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  1. So I recently made a video on how I quit adderall after 5 years but I just relapsed. I will get back up and matter of fact back up already and I will not put another one in my mouth I swear. Part 2
  2. Not gonna lie guys, this is a bit long. I have a lot to say but I promise that if you endure this wall of text you will feel a rejuvenated sense of why you decided to quit in the first place. I've taken adderall steadily for the past 6 years of my life. I was 19 when I took my first dose and I thought that I had finally found a way to get ahead and utilize my full potential. In case you're super shitty at math, I'm 25 now. Everything was so clear, I was able to focus on tasks for ridiculously long amounts of time, I suddenly had this "inspiration" in my everyday life that I simply didn't have before, I was losing weight (mainly due to forgetting to eat as often) and I was looking great. My skin was glowing and my eyes radiated resolution and confidence. All of that sounds pretty rad right? Unfortunately, there was one problem; it was all completely synthetic and artificial. This is not to say that I didn't have the potential to be an efficient powerhouse without the drug, but I wasn't learning how to do it on my own. I was relying on a pill every day to do it for me. I justified my continued abuse in literally any way that I could whether it be "I don't even take that high of a dose" or "my doctor prescribed this to me for a reason right? I need this." Three years in to my drug fueled lifestyle and I realized that I hadn't accomplished shit. Adderall had gotten me hyped up every day but I somehow ended up falling in to the same cycle of not doing anything to better my life or to get ahead. I continued to waste the high on playing video games or going on youtube tangents for several hours at a time, and usually ended my days by binge drinking myself to sleep. Adderall's euphoric effects simply made me content with achieving nothing. It was around this same time that I noticed something; my pills didn't seem to be working anymore. I would take my XR at the same time I did every day, but I just seemed to be fast-forwarding through the feel good and arriving at the crash landing. My thought process had become foggy and I didn't enjoy activities that I normally adored (writing/playing music, going to the gym, and in general socializing with others.) I started to develop symptoms very similar to bipolar disorder and was seldomly ever actually happy. My girlfriend of 4 years decided that she couldn't deal with my constant mood swings and unenthusiastic attitude anymore and left me. Not even for another guy; she just preferred being single over having to deal with someone who had lost all confidence and sense of self-worth. This threw me in to a mild depression, but I never actually dealt with it properly because I didn't have to. I didn't have to, because I had the ultimate fallback, the ultimate safety net; my adderall. I began to become even more reclusive and shit on a few relationships that I had cherished since I was like 8 years old. My personality had shifted from the happy-go-lucky life of the party fun-factory to the strung out pathetic malnourished loser that overcompensated for his lack of substance by getting buff and trying to fuck random girls. I'm trying to keep this as short as possible guys, I PROMISE you, just bare with me for a little while longer. Fast-forward to about a month ago. I was on my way home from school (something I should have been finished with 3-4 years ago) when I caught a glimpse of myself in my rear-view mirror while stopped at a red light. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. My eyes sported enormous, symmetrical unsightly bags underneath them and were bloodshot and exhausted looking. My skin just seemed pale, lifeless and dry. I forced a smile to maybe alter the image of whoever I was looking at, but it looked forced and to be blatantly honest, rather creepy. Creepy? Me? When did I become that type of person. Everyone loves me. Or at least they used to. I pulled over, killed the engine and just sat in my car for about 45 minutes. I didn't cry, I didn't listen to music or call anybody; I just sat there and reflected on what the fuck I had been doing for the past 6 years. What the hell was I doing with my life? Why was I so unhappy? It was at this moment that I made quite possibly the best decision of my life. I headed straight home, grabbed my pill bottle and emptied the contents into the toilet. Before I even had time to contemplate rescuing them from their watery grave, I flushed and walked away. I won't lie, the first two days sucked. I was pretty sapped of energy and ambition, and was getting agitated over the littlest things VERY quickly. I fought back with lots of caffeine and exercise, and once day 3 arrived I woke up with a feeling I was not familiar with at all. I woke up feeling RESTED. I woke up feeling like I had actually slept the night before and that I was naturally motivated to get up and cook breakfast for myself. It was on this same day that I genuinely laughed until I cried at some random stupid shit I saw on the internet. I'd forgotten what that was like, and it was like this warm wave of happiness that rushed over me. After the first week, I began going to the gym again. Only now, things seemed to be different. I was making eye contact with other gym goers and employees there and even struck up a few random conversations. I caught a couple girls smiling at me as I walked by and thought to myself "holy shit I'm happy." I felt like I was radiating positive vibes and that everyone could tell. The best way I can describe the feeling is that I was finally on the same wavelength as everybody else, and was surfing it like a fuckin pro. And so here I am; a month after quitting amphetamines and I feel like I'm myself again. My appetite has returned to normal, I'm genuinely excited to see people and I'm hardly ever at home. The best part is that the functionality and efficiency that I had experienced on adderall is now permanently embedded in to my brain. I was able to focus while on the drug, and I now remember how to do so even though I'm off of it. Quitting Adderall is hands down the best thing that I could have done for myself. I feel more sociable, more approachable, more attractive and a whole hell of a lot healthier. I really hope that anyone who reads this has decided to do the same because nothing but good can come from it. Thank you SO much for reading this and feel free to share your story with me as well.
  3. To whom may listen, I try not to make my threads long so I will try my best to get my point across so bare with me please. So I was taking Vyvanse for about a solid year now and like I said in my previous thread "My story in a Nutshell" I have been through HELL and Back with the whole Adderall addiction. Everyone has their own story but believe me I have been there and can relate to a lot of the stuff people are saying on here and agree that Adderall is terrible and don't think anyone should be on it let alone on any stimulants for that matter. So today would have marked 7 days clean from Vyvanse and I slipped up today. During my clean time from the Vyvanse I had all the usual symptoms and was getting by without them. I really can go without them but I am starting to think that this period in my life I think that I am going to stay on them for the time being. Now during those 7 days without them I went about my normal routine and even stayed pretty busy. My downfalls without taking them is of course I'm not as focused, I actually crave beer more which I am trying to stay away from alcohol in my life at the moment. On Saturday I did 8 hours of community service but what bothers me is that I always feel like I need to have some sort of substance in my body to function like a energy drink such as a "White Monster" which is my drink of choice and I don't like that I feel that I need that. I Eat a lot which is normal but I eat bad stuff and I feel like at times I use food to comfort me which I know this is a withdrawl symptom that I am dealing with and its natural that I feel this way when I go off them. Now this past Sunday I woke up and I went to the park to play basketball outside. I was feeling great and felt amazing after I was done. I was happy and just in a great mood. Well my friend wanted to go get something to eat at a sports bar and I made the mistake of drinking WAY too many beers. And Monday and Tuesday I felt miserable. Yes that was a choice I made and that could've been prevented but that was the lowest points during my clean period. Now today is where I slipped up. I went to work from 4 am to 8 am and took a half day of vacation. I should've just stuck my day out but we were kind of slow and I didn't want to be there. Well this is where addiction gets you. I came home today and I was BORED!!..I was bored that's it and I texted someone that I knew had vyvanse pills. I was craving one because I was bored. How pathetic but I know you guys can relate and boredom and addiction go hand and hand. Well I go to pick up the pill and the person gave me a dark blue pill and said it was a 25mg pill. My prescription is 20mgs so I was like ok and I took it. After I took it they told me it was Adderall instead of Vyvanse. I was like damn it I didn't want that but oh well it wont hurt me. First I made the mistake and gave in to my cravings and second I took an Adderall pill which I haven't taken in years. Well after about 30 mins those awful feelings came back from the time I used to be on Adderall pretty bad. I feel like shit as I am typing this but I am managing. Adderall to me is WAY different then Vyvanse as to how they make me feel. When I'm on Adderall I crave more and My anxiety goes through the roof which I am feeling it bad at the moment. So that was my slip up and this leads me to my next statement. Right now currently in my life I am very lonely and have no license to drive anywhere. I have a loving family by all means but I am not around them a lot unless its the weekends. I have a long road ahead of me with getting my life back on track through all the stuff that pertains to my DUI I got over a year ago. I am on probation, I am not allowed to drink alcohol which is a blessing because I cant stand feeling like crap the day after drinking and lets face it when you don't drink you're healthier and a better person. I enjoy not drinking but without my Vyvanse I don't have the mind set to push through these hard times especially on my OWN. I don't have a significant other at the moment because I have problems to fix in my life and I choose not to be in a relationship until some difficulties in my life pass. See the main reason a lot of people want to be off a drug is to get your old self back and just be you and I am the same way 100%. I want to be healthy as much as I can and don't want to be on any meds. But when Im on Vyvanse I don't have really any bad side affects that I do when I am on Adderall. I am not my "True Self" but I actually live better at THIS TIME in my life because I'm focused on where I need to be and it cures my depression. If I had a significant other I wouldn't be on Vyvanse 100% fact. I am only prescribed 20mg pills once a day and I can manage taking just that, at the most maybe 2 pills on certain days. So basically Is it wrong to get by with my Vyvanse during this time frame of my life until I get back on track. Its really really hard to do it on my Own like I said and the Vyvanse is like my significant other at the time being. I don't drink alcohol while I'm on it, I eat a lot and always healthier at that, I can still sleep while I'm on my Vyvanse, I exercise and I am determined more towards the future when I am on it. I know it can be done without meds but this time in my life I really think I should stay on it. I have like 12 more days until I can get my Vyvanse refilled and I am totally Ok with waiting it out and I don't mind it one bit. I'm not mad that I don't have them or count the days down or get excited when the time gets closer to getting them filled. Its just walking that FINE LINE to manage being on them or not and that's what sucks. I just wanted to express what I am going through and by no means am I giving up and being selfish saying that Its ok to be on a stimulant because I DONT want to be on anything I promise its just a time in my life that I think I need to focus on getting back on track. Its really hard to explain but yeah with taking the Adderall pill today I don't like it at all one bit. I wont ever go back to them but the Vyvanse I don't think is doing me any harm right now in my life. I want to be as healthy as I can and with being on a pill I know that Im not the healthiest I can be. Everyone on this site is not perfect and are beautiful in every way and I know I have a good heart but its that fine line that I cant overcome at least right now in my life. I have already beat Two big addictions in my life and One being Adderall and the other for the most part Alcohol. I went 7 months without a drop and Honestly that was one of the best thing that has happened to me because I know I can go without drinking because I actually did and now if I slip up and drink too much I tell myself its time to step back again and not drink so I have came a long way so far. Its just the time in my life where I think I should stay on my Vyvanse even though I wish I didn't have too. I know with time without being on them gets better with each day its just super hard to be completely sober from everything ALL AT ONCE ya know? I know I will be off them one day but doing everything at one time is overwhelming as it is with every addict struggling. Well that's my input on where Im at in my life and I will continue to read and explore this site. Adderall though is discusting and If you get off that or have been off everything that's is amazing and someday I will be too!! I praise everyone who beats addiction and I guess with being on my Vyvanse I don't think I would call myself an addict because I can go without them but Like I said I am not my true Self. ADHD is a bitch lol but we are unique people and I feel one of the strongest people out there at that. Anyways hang in there everybody I just needed to vent!! Much Love!! P.S. Oh and by the way Alcohol was my biggest downfall in my life and during my time with my Adderall addiction and drinking a lot I am surprised I survived so I am grateful for that I guess I am just taking baby steps to where I need to be! I also ordered some books that I am planning on reading about changing your mind and stuff like that and am making my faith stronger with the Man above so that helps also. Prayer does wonders as well because without my faith I wouldn't be where I am today. Not trying to get religious but it has worked for me to pray and seek a higher power. TAKE CARE EVERYONE!
  4. Articles on Adderall...

    I was thinking maybe here we can all post different articles on Adderall we stumble upon, not from this site... http://www.therooster.com/blog/adderall-its-not-yo-mommas-amphetamine
  5. The Root Cause

    I've been addy free for about 2 1/2 months now. Most of the physical signs of detox have waned substantially (over-tiredness, mega-hunger, etc.), much to my surprise and appreciation. However, I am left with one major problem, which is the root cause as to why I was on addy in the first place: ADD. Like I said, most of the detox symptoms have faded. But I'm left exactly where I was at square one - i.e. problems with attention, impulse control, concentration, boredeom, and so on. So I did some Googling to see what kinds of things one can do to keep the ADD/ADHD at bay, ranging from medical sites to news articles. About 99% of them came to the same (bullshit) conclusion: "Thems the breaks, you're victim - take meds". Livid, I come to you guys for support. How are some of you all living/coping with ADD/ADHD without meds?
  6. 22 Days clean and I've mostly been luckly enough to focus on my health and body and trying to get my life together without Adderall and that has been pretty good so far. I still need to get myself together for work. I feel I have not been productive with my job lately. To be honest, I haven't done shit for it since quitting. I've done a few patterns but I still don't have much motivation towards my business (even with coffee). I'm self employed so I have to motivate myself or my business is going to go to shit. I have an Etsy shop and trying to get my LLC but I don't even have the focus to figure out how to get it without Adderall. Luckily, I'm also an indie/freelance designer and have been able to work on that lately and design new patterns but everything else though, not so much. I'm a little scared but with time, hope this will get better. Any advice or feedback with how you all have been able to get on with your jobs/work without Adderall would be appreciated! Thanks in advance
  7. Curse you euphoria!

    Hello to all. I stumbled upon this site in the wee hours of the morning, unable to sleep. No, not because of the adderall, but because of the ANXIETY from worrying about NOT having anymore left. How early can I fill it? If they say no, where else can I go? (Aka, a slave/addict ) not that it would be that big of a deal if I wasn't dealing so much. I have typed, and erased, typed and erased....so ya know what, I have to just...get it all out there and hope for best. So, here is my story. I read so soooooo at many of the comments/suggestions about how to quit adderall, and alternatives etc. well, just as there IS NO "one size fits all" , and everyone indeed has different brain chemistries, as well as different situations. I'm pretty sure the new definitions of "Murphy's law" and "catch 22" need to have my freaking face on them as an example. (LoL) Hmm...well, anyway, I have to think about this....the first time I took adderall........I think it was when I was a auto part driver, and this kid I worked with shared it with me......and well, you know how it goes after that. Before that day, I had never done adderall. However, I was a daily LSD user from age 16, to maybe age 18? Then on and off a year or 2 after that. From age 19 until age 22, I used MDMA recreationally...more than 20 times I guess. I have a TBI from 1992 from a bicycle accident ( not wearing a helmet!) I DO have ADHD, no doubt. Run on both sides of my family as well. I'm 30 years old now, I got my first script when I was 25. After the birth of my first son. My first experience in life with responsibility. I think I started because I knew I could not ( and I haven't! mess this up, and slack off, fail like I did with school, jobs and everything else in life pretty much. About a year later, my son was diagnosed with autism, and that's when my addiction really took control. I was married to a marine, living on base housing, being a wife and a mom all by myself. 15 hours away from family or friends. My anxiety ate my consciousness up and I convinced myself adderall was the key! So, I carried on a a power house mommy, and gave birth to my second son, oh I now 3. My husband at the time developed thyroid cancer, that's when...sh!t got real. I never slept. Never. To wrap this novel up, I lost myself. The functioning adderall user, became the dreadful zombie with OCD, anxiety, angry, monster. My skin is crap, my health is crap, I divorced, moved back home with my mom....and that was in 2011....still here.....no car. No job. Living with my mommy. I'm not creative anymore, I'm not fun or happy. Don't think about love. Hate being touched. Ugh. People are not supportive AT ALL. I don't understand how this world is SOOOOOOO worried about abusing drugs bla bla and they literally ruin lives for no reason. I quit adderall when I found out I was pregnant with my second son. Started right back up. I recently went 2 weeks without because I lost my script during the move, I don't know how I didn't kill myself to be honest. The withdrawl, was the worst thing I have experienced. Worst! Parkinson's? I was sure that's what I had without it, narcoleptic as well! Why is that bad? Well for a single mom, with an autistic toddler and another toddler...yeah...that's just not happening. My mom thankfully gave a crap about my kids safety and took us all into her home. The doctors don't really care if your abusing it, it's just pathetic. If they cared instead of treating us like criminals and putting us in the freqking cone of shame, they would actually HELP. I'm sorry but, when I'm sleeping cus you forget to write my script, or fail to aid me when I say, I want to get off it, do they think about the fact that I do have kids? I can't just sleep it off a$$hole. Unless you want to come babysit so that can happen. Give me a third arm, something! Other than down grading me, ignoring me. I have an enormously caring/ giving personality. I used to be funny. Humor is what has kept me alive for so long. But not having a single friend, social life, anyone to call just to talk to or share stuff with, is making this slow decent into adderall madness, that much worse. Ive been thru everything a female can go thru in life. Abuse, relationships, 2 divorces, children, rape, you name it. Just not with the loss of someone close....and when that time comes ( sadly, that's life I don't think I will be able to handle it. My kids need me, but if I Odontoceti take care of ME, I won't be here much longer. Booo to drugs and lack of support! Everyone should be hippies and hug! Everyday! Minus the no showering part lol. Anyway, that's my story.... Thanks for reading, Comments or criticism welcome.
  8. Hello again, I feel the need to ask a second question, for backround info on my case (very high tolerance to Adderall for years) please read my previous top "PLEASE HELP! high tolerance users". Adderall has ruined my life and made me miss so much fun and memories with my 3 year old daughter I don't want to miss another second. I want the old fun me back. After years and years of Adderall with an extremely high dosage and actually troubling with adhd bad for years, is there anyone out there who has tried other meds or specifically vyvanse? ive taken Adderall ir and xr and Dexedrine ir for years. This month A got a script for vyvanse paying the extra money with no insurance just trying to stray away from Adderall. I need something for the mean time of quitting to get me out of bed, I have to watch my daughter all day everyday, school, and occasional work (and of course the duties of a household). Has anyone here had any experience with vyvanse? I don't necessarily like it, it doesn't do much for me, but it helps with getting out of bed for now. Am I in risk of this just continueing the addiction? or will it help me quit? I don't want to pay for something so expensive that will in return give me not the help needed, or make a situation worse. SO DOES ANYBODY HERE HAVE VYVANSE STORIES??? Please let me know, I will greatly appreciate your help.
  9. Good/Bad/Ugly

    m I started taking Adderall "recreationally" during college (it's true, that's how it usually starts) and I was thrilled with the initial results. I have a somewhat unique story because I was homeschooled until high school, and once I was faced with the challenge of social life and classroom settings, my grades plummeted. This was a new problem for me- I had no idea how to start homework or get through a scheduled day. I had ben learning horrible habits for years and couldn’t break them. Because I was homeschooled, everyday I had a certain number of assignments or goals and I started all of them at the same time and worked at my own pace without explanation or prioritizing. It worked because I spent everyday by myself, mostly self-taught. I barely made it through high school but college was a total nightmare. My parents didn’t know what to do, my IQ and grades had always been beyond my age group. I skipped two grades and had been pulled out of public school because my teachers warned my parents that I was too smart to excel otherwise. This is why I want people to know my story- I don’t know if I was born with ADHD (nobody does, when it comes down to it I guess) or if I developed it because of my learning habits but either way, it was the worst decision my parents ever could have made. I no longer resent them for it because I know they were trying to do what was best for me, but the failure I experienced ruined so much of my life because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. The biggest problem was figuring out where to start, anything- homework, laundry, cleaning, conversations, everything was haphazard and I didn't know that wasn't okay until I was thrust into the real world. I dropped out of school my senior year of college because I felt like I was having a mental breakdown. The only reason I finished my 35 page thesis was because I stayed up for almost a week straight popping Adderall and forcing myself to focus. Adderall was my best friend in college, everybody says it's the college student's best friend but for me I couldn't finish ANYTHING without it and once I discovered that, I didn't bother trying to. I hit a brick wall that year when I decided that if the only way I could get a degree was through drug abuse, I didn't want one. My parents were furious with me but I was too depressed to care. My whole life had been preparation for college, which was supposed to be preparation for life. I didn't know why or how I had gotten so far without actually wanting any of it. I realized I had been forcing myself to survive for my parent's approval. I started working full time at Starbucks, to the horror of my parents. When I contracted Mono that fall, I was in bed for nearly two months. I had so much time to think that when I recovered, I felt the most suicidal I had ever felt. In the past if I had ever thought about suicide, part of me knew I was too afraid to really go through with it and that it just felt comforting theoretically. At this point I started planning times and places and writing letters to my loved ones. I stopped talking to all of my friends and responding to my parents' phone calls. I felt so directionless that life actually felt like it was suffocating me, a gigantic hand squeezing my throat and mocking my insecurities and failures. I can easily say that Adderall saved my life, which is why I am now at a point where I no longer want to be dependent on it. We've developed a toxic relationship that I no longer need. Instead of committing suicide, I reached a "fuck everything" part of my brain that I had never used before. I stopped caring what people thought about me, what my parents thought about me. I kept thinking to myself, "fuck it, who cares." I started taking Adderall all day instead of just for school like I had before. I lost a lot of weight, cut my hair really short and picked up as many hours at work as I could. I didn't have to deal with my depression because instead of feeling like a loser and not getting out of bed all day, I popped a pill and occupied myself with as much as possible. I bought it for a while from someone who sold their prescription but I eventually realized I probably could just get my own rather than go through all the trouble of buying it illegally. I’m not sure if getting my own prescription was easy because we are such an over medicated society where doctors write scripts for anyone who asks, or if it’s because I do have ADHD. In the process of getting my own prescription I also talked to my dad (my mother refused to talk to me for that year because she doesn’t believe in medication and hated me for dropping out of college) and he told me I had been diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, but they hadn’t told me because they didn’t want to put me on a drug, and my mother doesn’t believe in being medicated at all. They believed that children who were being treated for ADHD were just being suppressed and ruining their intelligence. I'm not sure I agree with that, but I guess there are probably complaints for either direction. I have been on Adderall XR 30 mg for almost 3 years now. For so long I believed that this pill was a miracle, mostly because I used it as a crutch for myself when I didn't have anything else. Now I am so tired of taking it everyday, tired of the initial kick in the morning and the 4:00 headaches, tired of depending on a pill everyday of my life. I no longer feel the high that I used to and my appetite is 100% normal, which is fine and I’m not interested in increasing my dosage so that I can have those qualities back again. I haven't gone back to school yet, but I know that I'm going to and that when I do, I don't want to be on or using Adderall. However, every time I try to just stop taking it I struggle to get out of bed or to do anything all day and it scares me. It scares me because it reminds me of that time 3 years ago and I’m terrified of going back to the person I was then. I’m not sure if it’s a mental handicap that associates the drug to that time and consequently gives me the belief that I’m going to fail or if its actually happening- that’s the horrible part about Adderall, or any drug I suppose. I hope my story is something that somebody can relate to, I haven't ever posted in any forum but I have read them for years now. I never wanted to share or talk to anybody about any of this because I don't know anyone who takes medication (or if they do, is open to talking about it). My boyfriend is wonderful, but he doesn't take anything and I know he wishes I didn't take Adderall solely because he knows how much I hate it and the side effects it has given me. I think I am an advocate for both the good and bad sides of the drug but also that there is a similar case for all medications. They can be necessary for as long as we need them, but the part when we want to stop is so difficult that we need all the support we can get. If anybody has any comments, advice or insight please message or comment. Like I said I'm looking for a support group for the first time and I'm welcome to any feedback.
  10. Hi, I've been off the poison for a good three weeks, and it seems as though my ADHD is worse.. ANYTIME I try to sit and play a game/watch a movie/any activity.. I just fidged around and can't focus worth anything.. I was abusing the stuff pretty heavily..and I just wanted to ask people who have been clean for a good 6 months-a year or more if they had any of these symptoms early in recovery and if they got better later on. No, I don't plan to go back on the stuff if the problem didn't get better for any of you.. I'll cope and find a way to deal.. Thanks