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  1. Hello everyone. I just wanted to post this article to tell you all about my story. I have been addicted to adderall for about 1 year now. The first time I tried it was in 2014 when I started my first year in university. I was 18 years old at the time, and didn't really care for trying it out. However, my friend offered me one of his prescribed adderall pills and I tried it. From that point on, I had only done it every so often. 2 years past, and I found myself in some trouble with the law. I was arrested for felony offences and thought my life was over. I had spent 6 months on bail conditions from May 2017 to October 2017, but thankfully my charges were dropped. However, I am mentioning this because this was the last straw in my downward spiral in life (during the time I started taking adderall I was still on bail conditions, thinking I was about to receive minimum 4 years in prison, thus my addiction had already started before I knew I was free). Also, what made me realize I was truly addicted was when I started taking doses as high as 60-70 mg (XR) daily, and started using it to get high, not even for days I had school work or needed to focus. Prior to this, I had always been a "polydrug" user as my councillor says, meaning I don't have one single addiction, but simply just an addiction to anything that would get me high. To summarize, I have dealt with many factors that have made me resort to adderall. As a child, I had grown up wealthy in a loving family for 8 years. At a certain point, everything went down hill when I was 9. My family lost everything, my parents divorced, my sister was raped, my house got raided, my family lost our house and several valuables. I was a child and stuck in the middle of it all, I felt worthless. Once I reached high school, I got into the wrong crowd and started doing several drugs and committing crimes. More issues occurred, as I had several relationship problems, continuous family issues, and arrests as a juvenile. Long story short, I became suicidal and felt even more worthless. After all of this, and some many other things I won't have time to mention (maybe save for another time), I resorted to adderall to deal with the stress I could manage (i.e. school and work) to compensate for everything I couldn't manage (i.e. family issues, legal issues etc.). Also, I take depression medication which hasn't helped and I have terrible anxiety but my doctor will not prescribe me any short term drug for it due to my past history with addictions (which is fair on her part). I started using hardcore for a full year from 2017 till now, and I recently overdosed. I had taken too much adderall and it accumulated all into this one dark day. I arrived home at around 5 am approximately a week ago and started convulsing. My fingers and toes curled, my body went numb, everything was going black, I heard ringing in my ears, I was drowning in sweat, and my heart beat was insanely fast (side note: I have a heart murmur as well, so I was very scared). I have overdosed in the past on other drugs once, but that was an intentional attempt to kill myself. This time, it wasn't which made me very surprised. For an hour I thought I was going to die, I felt my soul escaping my chest and all I could think was "this is it". I had texted my friend who dropped me off that I was sorry for not listening to him, and to call 911 if I don't answer you in the next hour. I was surprised I could even manage to text him, as for an hour prior to having a terrible vomiting episode I couldn't move (after puking I could move my arms, but nothing else and was still numb and sweating). Long story short, since that near death experience I have stopped taking adderall. Although it has only been about a week, I wanted to post this because I don't have many outlets to resort to since friends judge me and my family wouldn't be able to handle it (my sister is doing her own thing and must focus, while my mom has cancer and my dad has parkinsons/grave's diseases, among many other conditions). I have resorted to a drug councillor, which has helped a lot, but I have been having emotional breakdowns and several suicidal thoughts accompanied by floods of tears and agony. I do not want any sympathy, all I want is to hear from people who have had similar circumstances or from anyone who can help. I have read some of these articles, and they have helped, but I am positing this to share my story of addiction, and I would greatly appreciate feedback/responses to my story based on what I have said, as some specific responses in relation to my story would help even more. If anyone has been in a similar circumstance as me, or started using adderall for the same reasons, please reply to this and share your side. I hope to overcome my addiction, but since it's so early I am fearful that I may not be able to handle it and relapse, or possibly attempt to commit suicide again. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and stay strong!
  2. On and off and ONNN =(

    Hey everyone. I will try to keep this short..and also first and foremost I am so THANKFUL for this site..cheers to Mike and anyone/everyone that helps moderate and help on this site/forums on all levels. And a big applause to all that come on here and open up, because it does take nerve and cojones and what have ya! Addy was first given to me by a co worker over ten years ago. I really didnt know much about it, she had a prescription to it and broke it down what it does to you if you are not prescribed. She gives me one.. I pop it ..WOWW! I think we proceeded to go on a bar hop spree after that ....when i tried it again and saw how productive I can be on it I would try and squirrel some from whomever i heard that had. Over the years i would have access to it here and there but never daily. I would manage to score a few pills...stretch them out for however long and be pretty ok afterwards. I have experimented with drugs and other pills and HAVE liked/enjoyed them but i never got hooked to anything. I could always check myself if i even went a tad overboard with anything (drinking, smoking pot, coke). Not an issue.... Fast forward to a year ago... I started a new job and have a supplier that i met recently before i started the job. I thought i d get a few to "enhance" my performance (its a fairly physical job doing visuals at a big dept store, running back and forth up and down all day). Well its been a year of nearly buying almost every week and taking nearly every day, my dumbass even decided to take it while on vacation with my mom to have more "pep" in my step. Every other week i have kept telling myself i would slowly weed off.. and then it turns to "next week" and the "next".. i have managed about two week periods without it.. like many of you say the first day or two SUCK but then things felt pretty ok,not GREAT but making it. But then i know i have a crazy overnight shift coming, or my apartment needs a massive cleaning and lo and behold i would go get some more. I have told a few of my nearest and dearest of my situation and they have been super supportive and helpful..TRULY THANKFUL for that. I gotta get off this vicious cycle of "ok next week i ll weeed off and .." =( I recently decided to put in my 2 week notice at the job but kind of stay on freelance so i can just calm down and not "feel" the need for it..yepp it got to that point for me...i live in NYC but i cant run the same speed anymore, i need to get me a more chill gig that wont make me feel i have to be "extra on " to get things done.
  3. Hi, my name is Matt and last Wednesday (Oct. 2, 2013) I took my last dose of adderall (5mg). I received a prescription for adderall to help out with my ADHD a few years back. Well, actually I started out on Focalin and switched over to adderall because it was cheaper as my doses were increasing (no generic Focalin available at the time). I'm one of those people who really didn't need to drug, but felt that I needed it because it made me feel good, which motivated me. Likely, I would have been better off taking an SSRI instead of going down the stimulant route, but hindsight is 20/20. At my worst, I was taking 50mg of adderall a day. I knew that I was in over my head with the "addy" after I didn't take it one morning and I felt like absolute crap (physical pains and aches). Also, I felt extremely tired no matter how much I was taking. I felt very distant and and socially isolated. I couldn't accomplish anything without taking a dose beforehand (especially workouts). My life revolved around timing the effects of the pills. I couldn't take it anymore and decided that it was time to quit. I found this website and decided to follow the "weaning off" procedure. Luckily for me, my doctor worked with me to help me wean off of the stuff. While off the pills, I'm still working out regularly, but am finding it difficult to become motivated some days. I'm taking Zoloft (have been for awhile), and that helps, but I can't put as much on my plate anymore. I'm a graduate student and some people have told me that I picked a bad time to quit, but I think that I made the right decision. Does anyone have any tricks that help improve motivation?