iwish

This is my story..new to the site

7 posts in this topic

I started taking Adderall when I was 14 years old. My mom was a pediatrician and ever since I can remember, I was prescribed to some sort of ADD / ADHD medication. I remember having to go to the nurse every day during grade school but I am not sure what medication it was for. I have been prescribed to ritallin, concerta, straterra, and Adderall. My mom passed away when I was 14 years old and at that point in time I was taking 60 mg of Adderall on a daily basis. I have continued to take that amount, daily, to date. I am now 25 years old, about to turn 26.

Adderall has become something that I am dependent on. I recently (last 3 years) have started abusing it, and I want off. The reason I joined this site is because I need someone to relate to…

Recently I have been taking more than I am prescribed and I have developed a fear for the days (weekends – non work days) that I need to set aside in order to offset the days I have over used on. I have become terrified of these days that I will not be able to take my medication on.

Last weekend, I went cold turkey. I need to do this for the next 3 weekends in order to have enough medication to get me through my work weeks until my next prescription can be filled.

 It was hard, but not quite as bad as I thought it would be. It is a terrifying thing to think about life without my medication. I was offered free NBA tickets by my work for next weekend, but I declined because I knew I would not be on my medication and likely not feel up to it. I go to a work out class most Saturdays with a friend of mine and as soon as I realized I was out, I came up with a bunch of excuses to get me out of the next couple classes…

I don’t want to live this way. I made it through one weekend but I need support to continue this process. If anyone can relate, please comment…

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hey iwish, i can relate to you. I remember not having a refill and counting how many days I can spread out what I had for me. Kind of like weening myself off. 

I've been off adderall for two weeks now and honestly, what has been keeping me going is pushing myself to do things no matter what mood i'm in. So if friends invite me out, I go for it and do it for as long as I could. Or, any task which needs to get done, I do it at my own pace. Remember to be easy on yourself right now. Even if tasks and other things seem impossible to do, just do it at your own pace and get it done. I promise you will feel alot better than just avoiding it because you're not on adderall. 

Quitting cold turkey can be tough but is the best way. Your body will be fatigued at first but just remember to cope with it by giving it the sleep it desires at first to recover. Accept that your body will never be as energized and alert it was on adderall, and that it's okay. Eventually you will be able to tell what naturally energizes your body and it will feel much better than nasty old adderall with a shit ton of side effects. 

Hang in there buddy and keep up the good fight. 

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Thanks so much sAdderall. I will keep this in mind this weekend. Hopefully I can turn this into something more than just a weekend thing. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your post. Thanks for the encouragement.

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On ‎1‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 7:41 PM, iwish said:

 

Last weekend, I went cold turkey. I need to do this for the next 3 weekends in order to have enough medication to get me through my work weeks until my next prescription can be filled

It is a terrifying thing to think about life without my medication.

I don’t want to live this way. I made it through one weekend but I need support to continue this process. If anyone can relate, please comment…

Of course it is terrifying to think of life without speed since you have been on it for more than a decade.  But I think you realize it is not something you can be on for the rest of your life.  It is an unsustainable addiction, period.  The sooner you realize and accept this fact the easier it will be for you to quit.

You "need" to abstain for the next three weekends so you can have enough pills to get you by until your next refill date.  Well, you can get used to this lifestyle and it will really suck, but you can continue live like that for several more years......  or, you can make a plan to quit for good and be done with this awful addiction.  Simply flushing the pills (without a plan to quit) would be a short term, impulsive fix that won't get you anywhere beyond misery and regret.  You have already proven to yourself that you can endure a cold turkey quit for the duration of a weekend.  And it didn't kill you, did it?  Why put yourself the hell of quitting once per week just to prolong an unsustainable addiction?

There is nothing wrong with a well-planned quit, that's how I did it.  I planned my quit for several months and set a deadline.  I quit cold turkey with a goal of 100 % abstinence from speed for the rest of my life.  My body and mind could not continue to function well if I continued to use Adderall because my mental and physical health was in decline.   It was (and still is) the most important thing I have done in my life, and I realized the significance of that undertaking.   I also set pre-determined penalties and consequences for failure to stay quit (in-patient rehab) and the humiliation of others knowing that I failed to quit because I would have to "go away" for a while.  If my quit was successful, my addiction remained my personal secret that could be revealed only to those whom I chose and at the time of my choosing.  My Quit worked because I accepted that the addiction was unsustainable and I gave myself ONE chance to get it right.  Iwish (pun intended) you success with your Quit.         

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Thank you very much for this reply. You are my first encounter with the blunt reality of what I have going on. You mentioned some of the biggest obstacles I am dealing with...knowing it can't go on much longer but trying to resolve the problem with quitting short term. Admitting to quitting long term is hard right now. I know I want it and I know it's a problem bc of the fact that saying I want to quit long term is so scary. I rather keep kidding myself sometimes.  Thanks for the support. Your response truly helps with my journey. 

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Quitting is a process which includes the actual date and time when you take your very last pill and begin your recovery.  At this time, you are in the early stages of your quitting process, still coming to grips with the reality of an unsustainable addiction.  In this stage of the quitting process, it is important to take a personal inventory of the pros and cons of quitting and if taking speed still has any benefits left for you.  You have to be ready to quit and one of the big things is that the disadvantages of continuing the addiction MUST outweigh the good things you may believe the drug still does for you.  In my case, it quit working and was absolutely working against me in every instance.  It was causing problems with my health and my wealth and well-being.  I had no good reason to continue my addiction besides the fact I knew I could not function without it.  I was totally dependent on a stupid pill (or four)for getting through each and every day.

So what I am trying to say is that you have to be ready to quit for your quit to stick.  If you think quitting is "something that you think you might like to try and see how it goes" you are fooling yourself and you are simply not ready.  Quitting requires an absolute commitment to the cause.    

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On February 1, 2017 at 9:26 PM, quit-once said:

Quitting is a process which includes the actual date and time when you take your very last pill and begin your recovery.  At this time, you are in the early stages of your quitting process, still coming to grips with the reality of an unsustainable addiction.  In this stage of the quitting process, it is important to take a personal inventory of the pros and cons of quitting and if taking speed still has any benefits left for you.  You have to be ready to quit and one of the big things is that the disadvantages of continuing the addiction MUST outweigh the good things you may believe the drug still does for you.  In my case, it quit working and was absolutely working against me in every instance.  It was causing problems with my health and my wealth and well-being.  I had no good reason to continue my addiction besides the fact I knew I could not function without it.  I was totally dependent on a stupid pill (or four)for getting through each and every day.

So what I am trying to say is that you have to be ready to quit for your quit to stick.  If you think quitting is "something that you think you might like to try and see how it goes" you are fooling yourself and you are simply not ready.  Quitting requires an absolute commitment to the cause.    

VERY wise words :) You nailed it.

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