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Found 2 results

  1. Back On Here Again

    over the past few months i've cut my dosage down to 10mm a day. started a new job and stuck to this dosage. luckily they have an espresso machine at my new job. so anytime the adderall would wear off, i'd make a latte and would wake right up again. the past two weeks i've been been pretty stressed due to staying out late/not getting enough sleep/work and have been taking an extra 5mm on top of the 10mm. this added to stress because i told myself i quit that habit taking more than my normal dosage. two days ago i ran out of adderall and decided i will not ask for another refill. might as well not! im pretty much down to 10mm (some days 15mm) and feel like i should go cold turkey before i keep on upping my dosage. Oh goooood i hate this fight with this addiction. i hate adderall. i hate that i've started smoking cigarettes. I've been STRESS EATING like crazy, i know its because im not suppressing my hunger anymore. and on top of that eating so poorly. today i tried working out and got tired so quickly. it depresses me. i don't want to fall into depression again. what are some foods which helped with overall mental clarity and energy? please help. I love this community so much. Thanks for always being here <3
  2. I will find myself again

    I don’t remember the exact date but in the fall of 2010, i had a communications project to finish at Northern Virginia Community College. For some weird reason, i tried looking for adderall because i was too lazy to do the work just like normal people, i felt a need to take a short cut, and the short cuts i have been taking for the last two years have ruined me. I wish i never took those two pills but there is nothing i can do about it now. I wish i could be my old self again, all i do is put on a show for people and my dwindling circle of friends. I hate who i am when i am off that medicine and i feel like a worthless pile of shit. I don’t know how i let myself sink this low and i can’t believe it took me this long to notice. I would never do anything to harm myself, but i questioned my self worth for the first time on August 16th 2012 at 5:49 exactly. And so i have decided to make a change. I will stop living these lies that have clouded me for the past 24 months, i will start doing things not to please others, but things that will make me happy. Writing this stuff down is the only way i can get it all out without having to tell someone without having to sugar coat shit or having to lie to protect some sort of reputation that i can’t even understand myself at this point. This last week has been terrible, i was off adderall for huge chunks of this summer but i caved in, i caved in and started taking it again but for some reason, i started falling into deep depressions and i knew it was the adderall but it wasn’t for the things that have been happening daily, it was for the lies and bull shit i have made myself out of for the last two years. I took 50 milligrams of adderall xr on August 15th and that is the last time i will ever swallow that shit. I have 81 pills of 10 mg xr seven feet away and that shit calls you. But i will flush it down the toilet starting today. 3 pills will be flushed, i will flush more and more every day until i empty my last bottle. Day 2 without taking it has been meh, i cried and i am not ashamed to admit it. This depression hits you out of nowhere and there is no way of explaining it but then your mood changes completely. I hope to regain the old me back no matter the cost.