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TLDR- I gave up alcohol 15 months ago and it was the best decision I ever made. Now I'm trying to adjust to the idea of giving up my Vyvanse. Something tells me life can be so much better off it. But I'm also terrified of a life without it. Hello, I don't really know where to start but to tell you that being here, writing this right now, feels like deja-vu. Deja-vu because about a year and a half ago I sat down to write an introduction after joining a private support group, and spilled my guts about a deep down secret that I hadn't told anyone about before - That alcohol was secretly destroying me, controlling me, killing me, while I kept my external world looking perfectly fine. And that I needed help and support to quit, but really didn't think I ever could actually quit- or that life would be worth it. Today I sit here 15 months sober from alcohol, knowing at my core that giving up drinking was the best decision I ever made- realizing how truly lucky I am - to have realized that I don't have to drink. And realizing how much I have grown and changed in the best way over the past year and a half. So today I find myself in a similar position. Sitting at my computer, once again, and finally telling someone that this substance is no longer serving me- its getting more and more uncomfortable. And the discomfort is all too familiar to that insidious feeling that started with alcohol. That it's slowly becoming more and more of something I depend on. Something I have come to believe I cannot function without. But at the same time, something that seems to be numbing me at a soul level, and empty inside. My deepest fear - that if I go off it I will never truly be happy, or productive, again. Because I don't know who I am without it - as a 25 year old that has taken these drugs since I was 17, I'm terrified of meeting my unmedicated self. Looking at those beliefs and fears, I realize they are the exact fears I had around giving up alcohol- that if i gave up the substance, I would also give up my life, my happiness, my control, my self. But in reality- everything that I thought this substance would give me, sobriety delivered in ways that were even better. So, I guess I'm here because there's a little glimmer of hope for freedom. I graduate from nursing school with my BSN in March, and promised myself I would finally ditch the pills after I graduated. But getting closer and closer to that day, I am realizing this is going to be a harder "break-up" than I thought. But maybe, just maybe life without vyvanse won't be absolutely miserable. Maybe, just like when I quit drinking, life will get so much better that I even expected. Not easier. Not perfect. Not even free of pain or discomfort. But real. And FREE. So, in a way I've been here before (when I broke up with booze). But also, in a way I have never been here before-I'm terrified and still adjusting to even the idea of life without my meds. Thank you for reading if you made it this far. If I've learned anything, it's that I'm not supposed to do this thing alone, and groups like this can be an incredible source of strength.
carock84 posted a topic in General DiscussionTo whom may listen, I try not to make my threads long so I will try my best to get my point across so bare with me please. So I was taking Vyvanse for about a solid year now and like I said in my previous thread "My story in a Nutshell" I have been through HELL and Back with the whole Adderall addiction. Everyone has their own story but believe me I have been there and can relate to a lot of the stuff people are saying on here and agree that Adderall is terrible and don't think anyone should be on it let alone on any stimulants for that matter. So today would have marked 7 days clean from Vyvanse and I slipped up today. During my clean time from the Vyvanse I had all the usual symptoms and was getting by without them. I really can go without them but I am starting to think that this period in my life I think that I am going to stay on them for the time being. Now during those 7 days without them I went about my normal routine and even stayed pretty busy. My downfalls without taking them is of course I'm not as focused, I actually crave beer more which I am trying to stay away from alcohol in my life at the moment. On Saturday I did 8 hours of community service but what bothers me is that I always feel like I need to have some sort of substance in my body to function like a energy drink such as a "White Monster" which is my drink of choice and I don't like that I feel that I need that. I Eat a lot which is normal but I eat bad stuff and I feel like at times I use food to comfort me which I know this is a withdrawl symptom that I am dealing with and its natural that I feel this way when I go off them. Now this past Sunday I woke up and I went to the park to play basketball outside. I was feeling great and felt amazing after I was done. I was happy and just in a great mood. Well my friend wanted to go get something to eat at a sports bar and I made the mistake of drinking WAY too many beers. And Monday and Tuesday I felt miserable. Yes that was a choice I made and that could've been prevented but that was the lowest points during my clean period. Now today is where I slipped up. I went to work from 4 am to 8 am and took a half day of vacation. I should've just stuck my day out but we were kind of slow and I didn't want to be there. Well this is where addiction gets you. I came home today and I was BORED!!..I was bored that's it and I texted someone that I knew had vyvanse pills. I was craving one because I was bored. How pathetic but I know you guys can relate and boredom and addiction go hand and hand. Well I go to pick up the pill and the person gave me a dark blue pill and said it was a 25mg pill. My prescription is 20mgs so I was like ok and I took it. After I took it they told me it was Adderall instead of Vyvanse. I was like damn it I didn't want that but oh well it wont hurt me. First I made the mistake and gave in to my cravings and second I took an Adderall pill which I haven't taken in years. Well after about 30 mins those awful feelings came back from the time I used to be on Adderall pretty bad. I feel like shit as I am typing this but I am managing. Adderall to me is WAY different then Vyvanse as to how they make me feel. When I'm on Adderall I crave more and My anxiety goes through the roof which I am feeling it bad at the moment. So that was my slip up and this leads me to my next statement. Right now currently in my life I am very lonely and have no license to drive anywhere. I have a loving family by all means but I am not around them a lot unless its the weekends. I have a long road ahead of me with getting my life back on track through all the stuff that pertains to my DUI I got over a year ago. I am on probation, I am not allowed to drink alcohol which is a blessing because I cant stand feeling like crap the day after drinking and lets face it when you don't drink you're healthier and a better person. I enjoy not drinking but without my Vyvanse I don't have the mind set to push through these hard times especially on my OWN. I don't have a significant other at the moment because I have problems to fix in my life and I choose not to be in a relationship until some difficulties in my life pass. See the main reason a lot of people want to be off a drug is to get your old self back and just be you and I am the same way 100%. I want to be healthy as much as I can and don't want to be on any meds. But when Im on Vyvanse I don't have really any bad side affects that I do when I am on Adderall. I am not my "True Self" but I actually live better at THIS TIME in my life because I'm focused on where I need to be and it cures my depression. If I had a significant other I wouldn't be on Vyvanse 100% fact. I am only prescribed 20mg pills once a day and I can manage taking just that, at the most maybe 2 pills on certain days. So basically Is it wrong to get by with my Vyvanse during this time frame of my life until I get back on track. Its really really hard to do it on my Own like I said and the Vyvanse is like my significant other at the time being. I don't drink alcohol while I'm on it, I eat a lot and always healthier at that, I can still sleep while I'm on my Vyvanse, I exercise and I am determined more towards the future when I am on it. I know it can be done without meds but this time in my life I really think I should stay on it. I have like 12 more days until I can get my Vyvanse refilled and I am totally Ok with waiting it out and I don't mind it one bit. I'm not mad that I don't have them or count the days down or get excited when the time gets closer to getting them filled. Its just walking that FINE LINE to manage being on them or not and that's what sucks. I just wanted to express what I am going through and by no means am I giving up and being selfish saying that Its ok to be on a stimulant because I DONT want to be on anything I promise its just a time in my life that I think I need to focus on getting back on track. Its really hard to explain but yeah with taking the Adderall pill today I don't like it at all one bit. I wont ever go back to them but the Vyvanse I don't think is doing me any harm right now in my life. I want to be as healthy as I can and with being on a pill I know that Im not the healthiest I can be. Everyone on this site is not perfect and are beautiful in every way and I know I have a good heart but its that fine line that I cant overcome at least right now in my life. I have already beat Two big addictions in my life and One being Adderall and the other for the most part Alcohol. I went 7 months without a drop and Honestly that was one of the best thing that has happened to me because I know I can go without drinking because I actually did and now if I slip up and drink too much I tell myself its time to step back again and not drink so I have came a long way so far. Its just the time in my life where I think I should stay on my Vyvanse even though I wish I didn't have too. I know with time without being on them gets better with each day its just super hard to be completely sober from everything ALL AT ONCE ya know? I know I will be off them one day but doing everything at one time is overwhelming as it is with every addict struggling. Well that's my input on where Im at in my life and I will continue to read and explore this site. Adderall though is discusting and If you get off that or have been off everything that's is amazing and someday I will be too!! I praise everyone who beats addiction and I guess with being on my Vyvanse I don't think I would call myself an addict because I can go without them but Like I said I am not my true Self. ADHD is a bitch lol but we are unique people and I feel one of the strongest people out there at that. Anyways hang in there everybody I just needed to vent!! Much Love!! P.S. Oh and by the way Alcohol was my biggest downfall in my life and during my time with my Adderall addiction and drinking a lot I am surprised I survived so I am grateful for that I guess I am just taking baby steps to where I need to be! I also ordered some books that I am planning on reading about changing your mind and stuff like that and am making my faith stronger with the Man above so that helps also. Prayer does wonders as well because without my faith I wouldn't be where I am today. Not trying to get religious but it has worked for me to pray and seek a higher power. TAKE CARE EVERYONE!
In the beginning of this year, the FDA approved Vyvanse for use in treating Binge Eating Disorders (BED). They say that the reason Vyvanse is effective for treating Binge Eating Disorders (BED) is because: a. It suppresses a user's appetite, making it easier to eat normally (or eat less food than normal) b. It helps control a user's impulsivity, which can often lead to binge eating. As someone with a mild case of Binge Eating Disorder (I binge-eat on 'cheat foods' about once a month pretty heavily for 1-3 days) as well as someone with an Adderall addiction (I am 6-months sober!), this article left me wondering if just maybe, I could give Vyvanse a try and I'll be fine taking it. Just maybe I won't get addicted, and I'll be able to overcome this eating problem at the same time. These are my thoughts: Maybe Vyvanse isn't as addictive as Adderall, and I won't abuse it. The suffering I feel from binge-eating is unbearable sometimes, and I don't know how else to overcome this food addiction. So maybe my only option is Vyvanse, to relieve me from this disorder? Even if Vyvanse is as addictive as Adderall, and I get addicted, at least it will help me stop binge-eating. I wonder if addiction to Vyvanse/amphetamines wouldn't be as painful/difficult as my addiction to food. In both addictions (drug and food), I withdraw from society, I isolate, I become anti-social and lonely, edgy and irritated with people, and my life generally becomes unmanageable. At least with Adderall, I still have the energy/motivation to get things done? After I binge, I stay in bed all day and usually fast or restrict calories until I feel recovered enough (from the binge) to get up and do what I need to do. Usually right after binges, I am too embarrassed to see people, because I think they can notice the weight I've gained from the binge Also, after I binge, the depression is unbearable. Sometimes I even feel suicidal. I can't stand to look at my body, and I don't like the feel of my body after a binge--i wish I could crawl out of my skin or sink into the floor boards until my body detoxes. After I recover from a binge, I feel OK, but it's those 3-5 days right after a binge that make me really question whether or not I should suffer through this anymore. After a binge, I always question whether going off Adderall was the right decision. If it could help me not think about food, and help me think about my body image in a more positive light, then maybe it's worth the addiction? Intellectually, deep-down inside, I have a feeling that I would abuse Vyvanse just as much as I would abuse Adderall, and I would end up in the same situation as I am now.. Does anyone else wonder whether they'd rather suffer from their issues around food, or suffer from an addiction to adderall? Does anyone have any experience getting sober from Adderall, then trying Vyvanse? Is Vyvanse just as addictive? Does anyone else suffer from bingeing, and then feeling incredibly depressed for several days after that? I can't seem to end this cycle, no matter how many times I tell myself that I will 'never binge-eat again,' I do it anyway. Usually within 3-4 weeks. It's as if I have no control. I am currently taking Wellbutrin for depression, which seems to help with my mood/energy level a bit, and I was prescribed Modafinil to help with motivation/energy/focus. I currently go to AA meetings (even though my problem is with Adderall and Benzos), and I have a sponsor. I would recommend the program to anyone I'm not religious, and I was very skeptical at first, but it has helped keep me sober. Thanks for listening -Stillbreathing
Hello again, I feel the need to ask a second question, for backround info on my case (very high tolerance to Adderall for years) please read my previous top "PLEASE HELP! high tolerance users". Adderall has ruined my life and made me miss so much fun and memories with my 3 year old daughter I don't want to miss another second. I want the old fun me back. After years and years of Adderall with an extremely high dosage and actually troubling with adhd bad for years, is there anyone out there who has tried other meds or specifically vyvanse? ive taken Adderall ir and xr and Dexedrine ir for years. This month A got a script for vyvanse paying the extra money with no insurance just trying to stray away from Adderall. I need something for the mean time of quitting to get me out of bed, I have to watch my daughter all day everyday, school, and occasional work (and of course the duties of a household). Has anyone here had any experience with vyvanse? I don't necessarily like it, it doesn't do much for me, but it helps with getting out of bed for now. Am I in risk of this just continueing the addiction? or will it help me quit? I don't want to pay for something so expensive that will in return give me not the help needed, or make a situation worse. SO DOES ANYBODY HERE HAVE VYVANSE STORIES??? Please let me know, I will greatly appreciate your help.