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  1. Quarantine qualms

    29f Philadelphia, using for 9 yrs, prescribed for 7 and abusing for at least 3. Quit alcohol 9 mos ago (yay) and it was easy bc it was destroying my life. I'll never drink again. The same voice that told me I had a drinking problem has resurfaced with a new message and it's that I have to stop this. I don't want to. I used Adderall to get in shape and because of tolerance I am not only not In shape but I'm already the heaviest I've been ever so f* me for my lack of discipline. I know my metabolism is destroyed. Even when I take Adderall as prescribed, I manage to be lethargic and lay around so basically increasing dose and tolerance for nothing. I'm prescribed 25xr per day and recently my doctor added 10mg ir for late afternoon. I'm shocked at how willimg she was to increase. I'm working from home, living in my dad's basement and work is slow, so if I needed to sleep all day I could definitely do that. I don't want to gain weight. I'm scared if I quit I will gain weight and then relapse and continue gaining. When I quit alc I gained 10lbs and relapsed, and when I quit again I gained more. I don't feel confident in my will to stop. I will almost certainly quit and convince myself to start again when I feel like my tolerance has lowered. I just took an XR, I have half a script left. But I know the direction my neglected internal compass is leading me. The seed of knowing what I have to do has been planted, I hope it will continue to grow and give me strength to do this.