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Found 93 results

  1. Stand with me and quit. It's toxic not only to you but to your family and friends. At first, it's an amazing drug but at the end it's hell. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. This story tells it all!!
  2. Adderall Taper Advice

    I’ve been on Adderall for over 10 years. I’ve been attempting to taper my dose. I want off but the cold turkey withdrawal is too difficult. I was on 60mgs instant release per day. I cut down to 40mgs per day. The first two months. The following month I dropped to 30mgs per day. This month I attenpted to drop to 20mgs per day but am finding it difficult to stay on 20mgs per day. I’m not functional experiencing brain fog, I’m exhausted depressed confused etc. Am I tapering too fast? I do need to work and stay functional. Does anyone have any advice on a tapering schedule that worked for them? I assume this won’t be easy and should experience discomfort- the latest drop from 30mgs to 20, is making me bedridden. I’m not sure what is the right time way to do this with the least discomfort. My doctor is no help. Thank you.
  3. Hello everyone, I came here for some desperately needed help and advice, I've hope my story gives you a little bit of context to what I'm going through. Here's a little about myself, I'm a 16 year old in the midst of a Sophomore year with an immensely rigorous course load, and I've relied heavily on Adderall, Focalin, and Vyvanse to get through it, I just found this website for the first time after getting busted by my parents for taking several Focalin pills from their lockbox, this is the third time I have been caught, and I think it will likely be my last. Here's my story: The Honeymoon Stage: My journey began in 8th grade, believe it or not. I took my sister's Focalin after hearing a brief conversation about ADHD drugs and their remarkable effects, I had no idea the addictive potential, nor anything else about the risk of these drugs. I felt unstoppable, I practically got two-weeks of work done, which was fairly insignificant when considering it was 8th grade, but I felt like I had found a miracle pill. Another side note, throughout my whole life I have been generally lazy and rarely self-motivated, I had a painstakingly hard time concentrating but I always scraped by in school, so this was a solution to my problems. I took a pill a few times a month, and I had great results, I thought if I could have access to my own prescription I could set myself up for major success throughout high school and beyond. I would continue to sparingly take the Focalin into my Freshman year as I slowly fell in love with the drug. The long process of getting a prescription culminated in June of Freshman year, by that time I had increased use to 2-3x per week, and I would not do work on days without the pills. It got me through midterms with fantastic results, and projects/papers were done with ease in a single night. I got a Vyvanse and Adderall prescription, and I have been a slave to the drugs ever since. I aced all of my finals, enjoying every moment of studying and every moment of taking them, I was clearly consumed by the euphoria. The Moderated Stage: Even though school was over I continued my use in the summer, where I used it to work tirelessly on my athletic career, where I also found success. I was taking one (20 mg Adderall), then one and a half, then sometimes two, but I thought I had things under control. This year school started, and I hit the ground running, I got perfect grades in the first two quarters, but I was consistently taking double my dose now. The side effects remained minimal, however, and I did not run into any issues. When Shit Hit The Fan: Basketball season marked the beginning of my spiral, I couldn't take the Adderall during practice, because my heart would nearly pop (my coach was a stern advocate for extensive conditioning) when I took it before, and if I waited until after I would be up until 3 am. At this point I was also extremely psychologically addicted, I had not done work without Adderall or Focalin since eighth grade, and whenever I tried, I would just give in to my urges to abandon my studies. So I tortured myself, taking it after basketball and getting barely if any sleep each night. I quickly had to make more and more, as sleep-deprivation greatly hindered its effectiveness. I would run out of my script, then take my sister's Focalin in much larger doses. At my peak, I would take 60-80 mg of Adderall, and the same dosage of Focalin when I would run out. I wasn't even getting shit done anymore, my grades dipped, and I was showing up to basketball games with 50 mg of Adderall in my system, unable to function. Busted: I was spared by my parents when they found my empty script bottles a week and a half after refill, I denied having an issue, but they took them away, "forcing" me to take Focalin instead. I took far too much Focalin, as my dopamine system was pretty messed up and I was still sleep-deprived. Again, they popped me after there was clearly a large portion of the pills missing. They hid the medication, and I panicked, I could hardly keep my eyes open, and I felt like I need the Adderall even to start my work. I felt like a complete addict, I spent hours searching every nook and cranny of my house, convinced that I must have misplaced a pill at some point. After this bust, they took me to my pediatrician and he gave me my prescription back except my parents were to store it in a lockbox. My tolerance for both medications are through the roof, and I need more than one pill. I am so desperate that I find a way to pick the lock with a paper clip, I take large doses on a few occasions, pretending to consume my single pill on days where I didn't have much work, putting it back so I can binge on multiple on occasions instead. When I stole too many Adderall pills, I stopped using them altogether to avoid the risk of getting caught. Instead, I would take the Vyvanse out of the capsules, mix it into water, then fill the capsules with salt and return them to the box. When I ran out of Vyvanse, I did the same for Focalin. Where I am Now: I am clearly an addict. I just don't feel like I am capable of doing work without it, I am falling in and out of sleep when I am off it. Today was my third confrontation with my parents. The only reason I got popped was that I held onto the empty capsules after taking them this afternoon, planning to fill them up later tonight but my mom checked the lockbox and noticed some were missing in the afternoon. The consequences are going to be dire, and I think I won't have a script, nor access to any medication. I don't know how I will be able to survive my lazy and unmotivated self in my several AP classes. I have relied on these drugs to do 5-6 hours of work outside of school every day, and now I can hardly concentrate for more than two minutes. I do feel that I genuinely have ADHD, I cannot stop myself from spacing out every minute or so in each of my classes. I cannot redo my high school years, and I am on pace to go to a fairly prestigious school, but I think things are going to crash without these drugs. I love my motivated, focused, and organized self when I am on the pills. I came to this website to look for help and advice, I am very tempted to purchase the pills just to maintain my grades. Thanks in advance for hearing me out.
  4. i don’t think anyone cares lmao I’m 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. Last year I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD, and ocd. Through out my whole life ive been day dreaming through it I didnt learn basic math or anything really because of ADD I’ve never been able to stick to anything or do good in school I always wondered why I was so stupid compared to everyone else. My life has been living hell dealing with Addiction and mental health. Last year the first time I ever took adderall I took at least 100mg and showed up to treatment the next day not able to breathe correctly and my heart pounding out of my chest. Later I learned I permanently damaged my heart. I bought it in the summer and felt the euphoria and interest and happiness in things I’ve never had before and just felt the best I’ve ever felt I could actually do stuff that other people can do . I got prescribed adderall in the beginning of this school year 30mg XR and started off with a normal dose. I could actually LEARN at school for the first time in my life. As the year kept going I started developing a tolerance. I always wanted more more more. I started stealing adderall from one of my best friends and I found out the password for the safe my parents locked everything up in. On a good day I take at least 100mg through out the day. I take them anytime of the day sometimes I take it at night so I can stay up and enjoy it and have peace and quiet for once. Like right now I’m off it. My best friend said that I’m a different person when I’m on adderall and I know I am but I didn’t think it was that noticeable. I keep going crazy on people and I’ve tried to fight my friends. I didn’t realize how much I was taking and how I was really acting. A few months ago I ran out and stopped cold turkey I went fucking crazy and ran away did whatever I wanted for 2 days then came back and crashed my parents were trying to wake me up but I wouldn’t and when I did I told them I was going to kill them and my dad has to hold me on the ground while I screamed on the top of my lungs til the police came and that’s how I ended up in the hospital for about a week withdrawling the whole time from adderall + the other stuff I was doing at the time. When I got out of the hospital I didn’t realize I was even addicted and didn’t stop to think wtf I was doing w my life. I’ve pretty much been on adderall this whole year I lost about 25 pounds or more Idek.I’m destroying myself with each pill I take I’m trapped and at rock bottom. I don’t think I’ll ever make it through a life with out adderall. I made it 3 days then took 80 mg today because I felt like I couldn’t function. I just feel so crazy and hopeless. My life is pretty much over with
  5. NBC News documentary

    Hi all, My apologies to those that have already seen/heard about this but I'm a journalist at NBCNews.com and I'm working on a story about Adderall use among adults to shed light on the widespread problem that many struggle with in the dark. I'm looking to talk to people who are currently addicted or have been addicted to Adderall. If that's you or someone you know, please message me. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much for considering and best of luck to all! -Nirma
  6. Hi everyone, My name is Melinda and I am writing an article about adderall and its users. If you fit this description, please keep reading: -heavy user/addict OR ex heavy user/addict -ages 16-25 OR used when ages 16-25 -grew up in suburbs I would like to share your story in an informative article that I am submitting to many mainstream magazines. It is about adderall as a trend, especially in many wealthy suburbs. I am exploring this phenomenon and your story would really help some people. You can remain anonymous if you like. If you are interested in participating and being interviewed via email, please emails cre8tivewritingmelinda@gmail.com . Let me know if you have any questions, and thank you for reading!
  7. I'm very curious, how many have seen obvious, negative psychological changes in your spouse immediately after taking Adderall? When my then alleged spouse of 19 years first took adderall, the change was very obvious, almost like she was possessed by a demon, no joke. I do know of others who have had similar experiences, and their spouse was not on any other prescriptions like antidepressants or narcotics. The adderall alone changed their spouses into strangers. After our divorce, I allowed her to remain in my house, to watch over our son and take care of our 7 cats and 2 dogs, most of them we rescued, had for over 2 to 9 years. When I traveled overseas, she EUTHANIZED ALL OF THOSE ANIMALS! These cats & dogs were like our children, what kind of person would do such a thing? This destroyed me.
  8. Hey all, I've been on this site for 6.5 years and have read many horrible stories about adderall addiction and also some amazing success stories. As you can see I've posted on this forum over 1000 times. I've been clean since Nov 13, 2010. And here is the collective wisdom I've gathered from people who successfully beat adderall addiction on this site. Just as background I used to snort 250 mgs a day, was in and out of rehab and outpatient therapy. I had constant stimulant induced schizophrenia. 1) CUT OFF YOUR DOCTOR - this is how the successful people on this site quit. Period. Cut off your doctor. I havent come across a single person that still had access to adderall prescriptions from their doc and was able to just quit. 2) UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT ADDICTED ... and why you feel like shit without it. Adderall causes your brain to retain more of the neurotransmitter dopamine between the synapses or nerve endings in your brain. This artificial surplus of dopamine is what causes you to feel more motivated, the brain stops regulating dopamine on it's own properly. Your body begins to adapt to the repeated dosing of a central nervous system stimulant, causing dependence, until eventually life seems much worse without adderall. Over time, as your natural dopamine reuptake process is consistently disrupted, the body produces less and less dopamine. If the adderall is then withdrawn, the body has neither its own dopamine nor an artificial surplus of dopamine between the the brain receptors - thus the horror of withdrawal. 3. DON'T PUT PRESSURE ON YOURSELF when you quit...Stop trying to be the perfect mom, or the superstar at work, the super thin person, the social butterfly. As for working, decide if you are able to continue working or not.. I did not work for TWO + YEARS. I just spent those years on my moms couch reading recovery books, going to NA and sticking close to this site.. I had that luxury to live at home at not work (no kids to support etc) Afterwords, with help from members of this site, I fought my way back into a career...from interning at a shoe store without pay to volunteering for a couple bucks an hour to working in a college admin office for 200 bucks a month. If you don't feel like you can afford to stop working, do not try to be a superstar at work. Go through the motions, just like the author does in "Get it Done when your depressed" 4.UNDERSTAND PAWS there are many, many resources on post acute withdrawal system. Just google it. Your brain will go through PAWS. This will help you understand the depression, fatigue and all those horrible feelings that make adderall recovery horrific. https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm 5. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME It takes forever to feel normal again, but you get to a point where you no longer think about it anymore. 6. YOU WILL NOT BE FAT FOREVER As long as you put in discipline and willpower. After the post weight gain you will get back to normal weight. I went to 250lbs immediately post adderall and now I'm normal and thin again. Most people on this site can attest to the same. 7. STAY CLOSE TO THE FORUMS. Don't lurk here. Be engaged with the community. Helping others also helps yourself too. And keeping this place active helps everyone on this site. No one judges you on this site. There are many tools/resources/information here that can REALLY help you. Many veterans here have gone on to give interviews for national magazines and television programs about what happened to them. 8. SUPPLEMENTS that people on this site that people have found effective include: Wellbutrin and L-Tyrosine. Don't even consider swapping to Vyvance, Ritalin, or Dex. They are the same as addearll. 9. UNDERSTAND THAT THIS PROCESS TAKES FOREVER AND A DAY. It took me years and years and i still struggle. For others who were on much lower dosages than me, it still takes at least year but not as long as it did for me. As a rule of thumb, every year you abused, you need an additional year to recover. You will feel unmotivated. You will be starving all the time. You will be tired. But you are in the norm. Adderall recovery may often feel very specific to you but it is not. We all go through this or are going through this. 10. READ and read and read to educate yourself on what has happened to you - "On Speed" has been the most popular book for this site. Other books, "Get it Done When Your Depressed" "Pill Head", "More, Now, Again" , "The Amphetamine Debate" to name a few. Read the article on Richard Fees suicide that was in the NY Times. The link is below 11. WRITE DOWN all reasons why adderall messed up your life. If you ever want to start taking adderall again - READ the list and you will remember about those horrific nights 3 am on an empty stomach and feeling like complete shit. Or you'll remember the scariness of getting caught doctor shopping or you'll remember getting fired, or you'll remember the stimulant induced psychosis that made people think you were schizophrenic. 12. ALCOHOL/CAFFEINE RULE OF THUMB Most recovering adderall addicts still allow themselves to drink alcohol. This is taboo in Narcotics Anonymous but adderall veterans continue to drink without having problems. Many on here have relied on caffeine and redbull to help them. I used those high energy drinks like Rockstar and Monster. I indulge in alchohol as well. 13. GOING COLD TURKEY did not destroy anyone's brain or give them permanent brain damage. I believe xanax can do that but not adderall. Go cold turkey. 14. READ OLDER POSTS While you are on this site, read everything here bc there is tons of great advice on threads that have gotten buried. Remember this site has been active for at least 7 or 8 years so there's a lot of good information on these threads. 15. RELATIONSHIPS - Explain to the people closest to you what happened so they can better understand. Tell them how it messed up the neurochemicals in your brain. Apologize to them. Tell them it will never happen again. Assure them you are in the clear. 16. AT FIRST IT MAY SEEM EASY but it's not. In order to level set your expectations I can tell you it completely sucks. You may go through a brief phase where it seems easy and then suddenly it hits you like a brick. 16b. RECOVERY IS NOT A LINEAR PROCESS. Withdrawal symptoms hit in waves. Sometimes you will have really off days, and you can blame that on the PAWS. Some days you'll feel fine. Embrace the days you feel fine. 17. DEFEAT THE PYSCHOLOGICAL PART OF THE ADDICTION. If you are here, adderall has become a crutch in your life and taken a toll on your confidence to do things without it. Get off your feet and start doing things that you relied on adderall to get you through them. If you are as bad as me you prob relied on adderall for everything. Each time you do something without adderall you start to say "hey I dont need adderall to do this" and your confidence begins to build. 18. STREAM AND BINGEWATCH TV As you recover from withdrawal, Netflix, Hulu and Amazon prime are a godsend. They help you forget about how shitty you feel for the moments you are engrossed in your favorite shows. I have fond memories of bingewatching netflix shows as i went through the hell of withdrawal. 19. When you feel ready FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. to get your life back into shape. I fought my ass off after I finally got off my moms couch. A lot of adderall veterans on this site would definitely remember my experience because i was on here every day, documenting every moment of my job search, my job hunt, my worries/insecurities and I got so much support and advice from this amazing community to push forward. After interning in a shoe store for no money, feeling like i was getting no where, I went back to school graduated and fought for a good job. My newly non-adderall addicted self began making over 6 figures a year. 've gotten a raise every year over the last three years and was able to give my mom 20K for not just the heartache tears and pain I caused her but to show my gratitude for her taking care of me while I recovered, and for letting me live on her couch for two years and put no pressure on me to do anything but read books. 20. ADDERALL CAUSES YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR MIND ONLY. Go back and read a paper that you wrote while on adderall. You probably thought it was incredible. Now go back and re-read it. Was it really that great?? When i was in my adderall haze the success was in my grandiose thinking, in my feeling of invincibility, of being able to conquer anything but not in my reality!!! Stop romanticizing the good times when you were on adderall - they weren't that great. Realize you still have a real future to fight for. You do not want to be that person you once were, where you needed adderall to feel successful. You want to be able to feel successful because of your own merits, not because of adderall. 20. THIS ONE IS WORTH REPEATING - You will not be FAT forever once you quit!!!! There have been many threads on this and the consensus is that it GOES away as long as you try. That means it'll go away after your hunger period ends, but domake sure your consuming fewer calories than you burn or go vegeterian or whatever - exercise your willpower. 21. HELP YOUR RECOVERY ALONG. If you can afford rehab or your insurance covers rehab. Rehab helps. NA/AA meetings can help. Get an NA sponsor. Also, eating healthier, exercising, mediation etc are all things that will help. What doesn't help? being too hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Smart Recovery has also helped people on this site kick the addiction http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm 22. DONT BUY INTO THE CULTURAL ACCEPTANCE OF ADDERALL -believing that makes it much harder to quit. I generally believe in my heart that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis. I can get scatterbrained and exhibit symptoms of what people consider to be ADD but I do not believe ADD is real. I believe adderall will help anyone who doesn't have ADD. I believe lots of people get scatterbrained. This mentality - and I truly believe it - has helped because believing in my heart and mind that I don't have ADD, that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis gives me zero reason to even consider taking it. Adderall used to be prescribed for depression in the 70s before the ADD diagnosis even came along. It was always a pill in search of a problem. 23 THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL It truly does get better. Your life can come together. It has to start by following these guidelines 24 YOUR PERSONALITY WILL COME BACK Whether adderall made you anti social or robotic or some nut that obsessed with unimportant thing like wasting hours reading wikipedia all day or working on project that went absolutely nowhere..you will come back to your old self. 25 YOUR HEALTH WILL COME BACK Whether it gave you health problems from clenched teeth and sleep deprivation, anxiety, or depression from when the pill wore off, or high blood pressure...your health eventually comes back. WANT TO FAIL? Based on the hundreds of posts on this site it seems that most people who don't follow these guidelines end up relapsing. So draw on the past COLLECTIVE experiences of this long lasting forum and follow the guidelines that works. We know it works. It's that simple Visit these links for a wakeup call http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/03/us/concerns-about-adhd-practices-and-amphetamine-addiction.html http://abcnews.go.com/Health/adderall-rise-mothers/story?id=16622475 http://www.self.com/wellness/health/2013/03/adderall-the-get-ahead-drug Links to Good Recovery Books 1) On Speed - Traces the history of America's obsession with amphetamines; dexadrine, ritalin, adderall etc... 2) Amphetamine Debate - Goes into the consequences of stimulant abuse, psychosis particularly with adderall and ritalin.. 3) More, Now and Again - Memoir of a Writer's Addiction to Ritalin... 4) Requiem for a Dream - One of the stories subplots is a woman who gets hooked on amphetamines.. 5) Get it Done When Your depressed THAT'S all I can think of - there are tons of veterans on this site right now and its so awesome to see you all here continuing to post and help the newer people. Please chime in if I'm missing something not covered or if there is a tip you disagree with.
  9. I quit adderall on January 31st, 2019 and each day is a victory without the pill. I’ve been taking adderall for 8 years from age 20-28 and I was prescribed on 20-30mg/day. I notice I feel cravings pop up from time to time, missing the high, that "hit" that would kick in exactly 30 minutes after I took my pill. I had started setting the timer on my watch for 30 minutes after I took my pill so I could know exactly when it would kick in. I loved that feeling, and I still miss that feeling. But I don't want that poison in my body anymore. That was not the best me who God created me to be. I hated my personality on adderall and I despised the crashes. The anxiety, the sleeplessness, the rebound hunger. I resented social situations to the point where I would prefer to be alone in isolation than go out and socialize with my co-workers or friends. I would have anxiety about being in 1-on-1 social or networking situations when it was just me + someone else. I felt anxiety about those situations because I knew I couldn't completely interact with the adderall dampening my personality and desire to fully commit my full self to the conversation and actually connect. Since I've been clean, I've realized that was all an illusion that the adderall made me feel in my brain. When I'm not on the adderall, I am a different person. I am funny, nice, caring, and give time to others. On my adderall, I have a one-track mind and that is to get shit done. Period. Don't come in my office to talk to me, don't stop me in the hallway. I was selfish and lived to take that pill every day to create this false sense of achievement that was built up in my own mind. I do not want that to be my life anymore. I want to get back to the real me, which is consistent all the time. No longer experiencing my usual weekend crashes from the adderall binge work weeks. I don't want to equate Fridays with "feeling like I got run over by a train", which is how I would feel come every Friday after 5 days straight of adderall. I do not want the highs and lows anymore. I do not want the anxiety, the rebound hunger where my appetite comes roaring on the weekends and I binge eat on everything in sight. I want to have a normal, predictable appetite. I want to be able to sleep, normally, rather than waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat at 2am and then staying awake, my mind racing with anxious thoughts, unable to fall back asleep, until I watch my alarm go off at 7am to start my day which basically means taking that pill again. I want to get to know my true self that is not the "adderall me", and that is someone I love and that everyone loves. I am on a mission to become the best version of myself, which I know has impacted my dating life too and meeting my future husband, and that means getting rid of this drug that dims the bright light of who I know I'm truly meant to be in this world. I am nervous about the future and my life without this drug. I have achieved a lot with it - getting into business school, graduating with my MBA, working at a big tech company on the west coast. I am driven and high-functioning, but I've had adderall to help me. I worry I will not be capable to achieve that level of success without the drug. I worry I won't be able to focus and be productive like I could with adderall. I worry I won't exhibit the same relentless work ethic I am known for. But all those things, I realize, are still not worth it to continue sacrificing my authentic self, and mental and emotional well-being while taking this drug. I just don't want to do it anymore and put myself through this vicious cycle of what this drug leaves you feeling like when the high is gone. So, I am quitting adderall and I am ready to see what awaits me on the other side. I hope/know it's a better me than I could imagine, and I will come out of this stronger than I am now. Thank you for reading this!
  10. I was prescribed adderall by my family doctor, after seeing a psychologist as required. In truth, the adderall had no real affect on me other than lack of sleep and loss of appetite. I lost approx 5 Ibs without much effort, and my wife of 19 years noticed this quickly. To be clear, I did not have a weight issue, however, my wife believed she had an issue with weight. She asked if she could try my prescription at a lower dose to see if it would work on her, then she would pursue the doctor for her prescription. I was hesitant to do this, but she was adamant she try the adderall just for several days, to make sure she doesn't waste her time going to the doctor. I relented, a huge mistake. The adderall had the desired affect, she lost weight quickly. But something else happened, her personality changed almost immediately. I truly believe this was the marking point of the end of our marriage, her personality/psychology was permanently altered. I stopped giving her the adderall, she was supposed to see our doctor to obtain her own Rx. Over several months i still received my adderall Rx, but rarely used it, and I stored it away. After the Rx ran out, I stopped obtaining refills. As for my wife, her behavior had changed for the worse. While on a business trip, I received a call from her out of nowhere, asking for a divorce! I was in complete shock, in disbelief. I ended by business trip to return home, my bank accounts emptied, the house empty of her belongings. In addition, by adderall that I had stored away, was all missing. My spouse was no longer the wife I remembered, and what she did to destroy me was unbelievable. I had hired a PI to gather more information, and it turned out that she had had over 4 affairs, one of which was an attorney that worked at the the same office she did. Apparently, for at least a year, she was preparing for the divorce. I even found papers where she was going to have me removed from our house, the house I paid for, mortgage under my name, under the pretense that I was violent or physically abusive - all lies. She confessed to me that she decided not to, because she did not want our son to see me go to jail. According to my attorney, the real reason was that she would eventually go to prison for lying on a government document, deceiving the court. There is much more to this, this is obviously an abbreviated version of events. When I look back at the horrors, brushes with death I've endured while in a military environment, I would prefer to relive the Hell I went through, almost at death's door, rather than going through what my alleged spouse put me through. After 5 years, I can now say thank God! I'm starting a new life, hopefully a new family. I truly believe adderall's affect on one individual to the next can be very different, and possibly very destructive. I lost a total of 24 years of my life, and thank God I'm barely young enough to start over. My ex-wife's family are still close to me, and they no longer communicate with her at all. My anger and resentment is replaced by the knowledge that God will take care of everything, and everyone involved.
  11. Trying to figure out if this is a mental health disorder induced by Adderall or a mixture of things. Or Adderall addiction? My husband and I’ve been together for 14 years and my life completely changed on me 4 1/2 months ago. My husband has past and present addiction issues. He was diagnosed as a child with ADD and has not been on any medication for many years. Then about 1 year ago. Adderall came into our lives and, it changed him. Within a year and a half, I have dealt with severe mood swings, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, easily irritated. When he got angry he would sometimes say self harm comments.= and was sleeping very little. We began fighting more once he got on Adderall and we really did not fight much the last few years. This past year I felt I was walking on eggshells in my house. I told him that I felt this medication was not right for him and he needed to talk to the doctor, but he defends it. He says it has more pros for him like super confidence, focus and weight loss. I know he would take more than prescribed. There were weekly morning anxiety fits if nothing went how he wanted in the morning. It got so bad that my dogs would come by me whenever he did anything passive aggressive. His daily cocktail consists of energy drinks, high potency marijuana, cigarettes, Adderall 30 RX and a bit of an excessive spender. In the middle of July, my marriage abruptly ended. The night before a big fight , my husband did not sleep at all and he really had not slept the last couple days since refilling his Adderall prescription and had some drinks the night before. I has stopped at home after work before I went to an appointment and I could tell his mood wasn’t good and he didn’t sleep the night before. When I returned it was like all hell broke loose. My husband really wanted to start a family and I did too. He was upset because he had found out his friend was going to have a baby and we were not pregnant and he felt I wasn’t trying and their was no intimacy. I wanted to start a family, but did have concerns about his recent behavior since being on Adderall. I know the last two months were not as active in the intimacy department, but we always were intimate every month. I will admit there were times I just didn’t feel like it, and as I talk about it to my Therapist I believe it was because everything that was going on. My husband spent more time to himself and I felt I was taking on more responsibilities around house. He felt that I wasn’t wanting to have kids and wasn’t trying which was not true. Sure, I could have done more I agree, but to say I wasn’t planning on having children is not true. Then a few days later, after I am asking him to come back home, apologizing trying to figure out what happened we had an angry phone call for about two hours. He yelled horrible things, called me names. Not something he would do. He said things that did not make sense to me at all. So within a few day of the fight, he filed for divorce and then no really type of communication. While he still had not let me know his decision regarding marriage counseling, I was informed about him being on a dating websites and didn’t even try to attempt to save the marriage. He never told me that he did not want to do counseling, just told me he needed time to think. He was still angry about a fight we had a few weeks back. I had said some mean things to him out of anger and frustration; I didn’t help I had some drinks before hand. Left the house and all his responsibilities and I have not seen him since. Is this Adderall behavior or addiction behavior or maybe something else? Once on Adderall his personality changed and he just isolated himself . We would argued with him about how he was not present in the house. Increased anxiety and panic attacks become very noticeable after getting on Adderall. I was thinking about divorce back in November. I was so tried of the fights and passive aggressive behavior, but decided on marriage counseling instead. We barley attended couseling and never got to any issues. We stopped going but agreed to continue in the fall. I know I was not happy about this, but since he went and said he would continue in the fall I agreed. I'm left wondering is it possibly some type of manic episode? Or the Adderall or a mixture of everything has brought this on? From what I have read if someone taking Adderall or any stimulant, it can increase the risk of manic type behavior if medications are not monitored. His personality did change a lot in a year and a half. This was all very confusing to me. I spent 14 years with him and have forgiven and rebuilt trust on many occasions, and now he is gone. My heart has not caught up with my mind yet. Everything is still raw with the pain of losing a person you loved so much. My future was just ripped out under me. I was really trying so hard to get us to marriage counseling because this could have been easily worked out and we really could have acquired new skills of interacting. Instead of having kids now, I am getting a divorce trying to figure what happened. It just is very shocking and hurtful when it is all of a sudden gone. I had lengthy discussions with my therapist about the behavior displayed, and the rants. Her comment was until he got completely off everything he really could not be diagnosed. He has treated me very cold and with such disdain and I never once in a million years would have saw this from him.
  12. Finally quit--Day 8

    So I'm new here. After reading everyones' adderall stories, I felt like it was time to share mine... forgive me if this gets a little long-winded (also forgive my stupid user name--it was chosen in the spirit of remaining anonymous!) I am going to try and focus on only the relevant parts of my story because I can feel myself about to go down a rabbit hole. I recently quit Adderall after almost 3 years of habitual use, which started in grad school. I'll start with some background. I don't think I am textbook ADD or ADHD---I always did well in school, though it was never too hard. I am what you call a daydreamer, creative type. I hate to read instructions. I can focus on things if I find meaning in it, which can sometimes turn into obsession. Weirdly though, I also can be extremely complacent, even lazy, about some really important things. Its like an all or nothing focus, which hinges on the level of interest and intrinsic personal significance I find in the subject, which probably isn't that unusual. As you might be able to tell, I'm having to rediscover myself a bit without the Adderall, which makes me sad for the time I lost. I never really "abused" it in the traditional sense, but I was using too much, too often. Like many others, I started out at 20 mg, and went to up to 30, plus some. 60 mg was the most I ever used. When I got it, everything was great... for about six months--I was SUPER skinny and confident, and more social than ever. I also really liked that adderall made me bulletproof emotionally. I was so much more task oriented--things beyond the task at hand didn't phase me. This wasn't me--I am a super sensitive person, and I used rehash every interaction in my head at ungodly hours of the night. I was surprised with the way I would act socially, and not in a good way-- I was not smooth and could be really assertive/almost abrasive, and I don't think my true self was ever really comfortable with my new way of interacting with people. This did have some positives though. I felt powerful and energetic, like there was nothing I couldn't do. Anyway, I quickly became addicted. I couldn't get out of bed without it and used it to do things that were supposed to be "fun." Pretty soon I wasn't doing anything for fun and I spiraled into a depression that has continued to get worse. My adderall use peaked when I was a studying for a major exam after grad school, one that had huge implications for my career and educational investment. Point being, I think the whole experienced changed something in my brain. I can be an anxious, type A, obsessive person as it is, and the adderall pushed me over the edge. I wasn't ready to see that at the time, though. I would spend HOURS picking at my face, like I was on meth. I RUINED my skin (it is better now, I do have scars and it will never be my pre-adderall skin). And the isolation. Adderall isolates you and sucks the emotion out of you--you don't even realize its happening. I was so numb and unhappy, but I didn't stop. I got a job after I found out I passed my test and of course continued to take adderall. Although I was back down to 30 mg, I started to realize the life I made for myself wasn't me, it was something adderall me had created. I couldnt shake the feeling of emptiness, wondering what my life would have been like had I never gone down this road. It started to become more clear that everything was all wrong. My life was completely devoid of all happiness and joy. I gradually started taking less adderall, and gradually started to hate my job more and more. I became more and more depressed. So now you're pretty much caught up. I managed to cut my dose down to 15 mg per day. I ran out right before Thanksgiving. Its been about two weeks since I ran out (I took it one last time at day 6, so I restarted the clock and now I'm on day 8). The thing that I am struggling with the most is feeling the flood of emotions coming back to me, the overwhelming depression, and the sense that my true self was frozen in time for those 3 years. I am not used to having to handle my crazy emotions and I don't remember how to deal with the constant barrage of thoughts and feelings. The thought that my true, non-adderall self could have matured and experienced personal growth during that time makes me more depressed and sad. I don't know where I am getting the strength to keep going and or how I'm not turning back to adderall, but I like being able to feel and take in the moment--even if it is sad and depressing. I was finally at a point where I was miserable on adderall and willing to acknowledge that. And because of that I am willing to try something else. The fact that I am feeling again and not stuffing my emotions with a pill gives me hope that maybe things will get better. Maybe this will all be the catalyst I needed to change things and go in a different direction. Maybe it's the right direction, or at least a better one. Anyway, thanks for reading.
  13. Hey Quitting Adderall Forum Members, A brief disclaimer: queries of Tinder and OkCupid on this website yielded no results; hence, why I'm posting about this: I have another topic that I urgently need some input about: Taking Adderall & Using OKCUPID/Tinder? vs. Not Taking Adderall & "Attempting to Use" OKCUPID & Tinder? What are your experiences using any/either of these apps on/off of Adderall, amphetamine, stimulants, etc? As a millennial, I believe this is why I'm asking this question: because nearly all millennial's use these apps to meet partners, date, etc; Adderall does not help, either. IT JUST DOES NOT SEEM "FAIR": Last month when I relapsed, as in with my last post titled HOW THE POLICE STOLE MY LOVE OF ADDERALL detailed/ATTESTED TOO, I coincidentally, as well as extemporaneously, messaged a girl who was tall like me, 6ft+ Plus, on OKCupid. Now, she is infatuated with me. Should I give credit to the Adderal for the impulsivity for messaging her? This whole thing just feels like a "RUSE": Adderall gives one the creativity, confidence, and the mindset to have the confidence too message girls who normally are out of my league? Its just absolutely crazy: On Adderall: 1) For me, its very hard to shake the feeling of success from: 1) Taking 60-90mg of Adderall, drinking a few RedBulls, a few Beers, perhaps taking some magnesium for NMDA Antagonistic purposes; 2) Messaging beautiful, highly college educated women, especially in graduate school programs and/or law school who are around my age; 3) Having them reply to my conversations, agree/want too meet up, and we consequently go on dates from there, the girls become infatuated with me, accepting me for who I am, "Adderall or no Adderall." VS: 2) Being Sober on OKcupid or Tinder: You send message after message, yet no girl responds. I MEAN IT! I have literally had 0 girls respond to my sober messages on either of these dating apps, sober, without Adderall. YET, with 30mg, 60mg, or 90mg of Adderall, it seems like every girl wants too talk too me. Maybe this is because Adderall gives me the 'confidence' to talk with such beautiful, attractive women; whereas I do not possess this ability or attribute sober without Adderall? Please, Adderall Forums Members, share your experiences regarding this subject matter: 1) Taking Adderall and using OKCupid or Tinder to communicate with potential dating partners, compared too: 2) Not taking any Adderall and using either of these dating applications? I am sick of this.Its always when I'm sober that I don't want too go meet someone, whereas if I had an Addy, I would want to go out on a date with whichever attractive chick the Adderall helped me real in. IDK. AM I alone in feeling this subject matter to be very tricky to navigate tactfully? Currently, I feel on Adderall: I can respond quickly to women's messages in an attractive manner. Off of Adderall/sober, it seems like each message is a tedious chore to write. Adderall makes the words flow from the tip of my tongue. SIGH. Any/all of your input is greatly appreciated! I hope everyone on the forums has been having a great night! I am 31 days SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  14. Adderall, Not a Love Story

    Even attempting to write this seems impossible and I can already feel my mind reaching out for it. Reading has got to feel the same way I’m sure. With that in mind, I’ll be short and to the point. I have been taking Addies, Adderall, Shmadderall, orange footballs, Pink roundies, and every other name you want to call them for 12 years… I have yet to read a story as bad as mine. So here goes, I began with 1 10mg a day, which quickly grew into 2 30’s a day… At one point I would consume about 300mgs a day. Yes, you read that correctly, 300mg of ADDERALL A DAY and do it without a single hesitation. I has absolutely destroyed my work ethic, productivity, relationships, and over view of myself. Its driven me to attempt suicide twice, sell other drugs support it, lie, cheat, steal, and screw people I love over. Yeah, my story is an extreme case, however, by looking at me, you would have never guessed it. I kept it hidden up until the day I arrived at the conclusion that it was indeed, Adderall, that I allowed to turn me into someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. Those looking to quit, do it. Yes, its fucking scary as hell. But here is some advice in a different way. Do not find other shit to “ease” or “fill in the gap” with, such as, testosterone (for drive motivation) it won’t work, your ethic must be rebuilt from the ground up. Cocaine, if you’re like me, you’ll possibly suffer a minor stroke, because the way coke differs as a stim. Forget about any other stims also. These are all things I did to try and escape adderalls grasp on me. Oh another thing, don’t justify filling your script to sell either. That shit has to go away if you want to really be free. Do exercise, which might be the hardest step to take, but I promise it will do you the most good. Get your hands on BCP-15, its a peptide. It will shorten withdrawals immensely, along with a supplement called “Quadracarn” its packed full of L-Carnitine. You’ll need this. Maybe above all, and this is a hard one, be patient with yourself. You have become used to a very fasted paced lifestyle, where patients didn’t really exist. So know its going to be slow, thats okay. Do the little things that seem the hardest, because normal everyday things will become difficult AF out of the gate. However, these are the stones to rebuild a foundation of being productive sober. This next part was hard for me, but tell friends and family what you are going through and that you’re literally retraining your brain. You can do it.
  15. Hey hey Oh man . Ok first time posting. Little anxious about this but I’m always in a crappy head space right now so ....it’s been about 3/4 weeks since I stopped taking adderall 10mg Xr after being on it for a year cold turkey by accident.Im 30 year old female and used to be quite active .I went out of town and forgot my prescription. I had my first two first time ever in my life panic attacks while I was out of town and ended up on the ER with a clean bill of health thank god . things were ok and not Aweful my dr gave me Xanax but I tried not to take it.I want to get back to my same old sober self . I had my third and massive panic attack 4 days ago, But since that last one my anxiety has seemed to have gotten worse as far as the anxiety and panic attacks are concerned. I can’t even leave my house which is aweful I was never like this before I started taking adderall.I have zero appetite, my sleep is off. who else has experienced this !?! How long should I anticipate feeling like this? How long does it take to recover ! How long were you on adderall and what dosage and where are you now ? I Need something ! anything !that this gets better and if you have tips or anything please help. I’m currently on a small dose on colonadine .1mg and it doesn’t do much.
  16. Hello everyone. I just wanted to post this article to tell you all about my story. I have been addicted to adderall for about 1 year now. The first time I tried it was in 2014 when I started my first year in university. I was 18 years old at the time, and didn't really care for trying it out. However, my friend offered me one of his prescribed adderall pills and I tried it. From that point on, I had only done it every so often. 2 years past, and I found myself in some trouble with the law. I was arrested for felony offences and thought my life was over. I had spent 6 months on bail conditions from May 2017 to October 2017, but thankfully my charges were dropped. However, I am mentioning this because this was the last straw in my downward spiral in life (during the time I started taking adderall I was still on bail conditions, thinking I was about to receive minimum 4 years in prison, thus my addiction had already started before I knew I was free). Also, what made me realize I was truly addicted was when I started taking doses as high as 60-70 mg (XR) daily, and started using it to get high, not even for days I had school work or needed to focus. Prior to this, I had always been a "polydrug" user as my councillor says, meaning I don't have one single addiction, but simply just an addiction to anything that would get me high. To summarize, I have dealt with many factors that have made me resort to adderall. As a child, I had grown up wealthy in a loving family for 8 years. At a certain point, everything went down hill when I was 9. My family lost everything, my parents divorced, my sister was raped, my house got raided, my family lost our house and several valuables. I was a child and stuck in the middle of it all, I felt worthless. Once I reached high school, I got into the wrong crowd and started doing several drugs and committing crimes. More issues occurred, as I had several relationship problems, continuous family issues, and arrests as a juvenile. Long story short, I became suicidal and felt even more worthless. After all of this, and some many other things I won't have time to mention (maybe save for another time), I resorted to adderall to deal with the stress I could manage (i.e. school and work) to compensate for everything I couldn't manage (i.e. family issues, legal issues etc.). Also, I take depression medication which hasn't helped and I have terrible anxiety but my doctor will not prescribe me any short term drug for it due to my past history with addictions (which is fair on her part). I started using hardcore for a full year from 2017 till now, and I recently overdosed. I had taken too much adderall and it accumulated all into this one dark day. I arrived home at around 5 am approximately a week ago and started convulsing. My fingers and toes curled, my body went numb, everything was going black, I heard ringing in my ears, I was drowning in sweat, and my heart beat was insanely fast (side note: I have a heart murmur as well, so I was very scared). I have overdosed in the past on other drugs once, but that was an intentional attempt to kill myself. This time, it wasn't which made me very surprised. For an hour I thought I was going to die, I felt my soul escaping my chest and all I could think was "this is it". I had texted my friend who dropped me off that I was sorry for not listening to him, and to call 911 if I don't answer you in the next hour. I was surprised I could even manage to text him, as for an hour prior to having a terrible vomiting episode I couldn't move (after puking I could move my arms, but nothing else and was still numb and sweating). Long story short, since that near death experience I have stopped taking adderall. Although it has only been about a week, I wanted to post this because I don't have many outlets to resort to since friends judge me and my family wouldn't be able to handle it (my sister is doing her own thing and must focus, while my mom has cancer and my dad has parkinsons/grave's diseases, among many other conditions). I have resorted to a drug councillor, which has helped a lot, but I have been having emotional breakdowns and several suicidal thoughts accompanied by floods of tears and agony. I do not want any sympathy, all I want is to hear from people who have had similar circumstances or from anyone who can help. I have read some of these articles, and they have helped, but I am positing this to share my story of addiction, and I would greatly appreciate feedback/responses to my story based on what I have said, as some specific responses in relation to my story would help even more. If anyone has been in a similar circumstance as me, or started using adderall for the same reasons, please reply to this and share your side. I hope to overcome my addiction, but since it's so early I am fearful that I may not be able to handle it and relapse, or possibly attempt to commit suicide again. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and stay strong!
  17. Been using two or three 75mg of Wellbutrin to help quit the addy. Usually stack it with magnesium first thing in the morning and washing them down with coffee or energy drink. The first week off adderall is easy enough (almost like you still have some in your system) but the third week is tough. Now I'm up to two months without Adderall and it's getting tough again. Anyone else use Wellbutrin to help quit? I started addy in 2011 and took an average of 30mg a day sometimes bumping it up to 50mg. Been off it for up to 6 months then relapsed again. Before quitting I usually pair down to 15mg then go cold turkey.
  18. Desire to quit Adderall

    Hi All, I have had a desire to end my dependence on Adderall for a long time. I would like to share with everyone my experience with Adderall and how it fits into my life today. I have a strong desire to end my dependence of Adderall and I am seeking advice on how to do this. Also, I want to be clear that I am not an abuser of Adderall. I take 25MG per day and only take it on days that I work (20MG after breakfast and 5MG after lunch). I don’t have any desire to take it when I’m not working but I do find myself to be very lazy on the weekends without the motivation to do anything productive. The Beginning I was first prescribed to Adderall at the age of 13 in the 7th grade. At the time, I struggled to pay attention in school and my grades were at a level where I was not going to graduate to the 8th grade. My mother researched ADD and discovered Adderall as a possible solution to the problem. She ended up taking me to a doctor who then prescribed me to a low dosage of Adderall. After a week of taking the medication I went from being a carefree, happy young boy to a sleep deprived, malnourished, anti-social recluse that avoided social situations at every opportunity. In other words, the exact opposite of who I really was. I hated the medication as it made me extremely irritable and often left me feeling like shit. I expressed my concerns with my mother and she ended up forcing me to take it. She would watch me swallow the pill every morning before school. A few months passed and she finally stopped watching me so I would throw the pill in the front yard every morning as I boarded the school bus. It felt like I had just been released from prison when I stopped taking the medication. Over the next few years I would take the medication occasionally if I really needed to focus but for the most part, I cheated my way through high school. Adderall Dependency After graduation, I attended a local community college. After struggling for the first few weeks I decided to talk with a shrink to discuss ways to boost my concentration without depending on a drug. During high school, I experimented with a lot of drugs and my motivation was to rid myself of all drug use. After a few sessions, the shrink recommended that I learn to deal with the negative side effects and learn to manage/incorporate the drug into my life. This is what I did. I started taking 10MG of Adderall every day that I had class, was studying, or when I was working on homework. Academically, this turned out to be successful as I ended up getting accepted into the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas at Austin. I graduated from college with special honors and a GPA of 3.99. I ended up getting into Corporate Finance and I am now a Project Controller for one of the big 4 consulting firms where I manage a team of 10 consultants. I am on track for an early promotion. Increased Dose One habit I picked up about 3 years ago is smoking an e-cig. I pretty much constantly smoke this at work as it helps me concentrate. I met with a therapist about 6 months ago to aid me in breaking my addiction to nicotine. One of the things he recommended was upping my dose of Adderall to help mitigate the loss of concentration I get from not smoking the e-cig. This is what I did and I doubled my morning dose of Adderall from 10MG to 20MG. Motivation to quit Adderall I think I manage some side effects of Adderall quite well. I don’t have issues sleeping and my appetite is fine. The main reason is due to my relationship with my wife. I am very irritable, short tempered, I say terrible things when I am mad, always feel like I am busy and so I don’t spend as much quality time with my wife as I should, and my libido has significantly reduced. Stopping Adderall won’t solve all my problems but I feel like it will better my relationship with my wife and make me feel more in control of my life. Also, I don’t want to be this way when we have kids and I feel that taking it 5 days a week will give me health problems and ultimately shorten my life. Struggles I am now 30 years old and I have been dependent of Adderall for more than half my life. I fear that if I stop Adderall the quality of my work will suffer and it will ultimately lead to poor performance. I have decided I want to stop using Adderall and I think that slowly lowering my dosage over time will help break my dependency. I currently work long hours (50-60 hrs/wk) so I hope that I can still maintain my job. I would prefer not to find another job as it pays decently and offers a lot of growth opportunity. I would at least like to get a promotion before I take any steps to change careers. I have read through a good portion of the discussions on this site but it seems most people struggle with abusing the drug. It would be much appreciated if you could please share your experiences of how you have quit and how it affected your job/career. Thank you!
  19. I wasn't sure where to post this topic so I posted it in general discussion. Has anyone taken Lexapro while on Adderall? While I was on adderall for a year I believed I was depressed and my doctor put me on Lexapro. Now Im almost hitting two months off adderall and I'm thinking I should get off the Lexapro as well. I'm scared I won't be able to handle it and become extremely emotionally unstable- although I feel like I'm emotionally numb most of the time. Any advice? Thank you all for being here.
  20. So I'm on one month with no adderall. It's been a struggle. I am hungry all the time, have no motivation, and can see my muscles becoming flimsy. I've been taking L-Tyrosine as recommended as soon as I wake up on an empty stomach- it has been helping. I can see myself gaining weight as a opposed to when I was working out on adderall. It's such a bummer. Though there are some pros to quitting. Time doesn't feel like it's going by as fast. And my mouth isn't as cut up as it use to be. What are so practices that quitters on here have done to help them stay off adderall? To not help them eat all the time? Any book or podcast recommendations? Please help
  21. Tried Many Times to Quit

    Hi everyone. I'm new to these forums, but not new to trying to quit adderall. I'm 22 years old have have been on adderall for 5 years. I took it to help with ADD and initially I thought it really helped. I was actually able to focus on homework and my job and really feel confident in myself. Like all of you know it eventually becomes a curse. Any sort of job I have is traumatic without adderall and is the main reason I keep taking it. I've taken it long enough that the days I don't, I'm so depressed and low on energy to even shower and go anywhere. I can't seem to do anything without the medication and really want off of it. The longest I've ever been able to go without adderall is a week before I am too depressed and lifeless that I feel the need to relapse, usually because of work or piled up chores. I've tried to get by only using adderall situationally but as you all know this always leads to taking it regularly again. Recently I went 5 days without taking it (which is the longest I've gone in a LONG time) and it was more or less do'able until today when I had to work. About an hour and a half in I experienced extreme anxiety and incompetence and just couldn't bare it. Reluctantly I ended up taking the smallest dose I could to make it through the day. I was so sad and felt like this whole week suffering through withdrawals was for nothing. This cycle needs to end. For those of you who quit adderall successfully, what helped? I have a loving family but they don't understand this struggle I'm going through. Every attempt to quit is failed when I feel overwhelming hopelessness during withdrawal and feel like I have no choice but to take a small dose. I'm getting set up with a therapist that I want to see once a day until the most severe withdrawal effects are over. Other than that I have no clue how to go about this the right way... Please anyone, help me beat this. I can't afford to keep losing this battle.
  22. So Ive been craving adderall all day long and my work that im doing requires me to sit still and concentrate Its almost like I cant even get my hand to move and open up the program to work. Like I know that If I wrote this I can do that and maybe it is all placebo but does anyone have any advice? Thank you!!
  23. So I just quit adderall a week ago after taking it for 5 years, Its very hard for me to write so I made a quick youtube video that will motivate and inspire yall. You guys can do it, if I quit you can also. Youtube -
  24. So I recently made a video on how I quit adderall after 5 years but I just relapsed. I will get back up and matter of fact back up already and I will not put another one in my mouth I swear. Part 2
  25. Back On Here Again

    over the past few months i've cut my dosage down to 10mm a day. started a new job and stuck to this dosage. luckily they have an espresso machine at my new job. so anytime the adderall would wear off, i'd make a latte and would wake right up again. the past two weeks i've been been pretty stressed due to staying out late/not getting enough sleep/work and have been taking an extra 5mm on top of the 10mm. this added to stress because i told myself i quit that habit taking more than my normal dosage. two days ago i ran out of adderall and decided i will not ask for another refill. might as well not! im pretty much down to 10mm (some days 15mm) and feel like i should go cold turkey before i keep on upping my dosage. Oh goooood i hate this fight with this addiction. i hate adderall. i hate that i've started smoking cigarettes. I've been STRESS EATING like crazy, i know its because im not suppressing my hunger anymore. and on top of that eating so poorly. today i tried working out and got tired so quickly. it depresses me. i don't want to fall into depression again. what are some foods which helped with overall mental clarity and energy? please help. I love this community so much. Thanks for always being here <3