addict

[diehard_dodger_fan]

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[Sunnie]

Thanks for sharing.  I know addiction is a horrible disease not only for the addict but the whole family. You may find some support from al-anon and learn techniques which will help you handle this situation better. You obviously care very much for her and your family and just the fact that you have made a profile here to consult with others is a tremendous act of love. I wish you the very best and i hope your wife realizes what an awful downward spiral shes in. 

[Sunnie]

In the midst of her disease, if shes not willing to help herself, it may be best for you to take the children and remove them from such a toxic environment while their mother is ill. My father was an alcoholic while i was growing up and i believe that i inherited some unhealthy psychological problems because of his influence. 

[inneedofhelpBP]

My heart goes out to you BonesJones. I agree with Sonnie, maybe you should take the kids and get out. I know that's not an easy decision, I can't imagine how hard that will be. I can tell you, as a user for 5 years, it wasn't until last week that I realized how much devistation these drugs have caused in my life. You can't make her see she has a problem and from what you have said, she is in denial. She's in it right now. Only when she's hit her "rock bottom" and has lost everything that she is willing to lose, will she get help.

Leaving her doesn't have to be permanent. What you're going through right now is not working though. Something needs to shift. I respect your willingness to stick around- you obviously love her. But where your words aren't getting through to her, your actions might be able to save her. 

Like Sonnie said, al- anon is a great resource for people who's loved ones are suffering from an addiction. Besides that, keep coming back here. Share your struggles, because it will not only help you, but it helps us addicts in our resolve for recovery. It allows us to reflect on the person we became while using.

Most importantly, give yourself a break. It's absolutely important to reflect on your actions and dare I say, your part in your marriage. But don't buy into the labels she is placing on you. She is hurting, scared, and desperate to hold on to her addiction- that deep down, I'm sure she knows she has. 

Thank you for sharing. Please keep coming back. 

[LILTEX41]

Have you tried couples therapy?

[oswhid]

Everything she is accusing you of doing is just her projection.  If I pointed out a negative behavior to my husband then without fail within a matter of days he was accusing me of the same thing with apparently no recollection of me having said it first.  Then it became a ridiculous argument of "who said it first".   It was so stupid but it happened over and over.

 

[Traceme]

Hi Bones-I know where you are.  You're in hell with her.  My advice is my experience.  My love tried for a couple of years to break things off with me-sort of like your wife is trying to do with you and your marriage.  I was the glue dammit.  I was gorilla glue.  I should of listened to my addict.  If someone wants to walk out of your life- Let. Them. Go.  It's a tough, hard, shitty, painful lesson.  I was with my love six years.  He has been off medication since early March of this year.  Without notice or even a good-bye he moved to NC from MI a week ago.  After all the hell you are gonna go through-let me just say I kick myself for trying so hard to be with someone who deep down didn't want a relationship.  I watch this video everyday.  It just helps.  Let. Them. Go.  This is your life too-you can love her-but you need to love you and your kids without that dragon breathing down your neck everyday.  I love my love.  I still love him so much after everything.