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Hey everyone. I will try to keep this short..and also first and foremost I am so THANKFUL for this site..cheers to Mike and anyone/everyone that helps moderate and help on this site/forums on all levels. And a big applause to all that come on here and open up, because it does take nerve and cojones and what have ya! Addy was first given to me by a co worker over ten years ago. I really didnt know much about it, she had a prescription to it and broke it down what it does to you if you are not prescribed. She gives me one.. I pop it ..WOWW! I think we proceeded to go on a bar hop spree after that ....when i tried it again and saw how productive I can be on it I would try and squirrel some from whomever i heard that had. Over the years i would have access to it here and there but never daily. I would manage to score a few pills...stretch them out for however long and be pretty ok afterwards. I have experimented with drugs and other pills and HAVE liked/enjoyed them but i never got hooked to anything. I could always check myself if i even went a tad overboard with anything (drinking, smoking pot, coke). Not an issue.... Fast forward to a year ago... I started a new job and have a supplier that i met recently before i started the job. I thought i d get a few to "enhance" my performance (its a fairly physical job doing visuals at a big dept store, running back and forth up and down all day). Well its been a year of nearly buying almost every week and taking nearly every day, my dumbass even decided to take it while on vacation with my mom to have more "pep" in my step. Every other week i have kept telling myself i would slowly weed off.. and then it turns to "next week" and the "next".. i have managed about two week periods without it.. like many of you say the first day or two SUCK but then things felt pretty ok,not GREAT but making it. But then i know i have a crazy overnight shift coming, or my apartment needs a massive cleaning and lo and behold i would go get some more. I have told a few of my nearest and dearest of my situation and they have been super supportive and helpful..TRULY THANKFUL for that. I gotta get off this vicious cycle of "ok next week i ll weeed off and .." =( I recently decided to put in my 2 week notice at the job but kind of stay on freelance so i can just calm down and not "feel" the need for it..yepp it got to that point for me...i live in NYC but i cant run the same speed anymore, i need to get me a more chill gig that wont make me feel i have to be "extra on " to get things done.
Hey ya'll! Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! It was super great to see and be with family. Sorry I have been a little MIA lately, I just need not to think about Adderall. I am 26 days away from being 1 YEAR CLEAN, can you all believe it? I can't but I'm super scared about relapsing. I don't know why or what changed but ever since I have hit my 8 and a half month mark of being clean, I have done nothing but obsessively thought and longed for Adderall. I seriously went from never really thinking about it and if I did, how happy I am without it to non-stop obsessive thoughts about it, how I miss it and wish I was on it again. I am scared. I don't have any and I haven't made any calls or appointments to get any but I feel like I am close. I need any advice please! Did this happen to any of you whom have been clean for a while? I'm losing my shit. I don't want to make excuses but I feel like I don't feel any better than I did while on Adderall. I think I felt better on Adderall than I do now or have been since being clean. I am so tired and hungry all the time and only have energy if I drink, even when I was working out everyday and eating healthy. I feel slightly dizzy all the time. I never sleep well. I went to the doctor and got blood work done and checked out and everything is fine besides I have high cholesterol but something does really feel wrong with me still. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks, Caroline