Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'mental illness'.
Found 2 results
Clavicula posted a topic in Tell your storyHi! I am two days sober. I had two intense cravings today, but I got through it simply by waiting. I don't even try to fight it and say: no, I won't use amphetamine, I simply wait fifteen minutes and see if I still want to use it. By then the cravings have completely passed. Some background about me. I am eighteen years old. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (schizoaffective, bipolar type) when I was a freshman in high school and had a psychotic break. In sophomore year of high school I started stealing my brother's ADHD pills. I didn't even get high at first. I would take a pill, and then literally take a nap. But I started to become sensitized to the pills and extremely addicted to them. I would use them every day, multiple times a day. I was also recently prescribed an antidepressant and already having my first manic episode, so the amphetamine just made it much, much worse. I had a very very bad, traumatic, manic break a couple of weeks after stopping the Adderall pills along with all of my antipsychotic medication and my antidepressant. I'm talking, running down the street naked at one AM, covered in blood screaming at people about UFOs while cutting myself. I was tackled by the police, handcuffed to the gurney in the ambulance, and forcibly injected with tranquilizers then hospitalized. I have been on involuntary psychiatric holds probably about twenty or more times throughout my life, I have lost count. Since being diagnosed when I was fourteen, I haven't gone more than a couple months without some sort of psychiatric intervention. At first this was because I was delusional and refused to take my meds, and later it was because of suicidal thoughts and two attempts once I gained insight into how I was sick and how shitty my life was, and also because of the mood swings associated with my amphetamine addiction. My most recent hospitalization was a week ago, when I stuck my head in the oven like Sylvia Plath to kill myself because I was going through amphetamine withdrawal. Withdrawals have become dangerous for me in the past due to suicidal thoughts. I have two suicide attempts, the other was in April 2018 when I was withdrawing from kratom and Adderall and overdosed on a sedative and a bottle of liquor and locked myself in the bathroom and passed out. They had to pump my stomach. For me, the amphetamine abuse and the mental illness go hand in hand. Mania feels almost exactly like Adderall, and Adderall feels almost exactly like mania. When I am manic I want to take drugs to increase the feeling, and when I take drugs I just become more manic. I know for a fact that the two very simple things I have to do to stay out of the hospital, which I have not quite figured out how to do even after all these years, is SIMPLY: 1. Take my medication. 2. Stop taking drugs. I have got the medication down, I am compliant, but I have not figured out how to stop taking stimulant drugs. Recently, in the past year, my use has not been Adderall but an even stronger stimulant you can buy in a nasal spray I will not name over the counter at any pharmacy. This has been troublesome, because going to pick up my meds has been a trigger. I am two days sober. I relapsed on Thursday morning after three days sober. I have been to two AA meetings, and plan to go to the Dual Recovery meeting on Monday. I know now that I have to change, but damn it it's fucking hard! The withdrawals seriously suck. I didn't realize, since I only used every OTHER day, that I would experience withdrawals, but I guess after years of consistent use that I would. I relapsed on Thursday because I couldn't stand the depression and fatigue. This time, I got some supplements which have been helping me massively with energy levels during the withdrawals. I want to quit kratom when I move in two weeks, but I learned that it is too much to quit both Adderall and kratom at once right now. My kratom use is not extreme and I don't expect much withdrawals. I plan to get through these two weeks before I move to another state, and hopefully attend meetings as much as possible. The kratom will go eventually, but it's not the most major problem I have. I would just like to not be dependent on anything, even a mild herb. What has been working for me in terms of coping with cravings is simply praying the rosary whenever I experience a craving. The craving passes after I pray it. I am a very religious person and want to become an Episcopal priest after I learn to manage my mental illness and addiction better. I have actually been doing better with my mental illness. The psychosis is mostly gone, the mania is under control, I'm just still learning how to cope with depression occasionally. I know depression will be really bad in the first month. I have been having really bad nightmares and also really wonderful, pleasant vivid dreams at once. Any tips on anything? Thanks for reading.
nic123 posted a topic in Tell your storyTrying to figure out if this is a mental health disorder induced by Adderall or a mixture of things. Or Adderall addiction? My husband and I’ve been together for 14 years and my life completely changed on me 4 1/2 months ago. My husband has past and present addiction issues. He was diagnosed as a child with ADD and has not been on any medication for many years. Then about 1 year ago. Adderall came into our lives and, it changed him. Within a year and a half, I have dealt with severe mood swings, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, easily irritated. When he got angry he would sometimes say self harm comments.= and was sleeping very little. We began fighting more once he got on Adderall and we really did not fight much the last few years. This past year I felt I was walking on eggshells in my house. I told him that I felt this medication was not right for him and he needed to talk to the doctor, but he defends it. He says it has more pros for him like super confidence, focus and weight loss. I know he would take more than prescribed. There were weekly morning anxiety fits if nothing went how he wanted in the morning. It got so bad that my dogs would come by me whenever he did anything passive aggressive. His daily cocktail consists of energy drinks, high potency marijuana, cigarettes, Adderall 30 RX and a bit of an excessive spender. In the middle of July, my marriage abruptly ended. The night before a big fight , my husband did not sleep at all and he really had not slept the last couple days since refilling his Adderall prescription and had some drinks the night before. I has stopped at home after work before I went to an appointment and I could tell his mood wasn’t good and he didn’t sleep the night before. When I returned it was like all hell broke loose. My husband really wanted to start a family and I did too. He was upset because he had found out his friend was going to have a baby and we were not pregnant and he felt I wasn’t trying and their was no intimacy. I wanted to start a family, but did have concerns about his recent behavior since being on Adderall. I know the last two months were not as active in the intimacy department, but we always were intimate every month. I will admit there were times I just didn’t feel like it, and as I talk about it to my Therapist I believe it was because everything that was going on. My husband spent more time to himself and I felt I was taking on more responsibilities around house. He felt that I wasn’t wanting to have kids and wasn’t trying which was not true. Sure, I could have done more I agree, but to say I wasn’t planning on having children is not true. Then a few days later, after I am asking him to come back home, apologizing trying to figure out what happened we had an angry phone call for about two hours. He yelled horrible things, called me names. Not something he would do. He said things that did not make sense to me at all. So within a few day of the fight, he filed for divorce and then no really type of communication. While he still had not let me know his decision regarding marriage counseling, I was informed about him being on a dating websites and didn’t even try to attempt to save the marriage. He never told me that he did not want to do counseling, just told me he needed time to think. He was still angry about a fight we had a few weeks back. I had said some mean things to him out of anger and frustration; I didn’t help I had some drinks before hand. Left the house and all his responsibilities and I have not seen him since. Is this Adderall behavior or addiction behavior or maybe something else? Once on Adderall his personality changed and he just isolated himself . We would argued with him about how he was not present in the house. Increased anxiety and panic attacks become very noticeable after getting on Adderall. I was thinking about divorce back in November. I was so tried of the fights and passive aggressive behavior, but decided on marriage counseling instead. We barley attended couseling and never got to any issues. We stopped going but agreed to continue in the fall. I know I was not happy about this, but since he went and said he would continue in the fall I agreed. I'm left wondering is it possibly some type of manic episode? Or the Adderall or a mixture of everything has brought this on? From what I have read if someone taking Adderall or any stimulant, it can increase the risk of manic type behavior if medications are not monitored. His personality did change a lot in a year and a half. This was all very confusing to me. I spent 14 years with him and have forgiven and rebuilt trust on many occasions, and now he is gone. My heart has not caught up with my mind yet. Everything is still raw with the pain of losing a person you loved so much. My future was just ripped out under me. I was really trying so hard to get us to marriage counseling because this could have been easily worked out and we really could have acquired new skills of interacting. Instead of having kids now, I am getting a divorce trying to figure what happened. It just is very shocking and hurtful when it is all of a sudden gone. I had lengthy discussions with my therapist about the behavior displayed, and the rants. Her comment was until he got completely off everything he really could not be diagnosed. He has treated me very cold and with such disdain and I never once in a million years would have saw this from him.