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Hi - I had successfully quit a three-year prescription use of Adderall for severe fatigue, ADD, and depression a couple of summers ago and here I am again. I have suffered from severe bipolar II depression for many years now. I also suffer from chronic pain and fatigue, along with ADD. I was put on Adderall around 2010 and never made the connection that my depression was getting so much worse due to it. I almost had ECT and the doctor told me to get off my meds and see how I felt. Well, I got myself off of Adderall. I was on about 40 mg ER a day. Then I got myself off of Cymbalta. Then I got myself off of my cannabis habit, which I was going on and off with for years. I was feeling pretty good after a while apart from stress in my life of moving around trying to find the right place to live. I have been partially disabled from my conditions since about 2001 after a bad car accident. So I've had special needs and in trying to think of my future after getting priced out of Denver and listening to my mother try and dictate my life and dangle a carrot in front of my face of a house some day if I can find a place affordable enough. So I settled on some hip little town in NC., having never spent any time there really and knowing no one. Compared to where I was, it was a little cheaper - though not for long.... I should have known better that it would not be sunny enough for me, regardless of what everyone else kept telling me about it. I also have severe SAD. This place rains a lot and by about October, I started to feel slightly depressed. By Decmeber, I was extremely depressed and had no energy whatsoever. There are not many medications I can take due to the bipolar. I still had some Adderall around (just in case my fatigue got really bad, I thought I'd use it if I needed to push through something and I did on occasion). This winter, I ended up taking a bit here and there and found it helped a lot. I got in to see a psychiatrist and she gave me an Rx for immediate release Adderall, Wellbutrin, and Lamictal. Wellbutrin is supposed to help with SAD but due to my bipolar disorder, I was unable to take a therapuetic dose. At first I only took 10 mg of Adderall a day and then slowly graduated up to 20 mg. and sometimes a bit more. This was in January when I started. Now it is June and I realized that my depression has turned right back into the awful "Adderall has turned against me" sense of hollowness, I want to kill myself, I don't care about anything despair - and with that dull depression headache. I have to say it did help me get things done during the winter. All I did was socialize a little and work as much as I could on my home business so I could afford to move out of here at the end of my lease this August. Now I need to get off of it again before I kill myself. I was hoping I would enjoy this place for the summer before I moved, but now it looks like I will be spending it mostly alone again, working my way through withdrwal, and all with the added stress of having to move again - back to Colorado, though to a different area I liked in Southern Colorado - with plenty more sun. I am hoping the low dose of Wellbutrin will ease this and then I can work my way off of that. I will take my B-Complex, L-Tyrosine, and NAC, which I took last time. Also something to suppor the adrenals. I also borrowed a friend's alpha-stim for an hour and it helped so much that I found a way to buy one for around $415.00. I get it this Monday and I am sure that will make this less painful this time. I also realize I've been having heightened anxiety since starting Adderall as well. I wonder it if has not been the cause of a lot of dark and scary thoughts. I have been off of cannabis for about 15 months and then I had a slip recently because I was so depressed and wound up and nothing else was working. I was sure I was going to end up in the hospital that day so I thought, Why not? Well, I felt even more dull the next day and decided to go back to no cannabis again. In fact, I realize now that I was using more cannabis on my last go-around with Adderall because it was the only thing that got me out of that sou-sinkling motivationless pit I was always in. My year-long battle with severe depression and trying to find the best place for me as I get older has put me through absolute hell, especially the past few years. I know once I recover from the Adderall withdrawal, I will feel more positive and ready to go forward again. I kept wondering why I wasn't feeling better with so much more sun lately and then I realized the Adderall had finally turned on me. I know the exact quality of feeling from last time. It definitely takes away enthusiasm and caring about things after a while. I just can't get motivated or excited about anything. When I got through the withdrawal last time, I defintely felt more motivated and alive again. I know it is possible to get through it. I don't think it took as long as I thought it would either. So here I go again. Just wanted to share. At the time it seemed like a good idea....out of desperation with severe SAD symptoms. It helped for a while at least and now it's time to go through this again. At least I know what to expect. Cat
lightofthetunnel posted a topic in Tell your storyWell hello there! This story is about this 20 year old documenting his quitting process of adderall, hopefully cold turkey. I will document each day in detail how i feel, dosage, and if i slip up after a week. now my introductions are usually more organized and focused, but...im not on adderall!!! yes, after more than half my life on adderall, i'm finally throwing the sweat rag (am i right?) and i can feel emotion rushing back to me. ahem! Day 1: well, this is the first day of no adderall. i am prescribed a whopping 60 mg's a day, took 20 yesterday, now none (may seem like a big drop off, but for me, thats "weening" in a way). ill be honest its really nice in some ways! instead of binging with no sleep, its binging to go eat. instead of clammy hands and a cold heart, its a daring man with a warm start. "I'm tireless and im wireless"-George Carlin. now. we know quitting aderrall isn't sunshine and rainbows so ill end this days entry. (ill make this a little shorter) Day 2: I'm still enjoying the freedom to feel. of course im more clumsy, feel pain, disorganized, sleep all the time, about to gain 15 pounds in a week and have occasional emotional mini-meltdowns, but at least this way i can laugh about any of that happening. i start to notice the cons of adderral after making it one day without any. on adderral i would've noticed the cons of everything else. even happiness. (this remains for the next 2 days as well)(Day 4 is a little bumpy) Day 5: Oh boy! i have a bottle with 58 IR's of 30 mils just taunting me when i wake up, but I'm documenting this, i hate heart twinges, my friends notice im more balanced mood-wise, i love eating & sleeping, and the ability to laugh. Im looking for every reason by now not to take any of those sweet, addy-girls.(they are sweet, they're the orange ones) they look so tantalizing, but i resist. and its going to get a lot worse. Day 6: Dilemma! so im applying for college, christmas shopping, and cleaning before relatives arrive. its all such bs i swear, but this is god testing me in probably the worst time in my life to quit adderral, or is it the best. I guess do your best at your worst, and your worst will get better! (i just made that up) anyway, im a musician who wrote a LOT of music on adderral. you know those all-nighters? yeah, i rocked those. (sorry if im making it sound worse) now i lack all motivation to play guitar or write songs, but i still crave to. weird huh? I even crave the desire of cigarettes on adderall, even though im still smoking them. all these little reasons building up, but this venting is helping a significant amount.