Luckyducky Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Thank you Freedom Wings for the encouragement. Today is a new day and I am not going to give up! Sometimes I just can't understand why this stupid pill that I hate so much has some kind of sick twisted hold on me. It's like I'm in a horrible abusive relationship that I keep going back to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 @SweetCarolinee - you are just about to pull into the station!  @Luckyducky - I understand your pain and guilt, it sounds like you either need a better plan for your quit or you need some outside help to get this done. I hope you can figure out a plan of action that works for you 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Day 27: done and 3 sweet days to go. I'm gonna go to yoga today at 4:30 as well! Thanks everyone for your lovely support, ya'll make it that much more worth it.Luckyducky: Hey, hope you are feeling better today. I'm sorry to hear that but it definitely takes balls to admit it and thank you for sharing. Like Freedom's Wings said, we're here to help and not to judge anyone by any means so no worries. And I think it feels good to get it all out and we're here for you without a doubt. Look at this as another brick wall you need to figure out how to knock down so you can move forward towards your recovery. Just remember to preserve and you have the power to quit Adderall for good and you will. You are strong enough. You just have to figure that out for yourself!I agree with what everyone said they suggest you do. I also think you need to try to get to the real root of the problem, of why you keep using. It may be because your trying to numb your emotions. Adderall helps to take us out of our reality and puts us in a different, little sped out world/clean snow globe of our own that isn't real or in touch with reality, if you know what I mean and that makes sense. If you really want to stay clean for good, I think you need to get rid of the pills and tell your doctor, friend, drug dealer, etc. (wherever/whoever your getting them from) your addicted and you don't want to take them every again and delete their number or cancel any upcoming appointments. I know this sounds very scary and hard to do but it would help not having access to them. I could be wrong but I believe you may have access to them also because your younger son may take them? This is a huge temptation for you and you just have to find the willpower and strength inside you to not give in - no matter what. Hell, all of us could call up a drug dealer and get access at any time but we choose not too and it's hard but worth it.What also helps is replacing one habit with another / something else -- a new, healthy habit (like reading, cooking, working out, knitting, video games, making jewelry etc.). I've picked up yoga, working out/fitness, eating clean and making all my own recipes. It's been really helping me stay on track and have energy during this hard time. I also started a fitness trumblr blog to keep track of my process, workouts, meals, recipes, etc. and for motivation. It's been helping a lot. Different methods work for everyone though. Maybe you should ween yourself off of them slowly if you don't think cold turkey is working for you or seeking outside help like someone else suggested.We know you can do it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 I'm not sure if this is true but they say it takes 3 weeks to break a habit and 3 weeks to make a habit. I find this very inspiring. It may be different for everyone but I think this is pretty cool.And I think what also helps me with quitting is not looking at it in the bigger picture or I will freak out and get too overwhelmed. Look at it day by day, week by week, step by step. Make yourself smaller goals as well as long term. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 I'm not sure if this is true but they say it takes 3 weeks to break a habit and 3 weeks to make a habit. I find this very inspiring. It may be different for everyone but I think this is pretty cool. And I think what also helps me with quitting is not looking at it in the bigger picture or I will freak out and get too overwhelmed. Look at it day by day, week by week, step by step. Make yourself smaller goals as well as long term. I've heard that too, but I like how this article breaks it down into phases instead. Afterall, we all experience life in slightly different ways:  http://www.forbes.com/sites/jasonselk/2013/04/15/habit-formation-the-21-day-myth/ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaymeyer26 Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Day 6 - check. Came down with a head cold so I'm pretty useless at work; however, everyone seems to understand with one look at me. Likely going to make today and tomorrow short work days to try and heal up. The one good thing is that I don't have the same urge for Adderall when I'm sick, so I guess I have that going for me. SweetCarolinee - great work! I need to get back into working out. I always felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest when I was on Adderall and used it as an excuse not to do as much. No excuse now! You are inspiring me to get back into the gym. Luckyducky - Just keep sharing and we will keep listening. I have started and stopped my attempts at quitting many times. The fact that you return to this site to share is an indication of your strength and desire to change. Just keep at it! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Good job Jay! I hope you feel better soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckyducky Posted January 24, 2014 Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Sweet Caroline: I agree with everything u said. I don't give my son his meds I have someone else give it to him or I would be tempted. My kids psychiatrist also knows about my addiction . He is also mine because I am on lexapro. My regular doctor and all my other drs know too. Believe it or not I never had a dealer because I didn't know how to find one. I had almost 7 mths clean off adderall which I forgot because when I was inpatient I had a glass of champagne at a wedding and they count that as a relapse and one other time during that period I took pain meds and that also counted as a relapse. I only have one friend I take hers she is out now for a few weeks. I have been making calls the last two weeks to find an inexpensive drug therapist. My ins does not cover drug counslors so I have gone to a few therapist on my list and they were crappy. It does cover 100 percent of rehab so I was thinking of starting another outpatient program when my husband is done with his. What's funny is the only drug therapist outside of rehab it covers is Dr. Drew! (Funny side note ) I have also been honest with my kids therapist about my struggles. I love this site but I agree I need to get to the root of the issue. It's funny instead of TV or a book I constantly am reading on this website. I think it is a Godsend . I am also going to return to my churches 12 step program Celebrate Recovery. I just was nervous to share because I teach at an elementary and scared it would get out. I don't care about that anymore. Thank you if anyone is ever in the Los Angeles area I would love to me for coffee. It's on me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 24, 2014 Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 As I was reading this post about the lack of insurance coverage, I was going to suggest seeing if a church program was available but you already have it covered. Getting help is nothing to be ashamed about. Good luck! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaymeyer26 Posted January 24, 2014 Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Day 7 (1 week!): confirmed. Feeling good heading into the weekend. Cold is better but not great, so lots of rest this weekend. Thank you all so much for the support and I hope everyone has a great weekend. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 24, 2014 Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Way to go Jay!!! Take it easy and get well soon buddy. You will get through this before you know it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted January 25, 2014 Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 Day 28: comfirmed! 2 days to go until I move on to the "60 day challenge!" Â Great job Jay and You have it in you LuckyDucky! Â Thanks everyone for your support. Â Hope ya'll are having a great, safe and warm weekend 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oyvey Posted January 25, 2014 Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 Dang, you're a firecracker of sobriety. I wish i had some of the pixie dust on me. You're "The Little Engine That Could"{or in this case will}. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted January 27, 2014 Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hey everyone! Haha thank you Oyvey -- I will send some pixie dust your way  I didn't get on here yesterday.  â˜… Day: 29 and 30: √ and √  Woot woot, I did it guys and I couldn't have made it to day 30 without ya'll so thanks for EVERYTHING!  Hope everyone had a great weekend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckyducky Posted January 27, 2014 Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hi I just wanted to check in I had a successful weekend. I made a lot calls Friday to start therapy With an addiction specialist. I also read a lot about how to get motivated and I actually tried it and got enough done around the house to feel satisfied. It sounds like everyone is doing great. I just keep reminding myself to not give up and keep getting back on the saddle!!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 27, 2014 Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Sweetcarolinee, Congratulations on this accomplishment!!! Are you on to the 60-day challenge?! Luckyducky, I very regularly saw an addiction counselor twice a week when I first quit. She has been one of my angels on this journey. After I felt more comfortable, we went down to once a week. Now, I see her about once every three weeks-a month. She is in recovery herself. If you're able to find an addiction counselor who's also in recovery, I think that would be great. Definitely not essential, but there's something to be said about someone who truly gets it and has lived it. Just my two cents Keep us posted!!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 27, 2014 Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Congratulations, SweetC...that first month is huge and you are well on your way to a much better life. Where did you get those stars and checks? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 27, 2014 Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 @Luckyducky - good to hear that you are making progress in the right direction again!  @SweetCarolinee - way to go on owning the 30 day challenge!!! I hope to see you take up the 60 day challenge.  @Jay - How are you doing? Feeling any better? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaymeyer26 Posted January 27, 2014 Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Day 10 - check! Â This ties my longest stretch without Adderall in 7 years! Pretty crazy! I am over my cold and feeling pretty good. Work is a challenge most days (especially Mondays and Fridays) and I am not knocking out work at the frenetic pace I did previously, but I know that is the reality of the situation. Â I really need to get motivated to get up and exercise in the mornings, but I am just a sleeping bear these days and have to pull myself out of bed just to get to work on time. So definitely some things to work on. Â SweetCaroline - CONGRATS! You reaching your goal is inspiring. I hope I am there in 20 days! Â LuckyDucky - let's keep going! Glad you had a good weekend. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted January 28, 2014 Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 Congratulations SweetCarolinee! I knew you had the right stuff after reading your first post. We are lucky you found us. I could use a little pixie dust you've got too, please.  LuckyDucky: Congratulations on finding an addiction therapist. My sister is mad at me that I am doing this without therapy.  Jay: You are hanging tough....through a cold and all. That says a lot about your commitment. Show me the way through! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckyducky Posted January 28, 2014 Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 Sweetcaroline : congrats I bet u feel so much better. The first 30 is a huge obstacle ! Ashley6: thanks for that I made about 10 calls only one call back and didn't work out. So I am making 10 more tomorrow ! Thank u Jon & jaymeyer. I had a crappy day at work but refused to use and working hard not to fall into a victim role. People just are mean sometimes and that's not my problem. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted January 28, 2014 Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 Thank you all SO much! That really made me smile so big to see all your lovely, supportive comments.Couldn't have done it with ya'll and this site, that is for sure.If I haven't found this site, I think I would still be on that shit.This site and you guys have given me the strength and hope to stay clean so from the bottom of my heart, thank you and air hugs hahaI'm on Day 31! I guess I should move to the "60 day" challenge now, huh.- QO: I've been collecting them and copying and pasting them from websites haha - Jon: I'm sending some pixie dust your way and a smile and hey! I wanted to share with you, my new favorite breakfast "Overnight Oats" -- they are so good and filling. You got to try them, maybe they will help you get out bed when you don't feel like it ;P Check out this link: http://www.vancitybuzz.com/2014/01/overnight-oats-jar-dairy-free/ - Jay: Great job -- you will be there in 19 days, without a doubt, keep up the good work! - LuckyDucky: So glad you had a successful weekend and congrats for getting back on the saddle, you got this - Justin & Ashley: You guys rock. Thanks for your input and support always Here they are -- copy and paste away and use them as you all wish:►▲▼►♡âˆâ“’♦♣☼♠•©                    â—˜â˜…âˆšâ—‹à ¥â—™â˜ºâ˜»â™¥                    nº â„¢ ¢ ¶ ¡ £ ∞ § • ª º – ≠“ ‘ « Æ… Ã’ ≤ ≥ ÷ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted January 28, 2014 Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 Jay, you are 1/3 of the way there; great job! Â @SweetCarolinee - I hope to see you and your ASCII in the 60 day challenge soon! Â @Luckyducky - Are you attempting another quit yet? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckyducky Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 Justin yes day 4.., I broke down and had an Starbucks energy drink because I had a late meeting after work. I try not to drink them but once in awhile it's okay. I actually don't feel to bad because I used very little on my use days last week. I go to bed early that helps. I'm sure the boredom after work will get better. Still looking for a therapist in my area too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 Thank you for the great breakfast ideas, SweetC! I don't wake up hungry and can't remember if I ever did, but will give these a try anyhow. They look so yummy! I do remember sitting with my back on the heat register in the kitchen while Mom was preparing our lunches. I guess I had cereal after I was warm enough.  The best breakfasts I've ever had was when I was in college. I had a part time job as a farmhand. We started early and worked for an hour or so and then Joanny, the boss's wife and cook, would ring the breakfast bell. It's amazing what kind of appetite you can work up in an hour. Everything you could ever dream of having for breakfast was on the breakfast table. I can't remember exactly how many people Joanny cooked for, maybe a dozen hay bailing men and boys.  I noticed a 60 day challange out ther for you. Congratulations! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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