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Found 5 results

  1. Like many, I treat my depression with adderall. But what does this depression mean exactly? Does this mean by some awful fate our brains were naturally born depressed, and then we got our ADD diagnosis, and then we were like wait this solves my depression too hell yeah! And self medicated? does this mean that we never had ADD but really we just had depression, which cause ADD like symptoms? OR are we FEELING depressed because adderall addiction is screwing with the rewards system in our brains? ^ which basically is our addiction speaking, telling us now that we have been depressed all along, and need the drug more than previously conceived. Right? Is this depression ( whether natural or causes by adderall ) able to be solved WITHOUT medication??? to those who are still on it, what are your moods like? To those who quit, do you feel you will always battle this depression? are there any of you who have never felt depressed??? (i have been feeling insane these past week or two. I upped my dose to higher than before to lose some weight, and then it pissed me off so I quit cold turkey for a week, that made me almost psychotic so now I'm back on it, and right now I feel INSANE I took 40 mg and wow talk about a tolerance break. I'm tweakinnn)
  2. I need your advice

    Hey! My name is Scott and I am 25 years old. My current Adderall use is 60mg. I take Adderall XR and Adderall Tablets. My reason for writing this is to seek out advice from all of you. I am going to be completely open about everything. I can guarantee you this is gonna be a long post since I just took my adderall, which I apologize about in advance. I am looking for suppourt, advice, assurance, and really anything you have to help me in quitting adderall. Before Adderall: Growing up I have always been an unusually bright person. My friends would describe me a shy and outgoing. I prided myself that my friends saw me as dependable. I had dreams and ambitions. I think that was my dominant trait actually. I just knew where I was going, and no one was going to stop me! In school I wasn't the "top" student, not even close. My hobbies were hanging out with friends, cooking, couponing, etc. If something caught my interest, it was easy to have the motivation I needed to get involved. I was normal, if not usually chipper. And waking up in the mornings was easy as can be. Starting Adderall: I started taking adderall in May of 2012, after my little brother was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor told my mom it was usually hereditary and so I looked into it. It explained me perfectly. I was forgetful, unorganized, and somewhat lazy. I think a lot of the issues I had were other people's opinions of me versus my opinion of myself. To my mom and family I was lazy and unmotivated. But looking back I was a typical teenager/early-adult. Either way I decided I wanted to get tested. After being tested the doctor said I was a classic of ADHD Type-2. Type-2 simply means that I stare off into space and daydream versus setting fire to a classroom. Once diagnosed I went to my doctor and we met. He told me all about ADHD and what I could be. He showed me photos of handwriting before/after and grades that improved with treatment. Treatment being Adderall. When I first started taking adderall, it messed with my "senses". I felt like I was in an out-of-body experience. I quit it for a few days. I called my doctor after I returned to normal and told them about my experience. He told me that I just need to "stick-with-it" as my body adjusted to the new drug. I did. Taking Adderall: Starting out I was still myself. I was a socialite and still stayed actively engaged with my friends. My magical moment came when I worked myself up to 20mg. I had a almost high-urgent need to do something. I always wanted to be a cleaner, and now I was. I didn't enjoy cleaning, it became something I "loved" to do. I had ridiculous amounts of focus, and I could focus on something and actually accomplish it. I think I started misusing Adderall when I got a job with the county and had to wake up at 5:00AM. I took it to STAY awake. I realized soon that the dose didn't always have the same effect, so I started increasing my use. The next year I got a job promotion where I had to stay alert. Therefore I used Adderall to stay mentally sharp and awake. I worked long days and would take 40mg in the morning at 5:00AM and 1:00 PM. I really didn't sleep much anymore either. I also stopped hanging out around friends and became more of a homebody. I then moved out of my moms house and into my own place. I lived alone and I think that added to the social anxiety. As the year went on I started to need Adderall in order to wake up, versus simply stay awake. It eventually got to a point where I would spend all day in bed, because I didn't even have the energy to get up and take Adderall. It was somewhere around this time that I started to hate going out in public. I just lost interest and would rather stay locked up then go out into the world. I rarely saw my friends. In fact I saw my landlord more then I ever saw any friends. I would go see them and I really enjoyed it. Even though now I was quiet and reserved versus Loud and obnoxious. I don't know what it was. I didn't feel uncomfortable I just didn't have that same spark I once did. It wasn't long after this when I realized I needed to quit Adderall. I decided to quit and went cold-turkey. I SLEPT for a good month. Afterwards, I would go to work and come home and sleep. Then after three months from summer break, I went back to work. I no longer enjoyed waking up like I used to. I was always late to work. All was fine until I started getting the "head-bobs" while driving. I wasn't as clean anymore and my entire work performance suffered. My landlord was upset at how filthy my apartment was. Eventually I talked myself into taking Adderall again. And everything took off except I was at 40mg versus 60mg. But after a month I went back to 60mg. I then moved in with roommates. We get along great and I really enjoy them. But I think after six months they are starting to not be a fan of me anymore. I spend time with them, but I mainly stay locked up in my room. Plus my room is a mess. I cleaned so much that I am sick of it, and the 60mg doesn't seem to be doing much. I also started back college, which I had been forced to quit due to finical aid issues before I started taking Adderall. I can barley make it out the bed to go to class. I have to take Adderall or have something extremely important to do in order to get up and go to class. Even then my sleep schedule is so messed up because I work overnights on the weekend. When I am not working I sleep. Overall: Since taking Adderall I have become secluded from society. I used to love waking up in the mornings but now I can barely get up to take my Adderall to get motivated for the day. And once I am up I only have 4-8 hours that my Adderall works, and then I have to re-up or crash or burn. My room is a mess, nothing is organized, I see my friends once every few months, and I just feel like I'm drowning. I take Adderall everyday. Fear of quitting: Last time I quit Adderall I went through an awful month of just sleeping. And even after that was over, I had little to no motivation. I could wake up, but really all I wanted to do was sleep. I loved to go see friends but honestly I think we just drifted apart. They don't ever care to hang. Plus, I live with roommates and I need to clean, to maintain peace. In addition I'm in college and I can't afford to go through this as my grades may slip. I don't know if I am also depressed or if my Adderall addiction is the culprit. Questions: I have taken Adderall for 3 — almost 4 years now. I used to take 40mg, but now I am up to 60mg. How long would it take to get over the initial part? I have looked at the "alternatives" forum but I don't know what anything is. Can one of you explain the basics and common alternatives? When quitting Adderall what can I expect with my job since I live on my own and have to pay bills? Do you feel that friends were a vital role in your success with quitting Adderall? What suppourt networks are in GA? What do you personally recommend after reading my story? Did anything I say stand out? I don't know much about this addiction, but I know it's a biotch. Is there anything I can do to prep for coming off Adderall? Any advice you have? Lastly, do you ever feel like you are "you" again? Thank you for everything, and I apologize about the long post in advance.
  3. I am currently on Adderall, but I want to quit. I am looking for a suppourt group or individuals going through the same thing nearby. Does anyone live in/around this area? Does anyone know of suppourt networks around me?
  4. Hey Everyone, I just want to tell my story and I'm interested to hear what everyone thinks... Basically, I have built a fraudulent life based on my use of adderall. I used it to get through college, but the real thing is that I used it to create a booming business. I won't get into all the mundane details of my story but basically I was diagnosed with ADD when I was in 3rd grade so I know that I have some kind of attention disorder... But I hated taking the ritalin and so I got through high school by the skin of my teeth without any medication... I am a fun loving goofball of a person and I always HATED homework, studying, anything tedious etc... Anyways.... after years of recreational drug use... opiates, marijuana, alcohol, benzos, (of which i became addicted to opiates) I started taking adderall while I was recovering from opiates One night while high on adderall I downloaded an illegal version of photoshop and started playing with it for the first time. I became somewhat obsessed with photoshop and graphic design, so I decided to buy a camera so that I could edit my own pictures. I would take suboxone and adderall and the crash of adderall never really bothered me... I was going a mile a minute... creating elaborate photographs and digital imagery... I started posting my work online and immediate got a job doing photography, people wanted to buy my photographs and I thought hey! I could finally have my own business, be my own boss and make great money doing what "i love"... It was a dream come true... Over the next 3 years, I continued to use adderall with and without a perscription... taking whatever dose I felt like at the time and what the job called for... I learned how to make websites, do accounting, marketing, sales, and branched out my business to also do films and video editing... I decided to specialize in Weddings... because "thats where the money is" ... my business grow quickly and I began working for myself full time... eventually buying a brand new car and saving more money than I had ever in my life... I knew somewhere in my head that this adderall was unsustainable... and I told myself that one day I will be able to stop taking the adderall and the business will run smoothly... I would do things I enjoyed without adderall like meeting with clients, shooting the photos at the weddings, talking on the phone etc... but when it came to sitting at the computer to edit thousands of pictures and put together elaborate wedding films I knew I had to take that ADDERALL to get the job done right and quickly. I would binge on adderall and stay up all night and into the next day and then when the crash came calling I would do anything to take it away... alcohol, weed, xanax (which caused me to do a lot of dumb things) .... I would feel terrible for a week or so after my binge... but then when the time came it was back to the adderall to get the work done... Fast forward to January 2014 I was at the top of my game (or so I thought) ... I had booked 50 weddings for the year and I was on vacation in colorado, then in February there was a wedding in Key West, FL ... During this time I was extremely happy ... almost too happy... I felt more confident than I had ever in my life, I met and had sex, relationships with more women in 6 months than I had in 2 years... However, I would drink alcohol with or without adderall and would become obnoxious, I would binge on adderall, smoke weed and I scared away basically every woman I had met during that period. I knew something had to change, I couldn't live this reckless lifestyle and become the man I always wanted to become (I am 28 years old, still living at home with my dad, I don't pay rent, no girlfriend) I thought that maybe it is time for me to grow up and stop the adderall This was right at the beginning of my wedding season. I knew it would be hard to continue my success without the adderall but I was not prepared for what has come to fruition. depression, anxiety, uncertainty, low self esteem, obsessive thinking ... Maybe I really can't do this without adderall? Maybe I need adderall to function? I got through this summer without adderall except maybe once... it was truly a miserable experience... I don't know if even like the career or business I chose. I hate sitting at a desk, I hate editing videos, I hate being in an isolating job all by myself... I have way to much free time to lay around and do nothing... I believe that I never would have started this business without adderall I am now at the point where I don't know wether or not I want to continue to run this business, I care about the money but I don't want to live life as an adderall zombie... I have been extremely anxious and depressed about my life situation... I have tried to take adderall at lower doses, but I just feel so miserable when it wears off that I just can't bear to be on it... but then after a few days I say I need to take it to get my work done or i'm going to be a nobody in life. I truly don't know what to believe anymore, I see some people take adderall and have no issues... I wish I could live a full life without adderall but I feel deep inside that I will never be as successful and that I will regret quitting my career and business. I have had periods where I can't even get out of bed to shower, never mind go to work everyday. I have become so accustomed to making large amounts of money for minimal work and using drugs to achieve everything that I don't know how to function normally anymore. I may have to start my life over from scratch If you made it this far I sincerely thank you for listening to my story. -Mike
  5. How I got over my first love, Adderall

    I didn't believe in love. Sophomore year of college, that all changed. I met her. Adderall. I was in the library with a group of students. I mentioned to my peers I had a big test to study for the next day. One of my classmates mentioned his prescription to Adderall and how it could help me stay awake. He had 20 mg XR and sold me two of them for ten dollars. I carried them to my car, where I saw a friend walking. She, too, was prescribed Adderall and I explained how I had just bought a couple and was scared to take them. She got in my car as I gave her a ride home and told me to take it sooner than later to avoid staying up all night. I almost cried when I took the pill because I was so scared. I didn't want to feel unlike myself. But when I got to work, I felt something I'd never felt before. It was almost like heaven. I was extremely motivated to clean, to talk to customers, to take care of any business that needed handled. I paid extreme detail to everything. I decided I could drink an energy drink. My heart raced fast. I also felt my appetite suppressed. I stayed up all night writing notes for my test, and ended up getting an A on the test. I felt like a rockstar. College had knocked me down and hit me with some failures in quite a few ways, and Adderall made me feel like I was on top of the world. At least for a little while. I started buying most of his pills. He relied on me to remind him when his prescription was ready because, like clockwork (like a true addict) it was at the top of my priority list. I started finding more and more dealers. I would buy them all out. I was taking upwards of 150 mg XR per day, plus energy drinks and Ritalin & Straterra (which i was able to get myself prescribed). I started snorting the pills to feel the effects harder. And taking puffs of my inhaler to get my heart racing. Keep in mind that I am a 110 pound female. I stopped eating most meals and drinking water. I became very frail, and unable to workout. Before, I was a very social person, a mediocre student, a lazy worker, an incredible loving and caring friend. But with Adderall, I became a different human being. I focused all of my time on work, making money just to spend it on my Adderall habit. It was a cycle. I started focusing on projects by myself, doing my homework very efficiently, and even doing several friends homework for them. I became very interested in everything, but saw my genuine passions fade. Adderall gave me, as I'm sure it has for you, a sense of false confidence. I thought I was the queen, for a minute at least when my pills peaked. But when I came down, I became very self-aware, very self conscious. A once confident and full of life girl looked herself straight in the eye in the mirror and couldn't tell you one single good thing about herself. A once creative artist and writer tore up every single thing she'd ever created because she doubted its worth, and her own. I began masking this pain with getting extremely fucked up and blacked out, once overdosing and getting a concussion. Still none of this was a red flag for me, and I continued to let my body deteriorate as well as everything I ever believed in. I became very distant from everyone. I was never really present. If I was in your presence it was probably fake, with my mind trying to figure out how I was going to get more Adderall. I forced myself into isolation, only to realize in a several weeklong binge comedown that my mind and lack of self respect was the driving force behind this addiction. The next couple months were painful. I smoked a lot of weed and gained a lot of weight. I spent a lot of time sleeping, a lot of time I'd missed while being strung out. I eventually told my parents, as well as my counselor that I'd been manipulating him to get pills the entire time I'd been seeing him. I never really felt like I had any real motivation to quit, though. I continued to get blacked out drunk, and when I wasn't sleeping or working, I was smoking weed. The weed only continued to make me doubt myself, as a student, a friend, and an artist. I continued to destroy everything I created, rip up any evidence that I had any thoughts outside of the fake image that I was portraying. Never fully recovering, I relapsed. But this time, the Adderall made me feel like shit the entire time. From start to finish. I felt guilty the second I ingested it, and the next twelve or so hours I spent frantically trying to cope with the decision I made to do so. I admitted to my boyfriend that I'd been taking adderall again, and he explained how he'd felt let down even though it was me who had to deal with the consequences and shame. My Adderall usage wasn't only affecting me, though. It was affecting my mood, and my attitude toward everything. I saw myself becoming increasingly negative yet again, and I realized that this is not who I was made to be. I keep coming back to this thought, and I think it's what keeps me from trying to get pills ever again: I am stronger than my demons. I think that this is the simple truth for getting over any addiction. I don't personally believe that I need to go to AA or stop having a beer or go to a 28 day rehabilitation center. For me, I just needed to outsmart my demons. If you have an Adderall addiction problem, I'm sure our "demons" are similar. 1 I am a perfectionist who does not deal well with failure. 2 I like to please others, and I absolutely adore attention and approval 3 I have a "I'm dying/I'm losing time" complex, where I think relaxation is laziness All I had to do, honestly, was get to know myself a little, and as cheesy as it sounds, stop caring so much about other people's opinions. It's good to try hard and do well, but not at the cost of your health, physical or mental. I know that Adderall and other psychostimulants (such as Ritalin, Concerta) do not make me feel good. I also know that they are not necessary to my wellbeing or my happiness, as I feel the happiest and healthiest I've ever been currently. I wish you the best in your journey back to yourself. I pray you are able to regain your passions and your love for life as I am slowly but surely. You don't need Adderall to focus, and you don't really need to stay awake to study for your final THAT bad. So here is my declaration: I'm adderall free.