Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'quitting'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Quitting Adderall Forums
    • Announcements
    • Tell your story
    • General Discussion
    • Lounge (off-topic stuff)
    • Supplements, Energy Drinks, and Alternatives
    • Member locations (for meetups)

Calendars

  • Community Calendar

Found 46 results

  1. Hi everyone, My name is Melinda and I am writing an article about adderall and its users. If you fit this description, please keep reading: -heavy user/addict OR ex heavy user/addict -ages 16-25 OR used when ages 16-25 -grew up in suburbs I would like to share your story in an informative article that I am submitting to many mainstream magazines. It is about adderall as a trend, especially in many wealthy suburbs. I am exploring this phenomenon and your story would really help some people. You can remain anonymous if you like. If you are interested in participating and being interviewed via email, please emails cre8tivewritingmelinda@gmail.com . Let me know if you have any questions, and thank you for reading!
  2. Sometimes I think, I wish I had never been introduced to Adderall. Because had I not, I would have experienced 2 years of life that I lost to this drug. But I learned so much about myself through this whole process, and I believe I am a stronger individual because of it. As a disclaimer, I write this as someone who has never had ADHD or needed any such medication. How it began: The story of how I started abusing this drug begins like many others. I was excelling at a (very) competitive university all on my own, but one day I decided to take an Adderall that was offered to me. It was just half of a 10 mg and I loved it. With my heart beating fast and euphoria racing through my veins, I studied all night and the next day. I conned my way into getting a prescription and the rest is history. I would rip through my high-dosage bottles after 2 weeks. This occurred for two years. Through my addiction, I gained a fair amount of weight and lost confidence. My addiction weakened my resolve all around, and made me a person I didn't recognize. I didn't sleep, I binge ate carbs, I was grouchy, I was antisocial and awkward. I'd rather have cleaned my room than hang out with my friends. (I'm sure if you're reading this, you are familiar with all of this). I tried to quit a few times, but it failed when I became miserable and anxious over my laziness and constant snacking. With the stress of school, and seeing pictures of myself with extra weight on myself, I would always get back on the Adderall. It was a vicious, vicious cycle: Decide it’s time to quit —> binge eat, sleep all day—> hate myself, become anxious about school/work —> get back on Adderall —> tweak out, not sleep —> build up tolerance/run out of pills —> decide it’s time to quit —> binge eat, sleep—>anxiety—> get back on, ETC.! HOW TO CONQUER IT: A vicious cycle is the damn truth. I wish I had a better solution for you but the truth is: the only way out is THROUGH. You have to give yourself the withdrawal month or 2 months of being lazy, of snacking, of sleeping. You’ve got to find a way to be OK with gaining weight and being lazy. You’ve got to give yourself the self compassion that you need, instead of beating yourself up about the whole thing. As someone who is extremely self-critical about my looks and my willpower, I’ll admit this is not an easy thing to do. But here is where you have to put the big picture into vision. You either go through this time in your life, and yes it’s going to suck, OR you continue to lose your life to this drug. You stay in the same damn Adderall cycle for the rest of your life. You miss out on real human interaction, on feeling the humanness that bonds us to people. You miss out on love, laughter, and life. At times, it’s going to seem “not worth it” to quit. I experienced this in my cycle when I tried to quit and failed. I would think, “omg, I can’t now, I have this big event where I need to look good, or this big test!”. But tell me- when are you going to do it? Is there ever an ideal time? Well, no there’s really not. Because life is always going to seem better when you’re not a lazy slug, off your meds eating half the pantry. But like I said, you’ve gotta go through it. That is truly, truly, the only way out. No more time for excuses: “I’m gonna get really skinny then get off Adderall; I’m gonna nail this test then go off.” Because you’re literally always going to have those excuses. Put your blinders on and focus on what really matters. And give yourself compassion. Life is hard, you’re only human. But quitting is truly the BEST thing you can do for yourself. Making that decision and doing it is admirable, and you should be proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself even as you’re sitting there devouring a bag of Doritos and napping for 3 hours. When you feel like yourself again (and you will), you’re going to care about yourself and your wellness. You’re going to lose that weight and get back into shape the way you used to: exercise and healthy eating, NOT Adderall starvation. It’s not going to be easy watching yourself transform from a tweaked-out busy bee to a lazy slug; but for you to become the pre-Adderall YOU again, that transformation has to happen. You will become the person you are meant to be when you end the cycle once and for all. Those are the things I learned from my experience quitting. I am still working on getting back in shape and building up my good habits again, but I can tell you that I’m a huge leap and bound away from the slug that I was in my withdrawal month/2 months. Most importantly however, I am myself again. I feel ease in my soul because I am living life as the woman I was born to be. So last words about quitting: It sucks when you’re in it but STAY IN IT to make it out. The only way out is through. And you WILL make it through. Give yourself compassion, give yourself time. You got this.
  3. I wasn't sure where to post this topic so I posted it in general discussion. Has anyone taken Lexapro while on Adderall? While I was on adderall for a year I believed I was depressed and my doctor put me on Lexapro. Now Im almost hitting two months off adderall and I'm thinking I should get off the Lexapro as well. I'm scared I won't be able to handle it and become extremely emotionally unstable- although I feel like I'm emotionally numb most of the time. Any advice? Thank you all for being here.
  4. So I'm on one month with no adderall. It's been a struggle. I am hungry all the time, have no motivation, and can see my muscles becoming flimsy. I've been taking L-Tyrosine as recommended as soon as I wake up on an empty stomach- it has been helping. I can see myself gaining weight as a opposed to when I was working out on adderall. It's such a bummer. Though there are some pros to quitting. Time doesn't feel like it's going by as fast. And my mouth isn't as cut up as it use to be. What are so practices that quitters on here have done to help them stay off adderall? To not help them eat all the time? Any book or podcast recommendations? Please help
  5. Tried Many Times to Quit

    Hi everyone. I'm new to these forums, but not new to trying to quit adderall. I'm 22 years old have have been on adderall for 5 years. I took it to help with ADD and initially I thought it really helped. I was actually able to focus on homework and my job and really feel confident in myself. Like all of you know it eventually becomes a curse. Any sort of job I have is traumatic without adderall and is the main reason I keep taking it. I've taken it long enough that the days I don't, I'm so depressed and low on energy to even shower and go anywhere. I can't seem to do anything without the medication and really want off of it. The longest I've ever been able to go without adderall is a week before I am too depressed and lifeless that I feel the need to relapse, usually because of work or piled up chores. I've tried to get by only using adderall situationally but as you all know this always leads to taking it regularly again. Recently I went 5 days without taking it (which is the longest I've gone in a LONG time) and it was more or less do'able until today when I had to work. About an hour and a half in I experienced extreme anxiety and incompetence and just couldn't bare it. Reluctantly I ended up taking the smallest dose I could to make it through the day. I was so sad and felt like this whole week suffering through withdrawals was for nothing. This cycle needs to end. For those of you who quit adderall successfully, what helped? I have a loving family but they don't understand this struggle I'm going through. Every attempt to quit is failed when I feel overwhelming hopelessness during withdrawal and feel like I have no choice but to take a small dose. I'm getting set up with a therapist that I want to see once a day until the most severe withdrawal effects are over. Other than that I have no clue how to go about this the right way... Please anyone, help me beat this. I can't afford to keep losing this battle.
  6. Hi everyone- A few of you know that I have been in denial about quitting / wanting to quit. i thought I could control my dosage and I was lying to myself when I said adderall helps me. Adderall does not do anything but put me in a vicious self destructing cycle. I want my personality, since of humor, and the want for friends back. i want to relax and enjoy life. I binged twice this month. Once at a music festival and then in the following week to work long hours at my job to make up for being out of town. for those of you who do not know, I work as a stripper. A Lot of the other dancers do the job sober, and they make more money because they are not caught up in partying. I hope that once I quit adderall, I will still be able to do my job, because I like it. I know adderall tricks you into thinking you like doing shit you dont, but I love dancing and if anything adderall is hurting my work performance. It makes me disassociate and too cracked out to hold a conversation. Fortunately, I have made enough money during my binge, to go the next month work free and then I will only have to go in twice a week following that month to pay my current bills. That is enough time to get my brain chemically dependent off addy, and then I can see what life will be like as a sober stripper.... that will be interesting. ANYWAY.... I AM FREAKING OUT because I just flushed precious pills down the toilet. I cant believe I did that when I just drove an hour yesterday to buy 15 more to hold me over until I can pick up my script next week. I AM ALSO PROUD OF MYSELF for doing so... I obviously could not do the wean off method.. I failed MISERABLY. I don't have any pills to tempt me, and after reading the articles on this blog about how to quit OVER AND OVER and reading through the forums for hours on addy.... I can say that I am READY to quit. So here it goes guys... here begins my quitting journey... just looking at the first 30 days ahead without adderall scares the shit out of me, but being stuck in this addy tornado forever scares me more. Never thought I would ever flush pills down the toilet.... im sad that I let things get so out of hand, but im also hopeful and ready for a new life. No one knows about my addiction or my quitting, so in a way writing this is my support. I am so lucky to have found this site or else I would have never thought there was hope in recovery.
  7. Rehab for adderall addiction?

    Has anyone gone to rehab? Inpatient or outpatient? If so what was your experience like? My family is very much trying to send me to an inpatient one
  8. I worked in a field that required fast writing on a strict deadline. This had always been challenging but not insurmountable. While on the medication I would sink into a sort of trance. I'd lose track of time in this fog and simple tasks became overwhelming. I would rewrite copy over and over, making insignificant changes and taking forever to complete. I'd re-edit video, fixating on minute details and forgetting the big picture. I would over research every story, reading article after article and then be paralyzed with anxiety to realize I had only minutes to print my work. I told myself I was being a perfectionist and doing a thorough job, but I was really causing stress for my co-workers and ultimately compromising the product for everyone, by missing deadlines and causing chaos by my lateness. I'd vow every morning to be faster, but with the pills, it was more a matter of chemistry than will power. After several warnings I was let go. I made excuses to myself and others but inside I knew the cause of the problem and my responsibility for letting the situation continue. The saddest part is even with this understanding, I continued using. Now I've burned through my unemployment in an endless tunnel of twitter news feeds, podcasts and other internet drifting. No motivation for anything else. I got a lot of reading done and applied for a smattering of jobs over the last 10 months, but in general I'm ashamed because I've never had more free time and accomplished less. Now I've been tapering off and ready to be done forever, but I'm intimidated to start the job quest / return to the world thing without them. The withdrawal funk is intense and I can't let it impede my quest for work. I wasted the luxury of time and savings, so now I'm hoping caffeine and perseverance will get me over the gap. Just found this forum today and it's already been very helpful and encouraging, so thought I'd share. Thanks
  9. Strange habits after quitting? Nail biting

    Hey everyone, I was wondering if anyone else has a similar experience: my entire life I bit my fingernails without being able to ever kick the habit (tried really hard too!), then during my adderall/Ritalin years I stopped biting completely without even realizing it. On adderall, I never had the urge to bite them. It's always about 1-2 weeks after taking my last pill that the nail biting starts again. And obviously it's not as easy as just saying "hey self, don't bite your nails" otherwise nobody would bite their nails in the first place. Have you had similar quirks or habits? Any advice for how to not start biting my nails again this time around? So far I'm just on a general will power/ rewards system (there's a manicure in my future.) And anyone know why this is? This compulsive habit magically stops on adderall, but adderall isn't a good solution. Thanks!
  10. Offically cutting the cord

    So I just sent an email to my psych to tell her that I am discontinuing adderall. I've tried to ask to stop in the past but when I am in the room with her I just tense up and accept an up in dose or whatever she wants to try. I didn't get into specifics or the extent to my use but I am hoping this is going to be the end of this hell that taking adderall for the last couple years has sent me to.I wouldn't get to see her for a few months in person so the most immediate way to do this just seemed to be by email which is better because I actually don't think I could have said it to her face. Every time I'd use all my supply I would count the days until I could order another refill even if I was happier being off the adderall which is the most defeating part of all this. I am hoping that since my psych is aware that I am going to stop she will either make it impossible to submit a refill request or she'd simply decline it if I broke down and tried to get another refill later this month. I've taken my month's supply in 3-4 days and I am just about out of pills and I know when I am off adderall I will try to convince myself that I can control myself the next refill. I'll probably tell myself lies about why it's helpful and just ignore the negative side of this drug. Anyways, I don't have anyone who I can talk to especially about this subject, so that's why I'm even posting this. Hoping for the best from this moment forward
  11. How did I get to this point?

    Hey guys...here's my introduction and battle with Adderall for anyone who cares to read. Sorry in advance for the long post. First time I took Adderall was like the other 98% of you all...in college trying to studying for finals haha. I tried it for the first time my junior year during finals week, but didn't like how it made me feel or the appetite suppression. It did make me perform academic tasks with ease...however the cons outweighed the "pros" to me at the time. I was a Top 15 Division 1 athlete then so the heart racing and whole not eating thing would have been detrimental...plus at the time, I didn't think this was a miracle drug or anything that I actually needed in my life. After my senior year I decided I no longer wanted to pursue a Professional career playing my sport (biggest mistake of my life) so I started Grad School shortly after. I had a roommate at the time who took adderall to study so I would take some of his here and there for a big test or a full day of studying. A few months into school I decided to get my own script, which was easily obtained, and there you have it...I had my first Adderall prescription, 20 mg IR. Throughout school, I never took more than 10 mg at a time and no more than 2-3x a week as I was still very physically active and did not feel the need to take it often. I would take frequent breaks or hiatuses...a months prescription would easily last me 2 months. This lasted about 2 years. Fast forward to beginnig of 2015, this is when the potential abuse started to manifest itself. At the time I was not happy where I was at career-wise and felt like I kept fucking things up. This is when I Got my script changed to 30mg IR...and took it almost daily, taking weekend breaks. I was very physically active at this time, and actually in the best shape of my life, working out actually was the only thing that allowed control over my usage. A few months later.... I started my own business and would occasionally take 45-60mg on days that "I had a lot to do". Over halfway into the year, I got an amazing work opportunity and left the country for 60 days. I wanted to focus on my physical fitness on my downtime, so I left the Adderall at home and went 60 days without it no problem. I thought that would be the end of it, I was no longer in school....I didn't really NEED it anymore, right? Wrong...I was so very wrong. I remember the first time I took quadruple my prescribed dose, January 2016. A few days before, I had been informed my Father had been air lifted to the ER because he had been in septic shock and was currently in ICU. I work in Emergency Medicine so I know more than the average individual about how serious his circumstance is. There was a point where his outcome was uncertain. And that's the day I took 120 mg of Adderall, immersed myself into my work, and tried to forget what was actually happening in my world. I felt awful the next day. I didn't sleep at all the night before (a first for me) and for the first time, I felt like a fucking crack head junkie piece of shit. I was sweaty, jittery, anxious, paranoid, and beyond sad at the thought of possibly losing my Father. I was so disgusted with myself and how I felt, I told myself I would never take that high of a dose again. I took a break from the Adderall for a few days, but that was about it. My Father ended up pulling through, and got out of the hospital a few weeks later and is as healthy as can be to this day. A few weeks later, I resumed my daily Adderall intake, but this time with a vengeance. I was trying to start up my own business in my spare time, so I started taking 60-80mg daily. I was no longer physically active at this time, as I wasn't eating or sleeping enough to have the energy for it. Some days I would take upwards of 100mg. It became my norm, and a months prescription would last 10 days at best. When I'd run out, I would crash HARD. Sleeping all day, no energy or motivation to do anything, except eat a LOT of fucking unhealthy food. This lasted probably 7-8 months before I finally broke down and realized I was addicted and was abusing the shit out of this drug. I couldn't believe it...me, ME?! I used to not even give a fuck about Adderall. I've been prescribe for years and always took HALF my prescribed dose for years. This couldn't happen to me, I can't be an addict. I was a collegiate athlete, I was supposed to go to the fucking Pros... I felt god awful....I couldn't get out of bed, I was depressed as hell, I had slowly cut out my family and friends for months, had been a piece of dick shit to my wonderful girlfriend for god knows how long....and was just realizing it. I no longer had hobbies,I just...was. My career took a downward spiral, my once successful startup now was going downhill....what the fuck happened to my life? And here I am today...I've tried to quit twice unsuccessfully. First time lasted a month. The second time lasted 2 months and I was starting to feel great. So I figured I could take it more responsibly this time around. Wrong again. While I don't take any after 3 PM so that I can sleep, and have stuck true to that, I still take around 50-70 mg and my script runs out in 2 weeks. I guess it's a small improvement but not really. I should have never taken it again. I'm still having a very hard time coming to turns with "being an addict"...I haven't admitted it to anyone except my girlfriend and I casually told my best friend that I "abused it once". But that's it. I don't know how to ACTUALLY quit. I feel like I need it, but I know I don't. I just wish I was back to my old self. The me who enjoys working out and cooking and music and going out and having fun. I miss the me who had genuine hobbies and interests, not this Adderall fueled bullshit version of me Anyways, for anyone who actually managed to read my incessantly long rant, I appreciate it and appreciate any words of advice anyone has for me. Thanks.
  12. Addict or just a junkie?

    Adderall is the only drug that I find myself drawn to and ever since getting my scrip I've gradually increased the amount I am taking from 20mg IR a day to two years later clocking in 150mg or so every day. Now days I find myself binging over the course a week once I get my refill (this is the third day of my binge and already through 2/3 of my month's supply. Next three weeks I am sober and have good and bad days but over the last few months I've realized I don't even feel withdrawls other than hunger. I think this cycle of on and off usage for so long has made me numb to the shitiness of detoxing which i guess is kinda nice in a way but here's my question for y'all because idk if I am just overthinking my use and blowing things out of proprtion. Sometimes I just get too in my own head that i get psyched out. How can you know if you're an addict that needs professional help/therapy and not just a person that likes taking drugs? When I'm binging I feel like a full blown out of control addict but when I am taking the rest of the month off the pills I don't really feel the need to seek other drugs for the high. In fact I feel miserable right now and I am on a lot of addy as I write this as some might be able to tell by my rambling. Idk I think subconsciously I just want someone to tell me what my fucking problem is because I'm so different on these pills and I don't even like who I am when I am taking them but I still order that refill every month with another excuse like using it in moderation (LOL) to curb my appetaite or to get a lot of school work done. More often than not anymore I'm more distracted on addy than not, I rush through school work not really learning I don't think, and sorry if this is too crude but a lot of the times I just masturbate for hours on adderall for no reason at all. So it just seems like I am not gaining ANYTHING from this medicine. My reason for taking it this weekend was because I was kinda behind in school and I am caught up now, but at what cost? I've isolated myself from my family staying in my room all day long, I've skipped classes since getting my refill, flaked on friends, go to work tweaked out and just get so fucking sweaty at work it's so embarrassing. Okay sorry for the going off on tangents so thanks for reading if you made it this far through this shit. I'd just really appreciate another person's two cents on this situation. I don't have anyone that knows the extend to this problem nor do I have friends or family that I am all that close to. I just feel so alone right now. I can't decide if i'm just hopeless or not. Any advice or anything would make my day a lot better. Okay, later. PS If it means anything, I am a 21 years old guy.
  13. Week 1

    Im 9 days without adderall. Week 1 was good, I was still motivated and happy to have myself back. But now I just feel tired and disconnected. I just want to be in bed all day and sleep. I have been having disassociation with my friends and the people I surround myself with. I get annoyed easily if people are talking about themselves too much or bias. I dont know why? I also just wonder off in conversation frequently and come off as rude. Did anyone else feel this way when quitting?
  14. Hi, I have been lurking around here for a while and truly don't know what I would have done without this resource - it's been a tremendous help to me...so thank you! Just wanted to share my story and hope that it might inspire others in their own journey, but also help me to get my thoughts out on paper as I go through this journey myself. I started taking Adderall in college -- only to get through final exams or pull an occasional all-nighter -- never had a prescription. When I first took it, I thought it was a complete miracle worker, a game changer if you will. My best friend and I wondered how we hadn't heard of this before...Look how much more "efficient" and "smarter" we would be if we took it all the time. Everything seemed fascinating to us - even the most boring of subjects - and there were a lot of them in college, trust me! We were appreciating things and topics we never cared about before...and had this crazy desire to learn about them. I was hooked. After graduating college in 2005 and going out into the "real world," I decided I had to get a prescription so I could truly excel at work. I was brought up in a family that was very driven (mostly my dad), and he was always (and is still) so proud of my accomplishments...always telling me what a hard worker I am and how proud he is of me. I never wanted to disappoint him (and still don't to this day, as I admire him deeply and care for him so very much). Needless to say, getting a script didn't take long and the process was so simple. In the first five years or so, I was able to take the medication as prescribed and didn't feel super dependent on it. Of course, it helped me tremendously in my day job and at home with chores and keeping everything tidy and in order, but I never felt the "urge" that I needed to take more and never ran out before my script could be refilled. At this time, I was managing it just fine in my mind. That all changed a few years ago. I started to become obsessive about it. I would do the same thing every month...Tell myself that I'm going to stick to my prescribed dosage (doctors orders)! Ha...That was so naive looking back. When I got down to a few pills left, I'd become truly obsessive and wonder if my doctor would fill my script a few days early. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. And sometimes pharmacies wouldn't fill it earlier so I'd work to find another that would. It was a truly vicious cycle. In 2012, I met the man of my dreams (sometime after a really bad relationship of 7.5 years that was filled with a lot of verbal abuse from him), so finding the love of my life brought a lot of things into a new light and gave me a new perspective. And of all things, I surely didn't want to hide anything from that person I loved so much, but I also didn't want him to not love me -- or think less of me -- because maybe, just maybe, what if I wasn't the person he thought I was after this awful medication I was taking? I was completely open with him about my "ADD" and he was aware of my prescription (and could tell in a heartbeat whether I had taken it or not). And if I hadn't taken it, it was because I had run out and he'd just shake his head and wonder how I could already be out with a whole week left. And he knew I'd be an entirely different person (unfocused, hard to get out of the bed in the morning, barely able to function, often complained about how tired and unmotivated I was that day and if it was the weekend...oh boy, I struggled to complete the most basic tasks or chores around the house). But when I did take it, I was damn-near superwoman (or so I thought). I'd spend hours organizing the spice cabinet (alphabetical order, of course), cleaning out the closet (honestly, looking back, I never got the MAIN, IMPORTANT things done that needed to be done around the house - the countless loads of laundry, clean bathrooms, the basic household chores that needed to be done, I was so focused on the tiniest things, but in my mind, I was organizing the HELL out of our house). After getting married in July 2016, a beautiful destination wedding where I was at my skinniest -- a sick 89 lbs, and I thought I looked fantastic! (yep, you can thank Adderall, and a dash of obligatory wedding stress for that one -- that comes with the territory, right? But here I was, I thought I was on top of the world. Even though I had many friends and family members telling me I was "too skinny," in my mind, I didn't care. I always struggled in my younger years to attain a perfect weight (in my mind), and in my mind, I HAD. Shortly after we returned from the wedding and back to reality in Texas, I was also starting a new job and couldn't wait to start fresh. Still taking my medication daily, but always feeling like I needed to increase my dosage and never feeling like I was getting the same effect I used to get. I told my doctor and she said I was at the highest dosage possible (20 mg IR, 3x a day) and told me to take breaks on the weekend. BREAKS? But how would I get my household chores done?! "You have to," she said. Well, I didn't listen to her. I had too much on my plate and there wasn't time for any "breaks." However, because I never gave my body a rest and was completely wearing down my body, heart and soul, the after-effects weren't pretty. I was completely on-edge all the time, my husband telling me I always looked so serious and I needed to lighten up (I'd hear this from former colleagues at my old job, too - people saying I always looked SO serious). Even at work - my current job, my work was suffering -- I was too focused concentrating on the small tasks - trying to perfect them and be an utter perfectionist about literally everything to the point where I was missing deadlines and my boss telling me I need to work on my "project management" skills. That was a punch in the gut, and I find myself still trying to bounce back from that criticism. I never considered myself a religious person. My parents raised my sister and I to believe whatever we wanted - never forced religion on us or going to church. However, within the last few months I have completely given my life over to God. I never knew what that meant, never had that desire. Until I finally snapped out of it. And now, it's what I depend on to get me through this, to get me out of bed every morning. I have faith I can get through this - with God, my husband, my dogs (and for right now, endless amounts of coffee). It's funny because yesterday when I was texting my husband at work (the even funnier thing is (*sarcasm*) I'd never do that before - there wasn't time to text during work hours or check my personal phone! I had to WORK every single minute of the day - there wasn't time for occasionally checking my FB or Instagram or texts from friends...or eating lunch)...or so I desperately believed. But when I texted him yesterday some playful texts he said "you are a lot funnier off Adderall btw." That made me heart sink - but also made me smile. I felt like slowly, (and definitely slowly as I'm only on day 9), I'm starting to feel actual feelings again. I want to get home to my husband - not spend hours stuck at the office. I want to finish my work so I can go home and spend time with him, cook dinner, play with my dogs, go for a walk, read a book - which I have found to be extremely helpful so far. Just a quick walk with the dogs to get some fresh air or reading a book to get my mind off things, has truly helped. Since my job requires writing (my absolute passion in life), you can imagine how hard it's been at work. I love what Mike said on this site in a post I read about "half-assing" your way through the workday, just turn in things that you would never turn in on Adderall. Well I've done that, and yesterday, something I submitted that IMO was so shitty, and I told my husband that, but I didn't care, I was gone at 5 p.m. and headed home to take care of myself. And my boss emailed late last night in response to that piece and said "This is great. I made minor edits." Y'all, I was over the moon. Granted, this wasn't my most prized piece, but I felt pretty damn proud of myself. I know I have a long road ahead, but it's stories like yours that keep me going. I wish you all the best in your road to recovery...and finding your true self. It's not easy, but then again, if it was easy everyone would be doing it, right? Well wishes to all! - Somewhere down in Texas -
  15. Only Two Pills Left

    I am not able to see my physician until June. My toes, hands, (occasionally) crotch have been having the cold sweats. Is it my body telling me to stop? I look inside my medication bottle everyday and see the amount decreasing. Little orange pills leaving. I've decrease my dosage over the past months from 30mg to 15mg a day. Now I should be doing 10mg a day because I look inside my pill bottle and there are only two pills left.
  16. Hello folks here on the Quiting Adderall forum. My name is Will Hoppin, I am 17 and live in the SF Bay Area (Marin County specifically). I'm currently making a documentary on Adderall use among my peers in high school because the demand for teenagers to focus and achieve is higher than it ever has been -- there is so much competition now. I've already interviewed a few of my friends who are taking it and now I'm looking to interview a couple of people who've been taking it for a number of years -- in particular people who've stopped taking it, or are trying to quit. The film needs to show the contrast between teens who feel that it's a harmless performance enhancer, and adults who have more insight and experience about how serious a pharmaceutical it really is. I don't have to tell anyone here on this forum how pervasive the Adderall issue is in society right now. (!) My hope is that together, we can shine some light on the subject and raise consciousness about it. Thank you for considering it, and if you'd like to get involved (or know anyone who might like to get involved) and see some interview snippets of what I've already shot, please contact me. My email is willhoppin2@gmail.com. With gratitude for all, Will
  17. First of all, thank you SOOOO much for this site. I have been trying to get off Adderall for a couple of years now and reading through this site tonight gave me the courage to flush my pills. Pointed question: My biggest problem is that my digestive system seems to be very dependent on Adderall and my body doesn't remember how to go to the bathroom/eliminate without it and this leads to a terrible pattern. Does anyone know how to deal with this aspect of getting off adderall or no of anything else that functions like adderall as a stimulant for the digestive system? I've taken Adderall for 5 years now, daily in the beginning. When I'm on Adderall I completely empty my bowels 2-3 times a day. When I stop taking Adderall I'll suddenly go 3-4 days without going to the bathroom at all, which is a huge difference and feels terrible. I start feeling very sick and start getting scared. My stomach completely bloats (and I look terrible/clothes don't fit) and I feel very uncomfortable physically. I've even experienced bleeding. After about the 3rd or 4th day I end up thinking, "I'll take just one to go to the bathroom," and after taking a pill, 30 minutes later I'm fine again. I take a couple of doses in a row to go back to an empty, flat stomach. Then I stop taking it, go through all the crash/withdrawal difficulties of the first 2-3 days (sleeping 12 hours a day/wanting to eat 5 pizzas/moodiness/irritability/inability to concentrate on anything at work and watching youtube videos instead) and once all that starts to get better on the 3rd day, by the 4th day I end up taking Adderall to go to the bathroom and have to start the crash/withdrawal cycle again. This cycle is taking a toll on me and I want to just get off it. I feel like I've tried just about everything and there's nothing that gets my digestive system function as perfectly as Adderall. I never had issues going to the bathroom before Adderall. When I got off it the first time (lasted 4 months) I saw my doctor about the digestive issue. He said it's a high stimulant and now my body was used to that stimulation to function and the only solution was give it time and he suggested Senna tea in the meantime which just made my stomach hurt. I ended up doing a juice cleanse which resulted in being able to go to the bathroom once a day, but my digestive system never fully went back to functioning properly. I even tried going vegan for awhile and that didn't get me back to normal either. I got a new tough job after 4 months of being clean and went back to the Adderall. This time around the digestive system issue seems to be even worse than the first time I tried to get off and I haven't been able to go more than 4 days without (though now I will have to since I flushed the pills). I get so hungry during the first few days off that doing a juice cleanse feels like more than I can take on. Thank you so much for any help and suggestions for this. Again, this site is amazing and I'm so glad I found it.
  18. On and off and ONNN =(

    Hey everyone. I will try to keep this short..and also first and foremost I am so THANKFUL for this site..cheers to Mike and anyone/everyone that helps moderate and help on this site/forums on all levels. And a big applause to all that come on here and open up, because it does take nerve and cojones and what have ya! Addy was first given to me by a co worker over ten years ago. I really didnt know much about it, she had a prescription to it and broke it down what it does to you if you are not prescribed. She gives me one.. I pop it ..WOWW! I think we proceeded to go on a bar hop spree after that ....when i tried it again and saw how productive I can be on it I would try and squirrel some from whomever i heard that had. Over the years i would have access to it here and there but never daily. I would manage to score a few pills...stretch them out for however long and be pretty ok afterwards. I have experimented with drugs and other pills and HAVE liked/enjoyed them but i never got hooked to anything. I could always check myself if i even went a tad overboard with anything (drinking, smoking pot, coke). Not an issue.... Fast forward to a year ago... I started a new job and have a supplier that i met recently before i started the job. I thought i d get a few to "enhance" my performance (its a fairly physical job doing visuals at a big dept store, running back and forth up and down all day). Well its been a year of nearly buying almost every week and taking nearly every day, my dumbass even decided to take it while on vacation with my mom to have more "pep" in my step. Every other week i have kept telling myself i would slowly weed off.. and then it turns to "next week" and the "next".. i have managed about two week periods without it.. like many of you say the first day or two SUCK but then things felt pretty ok,not GREAT but making it. But then i know i have a crazy overnight shift coming, or my apartment needs a massive cleaning and lo and behold i would go get some more. I have told a few of my nearest and dearest of my situation and they have been super supportive and helpful..TRULY THANKFUL for that. I gotta get off this vicious cycle of "ok next week i ll weeed off and .." =( I recently decided to put in my 2 week notice at the job but kind of stay on freelance so i can just calm down and not "feel" the need for it..yepp it got to that point for me...i live in NYC but i cant run the same speed anymore, i need to get me a more chill gig that wont make me feel i have to be "extra on " to get things done.
  19. So it all started a month ago, where I was so stressed out on handling school after five years of being out, living on my own, and holding a full time job. Where, I absent minded finding the girl who's known for her addy use, to buy some. I don't know what came over me, messaging her...meeting her, and getting some from her for the first time..but it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.. Now before I continue my current situation i'll give you some background info...I guess in total I dabbled in all sorts of drugs for about seven years? I'm 22 so that should tell you that I was living like I was 21 when I was 16. Amps were always my favorite though, I was addicted to meth for about two years, and my boyfriend actually dove in with me, to get me out..didn't end well..but we're both clean from that. In fact, up until a month ago all I was doing was smoking weed, and I hardly did that just because it gets in the way of school and makes me to anxious. Now I did addy before when I was slowly getting into meth. But not how i'm abusing it now. I dont won't do it at work, because as many of you know once you do something on this drug, its never as fun as sober. I really wish I didnt go to school on it. So just on my days off...so 2 days out of the week for the last month. I lost count on how many mgs ive done. To get to my title topic, my boyfriend is strictly straight edge now... except for the occasional drink,which i'm very proud of him, even stopped smoking weed for his job. I feel loads of guilt eating up in me...i've been keeping my use a secret even from my friends. No one knows but that girl. I love my boyfriend so much, but sometimes he's really controlling, and me keeping this from him makes me feel a little dangerous if that makes sense? It's something he can't control...But if he ever found out...I don't want to think about what would happen... Sorry i'm rambling... I finished off the last of my stash (40 mgs)... the reason i'm posting is I think I need to quit before this gets out of hand? But I don't know how... I don't know when... I love railing them...just the motion, and prepping. I know its really bad for you, and its a waste but I just can't seem to stop. I've developed a habit, when its my weekend and my boyfriend leaves for work at 5 am, I get up..turn on full house ( ) and start cutting up my pill...I love how I can get the house clean, study and even getting ready, even the process of doing my make-up is great. Long story short, I just cant get over it... but I need to, I hate how i'm doing this to the guy I love, and probably marry. I'm starting to get huge headaches, i'm smoking more weed then I want to, just to handle the comedown... Any tips? Advice? * sorry this is my first post, and I just skimmed the rules...so I don't know if I was suppose to talk about triggering details...
  20. Howdy Howdy, Although this is my first post ever here on the forums, I have read hundreds of posts for the past few years from members who are, like me, trying to quit Adderall for good. After taking a high dosage of amphetamines every single day for the past 8 years, I am proud to say that I am currently 77 days stimulant free.. My senior year of college is starting in a month, and I am, without a doubt, terrified about how I am going to preform in school without my crutch. Take note that this is the first time I have written anything stimulant free since I was in Middle school, so please don't judge my grammatical errors and sentence scrambled run-ons. Here is my story in a nutshell.. thanks for reading. This is really important to me. I started taking Adderall in ninth grade due to a recommendation from a doctor. Looking back now, I do not think at the time I actually had ADHD (for those who think the diagnosis actually exists), but I was highly depressed, and just didn't fit in at High School (which I didn't realize was totally normal). I had just picked up smoking weed too, which dramatically decreased my motivation. Like everyone else who has been addicted in the past, throughout High School my parents and I both thought Adderall was a wonder drug. I was a state-champ wrestler with a smoking hot girlfriend and a 4.0. The first few years of college was no different, as of the 100 some credits I have already completed I have only had a couple B's and the rest A's. About a year and a half ago is when my insomnia really started kicking in. It really is no wonder why, as at the time, I was taking around 30-60mg IR Adderall, and drinking a pot of coffee everyday. At nights I would down a 5th of vodka to help me sleep. Although I was literally killing my body, I still pushed on to have soaring high grades, and had an overall pretty good life. About three month ago is when my heart started hurting. One night I was sitting at my girlfriends cramming for an advanced Trig test. Taking a break, I went outside, popped a 10mg IE Addy and puffed on a blunt. I have done this so many times in the past it was no big deal. All of a sudden I felt like my heart was going to burst. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die in her back yard. This was the first time, EVER, that I felt the stimulants take an effect on my heart.. Although I have WANTED to quit for the past few years, this was the first time ever where I put my foot down and said no more. I had to quit or I was going to die. I had no other choice. After I got done with finals the following week I threw my bottle of Adderall down the toilet and called it quits. My heart ached bad every day for the next month or so even though I was not on prescription pills. However, eventually, it started feeling better. Currently it only aches when I go on a hard run, but I still think it is gradually improving. This summer I have completely ditched the bottle, the weed, the coffee, and the Adderall. This is the first time since Middle School I am entirely sober. I never thought this was possible. So here we are... Next month school starts. I am fucking TERRIFIED about diving into my senior year Adderall free. The last time I read a book not on stimulants was in Middle School. How the HELL am I supposed to achieve top grades without the crutch I have relied on for so many years? How am I going to be successful? I feel fine without the drug, but my brain is, to say the least, foggy (as I am sure so many of you have experienced). I am a server, and before quitting I was able to take the order of 8 people without writing down a single thing, and as of now I have to write everything down and repeat it multiple times. The only reason I quit in the first place was because of my health. I don't want to die early. I don't want to have a heart attack. Even with Adderall I found an amazing fiancé and was all around happy. But I have to quit, for my heart and for my future family. I just need advise about school. How am I supposed to achieve anything without the crutch that has held me up since Middle School? I've thought about being prescribed a super low dosage for studying, but I know that ultimately it will only cause my addiction to soar again. Thanks for reading. And I look forward to becoming an active member in the forums.
  21. History - short version - want to keep the post manageable: I have been taking Adderall since I was 15, I'm 32 now, so that's 17 years of being on it. I quit last year for 7 months, and I was depressed, gained 40 lbs, was completely unmotivated and slept all day long. I quit for the wrong reasons last year and now I'm ready to get off of it again. After 7 months of being stimulant free, I got on Modafinil for a year. In the last 6 weeks, I got back on Adderall. The results are tragic, I started taking more than prescribed again. I am trying to understand the mechanisms of quitting and if tapering might be better and have more success in the long term. If anyone has done research before and has links to studies, I would greatly appreciate if if you could share it. I'm doing my own research, but all the help is appreciated. I have a few science type questions: 1. How long does it take for the dopamine or neurotransmitters in general to replenish once they have been depleted because of Adderall? Is serotonin affected too or is it just dopamine, norepinephrine, epinephrine? 2. Will the body adjust itself to the amount of dopamine provided to it via gradual tapering before it will start making dopamine/neurotransmitters on its own? As in, it will start increasing the percentage it makes, once I decrease Adderall gradually. 3. Does the amount of time that dopamine has been depleted from the body have anything to do with the amount of time it will take to replenish it? For ex, if took it for 17 years, versus 2 years, will the body replenish it slower if it's been given Adderall for a longer time? 4. What are all the substitutes for dopamine and what are their effects on the body? meaning supplements, herbal remedies, things that when used as a natural replacement, that have less/no side effects etc. What combinations of these natural supplements/herbs have helped you the most? 5. What kind of time frame have you been on these natural replacements for and with what result? 6. If anyone has been on Adderall for a long time, similarly with my time frame of 17 years, and is now Adderall free, can you please share what happened after 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years, particularly with A. motivation B. depression C. weight gain. I'm trying to figure out a timeframe of when people start feeling "normal" again, so I can set my expectations correctly. I know that it all depends on a lot of things, but any and all examples of your personal experience are greatly appreciated. I know it's a long road, but it would be comforting to know how far ahead the light at the end of the tunnel is. 7. Is there a blood test for dopamine / neurotransmitter levels that can be done with a doctor? Is there a test (saliva or urine maybe) that can be bought on the internet and does not require a doctor visit? What are the specific names/links for each? Big thank you for your help and insights. I cannot tell you how helpful this website has been to me in my process.
  22. 10 pills left

    Hey everyone, I've been in revovery for 9 years, had 3 three years consecutive sobriety until mid August when I went completely off the rails. I was working as a therapist in a drug and alcohol rehab and finishing my master's degree, I slowly became less vigilant of myself, and inch by inch made my back to using. After a two week run of benzos, heroin, adderrall, and coke, I woke up last friday out of drugs, but with an appointment to see a psychiatrist I had recently, and effortlessly, convinced to give me script for 90 20mg IRs. I went to the appointment, filled the script, and have been taking them ever since. I'm off all the other stuff, going to meetings, in contact with my sponsor, and trying to pick up the pieces. I lost my job and may be getting kicked out of the master's program with only 3 credits left to complete. The adderrall may have helped me stop the acute insanity and become stabilized, but it makes me feel awful. I can't feel the things I need to feel in order to grow, change, and get healthy again. I've spent a cumulative 8 of the last 9 years completely clean, having a few slips here and there. But the last 3 years have been the best of my life, until I self destructed. I was working up to flushing the rest of my script for the past couple days. The only way I was able to do that psychologically was to ration out a couple day's supply to last me until Monday, then I have an opportunity to crash for a couple days and not really do much. I decided to save 4 of them to help me study for a certification exam next month, but chances are I'll get into those as soon as my rations run out. I'll be utterly amazed if those pills remain after a couple days without any speed. But feel free to warn me of the backwards thinking behind trying to quit and saving a stash, but I'm already well aware of it. I'm insane when it comes to this stuff. And informing the Dr. who prescibed these things.. At this point, I am unwilling to do that. And yes, it is because I have a reservation to use adderrall again. The only safe measure would be to inform every single doctor in, and out of, my state. Because if I wanted to pick these things back up in the future, I could just find another idiot with a prescription pad. But that might take too much time, time in which I may turn to other things, so if I decided to get a refill I'd like it run smoothly and quickly, that way it will take less time for me to realize that I hate this stuff and can NEVER use it properly. I sound insane, I know, but thats what a two week drug binge followed by a week long adderrall romance will do to you. The most I've taken in a single day is 80mg, usually get to sleep around 7am, sleep until one and start the whole thing again. I wouldn't even get out of bed if I didn't use adderrall this week. But I'm just prolonging the inevitable, and I've had a wonderful life not using these pills, so I know what to look forward to. So Tuesday will will be my quit date. But it may end up being Wednesday if I can't stay out of my "study stash". If I can stay out of my study stash, it will help me psychologically to know that they're there, I did this when I quit cigarettes, I kept a single cigarette for a year, and would sometimes look at it just to know it was an option. But eventually, once I felt secure about not smoking, I threw it out. So hopefully that will be what happens with my "study stash" if it survives Tuesday's crash. I joined this forum because I will need support for this. I've quit all sorts of things, and know that the key component is support during the most difficult period. Then its all about self honesty, and honesty with others in order to continue to keep growing and not have the desire to go back to this stuff. Because it isolates me, keeps me trapped inside myself, and I can't obtain the peace and joy that I just recently had in my life. Thank you for being there, and creating this forum. I need it.
  23. Gamers

    Wondering if anyone on here plays PlayStation as that would be a good way for me to chat with members of this forum. If your a member in here and would like to chat with me let me know and I will send you my username on PSN in a direct message
  24. Realized I should Quit

    I've been on this medication for over five years I am a creative person friendly laid-back easy to be around and feel that it's time to wean myself off of this medication. I am a friendly, kind, laid-back guy who is usually fun to be around and feel that it's time to wean myself off of this medication. I have been taking this medication in order to feel good and neglected to deal with A deep underlying depression that I I hadn't realized I was self-medicating myself fot. I Started utilizing stimulants because of the feeling of having to keep up with everyone over my years in college, as well as having the feeling that I had to to keep up with the breakneck pace of my friends, the pressure of finishing school, starting in career, starting my life and having everything figured out as A 25 -year-old adult feeling that I have not met up to the expectations of family over the few past few years, and like I was some kind of failure for still being in school . I'm want to slow things down as I feel that it allows me to be more myself when I am not trying to keep up with everyone else expectations or living amongst our fast paced tech driven culture that we live in. I am a musician I am later back, I like to write songs, I love playing drums guitar and bass I like art and film and have a deep passion for video games in which I am pursuing a career in after finishing my bachelors degree. I am posting in hopes to connect with u guys, members of this community who can relate to my experience of wanting to stop taking this medication to slowdown. I have been wanting to stop taking this medication because i feel more like myself when not reliant on stimulants and able to be in the moment rather than trying to keep up and race around trying to get a thousand things done all the time. I have been Reading everyone's posts on here is been therapeutic as I was amazing how similar all of our experiences of th Reading everyone's posts on here is been therapeutic as I was amazing how similar all of our experiences of them I am open and empathetic to everyone who's been dealing with this in their lives and never pass judgment I would love to connect, and empathetic to everyone who's been dealing with this in their lives and never pass judgment I would love to connect with some of you guys. Being someone who is a gamer and has the ability to easily chat via voice chat or Skype I am hoping others members on here would like to utilize the functionalities of our gaming consoles in order to chat with one another if interested. I typed this out on my iPhone using my voice so Im sorry there are a bunch of errors. I'm going to edit this later but had to post cuz I felt like I'd never get around to it if I didn't do it right away
  25. Day One...

    Hey everyone, I'm 26 years old. 169lbs. Married to a very supportive/ loving woman. This past week I have seen how insane and scary my relationship with adderall has become. I started when I was diagnosed in college. I stuggled with reading and was drowning. I became an accounting major and things improved. Finally, I decided that I would seek a doctor's advice because I was depressed and working hour after hour and not making the grades in qualitative classes. I feared grad school was not going to be a reality if I didn't get some help figuring out why things were harder all me when I truly had the work ethic. I was tired of reading the same line 5 times and day dreaming when studying. I was put on a 30mg and 20mg adderall once a day. Instant solution: Straight A's. I graduated this May and started full time at a large CPA firm. Since May, Adderall has turned into something that haunts me. I was diagnosed last year and it got out of hand quick. I was so productive! Worked my first tax season and had my two capstone classes and three other classes this spring semester, surprisingly I managed to blow all of this out of the water. But quickly things changed. When I met adderall, I was a sports fanatic and didn't drink or use drugs. In fact, I haven't drank alcohol since 2011. I was known for my laidback nature and my positive attitude. Unfortunately, I find it hard to "feel" or relate to my oldself. February, I messed up and took 30mg at night to study for an exam. This resulted in a binge. Then a month later in tried to take the dosage prescribed and was constantly obessed if it was enough to focus. I started having mood swings. Also, my perspective of others became super judgemental, and I compared myself and accomplishments to other people obsessively in my head. I was obsessed with kicking butt in work and school and became completely unaware at wasn't present at home. As May was approaching, it became increasingly harder to sleep. By June, I swore at times I heard coworkers talking about me and things in my house. I became frustrated with my wife constantly because she did not understand my patterns of speech and just down right weird behavior. I was so embarrassed. This past week I told her I needed help. I called a retired doctor we knew who has been in recovery from adderall for 8 years. The only thing I could say was, "I think I have a drug problem." He told me that I could call him everyday starting whenever I decided to quit. As the week closed out I was engulfed in believing every person in my life and at work knew my situation and were against me. The worst is the overwhelming sense of nearing failure and feeling I am watching my life fall apart in front of my eyes. All I could do until yesterday was justify the uses. My wife went out of town to visited her mother while I took the weekend to be alone and get clean. Yesterday, I failed and took several pills. I felt so alone, but then I found this cite. After reading my story told over and over again, I had enough truth about my condition to flush the pills. Our friend is calling my prescribing doctor to tell him I have a problem with adderall, which is a relief because I didn't trust myself with that task. I'm so lonely, depressed, and scatterbrained. (I'm having serious issues typing this) On the other hand, I have made the committment to my career, family, and health. I am ashamed of the person I have become. I am an anti-social, fearful, excuse maker. Who have watch his friends quit calling one by one because I could care less what they are doing. The truth is I do care, and I want my emotions back. I could not identify adderall was changing me of the past six months and would do anything to rationalize countinued daily excessive use, which is torture. It is a scary addiction that tore me apart quick and made me suspicious of everyone around me. I feel humiliated because I believed every lie in my head. Thanks for your time, and I'm sorry for the choppy sentence structures. I just can seem to think clearly. I was grateful for you guys yesterday and look forward to this journey with you. Old Brandon is coming back. -Brandon