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  1. Can I quit now?

    I want to quit Adderall. I have taken it almost daily for 5 years. Sometimes getting up to 120 mg a day. It started when I had a roommate who was late on rent and gave me 10 pills to pay her late fees. I loved it, I was so happy, I lost weight quickly, my grades went up, my house was always clean, my social anxiety decreased. Many things have gone on since then, I did eventually get my own prescription, sometimes still bought from her too, had another doctor giving me vyvanse at the same time. I decided to pursue my love for science and I am currently in a PhD program. I am going onto my third term next week and I have yet to pass a class (B or above), I am on academic probation, and I cannot get myself together, organized or calm. I feel like I can’t remember anything, like the people around me can remember everything that is said, and they all do so well when asked questions, etc. Does Adderall abuse affect memory? It seems like the excessive abuse of stimulants during college worked because all I needed to do was spend time with the material. Study for hours and hours and hours, trigger that part of my brain on some multiple-choice exam and recognize the answers. Although I feel like blaming the Adderall, it has been my only ally and friend. What got me here in the first place. I have a prescription now, and once I told my doctor (who is out of state and has phone appointments with me- since no doctors would prescribe stimulants to me when I moved for school) that I failed classes she doubled my dosage. I am abusing for sure, I am scared of the withdrawals and unsure how to move forward. Thank you for listening. I have never told anyone about my addiction.