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  1. this is so hard

    -I've used a LOT of adderall ever since I began attending law school over a decade ago. I heard of other students taking it to get and stay ahead in a highly competitive environment, so I jumped on that band wagon. Since then, I have had periods where I have stopped taking it. About three and a half years ago, I went through a really bad break up and changed jobs. I got back on Adderall. At first it helped tremendously with my mood, losing weight, being able to work and not think about my broken heart. About six months ago, however, I began burning through my perscriptions really, really fast. Like two weeks early. And then I would be in withdrawal til the next script day--which was like Christmas. But even with those scripts, the first couple of days would be good and productive, but more and more, i felt less and less like I did anything besides sit around and think. So, eventually, when I had burned through a script really fast, I decided not to keep taking them--figuring that the worst of withdrawal was over and they had become counter productive anyway. For several weeks I did feel like I had a new lease on life. Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, shopping, household projects were all fun and I was doing them all because it just felt good too--not because I was in absolute dire straights to get them done for the first time in i can't remember how long. But that feeling seems to have worn off too. now I just feel tired, and a lot of anxiety. I know it is work related, but it is so hard for me to get any work done. It's been about 30 days since I quit. I also used to be a big pilates buff and I cannot even seem to get the easiest workouts completed, but when I feel that anxiety I try really hard to exercise to help relieve it. I'm glad I'm not living on adderall, but I still feel miserable. How can i get myself into good work habits? how can i get myself in to good eating/exercise habbits? how can i manage this anxiety/depression? thanks all for listening.