Sunnie

First step

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Im in a recovery program based on the 12 steps of AA. Would people be interested in sharing their thoughts around the 1-12 steps on here? 

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I've been working through steps 1-3. I know I'm completely powerless over stimulants. I knew this when I'd abuse the hell out of my prescription and I'd say, ok, tomorrow I'll take it appropriately. That never ever happened. Many other things, but it boils down to: I have no control. And life has become unmanageable. My justification for my use- my excuses- were no longer valid. It wasn't helping me with school or work, nor was I losing weight. My favorite thing about the step program is this idea of believing in a power greater than yourself. I have had an issue from my childhood with the idea of God. The program has taught me that the god I knew when I was younger, is not the god I believe in now. Nor is my god the same as your god, or the next person's. It's subjective. I actually prefer the term "universe" to "god." I've realized if this was something I could manage on my own- i would have done that. I wouldn't have been abusing. I'm working on turning it over to the universe. If I don't have faith that the universe has a plan and will take care of me, I have absolutely no hope. I'm using and im dead. Because I can't do it on my own. You know? 

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I attend NA meetings but have not committed to working the steps yet. Truth be told, I also enjoy the literature. I remember the first time I read 'who is an addict,' I cried.

The meetings help me immensely when I am feeling depressed or anxious. They remind me that I'm not alone and at the end of the day, I don't need to take myself so seriously. This situation is only temporary and all I need to do is keep movingly in the right direction. :)

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I'm in recovery. Four years next Thursday. Hit meetings 3-4x/week. Have a sponsor and sponsees. Been through the steps twice and taken people through. After struggling with trying to "fit" amphetamine dependence to the traditional model of addiction and recovery, I'm still in two minds about whether there are unique aspects to Adderall addiction or not. I really wrestled with this my first 18 months clean, but frankly I just don't care anymore; I've found what works for me.

Not sure these forums are the right place, as this site is dedicated toward quitting Adderall and perhaps not all on here need or are interested in a 12-step program. Administrators/Mike - feel free to weigh in. Honestly, I'm in two minds about it. Several on here I've known for years now aren't involved in a 12-step program, have gotten off Adderall, put together wonderful lives, and don't struggle with other substances. Several have claimed Adderall was their only problem, gotten a year or two off it, then eventually ended up abusing other substances. If you're new here, don't be put off by the fact that many find 12-step programs tremendously helpful. Maybe you would too, but maybe not. Doesn't mean you don't fit in here or can't benefit greatly from the information on this site and the forums. 

If you're interested in learning more about the steps, I'd go straight to the Joe and Charlie tapes, which are available on YouTube and Apple Music, for their explanation.

 

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