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Showing results for tags 'lost hope and gave up on myself'.
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Hi. I cant sleep and I just stumbled on this site. I have never chatted about this before but maybe I need to. I am a mother of three great kids in a very "perfect people and judgmental upper class area". The first time I tried adderall, a friend convinced me to and I decided to try it for the energy and potential happy feeling I was told I should get. That was with only 5 mg and boy did it work!. Its been 13.5 years since that day and (with a few different short and longer term breaks) I have been using it, abusing it at times, wishing for it, waiting for my next script of it, dreaming about it, panicking about it, and learning to live with the way I am now. In all honesty, I've also had some amazingly happy times from it! I had many years of being stunningly fit, happy, and attractive because of it and I am glad I got to know what it feels like to look amazing in a bikini especially while being a well known supermom and wife by everyone in town. Those days are over now though. I still take it somewhat regularly but now I am divorced, secluded from the public for the most part by choice, and worst of all.... I am huge! I gained over one hundred pounds in a few months over a year ago and this is just what i am now.