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My husband and I have had our share of marriage issues but in the scheme of things I think they were normal issues that could be worked through. Also, due to his parents divorce, he always said that he would never do that to his family. Over the past several years, his mood swings & anger have increased but I thought it was due to PTSD (he is a military veteran). But...recently, he has decided that our marriage was awful the entire time, that I controlled him and never listen to his opinions and that basically I have done the worst things I could possibly do to him. He decided that he is done with our marriage and wants a divorce. It's like he has built up this hate for me due to feeling that way about our relationship but it's not the reality of how things really were. Yes, we had issues but everything he believes (including his emotions) are very elevated. Since he decided that he wants to leave he has shown some pretty erratic, paranoid behavior and has written down some pretty scary things...almost like a manic episode. He also lies SO easily and its like de doesn't realize he's doing it. It is like he has become a different person. Unfortunately, he only behaves that way towards me so family & friends have no idea this is happening but he is starting to show the behavior to a few other people now. In the middle of all of this I found out that he has been taking prescribed adderall for about 3 years. As far as I know it is not for ADHD but I am not really sure why it was prescribed. I think it may have been along with an anti-depressant to balance things out. I feel like I am married to someone that I don't even know. His behavior right now is just not him at all and ending our marriage with no willingness to work on it (even if for the kids) is just not the guy I know. He has even started another relationship which I just really think is not him. Of course he basically 'hates' me now so will not take any advice from me. Does anyone have experience with it causing this type of behavior related to adderall? It is possible that the behavior is not related to the drug but after researching it and bit and talking with my doctor, it seems that it is possible.
Let me start by saying that I am so glad I have found this forum! I have spent the last hour reading many posts dealing with Adderall and how it affects marriages. I thank God that I am not going crazy and that I am not just "over reacting" as my wife puts it. My wife of 23 years started Adderall about 8 years ago. She had just started a new job and was going to be working for a very demanding boss, this boss sent her home with a manual titled " (bosses name) Bible" and she was to read it and follow it to the "T". It wasn't too much longer that she had diagnosed herself with ADD and even pulled me in to confirm her diagnosis, I simply replied that "yes, it does seem that you have some of these symptoms". She made a appointment with her family doctor and was sent home with a self diagnosis checklist that she was to fill out and one that I was to fill out as well. She took both back to her doctor and was diagnosed with ADD and given a prescription for Vyvance, which was soon changed to extended release Adderall and then finally to regular Adderall. The family doctor didn't want to be involved in monitoring the meds so she was referred to a psychiatrist, who has been prescribing ever since. When my wife first took the meds I was really excited for her! She was on the go! The kitchen got cleaned and organized, pots got stacked, lids got hung, spices got alphabetized.... I could go on and on... she was on fire! Unfortunately this only lasted for about 2 weeks and since then it has been a slow decline to the other extreme. Today my wife is unbearable, and before I found this forum this morning I was on google doing research on the divorce laws in my state. Lets start with the anger. Her anger and the things that will say when angry are off the chart. I literally tip toe around the house on egg shells and try everything I possibly can to not set her off. I have come to realize that there is really nothing I can do not to set her off, my mere presence in the room is often enough. She is angry/spiteful first thing in the morning before I even speak to her. I really hope I can convey the constant stress that is always present in my home. I know when she has taken an Adderall... she will become talkative and semi-nice... she will have plans for dinner or for stuff she wants to accomplish for the weekend, but I know from experience that by the evening she will be unbearable again. These positive bumps in her mood used to excite me, but now I resent them because I know they are drug induced and short lived. I feel like she is setting me up to knock me down later. I now realize that there is nothing I can do to keep her in a good mood and that everything I do can potentially piss her off, but for the sake of peace and because of my children (19 &21) I still try to tip toe around her. Everything is always someone else's fault! Its always the "F...tards at work" the "stupid ass cashier" to blame. She has not taken responsibility for anything in years. Just this morning, while backing out of the driveway (late of course), she cut to sharp and got her car up against our mailbox and the rear wheel stuck in the wet grass. I had to winch her out and the whole time she was freaking out telling me to hurry because she was already late and cussing the neighbor because if they hadn't parked in the street she would have had plenty of room to back out and wouldn't have got stuck. Just last week she backed out of the garage (late again) and backed at an angle straight into my daughters car... this time is was my daughters fault...why? I don't know, and she never explains. When she is pushed for an explanation as to why shes mad, or why its my fault she just changes the subject... or gets madder. She always loses things, keys, phone, shoes, hairbrush....and it is always because someone moved them, not because she just dropped them somewhere random. I don't even help her look anymore. How many times have I heard her freak out about leaving her phone in Target (actually she did that once) or the cashier at Walmart kept her debit card, only for her to find the missing item a few minutes later, but only after she puts everyone around trough a living hell and gets infuriated when no one else will help her look. I don't think she is abusing Adderall in the sense that she is only taking her prescribed dose. I do think that she is taking more of her Adderall during the week and skipping it on the weekends. She literally stays in bed all day on Saturday. She might get up around 2ish to start getting ready, but that process literally lasts until she goes to bed (or I go to bed, because I always go first). She never goes out anymore, she would rather me go and get take out for dinner, as she puts it all the time "I hate people". Sunday is the same thing, she will get ready all day and then around 5 or so she will visit her mom. After visiting her mom she will go to the grocery store and do the weekly shopping... texting me non stop from the store about what we need and what do we have and about all the stupid "f...tards" at Walmart etc.... The grocery shopping is the only thing that she does anymore for the good of the family. I have to force her to go every weekend or else that would be the last chore that would get shoveled onto me. I literally do everything else! Cooking, cleaning, fixing cars, cutting grass... basically everything else that can occur in life if my responsibility. She is the victim! She is dying, one day she will be dead and we will all feel bad about how we treated her... she says this all the time. She has lupus and kidney stones... both self diagnosed...and she refuses to go to the doctor to have it confirmed and/or treated. I have offered to go with her, I have bought her supplements and offered all types of advice and encouragement, but she prefers to do nothing. She literally moans and groans all weekend long. On a more personal note, our sex life is now gone. We used to have a great sex life and actually we could never understand how other couples could make it without sex at least a couple times a week. This happened really gradually and then escalated quickly over the last year. Now sex is maybe once a month and that is only if I really, really, really am careful not to piss her off during the day (which means I essentially have to leave the house) and if I fulfill all her wishes that day, then I might get lucky. Many times I have pandered to her all day only to get cut out at the end by a manufactured outrage, eg. "why did you roll your eyes"? I always feel anymore like she is doing me a favor... I have read where others have referred to there significant other as being emotionally vacant, I can totally relate. I really feel as though my wife doesn't feel emotions anymore. She makes cold comments sometimes that make me feel uneasy. I honestly don't feel like she loves me anymore, and have told her so. I know a lot of this may sound like typical marital stress, and I'm sure some of it is, but prior to Adderall our marriage was much better. My wife has zero interest in anything anymore, she goes to work Monday-Friday, stays up most of the night, falls asleep on the couch and then on the weekends she does nothing but stay in bed and on Sunday evening she will go to the grocery store. I am at my wits end and I know the stress of dealing with this is affecting me and my kids. Anyhow, this is my story to date... thanks for letting me share...
nic123 posted a topic in Tell your storyTrying to figure out if this is a mental health disorder induced by Adderall or a mixture of things. Or Adderall addiction? My husband and I’ve been together for 14 years and my life completely changed on me 4 1/2 months ago. My husband has past and present addiction issues. He was diagnosed as a child with ADD and has not been on any medication for many years. Then about 1 year ago. Adderall came into our lives and, it changed him. Within a year and a half, I have dealt with severe mood swings, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, easily irritated. When he got angry he would sometimes say self harm comments.= and was sleeping very little. We began fighting more once he got on Adderall and we really did not fight much the last few years. This past year I felt I was walking on eggshells in my house. I told him that I felt this medication was not right for him and he needed to talk to the doctor, but he defends it. He says it has more pros for him like super confidence, focus and weight loss. I know he would take more than prescribed. There were weekly morning anxiety fits if nothing went how he wanted in the morning. It got so bad that my dogs would come by me whenever he did anything passive aggressive. His daily cocktail consists of energy drinks, high potency marijuana, cigarettes, Adderall 30 RX and a bit of an excessive spender. In the middle of July, my marriage abruptly ended. The night before a big fight , my husband did not sleep at all and he really had not slept the last couple days since refilling his Adderall prescription and had some drinks the night before. I has stopped at home after work before I went to an appointment and I could tell his mood wasn’t good and he didn’t sleep the night before. When I returned it was like all hell broke loose. My husband really wanted to start a family and I did too. He was upset because he had found out his friend was going to have a baby and we were not pregnant and he felt I wasn’t trying and their was no intimacy. I wanted to start a family, but did have concerns about his recent behavior since being on Adderall. I know the last two months were not as active in the intimacy department, but we always were intimate every month. I will admit there were times I just didn’t feel like it, and as I talk about it to my Therapist I believe it was because everything that was going on. My husband spent more time to himself and I felt I was taking on more responsibilities around house. He felt that I wasn’t wanting to have kids and wasn’t trying which was not true. Sure, I could have done more I agree, but to say I wasn’t planning on having children is not true. Then a few days later, after I am asking him to come back home, apologizing trying to figure out what happened we had an angry phone call for about two hours. He yelled horrible things, called me names. Not something he would do. He said things that did not make sense to me at all. So within a few day of the fight, he filed for divorce and then no really type of communication. While he still had not let me know his decision regarding marriage counseling, I was informed about him being on a dating websites and didn’t even try to attempt to save the marriage. He never told me that he did not want to do counseling, just told me he needed time to think. He was still angry about a fight we had a few weeks back. I had said some mean things to him out of anger and frustration; I didn’t help I had some drinks before hand. Left the house and all his responsibilities and I have not seen him since. Is this Adderall behavior or addiction behavior or maybe something else? Once on Adderall his personality changed and he just isolated himself . We would argued with him about how he was not present in the house. Increased anxiety and panic attacks become very noticeable after getting on Adderall. I was thinking about divorce back in November. I was so tried of the fights and passive aggressive behavior, but decided on marriage counseling instead. We barley attended couseling and never got to any issues. We stopped going but agreed to continue in the fall. I know I was not happy about this, but since he went and said he would continue in the fall I agreed. I'm left wondering is it possibly some type of manic episode? Or the Adderall or a mixture of everything has brought this on? From what I have read if someone taking Adderall or any stimulant, it can increase the risk of manic type behavior if medications are not monitored. His personality did change a lot in a year and a half. This was all very confusing to me. I spent 14 years with him and have forgiven and rebuilt trust on many occasions, and now he is gone. My heart has not caught up with my mind yet. Everything is still raw with the pain of losing a person you loved so much. My future was just ripped out under me. I was really trying so hard to get us to marriage counseling because this could have been easily worked out and we really could have acquired new skills of interacting. Instead of having kids now, I am getting a divorce trying to figure what happened. It just is very shocking and hurtful when it is all of a sudden gone. I had lengthy discussions with my therapist about the behavior displayed, and the rants. Her comment was until he got completely off everything he really could not be diagnosed. He has treated me very cold and with such disdain and I never once in a million years would have saw this from him.
I am working on a relationship book. I need some input from the ladies out there. This is not a man bashing post, so please be decent. I need your top relationship issue. Just a quick description of what is your biggest issue with your boyfriend/spouse/partner. For example: "I have a full time job, and I have to do all of the housework." I appreciate the input. Guys, feel free to comment. I appreciate your point of view as well. This book will not be about how terrible men are...don't worry.