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Found 3 results

  1. Depression sets back in

    Every time I think I am making progress I just fall right back into this pit of despair. I'm sick of this depression and I can't help but wonder sometimes if I fucked my brain up for good. I feel so alone and it really is all my fault because I chose to spend years isolating myself on this horrible fucking drug. I had a great life at one point and i threw it all away, and for what?! For the sake of productivity and my ego? What's worse is I had a great boyfriend who only wanted to help me and I wouldn't even admit that I had a problem because I could not let go of this FALSE image I had built with adderall. I would literally give ANYTHING to go back in time and change the path I took. It took months for the fog to clear after stopping but now having to see just how far down the rabbit hole that shit took me is almost more than I can bare. 9 months in, beautiful weather on a Saturday afternoon and I just want to go back to bed. FML
  2. Rehab for adderall addiction?

    Has anyone gone to rehab? Inpatient or outpatient? If so what was your experience like? My family is very much trying to send me to an inpatient one
  3. I know my story is going to sound so familiar but I want to tell it anyway for several reasons: 1) I've never told my story before 2) I'm hoping to get connected 3) I don't even recognize myself anymore 4) I'm willing to try anything at this point I started taking Adderall my senior year of undergrad. Yes it was a miracle. I aced my final exams, all while balancing 2 jobs. After graduation, I got an internship and starting taking 5mg 5 days a week. After about 6 months, I started taking 10mg 5 days a week. That was when I noticed that I would sometimes have difficulty forming words. I wondered if it was in my head or if people could tell that I felt a little "stuck" somtimes. Then I started grad school where I began to take 30mg to cram for tests. This was when I noticed more severe side effects. Some days I would feel so depressed, it was scary. I would feel completely hopeless about life and not one thing/person/thought could change it. Also, I started to regret ever having taken Adderall, and I wondered if I would ever be able to quit. I told myself that I'd keep using it until I landed a good job, but then I'd quit. Ok, so it's been almost 2 years since I finished school and landed a good job. I take 20mg every morning now which helps me get out of bed and get ready for work. Sometimes I take another 20mg around lunchtime. I am a workaholic. The side effects at this point are much worse. I have hypertension (high blood pressure). Which is crazy because I had very low blood pressure my entire life. The other side effect is not enjoying my life. I noticed that I have a hard time finding the humor in things and I am very anti-social. I don't have any friends anymore. I recently had surgery to remove my tonsils. I took 2 weeks off from work and I didn't take Adderall the entire time. It was wonderful. I laughed about every little thing, all day long. I was happy. I was much more affectionate with my boyfriend. Our relationship blossomed. I started thinking maybe I could quit for good. But last Monday was my first day back at work after 2 weeks of recovering from surgery, and I panicked and took Adderall. I'm scared I won't be able to do my job if I don't take it. The thought of going to work 8 hours a day 5 days a week without taking it is absolutely terrifiying to me. I've been back to 20mg 5 days a week for about a week and a half. I am so disappointed in myself. I feel like a had the perfect opportunity to quit and I wasted it. Writing my story here is my cry for help. I can't do this alone. I want to quit so bad but I can't do it alone.