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I didn't take the adderall on Friday & actually felt good & wasn't coma like & feelin like dying. (I've been taking 30mg daily for the past year, 60mg before that). But saturday it hit me in the face like a huge brick. I ended up taking it and guess what... i felt even MORE like shit. I literally sat on my chair staring at the wall having NO motivation to do anything.. I did that for 4 hours. I felt "STUCK" if that makes sense. Stuck in a horrible horrible chemical induced hell. Yesterday I took 15mg and felt the same shitty stuck nasty feeling. But once it wore off, I started feeling better! And not only that but I was able to feel my creativity come back... the one thing that is worth everything to me! This is what I wrote: Dehydrated with a killer migraine. Memories engrained I try to kick to the curb. Paint my souls portrait into words...I used to do without an effort. Till I met Esther the go getter. Courtesy of my chemical endeavors. Such a careless fool i was at the time. But I'm ready to forgive her. Paying off the debt I owe. Reaping what I sow. And I've never felt so low. But I've never had such hope either. I keep telling myself it's okay. Even when I'm not okay. I keep telling myself it's okay. Knowing it will manifest one day. Perception is reality. Searched for a remedy in spirituality. Transcend this fake illusion. Hoping it will shift my current state. Can u relate? Transmutate this self hate cuz I'm tired of one too many heartaches... knowing now that I did it to myself. Love will never come ur way if u dont love yourself. And I hate cliche ass quotes, but I awoke to the truth and I finally understand. The energy you give will smack you in the face with a backhand. Put u in ur place where u belong. Leave u stranded in the snow with nothin but a thong on. But I keep it moving with style and grace... I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want funnel cake - "Getting off the Addies" 12/17/2012