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  1. I need your advice

    Hey! My name is Scott and I am 25 years old. My current Adderall use is 60mg. I take Adderall XR and Adderall Tablets. My reason for writing this is to seek out advice from all of you. I am going to be completely open about everything. I can guarantee you this is gonna be a long post since I just took my adderall, which I apologize about in advance. I am looking for suppourt, advice, assurance, and really anything you have to help me in quitting adderall. Before Adderall: Growing up I have always been an unusually bright person. My friends would describe me a shy and outgoing. I prided myself that my friends saw me as dependable. I had dreams and ambitions. I think that was my dominant trait actually. I just knew where I was going, and no one was going to stop me! In school I wasn't the "top" student, not even close. My hobbies were hanging out with friends, cooking, couponing, etc. If something caught my interest, it was easy to have the motivation I needed to get involved. I was normal, if not usually chipper. And waking up in the mornings was easy as can be. Starting Adderall: I started taking adderall in May of 2012, after my little brother was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor told my mom it was usually hereditary and so I looked into it. It explained me perfectly. I was forgetful, unorganized, and somewhat lazy. I think a lot of the issues I had were other people's opinions of me versus my opinion of myself. To my mom and family I was lazy and unmotivated. But looking back I was a typical teenager/early-adult. Either way I decided I wanted to get tested. After being tested the doctor said I was a classic of ADHD Type-2. Type-2 simply means that I stare off into space and daydream versus setting fire to a classroom. Once diagnosed I went to my doctor and we met. He told me all about ADHD and what I could be. He showed me photos of handwriting before/after and grades that improved with treatment. Treatment being Adderall. When I first started taking adderall, it messed with my "senses". I felt like I was in an out-of-body experience. I quit it for a few days. I called my doctor after I returned to normal and told them about my experience. He told me that I just need to "stick-with-it" as my body adjusted to the new drug. I did. Taking Adderall: Starting out I was still myself. I was a socialite and still stayed actively engaged with my friends. My magical moment came when I worked myself up to 20mg. I had a almost high-urgent need to do something. I always wanted to be a cleaner, and now I was. I didn't enjoy cleaning, it became something I "loved" to do. I had ridiculous amounts of focus, and I could focus on something and actually accomplish it. I think I started misusing Adderall when I got a job with the county and had to wake up at 5:00AM. I took it to STAY awake. I realized soon that the dose didn't always have the same effect, so I started increasing my use. The next year I got a job promotion where I had to stay alert. Therefore I used Adderall to stay mentally sharp and awake. I worked long days and would take 40mg in the morning at 5:00AM and 1:00 PM. I really didn't sleep much anymore either. I also stopped hanging out around friends and became more of a homebody. I then moved out of my moms house and into my own place. I lived alone and I think that added to the social anxiety. As the year went on I started to need Adderall in order to wake up, versus simply stay awake. It eventually got to a point where I would spend all day in bed, because I didn't even have the energy to get up and take Adderall. It was somewhere around this time that I started to hate going out in public. I just lost interest and would rather stay locked up then go out into the world. I rarely saw my friends. In fact I saw my landlord more then I ever saw any friends. I would go see them and I really enjoyed it. Even though now I was quiet and reserved versus Loud and obnoxious. I don't know what it was. I didn't feel uncomfortable I just didn't have that same spark I once did. It wasn't long after this when I realized I needed to quit Adderall. I decided to quit and went cold-turkey. I SLEPT for a good month. Afterwards, I would go to work and come home and sleep. Then after three months from summer break, I went back to work. I no longer enjoyed waking up like I used to. I was always late to work. All was fine until I started getting the "head-bobs" while driving. I wasn't as clean anymore and my entire work performance suffered. My landlord was upset at how filthy my apartment was. Eventually I talked myself into taking Adderall again. And everything took off except I was at 40mg versus 60mg. But after a month I went back to 60mg. I then moved in with roommates. We get along great and I really enjoy them. But I think after six months they are starting to not be a fan of me anymore. I spend time with them, but I mainly stay locked up in my room. Plus my room is a mess. I cleaned so much that I am sick of it, and the 60mg doesn't seem to be doing much. I also started back college, which I had been forced to quit due to finical aid issues before I started taking Adderall. I can barley make it out the bed to go to class. I have to take Adderall or have something extremely important to do in order to get up and go to class. Even then my sleep schedule is so messed up because I work overnights on the weekend. When I am not working I sleep. Overall: Since taking Adderall I have become secluded from society. I used to love waking up in the mornings but now I can barely get up to take my Adderall to get motivated for the day. And once I am up I only have 4-8 hours that my Adderall works, and then I have to re-up or crash or burn. My room is a mess, nothing is organized, I see my friends once every few months, and I just feel like I'm drowning. I take Adderall everyday. Fear of quitting: Last time I quit Adderall I went through an awful month of just sleeping. And even after that was over, I had little to no motivation. I could wake up, but really all I wanted to do was sleep. I loved to go see friends but honestly I think we just drifted apart. They don't ever care to hang. Plus, I live with roommates and I need to clean, to maintain peace. In addition I'm in college and I can't afford to go through this as my grades may slip. I don't know if I am also depressed or if my Adderall addiction is the culprit. Questions: I have taken Adderall for 3 — almost 4 years now. I used to take 40mg, but now I am up to 60mg. How long would it take to get over the initial part? I have looked at the "alternatives" forum but I don't know what anything is. Can one of you explain the basics and common alternatives? When quitting Adderall what can I expect with my job since I live on my own and have to pay bills? Do you feel that friends were a vital role in your success with quitting Adderall? What suppourt networks are in GA? What do you personally recommend after reading my story? Did anything I say stand out? I don't know much about this addiction, but I know it's a biotch. Is there anything I can do to prep for coming off Adderall? Any advice you have? Lastly, do you ever feel like you are "you" again? Thank you for everything, and I apologize about the long post in advance.