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  1. Hello All- I feel bad writing this post because I've read so many amazing recovery (at least the people I have been following) and here I am, UNABLE to quit. Last time I was here I was writing to say I was quiting and that lasted alll of three days. Something really odd happened though. So.. my insurance only works in my hometown so I have to go back every 2 months to get new scrips. I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it back home anytime soon so the last month I had Adderall, I was BARELY using it because I was having so much anxiety about running out and not being able to get more. I actually had my month worth for TWO WHOLE MONTHS. I was going days without taking it and never taking more than one a day when I felt like I really needed it. I WAS TAKING NAPS INSTEAD OF POPPING PILLS WHEN I WAS TIRED. It was great. My relationships were better, my sex drive increased, I was enjoying life for the first time in a long time. And then I ran out. I went home, got my script and have been binging since. its been about a week. taking 20-100 mg a day. I've isolated myself from everyone, I am depressed or cracked out. I HATE THIS DRUG. I don't understand... I KNOW LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT IT WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF I think I might need professional help, but I just can't bring myself to tell my parents. I am giving myself these last two scripts, I am not going to make my trip home to get a refill, so hopefully that will monitor my intake like before, I can make as much money as I can at the strip club and then quit cold turkey one last attempt before seeking help. I just really am thankful for this site. Who fucking knows where I would be right now without it. Probably still thinking this rollercoaster Adderall life is normal. Anyway thanks for listening. Hopeful to have a recovery story one day. Xx MaryBelle