I tried adderall-so I could try to understand quitting.

[Traceme]

I have lurked around here for a little over two years and have been a member for slightly less.  As some of you know I am a non-user and I have visited here many times to get answers.  I love someone who takes adderall and at this point-does not see the full spectrum of negative effects it has on his life.  

 

 

***Don't do what I am about to tell you I did.  Don't.  I can tell you I had some medical advice before I did this but seriously...don't be dumb.  

 

 

I took adderall for a week straight.  I took 20 mg a day...sometimes 30 mg.  I am 5'2 ish and 125 pounds so I considered this a hefty dose.  I took it in the morning.  By the second day I was dreading taking it.  I still cannot believe my love's doctor can ethically prescribe this to a "recovering alcoholic" because it takes the focus off one's addictions.  Oh my...geeesh....really?

 

My perspective only here but I felt high...drunk...without "normal" thoughts.  Empty...without emotion but at the same time lovey dovey...I could not shut the fuck up for any amount of seconds....I had an opinion...on everything...on every fucking thing...

 

Ugh...it was an exhausting week.  I had an open mind going into this but Ill be honest-the negativity and a bad attitude had set in early on.  I didn't really want to be on this...but I needed to visit the hell that I've heard so much about.

 

And then hell sought ME out.  

 

I quit cold turkey.  After one tiny-minuscule-insignificant by any measure of time-short little week...hell was all around.  

 

The first day...not to bad.  I felt tired but motivated.  That was a dream compared to what the next day brought.  Holy mother of pearl.  No sleep....back and forth....then sweat....then sleep for a bit...then drenched with sweat again.  Then oh my gosh the lack of any good though or any positive thought... " I have no bird I have no bush....God has taken my bird and my bush! " (Bruce Almighty)  I did eat...but I didn't feel like cooking anything...so I ate cereal...a lot.   And just plain depressed and tired and crying and like the worst person alive really. 

 

Seven straight days of hell preceded only by seven straight days of "hell on wheels." 

 

I scratched a very dangerous surface...a dangerous surface of understanding which I know that I will NEVER fully understand-even after my experience.  

 

Mathematically speaking-I needed one day of sobriety for everyday I took adderall.  Tit for tat...in a really crappy sense of the saying.  God all these years some of you have been on it.  I can't imagine what you are really going through.  I still really can't...and if I try to imagine its crippling.  

 

You that visit here...members or non-members-you that are trying to understand...you that are trying to quit and pick the pieces up...you are the ELITE.  To be here trying...to be here trying to be healthy and strong mentally and physically...you are here and you are amazing for that.

 

I still don't have answers.  

 

I believe each person will have a different answer to an identical question.  I think that's how life's journey's are supposed to be.  Very individualistic with the hope of a few friends to keep nonjudgmental company along the way.

 

My experience is a hiccup in time.   What did I learn?  That I have no idea what battle you all are truly fighting.  I cannot fathom or even try to pretend like I know what you have all been through.

 

But I have no judgement.  I can be here to tell you that each and everyone of you is stronger than you realize.  I can be here to encourage you and say that the human body is an amazing vessel that can be transformed into anything you want to see yourself be and accomplish.  

 

I have faith in each and everyone of you.

 

 

I miss my love.  What we do for love...

 

Peace.

 

 

 

[LILTEX41]

Wow, I am blown away by this.  I pray you never take it again though.  You don't sound like you will, but at least now you do understand a lot more what he is going through.  Yes, this medication is hell on wheels.  Those of us who have managed to get off and stay off are absolutely blessed by all measures.  The drug is frightening as the addictive components alone with the shit it does to you.  I would not recommend anyone ever take it EVER.  Thank you for being on this site as a non-user and an amazing support role in this journey.   

[Traceme]

Thank you for being such a positive role model to everyone on this site. With each day that passes...I am amazed by everyone's strength more and more.   

[Traceme]

...and I will NEVER take it again.  

[LILTEX41]

...and I will NEVER take it again.  

Phew!!!!   Thank GOD!  

[dadof3finallyfree]

Wow Traceme Ive wanted to do the same just to get that insight of what has my ex wife trapped or what the high or honeymoon phase was about.  I wouldn't now because of my little girls and what I learned on here but I took two blue ones only one time a few years back after I found three bottles of pills one night just to see what they did. Holy shit it was a bad move.

 

That night I found two bottles of xanax and one bottle of Adderall and after confronting my wife about them she called me every name in the book,  the harshest words ever said to me, there was no love in her eyes anymore.  She hit me in the chest a few dozen times while demanding her pills back but I kept them all and flushed them.  All I heard was I what a dick I was and its her body and her decision.  Well in my mind what spouse would let their best friend and love go down that road w/o a fight.  Even though that was the night I knew we were going to be divorced sometime down the road in the near future I decided to take two 20 mgs I htink thats what they were after drinking about 6 beers.

 

Wow was i wired.  i thought Adderall was just diet pills at the time... I dont recall the total feeling b/c I had been drinking but  I remember I was zinging.  I partied quite a bit in my younger years 15 plus years ago but never with pills so Im not an idiot to being high but I know I didn't want to take that crap ever again.  Glad you had a terrible experience, and even glad to read about it but I too would not recommend it to anyone.  I do think it is a VERY IMPORTANT article to have on here and it will help others.  Wishing you the best with your loved one and a happy summer!   Thanks for putting this on here I needed to hear this.

[Frank B]

Dangerous thing to try out no less then trying meth or herion. I actually got hooked from trying it out because my child was in second grade and prescribed this medicine for ADHD. He was a mess on it and felt like if I'm having my child on this I should know myself the affects. Well that was a terrible idea because I fell in love with it but knew it was nothing a child should take. So I got my son off the medication went to my doctor told her I can't focus etc got my own script. Eight years later here I'am trying to find that person I was and kicking this habit with help of others on here.

I think more studies should be done to help us because really no help is available. People in NA who I appreciate but they really don't understand this drug. It's almost taboo to talk about it in public because people feel if a doctor feels the need to write a script then it's a good safe medication. I've had some crazy thoughts like maybe a blood transfusion or something drastic can get my body back to normal. I'm living a healthier lifestyle more then 90% of my friends eating right exercising yet I cannot feel normal just a big cluster fuck of depression and sense doom that keeps me unmotivated just lingers everyday. Guess time cures all but hopefully my recovery time is not for everyday I took this med if so I'm screwed.

[Traceme]

Dadof3, I don't think I could consider my adderall experience one that could be called an open honest try out on adderall.  I/we have such a negative outside experience of it that it would be hard for us to experience the "honeymoon phase" , but I totally know what you mean about wanting to know what that is like.  After my love went from drinking a fifth of vodka every night...to taking this...it seemed like a honeymoon-for about three whole days.  Then I was like-hmmm....something is just off.  That was the beginning of what would become the long and confusing "understanding" period.  I'm pretty sure its also called life-but in a way I hope not.  I'm a bit depressive right now with the time of year-and in a way just being wore out with what has been going on-but I hope life at some point includes not having to think and worry so much.  

 

FrankB, I think a lot of people got addicted the way you did and it takes a courageous person to admit such.  Kids taking this shit just BLOWS my MIND!!!  As a money driven society-it couldn't be anything we've done to create such behavior in kids (two constantly working parents-genetically altered seeds that are bodies reject-shots that negatively affect bodies-etc.)-all for nothing more than making large unethical sums of money...well lets create a pill to offset our other money driven mistakes and see if we can just RUN from the whatever is causing all this ADHD and ADD-----and I don't have the knowledge and the energy to get myself started on this...but what I am really saying is if we could all just get back to the basics-basic things that we get from the earth to sustain life and thrive- sometimes it just seems so impossible-to get back to-when we all seem so blissfully advanced.  I have always thought that if the world ran out of adderall for 6 months or so-the whole world---well I secretly think that time itself would slow down-you would look around at the lack of hustle and bustle and be able to take a long slow deep breathe and not feel like someone behind you took five breathes waiting for you to exhale.  

 

I'm sorry to get all into that shizzle this morning-it's Monday-I am feeling overwhelmed.  

 

Peace
 

[dadof3finallyfree]

Frank you said even people in NA dont even know about this drug that much... so dam true...thats what I found so amazing that there's just not much out for most people to understand the impact it has on peoples lives and families... let alone little kids.  IT KILLS ME!  My friends kids are all getting put on this shit and I beg them to read these articles but know I'm probably too late.

 

Whats worse is since divorcing my wife and meeting quite a bit of new people around town and telling our pathetic story everyone now seems to have taken this dam pill or knows about it or is on it. This or Vyanse... My town for pills sucks! Of all places I chose to live in (Wilmington NC) and raise my little girls guess which town just got ranked last week as the number one town in the entire country for prescription pill abuse especially Opiates. YUP home sweet home Wilmington!   The place I have to raise my little girls in...WTF....GOD I wish there was a movement started to combat whats going on. Every week I read articles on pills and heroin in the star news, every single week.. but no one writes about what to do or does a dam thing about it. Just the word epidemic over and over... At least all you are trying! My prayers go out to you all!