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Did adderall cost you your job?


Greg

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I was "fired" though it was more like I wanted to be fired from my 10 year career in advertising. Months later I realized what a colossal mistake I had made. Likely my greatest failure in my career I am determined to rebound from it. Though I am still haunted by it, impossible to ignore I worked for a large media outlet.

My heavy adderall use caused me to be late, erratic, prone to crazy misplaced outbursts of creative energy. My employer tried to find me help, in my psychosis I decided the assigned physcoligist had it all wrong etc. Finally my employer let me go with benefits, severance for 6 months. I am thankful for this because I began getting clean 3 months or so after getting fired. The severance gave me time to sleep and recover. Something I desperately needed after countless all nighters and poor self care.

Adderall taught me that corporate life is just a stupid game, and should be approached that way.

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Definitely cost me a couple of jobs (due to the performance gap between how I was actually performing vs how I felt I was performing (I always felt I was amazing and that they had simply failed to recognize my genius)). I also found the job search extremely challenging when I was on Adderall. I never had this problem BA (before adderall). Between drinking, smoking, gambling, video games, random raging, ruining relationships, watching tv shows/movies, online dating/internet porn (just to name a few of my hobbies) I just couldn't find the time to look for a job (internet porn wasn't going to index itself) and I would often say it would be even worse if I weren't on Adderall. I'm starting to think that this might not be true.

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While on Adderall, I was fired from the following jobs, and the amount of time I worked at each before I was fired: 

- conference director, six months;

- legal assistant, 18 months;

- project assistant, six weeks;

- legal assistant, eight months; and

- selling tickets for a comedy club, six hours.

 

I never attributed Adderall for the above stellar professional track record, but looking at it like this, perhaps I ought to?

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I was "fired" though it was more like I wanted to be fired from my 10 year career in advertising. Months later I realized what a colossal mistake I had made. Likely my greatest failure in my career I am determined to rebound from it. Though I am still haunted by it, impossible to ignore I worked for a large media outlet.

My heavy adderall use caused me to be late, erratic, prone to crazy misplaced outbursts of creative energy. My employer tried to find me help, in my psychosis I decided the assigned physcoligist had it all wrong etc. Finally my employer let me go with benefits, severance for 6 months. I am thankful for this because I began getting clean 3 months or so after getting fired. The severance gave me time to sleep and recover. Something I desperately needed after countless all nighters and poor self care.

Adderall taught me that corporate life is just a stupid game, and should be approached that way.

It sounds like u wanted to be fired because u knew deep down u needed a break to deal with it. You're lucky you got 6 months severance and time to rest to kick this. If that's what you want ZK (and I'm not sure if that's what u want), you'll back in the 'stupid game' of corporate life when you choose to actively persue it again,

Definitely cost me a couple of jobs (due to the performance gap between how I was actually performing vs how I felt I was performing (I always felt I was amazing and that they had simply failed to recognize my genius)). I also found the job search extremely challenging when I was on Adderall. I never had this problem BA (before adderall). Between drinking, smoking, gambling, video games, random raging, ruining relationships, watching tv shows/movies, online dating/internet porn (just to name a few of my hobbies) I just couldn't find the time to look for a job (internet porn wasn't going to index itself) and I would often say it would be even worse if I weren't on Adderall. I'm starting to think that this might not be true.

I can so relate to the gap between how you felt you were performing and how you were actually performing. Adderall blinds to how we are really being perceived in the office. An adderall addict always feels like an invincible star employee

While on Adderall, I was fired from the following jobs, and the amount of time I worked at each before I was fired:

- conference director, six months;

- legal assistant, 18 months;

- project assistant, six weeks;

- legal assistant, eight months; and

- selling tickets for a comedy club, six hours.

I never attributed Adderall for the above stellar professional track record, but looking at it like this, perhaps I ought to?

If you were fired from all those, well an addiction definitely sounds like a logical reason behind that. I never liked to attribute my problems to addiction. I always blamed it on something else. But now that I have sobriety under my belt, my problems ALL came from addiction.
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I think like everyone, I regret the time I have lost in recovery those months I spent  just laying around watching Netflix.  I miss my old job , the more I reflect on it I miss the routine.  I've recently found some cheap downtown office space for my freelance bizness and I am looking forward to being in a office environment again.

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When I was on adderall I had to do a lot of class presentations and it made my ego so fragile that I was terrified of any criticism. I was supposed to handout end of class surveys every class and I never did because I couldn't handle any negative feedback.

That fear of criticism lingered for 2 years after quitting adderall.

Yesterday at my new job I did three class lectures and immediately asked for feedback because I don't see feedback or criticism as a personal attack on my character anymore.

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Oh how could I forget! 

 

I was working a temp job and was fired because my key card, and computer use showed that I was staying there all night. I stayed all night (playing video games) because I had no computer at 'my place'. I was actually squatting at my ex-gf empty apartment for 4 months (the building was being sold). I had to keep the lights out at night so no one knew I was still living there and when I was bored huddling in the dark alone I would go to my temp job and play video games all night (hopped up on the goof-balls(Adderall)). The only thing this hobo was missing was a trash can fire. It was not the first time I was homeless vagrant/fired from a job and it was not the last time either. Writing it out like this I can definitely see a classic junkie trope evolving.

 

Once again I can't say that Adderall was the primary or even exclusive cause but how could it not be correlated to my Adderall use/abuse. 

 

I can so relate to the gap between how you felt you were performing and how you were actually performing. Adderall blinds to how we are really being perceived in the office. An adderall addict always feels like an invincible star employee
 

 

A picture is worth a thousand words and I have some great pictures documenting me off Adderall, on Adderall (when I felt amazing and looked like a tweaked out drug addict, and off adderall post stroke. I have learned that my perceptions of reality had little to do with reality.

 

And I would like to say that every time I see zerokewl's avatar I smile! photo-5994.jpg?_r=1399238456

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Happy to say I'm here working on my recovery although it's still in its infancy, because I'm afraid I would've quit my job if I didn't quit Adderall. I have a job in corporate America that I got right out of college. Adjusting to office life has been a big wake up call and it's what made me realize what a problem Adderall was for me. I became totally antisocial and obsessed with planning and making all my spreadsheets perfectly color-coded. I worked in my own little bubble of planning without executing. Only just starting to dig myself out of it.

The biggest lesson I've learned in my job so far is that execution and follow through is everything in corporate America. No one gives a crap that you came up with the world's most comprehensive plan if you don't execute it. My execution was almost nonexistent on Adderall. I made lists of everything I needed to do instead of just doing them.

I'm still struggling with my confidence at work because I was hired on Adderall and because of internships while taking Adderall. It's hard to trust that you can perform at the level expected without a drug. Trying to be patient and build up my confidence again!

Whoa long post ... you can tell that work is basically my life!

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in my job, and in my life in general I totally rely on vitalist.com to get my stuff done. If that site disappeared i would be a mess. At work, I saw people who have color coded lists highlighted in different colors - each color representing a different priority level. Everyone has to have a system that works, but finding the system that works for you is the trick -- for me its vitalist.com 

 

But also dont overwhelm yourself - i dont know how your company operates but remember, you are building a mental addiction free foundation right now for yourself and your future, so if there are projects you can get off of or avoid - go that route and take it as easy as possible as you can. Can you take some personal days? or vacation? This is critical, because if you don't lose your adderall dependency things will escalate badly for you. 

 

You can do this!!

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in my job, and in my life in general I totally rely on vitalist.com to get my stuff done. If that site disappeared i would be a mess. At work, I saw people who have color coded lists highlighted in different colors - each color representing a different priority level. Everyone has to have a system that works, but finding the system that works for you is the trick -- for me its vitalist.com 

 

But also dont overwhelm yourself - i dont know how your company operates but remember, you are building a mental addiction free foundation right now for yourself and your future, so if there are projects you can get off of or avoid - go that route and take it as easy as possible as you can. Can you take some personal days? or vacation? This is critical, because if you don't lose your adderall dependency things will escalate badly for you. 

 

You can do this!!

Thanks! Recovery is an exercise in persistence for me. The past 2 weeks were crazy busy for me at work, so it's practically a miracle that I survived without popping a pill. I had just had enough of feeling miserable on it though. Thankfully things should be quieter for the next few weeks work-wise. I agree that having systems for prioritization is so important!

I'm moving to a new place in a few weeks and taking some vacation days for that. Moving will be an ambitious task, but there's also the Labor Day long weekend and taking extra days to organize my new place will be good. Fresh new environment can't hurt! It's going to be important to stay the course during the move because that could easily overwhelm me and send me crawling back, but I think it's good that I'm aware and anticipating that challenge.

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When I was on adderall I had to do a lot of class presentations and it made my ego so fragile that I was terrified of any criticism. I was supposed to handout end of class surveys every class and I never did because I couldn't handle any negative feedback.

That fear of criticism lingered for 2 years after quitting adderall.

Yesterday at my new job I did three class lectures and immediately asked for feedback because I don't see feedback or criticism as a personal attack on my character anymore.

 

I never knew I had a fear of negative feedback due to adderall until my boss recently had a meeting with me telling me he was unhappy with my performance because I seemed distant, intimidating and always late

 

I was so taken aback by this & in my adderrall induced impulsive mind I contorted this meeting as being unfair and biased. So I ended up writing him a long bulletted point e-mail as to why each issue he bought up was somehow biased & wrong

 

Since this is the corporate world that e-mail got escalated to HR....which then got escalated to the legal dept for Code of conduct violations since I was accusing him of biased issues.....OMG just rehashing all this made me realize how this drug affects work in a negative way.

 

This all happened recently and everyday I'm scared I'm going to be shipped out.  Although I have started coming in on time and trying to be more of a team player and I definitely now do all my tasks quicker whereas before I would goof off until late in the day then rush to get things done in my final few hours of work

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