderall and the other for the most part Alcohol. I went 7 months without a drop and Honestly that was one of the best thing that has happened to me because I know I can go without drinking because I actually did and now if I slip up and drink too much I tell myself its time to step back again and not drink so I have came a long way so far. Its just the time in my life where I think I should stay on my Vyvanse even though I wish I didn't have too. I know with time without being on them gets better with each day its just super hard to be completely sober from everything ALL AT ONCE ya know? I know I will be off them one day but doing everything at one time is overwhelming as it is with every addict struggling. Well that's my input on where Im at in my life and I will continue to read and explore this site. Adderall though is discusting and If you get off that or have been off everything that's is amazing and someday I will be too!! I praise everyone who beats addiction and I guess with being on my Vyvanse I don't think I would call myself an addict because I can go without them but Like I said I am not my true Self. ADHD is a bitch lol but we are unique people and I feel one of the strongest people out there at that. Anyways hang in there everybody I just needed to vent!! Much Love!! P.S. Oh and by the way Alcohol was my biggest downfall in my life and during my time with my Adderall addiction and drinking a lot I am surprised I survived so I am grateful for that I guess I am just taking baby steps to where I need to be! I also ordered some books that I am planning on reading about changing your mind and stuff like that and am making my faith stronger with the Man above so that helps also. Prayer does wonders as well because without my faith I wouldn't be where I am today. Not trying to get religious but it has worked for me to pray and seek a higher power. TAKE CARE EVERYONE!
  20. In the beginning of this year, the FDA approved Vyvanse for use in treating Binge Eating Disorders (BED). They say that the reason Vyvanse is effective for treating Binge Eating Disorders (BED) is because: a. It suppresses a user's appetite, making it easier to eat normally (or eat less food than normal) b. It helps control a user's impulsivity, which can often lead to binge eating. As someone with a mild case of Binge Eating Disorder (I binge-eat on 'cheat foods' about once a month pretty heavily for 1-3 days) as well as someone with an Adderall addiction (I am 6-months sober!), this article left me wondering if just maybe, I could give Vyvanse a try and I'll be fine taking it. Just maybe I won't get addicted, and I'll be able to overcome this eating problem at the same time. These are my thoughts: Maybe Vyvanse isn't as addictive as Adderall, and I won't abuse it. The suffering I feel from binge-eating is unbearable sometimes, and I don't know how else to overcome this food addiction. So maybe my only option is Vyvanse, to relieve me from this disorder? Even if Vyvanse is as addictive as Adderall, and I get addicted, at least it will help me stop binge-eating. I wonder if addiction to Vyvanse/amphetamines wouldn't be as painful/difficult as my addiction to food. In both addictions (drug and food), I withdraw from society, I isolate, I become anti-social and lonely, edgy and irritated with people, and my life generally becomes unmanageable. At least with Adderall, I still have the energy/motivation to get things done? After I binge, I stay in bed all day and usually fast or restrict calories until I feel recovered enough (from the binge) to get up and do what I need to do. Usually right after binges, I am too embarrassed to see people, because I think they can notice the weight I've gained from the binge Also, after I binge, the depression is unbearable. Sometimes I even feel suicidal. I can't stand to look at my body, and I don't like the feel of my body after a binge--i wish I could crawl out of my skin or sink into the floor boards until my body detoxes. After I recover from a binge, I feel OK, but it's those 3-5 days right after a binge that make me really question whether or not I should suffer through this anymore. After a binge, I always question whether going off Adderall was the right decision. If it could help me not think about food, and help me think about my body image in a more positive light, then maybe it's worth the addiction? Intellectually, deep-down inside, I have a feeling that I would abuse Vyvanse just as much as I would abuse Adderall, and I would end up in the same situation as I am now.. Does anyone else wonder whether they'd rather suffer from their issues around food, or suffer from an addiction to adderall? Does anyone have any experience getting sober from Adderall, then trying Vyvanse? Is Vyvanse just as addictive? Does anyone else suffer from bingeing, and then feeling incredibly depressed for several days after that? I can't seem to end this cycle, no matter how many times I tell myself that I will 'never binge-eat again,' I do it anyway. Usually within 3-4 weeks. It's as if I have no control. I am currently taking Wellbutrin for depression, which seems to help with my mood/energy level a bit, and I was prescribed Modafinil to help with motivation/energy/focus. I currently go to AA meetings (even though my problem is with Adderall and Benzos), and I have a sponsor. I would recommend the program to anyone I'm not religious, and I was very skeptical at first, but it has helped keep me sober. Thanks for listening -Stillbreathing
  21. Gamers

    Wondering if anyone on here plays PlayStation as that would be a good way for me to chat with members of this forum. If your a member in here and would like to chat with me let me know and I will send you my username on PSN in a direct message
  22. So I have been seeming to give myself more and more excuses regarding this AMAZING yet horrible amphetamine. Brief Background, was arrested frosh year in HS for distributing Ecstasy and got help and will always be grateful for the support I got from my family/friends at the time. By the second semester of that same year, I was allowed in HS, not using drugs/alcohol and was seeing a psychiatrist. First semester, I really complained about ADHD because I needed to catch up on grades due to the arrest/suspension. My psychiatrist tried to suggest non-stimulant medications at first which was good on her part. I tried welbutron and stratera, neither seemed to work AT ALL. I had a close friend who was prescribed Vyvanse and really recommended it to me saying it worked wonders. The first day I take it I was IN THE ZONE. A friend came up and actually asked "Hey why are you all focused instead of being disruptful and funny like usual?" Thats when I knew it wasn't only me who was noticing the affects. I ended up being a "miracle" to my friends, family, and all my teachers (recieved straight A's second semester after being prescribed vyvanse). What they or I didn't know or think about was that it WAS just the amphetamines making me this "miracle child" by senior year in HS I was up to 50 mg vyvanse/day, marching band president, popular among multiple groups and Had been accepted to a 4-year for Music Education. I love music with a passion, I can't describe how much I love it with words. Now, I'm a sophomore year in college, I was recieving vyvanse from my out of state Dr. and parents would mail it to my dorm for me. It got to the point where I decided to stay living at my college town not returning home for the summer and my regular Dr. who was out of state did not want to prescribe me anymore since it had been 6 months of not seeing each other in person. After recieving that news, that's when the addiction started to take off. I was worried HORRIBLY that I wasn't going to be able to get my regular fix of amphetamines. I went to a psychiatrist on campus and like every college Pro Drug health services, I was easily able to get generic Adderall IR 15mg twice a day. The problem started a few months ago when I was still on Vyvanse, I wasn't feeling the affects anymore after 2 hrs of taking it so I would empty the powder out of another into a glass of water not knowing how much of a dose I would end up taking by the end of the day ( I was on 60mg vyvanse taking probably an equivalent amt by emptying the powder multiple times and tbh i likely have taken 120mg vyvanse a day multiple times without knowing it). When I was prescribed the adderall, like every amphetamine felt like I was a god when I first tried instant-release feeling all of it hitting me at once. However, due to my high amphetamine tolerance as it is after a day I would need 3 15 mg IR tablets to get through my day. Now it's 5+ per day, nearly pulling all-nighters (have pulled about 6 all-nighters in the last two months) and when I don't have a full all-nighter I still stay up until sunrise and wake up around 2pm. Sure I've talked to friends here about this but being a college town, college students typically don't have much to say to help and wont take it seriously. I wonder if I were more honest with HOW much ive been taking maybe people would take me more seriously. The real issue is i don't want to stop taking it. I feel and notice a change in me and it's not a change I like HOWEVER it's also something I don't feel like I can stop. I came to the conclusion months before the abuse and only taking it as prescribed that I would remain on the drug my whole life. I have this feeling where I know I should stop taking it all together and also have this feeling where I simply can't see myself not on adderall. It's almost 5am now and I already have likely taken 100 MG of this drug. My question is, how do I go about doing this. I know if I continue at this rate I'll be in danger by the end of summer. Theres a large history of addiction in my family including my parents so I know there is ALWAYS someone I can go to for help, but don't feel necessarily ready to do so. I've been reading a ton of things on this website and finally felt the need to vent and let the world of addicts know they are not alone. I can relate to nearly ALL of these stories in one way or another. If I DO try to stop using this, is it even worth trying to be able to JUST take it as prescribed? Like weening myself down to the ACTUAL dosage I was given? Or weening down all-together? I am still in college, and feel that my passion for music and band in general has been greatly influenced by amphetamines. I feel if I were to not take them anymore, I would have to give up pursuing my dream music career. Please people, I need answers, help, and someone to care and I didn't know where else to go. I'd really appreciate some feedback. BTW, if it matters I'm a 20 y/o male.
  23. Articles on Adderall...

    I was thinking maybe here we can all post different articles on Adderall we stumble upon, not from this site...
  24. please help me so sad

    hi there, i stumbled upon this website out of desperation. i recently found a bottle of prescription adderall in my husbands car and i am completely devastated. it all makes sense now. we have 3 small children and this has become such a challenge. he is up for weeks at a time until 3:30 ish and then has a beer falls asleep and then begins his day. then after a couple of weeks he crashes for about 5 days. he wont stop sleeping, is super grumpy, he can have 6 cups of coffee and still sleep sleep sleep. he had this when i had our last baby. this is not him. this is not the person i met. he has been doing this since i can remember but i thought he had a different way of living. i am seriously so heart broken and feel so deceived. we have a family, we have children that look up to him. i cannot live with this behavior for ever. please anyone going though this addiction, help me to understand. how do i help him? how to i approach this conversation that must happen? how will he accept this? i promise you this is not a person who would be on this. i thought he was as clean as can be. i am no pure one, i did quite a bit of drugs and partying in my 20's so its not like i am naive. i am just surprised. please help me figure this out and figure out how to approach this? i just cant believe everything i am reading. it is all so him! he is so high and happy for weeks at a time, and then one friday after work he comes home and then he just sleeps and sleeps and nothing can wake him. i know he is suffering, because he is such a good man and dad. he tries to stay awake and be present with our little ones but he just can't. it breaks me heart. please help me help him. i would do anything to be here for him and help him through it.even if it takes a long time. help me figure this out please