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Hi, It's been 2 months since I quit, and it's not getting better. I've never been skinny without Adderall. It's the only thing that's ever been able to take my mind off of being obsessed with food. And that in itself was the biggest fucking relief. Especially because for what I want to do (music and acting), I HAVE to be skinny. There's a problem though - I'm a little addicted to Adderall. I didn't take more than I was prescribed, ever. Just 20mg a day. But that was enough to get me soaring high. I've wasted a lot of time on it, doing things I thought were important, that really weren't. I've isolated myself, and not cared about having friends or living life because of it. Just being skinny. And I took it on the weekends, even when I wasn't doing school, because I didn't wanna be hungry. So I decided to go off it, and see what happened. Now, I'm on the other end of the spectrum. The good news is my personality is better, I like to talk to people, and I'm nicer. The bad news is the weight is piling on, I can't stop eating, and all I wanna do is lay around and watch TV all day. Some days I gets bursts of motivation and go workout and eat healthy and do my online college. But most days I fail. I haven't gotten the motivation to write songs again. I didn't use to be this way before I ever took Adderall. Did Adderall mess up my brain for good? Do I have permanent ADD/Depression now? I don't know what to do. If I could be motivated and eat healthy and workout without it, I'd be better off without it overall. But that isn't what's happening. And I sleep 10 hours a night now - I never used to do that. Why is my brain not going back to normal?? I'm struggling, wanting to go back on it so I can be skinny again. I can't do what I love (music and acting) if I'm fat. I just can't. But I also don't wanna isolate myself from the world again. I don't know what the answer is. There are no Adderall support groups I can go to (not that I've been able to find). If anyone help give me some advice, it would be greatly appreciated. I know if I go back to a psychiatrist, they will tell me I NEED Adderall, just to make their money.....and that's not what I want. I want someone to tell me the truth. I've been signed to a major record deal before. I've got lots of followers online. I've got millions of views. I live in LA. I have the writing abilities. i have what it takes, to make things start happening for me again, I know I do. But I'm not moving forward. I've been at a standstill the past few years. Everyone gave up on me, and someone told me about Adderall, and it's been keeping me sane these past few years, and motivated to get my career back on track, but....despite the motivation, I haven't moved forward. I don't know if it's Adderall, or what it is that is standing in my way, but all I want is to do the thing that's gonna make me the most successful. Whatever that is - that's the thing I want to do. Whether it be sober, or on pills. So if anyone has any advice or opinions - please let me know. I'll be forever grateful! Sincerely, A v confused girl in need of some help.
Hello, I am new to this site and don't really know where to post this but here it goes. I've been taking adderrall on and off for a year now but in the last couple of months been taking my prescrption daily and have become very depressed and dependent. I am at the ending of my third day off of adderall andi know that being tired and hungry are normal withdrawl symptoms but I'm also having strong feelings of depersonalization. I look in the mirror and don't know who I am or who I used to be. Its scaring me and my family doesn't know how to help me. I live alone and don't have many friends due to the fact that while on adderall I've become anti social. I just want to know if this feeling of not knowing who I am, where I'm going or what I'm doing here in life is going to go away. Has anyone else lost sight of who they were while trying to quit? I also asked my doctor for an anti depressant and she gave me 10mg of Lexapro, I'm not sure whether I should start taking it because I don't want to get addicted to anything new. I already am addicted to xannax and or ambien to sleep. (I switch between the two). Any comments would be greatly appreciated as I really have no one else to turn to and am starting to feel I'm going crazy.
I donâ€™t remember the exact date but in the fall of 2010, i had a communications project to finish at Northern Virginia Community College. For some weird reason, i tried looking for adderall because i was too lazy to do the work just like normal people, i felt a need to take a short cut, and the short cuts i have been taking for the last two years have ruined me. I wish i never took those two pills but there is nothing i can do about it now. I wish i could be my old self again, all i do is put on a show for people and my dwindling circle of friends. I hate who i am when i am off that medicine and i feel like a worthless pile of shit. I donâ€™t know how i let myself sink this low and i canâ€™t believe it took me this long to notice. I would never do anything to harm myself, but i questioned my self worth for the first time on August 16th 2012 at 5:49 exactly. And so i have decided to make a change. I will stop living these lies that have clouded me for the past 24 months, i will start doing things not to please others, but things that will make me happy. Writing this stuff down is the only way i can get it all out without having to tell someone without having to sugar coat shit or having to lie to protect some sort of reputation that i canâ€™t even understand myself at this point. This last week has been terrible, i was off adderall for huge chunks of this summer but i caved in, i caved in and started taking it again but for some reason, i started falling into deep depressions and i knew it was the adderall but it wasnâ€™t for the things that have been happening daily, it was for the lies and bull shit i have made myself out of for the last two years. I took 50 milligrams of adderall xr on August 15th and that is the last time i will ever swallow that shit. I have 81 pills of 10 mg xr seven feet away and that shit calls you. But i will flush it down the toilet starting today. 3 pills will be flushed, i will flush more and more every day until i empty my last bottle. Day 2 without taking it has been meh, i cried and i am not ashamed to admit it. This depression hits you out of nowhere and there is no way of explaining it but then your mood changes completely. I hope to regain the old me back no matter the cost.