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A decade of abuse...My Adderall story is a long complicated one


Tom23Jones

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Thanks for sharing and welcome!  It sounds like you are doing awesome and are on track!  And good for you for going to N/A meetings.  That is probably really helpful.  I've never had the courage myself yet....

 

 

 

I put myself through the same vicious cycle every single month.  I would take upwards of 150mg daily for about 2 weeks then I would crash for two weeks straight and be depressed until I could obtain more adderall.

 

I know exactly what you mean about the cycle of self-abuse.  Using them up fast then crashing and suffering.  Only to JUST start feeling better again and go get more and start over.

 

May I ask if you took any pre-cautions when you quit?  Did you get your doctors to cut you off in case the really hard cravings hit in the future?  They are almost impossible to resist for most of us.

 

I'm really happy for your decision to live a life of freedom and glad you are getting your sense of humour back. :)

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Well I had two sources for getting adderall.  I had a legit prescription and then I had a friend who would sell me his monthly supply.

 

When I finally realized my habit was not sustainable and I was killing myself I knew what I had to do.   I told my wife everything which is really the only precautionary thing I put in place.  I had 2 hard copies rX refills for the next two months so I ripped them up in front of her. I also told her about my friend who was supplying me with addies.  I gave her his name and number and told her to track our phone records, If i'm calling or texting him, thats bad news.  I committed to her and myself that I will never take that fu*king poison again and that I'll go to N/A at least once weekly for at least the next several years.

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That's an amazing demonstration of commitment.  You've left yourself no place to hide from your wife.  That's great that you brought her on board with your plan.  You are awesome :)

 

(Is your doctor aware of what is going on?  That sounds like the only bridge left to burn.)

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To answer your question, no I haven't told the doctor whats going on.  All I did was cancel the next appointment I had scheduled and told them I'd call back if I needed to reschedule.  The good thing is that I'm on my wifes insurance so she'd immediately see any appointment or prescription fills.

 

Appreciate you giving me props.  I knew it was the only choice I had  if I was going to live a healthy/happy life.  It finally hit me that I was completely powerless over the addiction and I was never going to be able to do Adderall in moderation.  

 

I've had a lot of positive feelings and great things happen since quitting but its not all sunshine and rainbows.  The past 2 weeks have been particularly hard.  My motivation to do literally anything has been paralyzed. For two weeks I haven't helped my wife around the house, I haven't gotten up early to exercise and plan for my day.  I've been late to work everyday and I've been doing as little as possible to just get through each day at work.  I'm stuck in this rut and I can't trigger my motivation muscle.  Whats weird though, is I've had really good weeks since quitting adderall.  I've weeks where I'm exercising and planning so much that its euphoric in a natural way...but for now I'm pathetic and lazy.  I keep thinking- tomorrow I'll get fired up again but we all know tomorrow never comes.

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Whats weird though, is I've had really good weeks since quitting adderall.  I've weeks where I'm exercising and planning so much that its euphoric in a natural way...but for now I'm pathetic and lazy.  I keep thinking- tomorrow I'll get fired up again but we all know tomorrow never comes.

I hear this.  There are good days and bad days for sure.

 

The motivation will come.  Just survive the mean time and be as easy on yourself as possible.  

 

It sucks knowing work is piling up though.  Got any vacation time saved up?

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