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rachel7822

Ready

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Tomorrow will be day 1 for me. I've been getting worse lately--finishing scripts after a week, this month I actually pretended I lost my script and was able to get more, well that's all gone too, I'm on both Adderall and Vyvanse and honestly I'm prescribed so much but I take so much more I'm surprised I haven't fallen over dead from a heart attack. It's been maybe a year. Before this I was clean for a year or two from Adderall, but I can't even remember getting off of it; I don't remember it being as scary as this time is. Maybe because I was younger, now I'm 27, not in school, have more responsibilities etc. Before all that I previously beaten an IV heroin addiction and stopped using Adderall after abusing in high school. I can't believe I'm here again. I got married this month and should be having the time of my life but I guess this is the bed I made for myself. I just know I can't take this anymore and I want to be me again. I feel like a shell of myself but I'm so scared. I'm already dealing with other mental health issues (bipolar, anxiety) and don't know how much more I can take. 

 

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You can do this. You will find lots of good advice and support in these forums. Try to check in often and reach out for help when you need it. Check out your local NA meetings as well.

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Hi Rachel!

Congrats on getting married! And for taking the first step to quit this addiction. The hardest part is realizing that there is a problem AND then doing something about it. The third day is always the hardest for me personally. I completely melt down. Did you decide to do it cold turkey or have you considered tapering? I know it's hard for us addicts to taper, because we're never quite able to manage the dose. Does your spouse know? I've found that reaching out to someone that I live was key in helping me stay on track. I'm supposed to be weaning myself off of Vyvance now, though I quit addy cold turkey a year or so ago. My dad now controls my medication and gives me one a day. I still have the urge to go look for it and take more, but fortunately he knows the exact number of pills that I have. Also, I don't want him to lose trust in me- so that's a driving force for me not to go looking. I tried quitting cold turkey recently from vyvance and like I said, by day three I was a complete wreck. I have five weeks left of this semester of school and can't afford to fail due to withdrawal. He's a pharmacist and he told me, you have a chemical, physical, and mental dependency on this drug. You can't just get off of it, as much as you want to. I guess it's all circumstantial- if you can afford to detox cold turkey, do your thing girl. But if you have responsibilities that would suffer because the reality is there is a lot of laying on the couch or in bed. Consider tapering. I am in no means trying to encourage the drug, the goal for me is to get off of it. But we should be kind to ourselves and just as we built up a tolerance to it, we have the option to decrease it. 

 

Just know you have options and YOU HAVE THE CONTROL. You are not your addiction. Hope this helps. 

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Hi guys,

Thanks for the support! My husband does know, but I don't think he knew how bad it had gotten until last night when I told him my pills were gone in under a week. I see my doctor tonight (I'm also on antidepressants) and I'm telling him I don't want anymore. I hope he doesn't suggest tapering because I just can't do that and if he says it I feel like I might be too weak to refuse. Right now I just feel like crying at work but the fatigue isn't too bad yet--it probably helps that I've been drinking Red Bulls all day :) I may also take Monday off to sleep. Im thinking about also coming clean to my parents because I feel like the more people who know, the more accountable I'll be--but I have to admit I am afraid of the disappointment.

Thanks again for the responses, it helps to know I'm not alone!

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I'm not really sure. Maybe one thing at a time. This is tough enough as it is :/ On a brighter note, I've made it to day 8! i know that's nothing compared to others but it feels like an accomplishment to me.

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Good job, 8 days down is amazing becuse theyre likely the 8 hardest days. Congrats and keep it up, im rooting for you :)

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