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Found 3 results

  1. Guilt Ridden

    Hi Everyone, I've been off Adderall for about 9 months and I'm doing fine, but before I quit I gave about 10, 20mg pills to a friend who was showing his film at a major film festival and I though he needed it to keep up. He was really overweight and low energy and needed an extra burst of energy to keep up with all the screenings/press stuff and parties for networking. He doesn't and has never suffered from ADD. Fast forward a year and he has become addicted to it, has lost about 120 pounds and has alienated most of his close friends, seriously compromised his relationship with his family and has burned bridges professionally. He is someone who has had panic disorder and narcissistic traits for as long as I've known him but both have become much worse since he started taking adderall. He also never shuts up and seems unaware that other people have their own lives to live. I won't abandon our friendship since I feel partly responsible for what is happening to him, but I'm not sure how to help him. I quit adderall because of the horrible side effects and I took a very low dose. He has asked me this week to help him, because, ironically he has become very scattered and can't seem to get his shit together and needs someone to help him get some stuff off his plate. I'm wondering from all of you if you have had symptoms like his where the drug backfires and makes you less organized? I'm also wondering if there is anything I can do to convince him that he is not a better version of himself that he seems to be convinced of. Does this happen to people who abuse adderall who don't suffer from ADD? Any general advice on how to move forward?
  2. Despite all negative physical and emotional side effects from the drug, there is one more area that I'd like to put out there. It's when too many friends and acquaintances know you take Adderall, and constantly hit you up when they have to work a double, need to study, doing an overnight, trying to lose weight, etc etc…whatever, you name it I’ve heard it. And I am not a drug dealer, that is not what this is about. This is about feeling discouraged from quitting because other people don’t want you to, for their own selfish reasons. Getting weekly texts from people asking “any extra pills you can spare?†Having to constantly remind people that they are not for sale, and that you cannot function without them. But they still persist, like you’re a liar…random paranoia, I don’t want to get traced by the gov or something and sent to prison, so for the sake of this discussion I do NOT sell drugs. I am however constantly asked to "spare" what I can for many reasons. The only possible analogy I can use to describe this Adderall nuisance, is the Richie Rich Effect. Who are my real friends? Do they only hang out with me for the possibility of scoring a pill? Do they even really care about my well-being? You get my point...what I am trying to get at though, is this has made the idea of quitting even harder. It’s sick that my mind even considers the notion, would people be disappointed if I stopped or happy for me? Has anyone else felt like this? On the flip side, the whole idea of being pestered for my medicine has spawned the idea of quitting all together, so I guess that is the silver lining. I find myself resenting my friends who take the drug recreationally and don’t need it to function like I do. That my female friends can take Adderall for a few weeks and lose ten pounds, meanwhile I can sleep and eat on the medicine it does not have that effect on me. I know that is my ego talking, but as a girl who has struggled with the yo -yo weight gain and loss from medication and depression, it definitely makes Adderall a sore subject. I wish I didn’t need it. I want to stop all together but the concept seems far-fetched. I like reading everyone’s success stories. I keep weaning myself down to lower doses, but the more I do the more useless I feel. I think I’m straying off topic now, see this is what it's like when I don’t take Adderall...
  3. I will find myself again

    I don’t remember the exact date but in the fall of 2010, i had a communications project to finish at Northern Virginia Community College. For some weird reason, i tried looking for adderall because i was too lazy to do the work just like normal people, i felt a need to take a short cut, and the short cuts i have been taking for the last two years have ruined me. I wish i never took those two pills but there is nothing i can do about it now. I wish i could be my old self again, all i do is put on a show for people and my dwindling circle of friends. I hate who i am when i am off that medicine and i feel like a worthless pile of shit. I don’t know how i let myself sink this low and i can’t believe it took me this long to notice. I would never do anything to harm myself, but i questioned my self worth for the first time on August 16th 2012 at 5:49 exactly. And so i have decided to make a change. I will stop living these lies that have clouded me for the past 24 months, i will start doing things not to please others, but things that will make me happy. Writing this stuff down is the only way i can get it all out without having to tell someone without having to sugar coat shit or having to lie to protect some sort of reputation that i can’t even understand myself at this point. This last week has been terrible, i was off adderall for huge chunks of this summer but i caved in, i caved in and started taking it again but for some reason, i started falling into deep depressions and i knew it was the adderall but it wasn’t for the things that have been happening daily, it was for the lies and bull shit i have made myself out of for the last two years. I took 50 milligrams of adderall xr on August 15th and that is the last time i will ever swallow that shit. I have 81 pills of 10 mg xr seven feet away and that shit calls you. But i will flush it down the toilet starting today. 3 pills will be flushed, i will flush more and more every day until i empty my last bottle. Day 2 without taking it has been meh, i cried and i am not ashamed to admit it. This depression hits you out of nowhere and there is no way of explaining it but then your mood changes completely. I hope to regain the old me back no matter the cost.