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  1. Just trying to get some perspectives from others regarding Adderall behavior changes in a person. My story is pretty detailed. My life completely changed on me 4 1/2 months ago. My husband and I’ve been together for 14 years married for 4. Bipolar and addiction both run in his family. Trying to figure out if this is bipolar, Adderall or a mixture of things. My husband has past and present addiction issues. A few years’ back he overcame an opiate addiction. He has always smoked pot, but in 2016 he started smoking marijuana wax (dabbing) and recently in the last year started mixing it with CBD oil and vaping it. He would get high morning, noon and night; every day. November 23, 2016, Adderall came into our lives. He was diagnosed as a child with ADD and hasn’t been on any medication since high school and he’s now 36. Once he acquired Adderall from our General Practitioner, it changed him. Within a year and a half, I have dealt with severe mood swings, rage, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, easily irritated; he say things like he felt crazy and there was a time he said felt different than our people. He would slap himself, tear shirts off himself. When he got angry he would sometimes say was going to blow his brains out in arguments. He would sleep very little. He would say things in our arguments like he rather find a single mom who hit the lottery by being with him instead of dealing with things in our relationship. We began fighting more once he got on Adderall and we really did not fight much in the last 6 years. The last year and a half, I felt I was walking on eggshells in my house. I told him that I felt this medication was not right for him and he needed to talk to the doctor about getting on a different one, but he defends it. He says it has more pros for him like super confidence, focus and weight loss. Weight was a big thing for my husband. He had been overweight throughout our whole relationship and lost about 60 pounds once after Adderall. Right after he got on Adderall, he started insulating our garage and was out there until 12:30-1 am in the morning on weekdays and then would get up 4 hours later. Would be very annoyed with me and would yell at me whenever I ask him to come in the house. He would say it is not like I’m out at bars, I'm here. I know he would take more than prescribed because he would run out of his 30-day supply. There were weekly morning anxiety fits if nothing went how he wanted in the morning. It got so bad that my dogs would come by me whenever he grunted. To him, everything is wrong and it is everybody else that is the problem. Has zero coping skills and said he uses drugs to cope with the things that were bothering him. His daily cocktail: · 1-2 Adderall 30 RX · Two 5 hour energies · Vaping Marijuana wax mixed with CBD oil all day every day · A pack and half of cigarettes Some days a topical steroid for psoriasis. Very recently started drinking more; not every day but when he did, it was very high alcohol percentage beers. Excessive spender; would spend over $800 on pot, 5 hour energies and cigarettes a month. We would argue about how much he would spend on himself with his extra-curricular activities. Never managed money very well; a constant card swiper. My husband would constantly overdraft on his bank account. He made good money and had zero savings and on many occasions had a negative checking account. My husband seemed okay the days prior before he left. On July 16 all hell broke loose. The day before our fight, our friends invited us to hang out two weekends in a row. I wanted to hang out the first weekend they invited us, but he did not. So when we were asked again the following weekend, I had things to do so I encouraged him to go. He came home that night we were intimate, ate dinner and all seemed okay. The next day my husband kissed me goodbye told me have good day I said the same. We were texting during the day and everything seemed fine. When I came home he seemed very irritated and was sitting on the deck smoking pot. I know he did not sleep at all and he really had not slept the last couple days since being back on his Adderall and had drank the night before . Came home from work and had to take my dog to the vet for a knee issue. I briefly spoke to him I was kind of annoyed by his attitude and knew he did not sleep much. I did not ask him to go with because he had such anxiety with our other dog’s knee surgeries and I did not want to deal with his anxiety and bad mode. When I came back, I said she may need surgery and then he abruptly told me no more surgeries I want to divorce and then just went on this crazy rant of what I am not doing and what is so wrong in our relationship. His friend’s girlfriend was pregnant with their second child, we were not pregnant, and anything else that was wrong. I would never consider our marriage sexless. Some months we were active more than others.I had gotten off the pill a couple months earlier because we were going to start having children and he felt I was not trying enough. I wanted to start a family, but did have concerns about his recent behavior since being on Adderall. I know the last two months were not as active in the intimacy department, but we always were intimate every month. I will admit there were times I just didn’t feel like it, and as I talk about it to my Therapist I believe it was because everything that was going on . My husband spent more time to himself and I was taking on more responsibilities around house. The week before he left, we were intimate three times, including the night before our fight. He also said the week before he left how he could not wait until my stomach got bigger. He was making claims that after we were intimate the day before, I like did a face or something and to him appear to him I did something to prevent being pregnant. I had no idea what he was talking about and told him no look I would have gave would prevent pregnancy. He felt I did not want to have kids even though I had been tracking my cycle, saving money for when I was going to be of work ( he clearly wasn’t saving money) and in May had just bought Ovulation strips. But to him because I wasn’t saying “its Ovulation time” I wasn’t trying. Sure I could have done more I agree, but to say I wasn’t planning on having children is not true. We argued for about an hour and then he went to the garage and did not speak the rest of the evening.The next day he didn’t come home until 12:30 am and we argued more and he told me he was going to cheat on me and people were flirting with him and he did not enjoy himself the last few times intimately, which again was news to me. What was strange is my husband sex drive was never really ever like this before Adderall. But he seems to forget about how he use to be. He said he had been thinking since January about leaving and I had until July; which was also news to me because he never said anything about how I was on a time frame. But yet this whole time was talking about having kids with me and me being pregnant even up to the week before he left. We were planning an August and October vacations and another the following year in July. We stopped arguing around 2:00 am and I went to bed. About an hour later he is screaming at the top of his lungs that he can’t f****ing sleep and wants to shoot himself. I was almost certain our neighbors could have heard him. I said I was going to call the police or his mom, he told me if I did any of those he would most certainly get a divorce and retreated to the garage. So I did not do anything, because I did not want the divorce. But I did take any guns out of the garage and stay up until about 5:00 am to make sure nothing happened to him. He left the home that morning went to work and that was the last day he stayed at the house. Then a few days later, after I am asking him to come back home, apologizing trying to figure out what happened we had an angry phone call for about two hours. All he did was yell horrible things, called me names. Not something he would do. He said things that didn’t make sense to me at all. He was bringing up situations that either didn’t exist or made absolutely no sense to our conversation. Kept telling me people are flirting with him and he’s going to cheat on me if I didn’t have sex with him three times a week. So within a 10 day period from our first fight, he filed for divorce at the end of July. After that we didn’t have any communication for about 2-3 weeks. In August, I asked him to go to a marriage retreat in Colorado with me. After sometime, he agreed, but then backup out claiming it was too much money. So then I asked him to go to local marriage counseling with me. He was telling his mother he wanted to go to counseling, but just wanted a therapist present so we did not argue. I gave the option for local counseling and he told me he would consider going to marriage counseling, but he still felt betrayed from a fight we had back in April. Our fight in April was I had said some things to him out of anger and frustration, the wine did not help either which was out of character for me. I was angry and said a few things to him and I am not an angry person. But I apologized and we moved forward, at least I thought. While he still had not let me know his decision regarding marriage counseling, I was informed about him being on a dating website saying he was already divorced, had no pets and did not do any drugs and undecided about kids, but that was one of the main reasons he left. His whole profile seem like a complete lie. I was like who is this person. He absolutely loved his dogs and now threw them away like nothing. Threw me away like I was nothing. And didn’t even try to attempt to save the marriage. And now he is on more than one dating site. This in 4 1/2 months after he left; he is like a completely different person. According to his mother, he was saying at work he thought work people were selling drugs out of their shop and that it even involved higher ranking employee from a local casino. Which all sounded very strange. He admitted that his medicine makes him paranoid. Recently sent a work email that if someone wasn’t fired he was going result to violence in red font. Left the house and all his responsibilities and has not been back. I have not seen him in 4 1/2 months and had very little contact with him and at this point I do not want any contact with him. He is out at bars, found out he was at a hotel, hooking up with people and now on at least two different dating sites. Doing all kinds of stuff now as if the grass is greener syndrome. Is this bipolar, Adderall or addiction behavior? Before, he always like to just hang “chill” at the house did not ever seem he wanted to do much. Once on Adderall he just isolated himself to the garage and got high all the time. I would argued with him about how he was not present in the house always getting high in the garage and always on his phone. Did not really hang out with friends seemed annoyed at times when they asked him to do something and just did not really want to do much. He would often get anxiety which really became very noticeable with Adderall. Before Adderall, he loved watching TV did not really care to listen to music. After Adderall, hated TV and all of a sudden loved the Grateful Dead. He never wanted to do much just like to relax and now he is ambitious and all over the place. Signed up for Snapchat the week after he left and a few weeks later deleted his Facebook and he was always posting on Facebook prior to our fight. I was contemplating divorce back in November because it was just getting very tiring. I was so tried of the rants, but decided on marriage counseling instead. We attend 3 times and never got to any issues before he wanted to stop and we decided to try to continue in the fall. I know there was a part of me that was not happy about this, but since he went and said he would continue in the fall I agreed. I did want him to go talk to someone on his own about some coping skills. He said he did not want to take any pills and that is what they will give him. This didn’t make much sense. If someone can help you with medication, why would you not take it. Maybe because he knew his daily cocktail was going to be the issue, and he didn’t want to be told he could no longer do those things. Maybe the fear of being sober. The sad thing is he probably will never hit rock bottom, because he will never lose his job and doesn’t have to worry financially with future money because if his family. He works for his family’s company. He has had angry out bursts at work and suffers no consequences. Is it possible that this is a manic episode since his Mom and Grandfather both has/had bipolar? His mother thinks he is manic. Or the Adderall and bipolar, or a mixture of everything has brought this on? From what I have read if someone has bipolar and taking Adderall or any stimulant, it can increase the risk of mania if medications are not monitored. His personality did change a lot in a year and a half. Now that I am reading about bipolar manic symptoms some of the things that he has always said was he was going to move away; he’d say that he hated his job and wanted to quit, but he could not quit because the place would fall down without him. He needs a change and people are flirting with him now. This was all very confusing to me. Instead of having kids now, I am getting a divorce trying to figure what happened. It is probably best that I did not end up pregnant and I know I would have taken on most of the responsibility. It just is very shocking and hurtful when it is all of a sudden gone. I spent 14 years with him and have forgiven and rebuilt trust on many occasions, and now he is gone. I know it is probably better, but just does not help much right now. My heart has not caught up with my mind yet. Everything is still raw with the pain of losing a person you loved so much. My future was just ripped out under me. I was really trying so hard to get us to marriage counseling because this could have been easily worked out and we really could have acquired new skills of interacting. I just keep wondering if his mindset was completely clear would he still want this? He has completely cut me and all his responsibilities out of his life. He took all his clothes and hasn’t been back since August 1. Doesn't get his mail. In a July email at the beginning of all of this, said he would come by once a week to mow and do anything other that I asked by only wanted to talk about the divorce. I haven’t asked him to do anything. Said he would care for his dogs financially and wanted a relationship with them in the future, but no on his dating profile he no longer has any. Has not asked about them or anything else and he absolutely loved his dogs. So within 4 1/2 months he is now on dating websites.. His parents were trying to get him to go to counseling and whatever would come of the session there was an attempt to save the marriage. He never told me that he did not want to do counseling, just told me he needed time to think. How can you just forget and get over 14 years with someone in like 9–10 weeks and go on a dating website? Once I found him on the dating websites I told him I was done. I have not seen him in 4 1/2 months and I only talked to him once in August. Other than that just sparatic emails or texts about the divorce. I haven’t heard from him in a month now. Any time we ever had a serious adult discussion, it would blow up for no reason. He would say things like if something didn’t change he would be single. This would come from an adult conversation about putting money in the bank. He acted more and more like this after Addreall. Before Adderall, we went like 6 years and barley fought, after Adderall it was a lot. Earlier this year I recorded two of the “rants” in hopes one day he would have gotten off the Addreall and heard how he was talking to me. I listened to the recordings with my therapist this week. Her comment was he was bullying me and he sound like an addict. My Therapist said by listening to the rants he could be bipolar or it could be something else like Borderline personality disorder, but until he got completely sober and off everything he really could not be diagnosed. He has treated me very cold and with such disdain and I never once in a million years would have saw this from him
  2. Finally quit--Day 8

    So I'm new here. After reading everyones' adderall stories, I felt like it was time to share mine... forgive me if this gets a little long-winded (also forgive my stupid user name--it was chosen in the spirit of remaining anonymous!) I am going to try and focus on only the relevant parts of my story because I can feel myself about to go down a rabbit hole. I recently quit Adderall after almost 3 years of habitual use, which started in grad school. I'll start with some background. I don't think I am textbook ADD or ADHD---I always did well in school, though it was never too hard. I am what you call a daydreamer, creative type. I hate to read instructions. I can focus on things if I find meaning in it, which can sometimes turn into obsession. Weirdly though, I also can be extremely complacent, even lazy, about some really important things. Its like an all or nothing focus, which hinges on the level of interest and intrinsic personal significance I find in the subject, which probably isn't that unusual. As you might be able to tell, I'm having to rediscover myself a bit without the Adderall, which makes me sad for the time I lost. I never really "abused" it in the traditional sense, but I was using too much, too often. Like many others, I started out at 20 mg, and went to up to 30, plus some. 60 mg was the most I ever used. When I got it, everything was great... for about six months--I was SUPER skinny and confident, and more social than ever. I also really liked that adderall made me bulletproof emotionally. I was so much more task oriented--things beyond the task at hand didn't phase me. This wasn't me--I am a super sensitive person, and I used rehash every interaction in my head at ungodly hours of the night. I was surprised with the way I would act socially, and not in a good way-- I was not smooth and could be really assertive/almost abrasive, and I don't think my true self was ever really comfortable with my new way of interacting with people. This did have some positives though. I felt powerful and energetic, like there was nothing I couldn't do. Anyway, I quickly became addicted. I couldn't get out of bed without it and used it to do things that were supposed to be "fun." Pretty soon I wasn't doing anything for fun and I spiraled into a depression that has continued to get worse. My adderall use peaked when I was a studying for a major exam after grad school, one that had huge implications for my career and educational investment. Point being, I think the whole experienced changed something in my brain. I can be an anxious, type A, obsessive person as it is, and the adderall pushed me over the edge. I wasn't ready to see that at the time, though. I would spend HOURS picking at my face, like I was on meth. I RUINED my skin (it is better now, I do have scars and it will never be my pre-adderall skin). And the isolation. Adderall isolates you and sucks the emotion out of you--you don't even realize its happening. I was so numb and unhappy, but I didn't stop. I got a job after I found out I passed my test and of course continued to take adderall. Although I was back down to 30 mg, I started to realize the life I made for myself wasn't me, it was something adderall me had created. I couldnt shake the feeling of emptiness, wondering what my life would have been like had I never gone down this road. It started to become more clear that everything was all wrong. My life was completely devoid of all happiness and joy. I gradually started taking less adderall, and gradually started to hate my job more and more. I became more and more depressed. So now you're pretty much caught up. I managed to cut my dose down to 15 mg per day. I ran out right before Thanksgiving. Its been about two weeks since I ran out (I took it one last time at day 6, so I restarted the clock and now I'm on day 8). The thing that I am struggling with the most is feeling the flood of emotions coming back to me, the overwhelming depression, and the sense that my true self was frozen in time for those 3 years. I am not used to having to handle my crazy emotions and I don't remember how to deal with the constant barrage of thoughts and feelings. The thought that my true, non-adderall self could have matured and experienced personal growth during that time makes me more depressed and sad. I don't know where I am getting the strength to keep going and or how I'm not turning back to adderall, but I like being able to feel and take in the moment--even if it is sad and depressing. I was finally at a point where I was miserable on adderall and willing to acknowledge that. And because of that I am willing to try something else. The fact that I am feeling again and not stuffing my emotions with a pill gives me hope that maybe things will get better. Maybe this will all be the catalyst I needed to change things and go in a different direction. Maybe it's the right direction, or at least a better one. Anyway, thanks for reading.
  3. Hey Quitting Adderall Forum Members, A brief disclaimer: queries of Tinder and OkCupid on this website yielded no results; hence, why I'm posting about this: I have another topic that I urgently need some input about: Taking Adderall & Using OKCUPID/Tinder? vs. Not Taking Adderall & "Attempting to Use" OKCUPID & Tinder? What are your experiences using any/either of these apps on/off of Adderall, amphetamine, stimulants, etc? As a millennial, I believe this is why I'm asking this question: because nearly all millennial's use these apps to meet partners, date, etc; Adderall does not help, either. IT JUST DOES NOT SEEM "FAIR": Last month when I relapsed, as in with my last post titled HOW THE POLICE STOLE MY LOVE OF ADDERALL detailed/ATTESTED TOO, I coincidentally, as well as extemporaneously, messaged a girl who was tall like me, 6ft+ Plus, on OKCupid. Now, she is infatuated with me. Should I give credit to the Adderal for the impulsivity for messaging her? This whole thing just feels like a "RUSE": Adderall gives one the creativity, confidence, and the mindset to have the confidence too message girls who normally are out of my league? Its just absolutely crazy: On Adderall: 1) For me, its very hard to shake the feeling of success from: 1) Taking 60-90mg of Adderall, drinking a few RedBulls, a few Beers, perhaps taking some magnesium for NMDA Antagonistic purposes; 2) Messaging beautiful, highly college educated women, especially in graduate school programs and/or law school who are around my age; 3) Having them reply to my conversations, agree/want too meet up, and we consequently go on dates from there, the girls become infatuated with me, accepting me for who I am, "Adderall or no Adderall." VS: 2) Being Sober on OKcupid or Tinder: You send message after message, yet no girl responds. I MEAN IT! I have literally had 0 girls respond to my sober messages on either of these dating apps, sober, without Adderall. YET, with 30mg, 60mg, or 90mg of Adderall, it seems like every girl wants too talk too me. Maybe this is because Adderall gives me the 'confidence' to talk with such beautiful, attractive women; whereas I do not possess this ability or attribute sober without Adderall? Please, Adderall Forums Members, share your experiences regarding this subject matter: 1) Taking Adderall and using OKCupid or Tinder to communicate with potential dating partners, compared too: 2) Not taking any Adderall and using either of these dating applications? I am sick of this.Its always when I'm sober that I don't want too go meet someone, whereas if I had an Addy, I would want to go out on a date with whichever attractive chick the Adderall helped me real in. IDK. AM I alone in feeling this subject matter to be very tricky to navigate tactfully? Currently, I feel on Adderall: I can respond quickly to women's messages in an attractive manner. Off of Adderall/sober, it seems like each message is a tedious chore to write. Adderall makes the words flow from the tip of my tongue. SIGH. Any/all of your input is greatly appreciated! I hope everyone on the forums has been having a great night! I am 31 days SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. ..due to the severity of their addiction? As in, has anyone experienced such profound neurotoxicity after years of adderall abuse that quitting was almost easy?
  5. Adderall, Not a Love Story

    Even attempting to write this seems impossible and I can already feel my mind reaching out for it. Reading has got to feel the same way I’m sure. With that in mind, I’ll be short and to the point. I have been taking Addies, Adderall, Shmadderall, orange footballs, Pink roundies, and every other name you want to call them for 12 years… I have yet to read a story as bad as mine. So here goes, I began with 1 10mg a day, which quickly grew into 2 30’s a day… At one point I would consume about 300mgs a day. Yes, you read that correctly, 300mg of ADDERALL A DAY and do it without a single hesitation. I has absolutely destroyed my work ethic, productivity, relationships, and over view of myself. Its driven me to attempt suicide twice, sell other drugs support it, lie, cheat, steal, and screw people I love over. Yeah, my story is an extreme case, however, by looking at me, you would have never guessed it. I kept it hidden up until the day I arrived at the conclusion that it was indeed, Adderall, that I allowed to turn me into someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. Those looking to quit, do it. Yes, its fucking scary as hell. But here is some advice in a different way. Do not find other shit to “ease” or “fill in the gap” with, such as, testosterone (for drive motivation) it won’t work, your ethic must be rebuilt from the ground up. Cocaine, if you’re like me, you’ll possibly suffer a minor stroke, because the way coke differs as a stim. Forget about any other stims also. These are all things I did to try and escape adderalls grasp on me. Oh another thing, don’t justify filling your script to sell either. That shit has to go away if you want to really be free. Do exercise, which might be the hardest step to take, but I promise it will do you the most good. Get your hands on BCP-15, its a peptide. It will shorten withdrawals immensely, along with a supplement called “Quadracarn” its packed full of L-Carnitine. You’ll need this. Maybe above all, and this is a hard one, be patient with yourself. You have become used to a very fasted paced lifestyle, where patients didn’t really exist. So know its going to be slow, thats okay. Do the little things that seem the hardest, because normal everyday things will become difficult AF out of the gate. However, these are the stones to rebuild a foundation of being productive sober. This next part was hard for me, but tell friends and family what you are going through and that you’re literally retraining your brain. You can do it.
  6. Hey all, I've been on this site for 6.5 years and have read many horrible stories about adderall addiction and also some amazing success stories. As you can see I've posted on this forum over 1000 times. I've been clean since Nov 13, 2010. And here is the collective wisdom I've gathered from people who successfully beat adderall addiction on this site. Just as background I used to snort 250 mgs a day, was in and out of rehab and outpatient therapy. I had constant stimulant induced schizophrenia. 1) CUT OFF YOUR DOCTOR - this is how the successful people on this site quit. Period. Cut off your doctor. I havent come across a single person that still had access to adderall prescriptions from their doc and was able to just quit. 2) UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT ADDICTED ... and why you feel like shit without it. Adderall causes your brain to retain more of the neurotransmitter dopamine between the synapses or nerve endings in your brain. This artificial surplus of dopamine is what causes you to feel more motivated, the brain stops regulating dopamine on it's own properly. Your body begins to adapt to the repeated dosing of a central nervous system stimulant, causing dependence, until eventually life seems much worse without adderall. Over time, as your natural dopamine reuptake process is consistently disrupted, the body produces less and less dopamine. If the adderall is then withdrawn, the body has neither its own dopamine nor an artificial surplus of dopamine between the the brain receptors - thus the horror of withdrawal. 3. DON'T PUT PRESSURE ON YOURSELF when you quit...Stop trying to be the perfect mom, or the superstar at work, the super thin person, the social butterfly. As for working, decide if you are able to continue working or not.. I did not work for TWO + YEARS. I just spent those years on my moms couch reading recovery books, going to NA and sticking close to this site.. I had that luxury to live at home at not work (no kids to support etc) Afterwords, with help from members of this site, I fought my way back into a career...from interning at a shoe store without pay to volunteering for a couple bucks an hour to working in a college admin office for 200 bucks a month. If you don't feel like you can afford to stop working, do not try to be a superstar at work. Go through the motions, just like the author does in "Get it Done when your depressed" 4.UNDERSTAND PAWS there are many, many resources on post acute withdrawal system. Just google it. Your brain will go through PAWS. This will help you understand the depression, fatigue and all those horrible feelings that make adderall recovery horrific. https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm 5. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME It takes forever to feel normal again, but you get to a point where you no longer think about it anymore. 6. YOU WILL NOT BE FAT FOREVER As long as you put in discipline and willpower. After the post weight gain you will get back to normal weight. I went to 250lbs immediately post adderall and now I'm normal and thin again. Most people on this site can attest to the same. 7. STAY CLOSE TO THE FORUMS. Don't lurk here. Be engaged with the community. Helping others also helps yourself too. And keeping this place active helps everyone on this site. No one judges you on this site. There are many tools/resources/information here that can REALLY help you. Many veterans here have gone on to give interviews for national magazines and television programs about what happened to them. 8. SUPPLEMENTS that people on this site that people have found effective include: Wellbutrin and L-Tyrosine. Don't even consider swapping to Vyvance, Ritalin, or Dex. They are the same as addearll. 9. UNDERSTAND THAT THIS PROCESS TAKES FOREVER AND A DAY. It took me years and years and i still struggle. For others who were on much lower dosages than me, it still takes at least year but not as long as it did for me. As a rule of thumb, every year you abused, you need an additional year to recover. You will feel unmotivated. You will be starving all the time. You will be tired. But you are in the norm. Adderall recovery may often feel very specific to you but it is not. We all go through this or are going through this. 10. READ and read and read to educate yourself on what has happened to you - "On Speed" has been the most popular book for this site. Other books, "Get it Done When Your Depressed" "Pill Head", "More, Now, Again" , "The Amphetamine Debate" to name a few. Read the article on Richard Fees suicide that was in the NY Times. The link is below 11. WRITE DOWN all reasons why adderall messed up your life. If you ever want to start taking adderall again - READ the list and you will remember about those horrific nights 3 am on an empty stomach and feeling like complete shit. Or you'll remember the scariness of getting caught doctor shopping or you'll remember getting fired, or you'll remember the stimulant induced psychosis that made people think you were schizophrenic. 12. ALCOHOL/CAFFEINE RULE OF THUMB Most recovering adderall addicts still allow themselves to drink alcohol. This is taboo in Narcotics Anonymous but adderall veterans continue to drink without having problems. Many on here have relied on caffeine and redbull to help them. I used those high energy drinks like Rockstar and Monster. I indulge in alchohol as well. 13. GOING COLD TURKEY did not destroy anyone's brain or give them permanent brain damage. I believe xanax can do that but not adderall. Go cold turkey. 14. READ OLDER POSTS While you are on this site, read everything here bc there is tons of great advice on threads that have gotten buried. Remember this site has been active for at least 7 or 8 years so there's a lot of good information on these threads. 15. RELATIONSHIPS - Explain to the people closest to you what happened so they can better understand. Tell them how it messed up the neurochemicals in your brain. Apologize to them. Tell them it will never happen again. Assure them you are in the clear. 16. AT FIRST IT MAY SEEM EASY but it's not. In order to level set your expectations I can tell you it completely sucks. You may go through a brief phase where it seems easy and then suddenly it hits you like a brick. 16b. RECOVERY IS NOT A LINEAR PROCESS. Withdrawal symptoms hit in waves. Sometimes you will have really off days, and you can blame that on the PAWS. Some days you'll feel fine. Embrace the days you feel fine. 17. DEFEAT THE PYSCHOLOGICAL PART OF THE ADDICTION. If you are here, adderall has become a crutch in your life and taken a toll on your confidence to do things without it. Get off your feet and start doing things that you relied on adderall to get you through them. If you are as bad as me you prob relied on adderall for everything. Each time you do something without adderall you start to say "hey I dont need adderall to do this" and your confidence begins to build. 18. STREAM AND BINGEWATCH TV As you recover from withdrawal, Netflix, Hulu and Amazon prime are a godsend. They help you forget about how shitty you feel for the moments you are engrossed in your favorite shows. I have fond memories of bingewatching netflix shows as i went through the hell of withdrawal. 19. When you feel ready FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. to get your life back into shape. I fought my ass off after I finally got off my moms couch. A lot of adderall veterans on this site would definitely remember my experience because i was on here every day, documenting every moment of my job search, my job hunt, my worries/insecurities and I got so much support and advice from this amazing community to push forward. After interning in a shoe store for no money, feeling like i was getting no where, I went back to school graduated and fought for a good job. My newly non-adderall addicted self began making over 6 figures a year. 've gotten a raise every year over the last three years and was able to give my mom 20K for not just the heartache tears and pain I caused her but to show my gratitude for her taking care of me while I recovered, and for letting me live on her couch for two years and put no pressure on me to do anything but read books. 20. ADDERALL CAUSES YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR MIND ONLY. Go back and read a paper that you wrote while on adderall. You probably thought it was incredible. Now go back and re-read it. Was it really that great?? When i was in my adderall haze the success was in my grandiose thinking, in my feeling of invincibility, of being able to conquer anything but not in my reality!!! Stop romanticizing the good times when you were on adderall - they weren't that great. Realize you still have a real future to fight for. You do not want to be that person you once were, where you needed adderall to feel successful. You want to be able to feel successful because of your own merits, not because of adderall. 20. THIS ONE IS WORTH REPEATING - You will not be FAT forever once you quit!!!! There have been many threads on this and the consensus is that it GOES away as long as you try. That means it'll go away after your hunger period ends, but domake sure your consuming fewer calories than you burn or go vegeterian or whatever - exercise your willpower. 21. HELP YOUR RECOVERY ALONG. If you can afford rehab or your insurance covers rehab. Rehab helps. NA/AA meetings can help. Get an NA sponsor. Also, eating healthier, exercising, mediation etc are all things that will help. What doesn't help? being too hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Smart Recovery has also helped people on this site kick the addiction http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm 22. DONT BUY INTO THE CULTURAL ACCEPTANCE OF ADDERALL -believing that makes it much harder to quit. I generally believe in my heart that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis. I can get scatterbrained and exhibit symptoms of what people consider to be ADD but I do not believe ADD is real. I believe adderall will help anyone who doesn't have ADD. I believe lots of people get scatterbrained. This mentality - and I truly believe it - has helped because believing in my heart and mind that I don't have ADD, that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis gives me zero reason to even consider taking it. Adderall used to be prescribed for depression in the 70s before the ADD diagnosis even came along. It was always a pill in search of a problem. 23 THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL It truly does get better. Your life can come together. It has to start by following these guidelines 24 YOUR PERSONALITY WILL COME BACK Whether adderall made you anti social or robotic or some nut that obsessed with unimportant thing like wasting hours reading wikipedia all day or working on project that went absolutely nowhere..you will come back to your old self. 25 YOUR HEALTH WILL COME BACK Whether it gave you health problems from clenched teeth and sleep deprivation, anxiety, or depression from when the pill wore off, or high blood pressure...your health eventually comes back. WANT TO FAIL? Based on the hundreds of posts on this site it seems that most people who don't follow these guidelines end up relapsing. So draw on the past COLLECTIVE experiences of this long lasting forum and follow the guidelines that works. We know it works. It's that simple Visit these links for a wakeup call http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/03/us/concerns-about-adhd-practices-and-amphetamine-addiction.html http://abcnews.go.com/Health/adderall-rise-mothers/story?id=16622475 http://www.self.com/wellness/health/2013/03/adderall-the-get-ahead-drug Links to Good Recovery Books 1) On Speed - Traces the history of America's obsession with amphetamines; dexadrine, ritalin, adderall etc... 2) Amphetamine Debate - Goes into the consequences of stimulant abuse, psychosis particularly with adderall and ritalin.. 3) More, Now and Again - Memoir of a Writer's Addiction to Ritalin... 4) Requiem for a Dream - One of the stories subplots is a woman who gets hooked on amphetamines.. 5) Get it Done When Your depressed THAT'S all I can think of - there are tons of veterans on this site right now and its so awesome to see you all here continuing to post and help the newer people. Please chime in if I'm missing something not covered or if there is a tip you disagree with.
  7. Hey hey Oh man . Ok first time posting. Little anxious about this but I’m always in a crappy head space right now so ....it’s been about 3/4 weeks since I stopped taking adderall 10mg Xr after being on it for a year cold turkey by accident.Im 30 year old female and used to be quite active .I went out of town and forgot my prescription. I had my first two first time ever in my life panic attacks while I was out of town and ended up on the ER with a clean bill of health thank god . things were ok and not Aweful my dr gave me Xanax but I tried not to take it.I want to get back to my same old sober self . I had my third and massive panic attack 4 days ago, But since that last one my anxiety has seemed to have gotten worse as far as the anxiety and panic attacks are concerned. I can’t even leave my house which is aweful I was never like this before I started taking adderall.I have zero appetite, my sleep is off. who else has experienced this !?! How long should I anticipate feeling like this? How long does it take to recover ! How long were you on adderall and what dosage and where are you now ? I Need something ! anything !that this gets better and if you have tips or anything please help. I’m currently on a small dose on colonadine .1mg and it doesn’t do much.
  8. Hello everyone. I just wanted to post this article to tell you all about my story. I have been addicted to adderall for about 1 year now. The first time I tried it was in 2014 when I started my first year in university. I was 18 years old at the time, and didn't really care for trying it out. However, my friend offered me one of his prescribed adderall pills and I tried it. From that point on, I had only done it every so often. 2 years past, and I found myself in some trouble with the law. I was arrested for felony offences and thought my life was over. I had spent 6 months on bail conditions from May 2017 to October 2017, but thankfully my charges were dropped. However, I am mentioning this because this was the last straw in my downward spiral in life (during the time I started taking adderall I was still on bail conditions, thinking I was about to receive minimum 4 years in prison, thus my addiction had already started before I knew I was free). Also, what made me realize I was truly addicted was when I started taking doses as high as 60-70 mg (XR) daily, and started using it to get high, not even for days I had school work or needed to focus. Prior to this, I had always been a "polydrug" user as my councillor says, meaning I don't have one single addiction, but simply just an addiction to anything that would get me high. To summarize, I have dealt with many factors that have made me resort to adderall. As a child, I had grown up wealthy in a loving family for 8 years. At a certain point, everything went down hill when I was 9. My family lost everything, my parents divorced, my sister was raped, my house got raided, my family lost our house and several valuables. I was a child and stuck in the middle of it all, I felt worthless. Once I reached high school, I got into the wrong crowd and started doing several drugs and committing crimes. More issues occurred, as I had several relationship problems, continuous family issues, and arrests as a juvenile. Long story short, I became suicidal and felt even more worthless. After all of this, and some many other things I won't have time to mention (maybe save for another time), I resorted to adderall to deal with the stress I could manage (i.e. school and work) to compensate for everything I couldn't manage (i.e. family issues, legal issues etc.). Also, I take depression medication which hasn't helped and I have terrible anxiety but my doctor will not prescribe me any short term drug for it due to my past history with addictions (which is fair on her part). I started using hardcore for a full year from 2017 till now, and I recently overdosed. I had taken too much adderall and it accumulated all into this one dark day. I arrived home at around 5 am approximately a week ago and started convulsing. My fingers and toes curled, my body went numb, everything was going black, I heard ringing in my ears, I was drowning in sweat, and my heart beat was insanely fast (side note: I have a heart murmur as well, so I was very scared). I have overdosed in the past on other drugs once, but that was an intentional attempt to kill myself. This time, it wasn't which made me very surprised. For an hour I thought I was going to die, I felt my soul escaping my chest and all I could think was "this is it". I had texted my friend who dropped me off that I was sorry for not listening to him, and to call 911 if I don't answer you in the next hour. I was surprised I could even manage to text him, as for an hour prior to having a terrible vomiting episode I couldn't move (after puking I could move my arms, but nothing else and was still numb and sweating). Long story short, since that near death experience I have stopped taking adderall. Although it has only been about a week, I wanted to post this because I don't have many outlets to resort to since friends judge me and my family wouldn't be able to handle it (my sister is doing her own thing and must focus, while my mom has cancer and my dad has parkinsons/grave's diseases, among many other conditions). I have resorted to a drug councillor, which has helped a lot, but I have been having emotional breakdowns and several suicidal thoughts accompanied by floods of tears and agony. I do not want any sympathy, all I want is to hear from people who have had similar circumstances or from anyone who can help. I have read some of these articles, and they have helped, but I am positing this to share my story of addiction, and I would greatly appreciate feedback/responses to my story based on what I have said, as some specific responses in relation to my story would help even more. If anyone has been in a similar circumstance as me, or started using adderall for the same reasons, please reply to this and share your side. I hope to overcome my addiction, but since it's so early I am fearful that I may not be able to handle it and relapse, or possibly attempt to commit suicide again. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and stay strong!
  9. Been using two or three 75mg of Wellbutrin to help quit the addy. Usually stack it with magnesium first thing in the morning and washing them down with coffee or energy drink. The first week off adderall is easy enough (almost like you still have some in your system) but the third week is tough. Now I'm up to two months without Adderall and it's getting tough again. Anyone else use Wellbutrin to help quit? I started addy in 2011 and took an average of 30mg a day sometimes bumping it up to 50mg. Been off it for up to 6 months then relapsed again. Before quitting I usually pair down to 15mg then go cold turkey.
  10. Desire to quit Adderall

    Hi All, I have had a desire to end my dependence on Adderall for a long time. I would like to share with everyone my experience with Adderall and how it fits into my life today. I have a strong desire to end my dependence of Adderall and I am seeking advice on how to do this. Also, I want to be clear that I am not an abuser of Adderall. I take 25MG per day and only take it on days that I work (20MG after breakfast and 5MG after lunch). I don’t have any desire to take it when I’m not working but I do find myself to be very lazy on the weekends without the motivation to do anything productive. The Beginning I was first prescribed to Adderall at the age of 13 in the 7th grade. At the time, I struggled to pay attention in school and my grades were at a level where I was not going to graduate to the 8th grade. My mother researched ADD and discovered Adderall as a possible solution to the problem. She ended up taking me to a doctor who then prescribed me to a low dosage of Adderall. After a week of taking the medication I went from being a carefree, happy young boy to a sleep deprived, malnourished, anti-social recluse that avoided social situations at every opportunity. In other words, the exact opposite of who I really was. I hated the medication as it made me extremely irritable and often left me feeling like shit. I expressed my concerns with my mother and she ended up forcing me to take it. She would watch me swallow the pill every morning before school. A few months passed and she finally stopped watching me so I would throw the pill in the front yard every morning as I boarded the school bus. It felt like I had just been released from prison when I stopped taking the medication. Over the next few years I would take the medication occasionally if I really needed to focus but for the most part, I cheated my way through high school. Adderall Dependency After graduation, I attended a local community college. After struggling for the first few weeks I decided to talk with a shrink to discuss ways to boost my concentration without depending on a drug. During high school, I experimented with a lot of drugs and my motivation was to rid myself of all drug use. After a few sessions, the shrink recommended that I learn to deal with the negative side effects and learn to manage/incorporate the drug into my life. This is what I did. I started taking 10MG of Adderall every day that I had class, was studying, or when I was working on homework. Academically, this turned out to be successful as I ended up getting accepted into the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas at Austin. I graduated from college with special honors and a GPA of 3.99. I ended up getting into Corporate Finance and I am now a Project Controller for one of the big 4 consulting firms where I manage a team of 10 consultants. I am on track for an early promotion. Increased Dose One habit I picked up about 3 years ago is smoking an e-cig. I pretty much constantly smoke this at work as it helps me concentrate. I met with a therapist about 6 months ago to aid me in breaking my addiction to nicotine. One of the things he recommended was upping my dose of Adderall to help mitigate the loss of concentration I get from not smoking the e-cig. This is what I did and I doubled my morning dose of Adderall from 10MG to 20MG. Motivation to quit Adderall I think I manage some side effects of Adderall quite well. I don’t have issues sleeping and my appetite is fine. The main reason is due to my relationship with my wife. I am very irritable, short tempered, I say terrible things when I am mad, always feel like I am busy and so I don’t spend as much quality time with my wife as I should, and my libido has significantly reduced. Stopping Adderall won’t solve all my problems but I feel like it will better my relationship with my wife and make me feel more in control of my life. Also, I don’t want to be this way when we have kids and I feel that taking it 5 days a week will give me health problems and ultimately shorten my life. Struggles I am now 30 years old and I have been dependent of Adderall for more than half my life. I fear that if I stop Adderall the quality of my work will suffer and it will ultimately lead to poor performance. I have decided I want to stop using Adderall and I think that slowly lowering my dosage over time will help break my dependency. I currently work long hours (50-60 hrs/wk) so I hope that I can still maintain my job. I would prefer not to find another job as it pays decently and offers a lot of growth opportunity. I would at least like to get a promotion before I take any steps to change careers. I have read through a good portion of the discussions on this site but it seems most people struggle with abusing the drug. It would be much appreciated if you could please share your experiences of how you have quit and how it affected your job/career. Thank you!
  11. Hi everyone, My name is Melinda and I am writing an article about adderall and its users. If you fit this description, please keep reading: -heavy user/addict OR ex heavy user/addict -ages 16-25 OR used when ages 16-25 -grew up in suburbs I would like to share your story in an informative article that I am submitting to many mainstream magazines. It is about adderall as a trend, especially in many wealthy suburbs. I am exploring this phenomenon and your story would really help some people. You can remain anonymous if you like. If you are interested in participating and being interviewed via email, please emails cre8tivewritingmelinda@gmail.com . Let me know if you have any questions, and thank you for reading!
  12. I wasn't sure where to post this topic so I posted it in general discussion. Has anyone taken Lexapro while on Adderall? While I was on adderall for a year I believed I was depressed and my doctor put me on Lexapro. Now Im almost hitting two months off adderall and I'm thinking I should get off the Lexapro as well. I'm scared I won't be able to handle it and become extremely emotionally unstable- although I feel like I'm emotionally numb most of the time. Any advice? Thank you all for being here.
  13. So I'm on one month with no adderall. It's been a struggle. I am hungry all the time, have no motivation, and can see my muscles becoming flimsy. I've been taking L-Tyrosine as recommended as soon as I wake up on an empty stomach- it has been helping. I can see myself gaining weight as a opposed to when I was working out on adderall. It's such a bummer. Though there are some pros to quitting. Time doesn't feel like it's going by as fast. And my mouth isn't as cut up as it use to be. What are so practices that quitters on here have done to help them stay off adderall? To not help them eat all the time? Any book or podcast recommendations? Please help
  14. Tried Many Times to Quit

    Hi everyone. I'm new to these forums, but not new to trying to quit adderall. I'm 22 years old have have been on adderall for 5 years. I took it to help with ADD and initially I thought it really helped. I was actually able to focus on homework and my job and really feel confident in myself. Like all of you know it eventually becomes a curse. Any sort of job I have is traumatic without adderall and is the main reason I keep taking it. I've taken it long enough that the days I don't, I'm so depressed and low on energy to even shower and go anywhere. I can't seem to do anything without the medication and really want off of it. The longest I've ever been able to go without adderall is a week before I am too depressed and lifeless that I feel the need to relapse, usually because of work or piled up chores. I've tried to get by only using adderall situationally but as you all know this always leads to taking it regularly again. Recently I went 5 days without taking it (which is the longest I've gone in a LONG time) and it was more or less do'able until today when I had to work. About an hour and a half in I experienced extreme anxiety and incompetence and just couldn't bare it. Reluctantly I ended up taking the smallest dose I could to make it through the day. I was so sad and felt like this whole week suffering through withdrawals was for nothing. This cycle needs to end. For those of you who quit adderall successfully, what helped? I have a loving family but they don't understand this struggle I'm going through. Every attempt to quit is failed when I feel overwhelming hopelessness during withdrawal and feel like I have no choice but to take a small dose. I'm getting set up with a therapist that I want to see once a day until the most severe withdrawal effects are over. Other than that I have no clue how to go about this the right way... Please anyone, help me beat this. I can't afford to keep losing this battle.
  15. So Ive been craving adderall all day long and my work that im doing requires me to sit still and concentrate Its almost like I cant even get my hand to move and open up the program to work. Like I know that If I wrote this I can do that and maybe it is all placebo but does anyone have any advice? Thank you!!
  16. So I just quit adderall a week ago after taking it for 5 years, Its very hard for me to write so I made a quick youtube video that will motivate and inspire yall. You guys can do it, if I quit you can also. Youtube -
  17. So I recently made a video on how I quit adderall after 5 years but I just relapsed. I will get back up and matter of fact back up already and I will not put another one in my mouth I swear. Part 2
  18. Back On Here Again

    over the past few months i've cut my dosage down to 10mm a day. started a new job and stuck to this dosage. luckily they have an espresso machine at my new job. so anytime the adderall would wear off, i'd make a latte and would wake right up again. the past two weeks i've been been pretty stressed due to staying out late/not getting enough sleep/work and have been taking an extra 5mm on top of the 10mm. this added to stress because i told myself i quit that habit taking more than my normal dosage. two days ago i ran out of adderall and decided i will not ask for another refill. might as well not! im pretty much down to 10mm (some days 15mm) and feel like i should go cold turkey before i keep on upping my dosage. Oh goooood i hate this fight with this addiction. i hate adderall. i hate that i've started smoking cigarettes. I've been STRESS EATING like crazy, i know its because im not suppressing my hunger anymore. and on top of that eating so poorly. today i tried working out and got tired so quickly. it depresses me. i don't want to fall into depression again. what are some foods which helped with overall mental clarity and energy? please help. I love this community so much. Thanks for always being here <3
  19. NBC documentary

    Hi all, I'm a journalist at NBC News and I'm working on a story about Adderall addiction. I'm interested in speaking to people who have been or are currently addicted to Adderall. Please reach out to me through here or via e-mail nirma.hasty@nbcuni.com if you're interested in chatting with me about the topic. I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks, Nirma
  20. NBC News documentary

    Hi all, My apologies to those that have already seen/heard about this but I'm a journalist at NBCNews.com and I'm working on a story about Adderall use among adults to shed light on the widespread problem that many struggle with in the dark. I'm looking to talk to people who are currently addicted or have been addicted to Adderall. If that's you or someone you know, please message me. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much for considering and best of luck to all! -Nirma
  21. Hello folks here on the Quiting Adderall forum. My name is Will Hoppin, I am 17 and live in the SF Bay Area (Marin County specifically). I'm currently making a documentary on Adderall use among my peers in high school because the demand for teenagers to focus and achieve is higher than it ever has been -- there is so much competition now. I've already interviewed a few of my friends who are taking it and now I'm looking to interview a couple of people who've been taking it for a number of years -- in particular people who've stopped taking it, or are trying to quit. The film needs to show the contrast between teens who feel that it's a harmless performance enhancer, and adults who have more insight and experience about how serious a pharmaceutical it really is. I don't have to tell anyone here on this forum how pervasive the Adderall issue is in society right now. (!) My hope is that together, we can shine some light on the subject and raise consciousness about it. Thank you for considering it, and if you'd like to get involved (or know anyone who might like to get involved) and see some interview snippets of what I've already shot, please contact me. My email is willhoppin2@gmail.com. With gratitude for all, Will
  22. Losing Touch with Reality....Again

    Hi! I am new to the forum and am not ready to create 'My Story'. But I will soon. The condensed version is that I went to a psychiatrist in 2014 and because I am a master manipulator was able to obtain an ADHD diagnosis and a prescription for 3 x 30mg per day Adderall. So 90mg right out of the gate. The reason I wanted it? I watched a friend completely transform her life and her body with those oh so tasty orange footballs. She accomplished everything and more and lost thirty pounds. And, she gave 100% of the credit to her new best friend, Addie. I fell in love instantly with the drug about an hour after my first pill. I liken it to the first hit of crack I smoked. I thought I found heaven. Until I was pulled into Hell. Quickly. Addie was different, or so I thought. I did not have to roam the streets and put myself into extreme danger to get high. I was losing weight, I was working like a superhuman. My apartment has never been cleaner, down to the tile caulking (each tile, thank you very much!) in the entire bathroom. I, also, lost weight very fast. Though I knew I looked tired, I played off the whole 'heroine addicted model' role and loved every minute of it. From 2014 through today my dosage is approximately 90mg up to 120mg when I have pills. I come down using Xanax. I talk to myself, I do not go out of the house when I am high, I still do a ton of 'work' but it mainly consists of the equivalent of herding cats all day. My Master's degree program is going great because I can sit for hours and hours and study (I have a tendency to read out loud to myself at this point). I am pissed because it seems my body has adapted to knowing the substance is going to cause what it thinks to be starvation, so my body compensates for it. No more rapid weight loss...suck. Fast forward to 2017. I am losing touch with reality. I run out of pills very early in the month, and absolutely dread the crash that is going to take place, but now I look forward to it. If I can brace myself for a hard, painful landing, I can laugh again. I can watch my Sundance Doc Channel and enjoy lounging on the couch, remaining in one spot long enough to relax and take in the show from beginning to end. I sleep so well. I dream. (I never dream on Addie and only get four to six hours sleep max when I do my Addie Run). I want to break free of this cycle, but then again, I don't want to. I mean, I get three months worth of work done in the 15 days I have the pills, then rest for 15, then the cycle starts all over again with the next bottle. The party's over I am afraid....
  23. Hellooo! I need a bit of advice/support/whatnot on an issue I'm having currently. To say that I was addicted to Adderall is an understatement. I was taking 200-300 mg per day at my heaviest use. It was utter hell, but I got things done. I've toughed it out, and celebrated one year off of Adderall on Jan. 19th. As proud as I am of being off for this long, I'm growing very frustrated with how little I get done during my day. I will sit down and write a list for things that I want to accomplish the following day, only to sleep until 11am, putz around all day long, and then end up feeling guilty about not getting a damn thing done all day long the next evening. I do a pep talk "tomorrow will be different....I'll wake up and work out and clean the house, and blah blah blah" make another list, and then repeat. I'm so frustrated at myself. We own our own business, and I have plenty of time to get stuff done, since I'm a work at home mom. But, I rarely get things done in a timely manner, and my poor husband has had to hire someone else to do my end of the job to make sure it gets done. My house is a disaster. I've gained a ton of weight. I've gotten depressed. I just want to be a productive member of society-- why can't I do it?!? I'm hoping someone will tell me that this is normal, and that it's what happens right before you actually get up off your behind and start living life to its fullest. Please tell me that this isn't what I've become forever. Any ideas on how to kick this? I know part of my problem is social media, so I'm trying to not go on as often. (Unsuccessfully, thus far.) I am at the point where I'm debating if I was wrong to not use medicine to help me. I really hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that I don't have to go back to medication for relief of symptoms. Thanks!
  24. Week 1

    Im 9 days without adderall. Week 1 was good, I was still motivated and happy to have myself back. But now I just feel tired and disconnected. I just want to be in bed all day and sleep. I have been having disassociation with my friends and the people I surround myself with. I get annoyed easily if people are talking about themselves too much or bias. I dont know why? I also just wonder off in conversation frequently and come off as rude. Did anyone else feel this way when quitting?
  25. Only Two Pills Left

    I am not able to see my physician until June. My toes, hands, (occasionally) crotch have been having the cold sweats. Is it my body telling me to stop? I look inside my medication bottle everyday and see the amount decreasing. Little orange pills leaving. I've decrease my dosage over the past months from 30mg to 15mg a day. Now I should be doing 10mg a day because I look inside my pill bottle and there are only two pills left.