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rachel7822

Quitting again after a setback

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I quit for two and a half weeks and then my doctor called in my medication again even though I asked him not to. As soon as I got the alert that it was at the pharmacy I obviously took it. Today was my second day back on it and I felt like SHIT. Yesterday I took over my dose and today I only took one and still felt awful both days. Nauseous, headache, just felt like a zombie. And so ashamed--I had admitted it to my family and close friends so this felt doubly bad. I told my husband and we just flushed the remaining pills. I feel like I'm going to regret it later but we'll see. Feeling that was was NOT sustainable. I literally felt like I wanted to lay down in the road and die on my walk home tonight. Maybe this is really it this time. 

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Stay strong Rachel. We all make mistakes when trying to quit and it's because this drug is extremely powerful. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time. It will get better, I promise, but you have to go through some very painful days, weeks, months. I wanted to die so bad early on, but now, one year later, I am doing so much better and I know you will too. Recovery is not linear so you will have good days early on as well. Just hang in there until you have those good days. 

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Don't beat yourself up over it. Getting off this crap is HARD!! It's scary how the addicted brain can convince you to take something you swore you had no intention to ever touch again. Try to take this as a lesson learned, and now you always have this post to come back to if you need a reminder that it will only leave you feeling worse off than before. I personally find it really helpful to read my older posts when I'm feeling down or questioning my decision to quit. 

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This is what chemical dependency/addiction does. It convinces us in moments of weakness we don't have a problem. This is a lie: once pickled, never a cucumber. Remember that during your next and hopefully last quit.

Ultimately YOU are responsible for your recovery from Adderall addiction. You now know you have a problem. You know there is a solution. Many on here have been at least as sick as you and recovered. If you're not sure you can do it, believe us, because we are sure you can. This CAN be it, but that's up to you.

Make the decision, rip the steering wheel off, and be willing to ask for help early and often. 

Good luck. One day at a time. 

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Thank you! You have no idea how much it means to get some support. I'm prescribed Adderall and Vyvanse and currently have the latter waiting for me at the pharmacy (don't lose hope! It's day 3 and I haven't picked up) and it's so hard. Today's the first day I didn't imagine myself napping on the ground and in the road so I'm feeling ok. Although I did miss my subway stop on the way to work bc I fell asleep. Anyway just wanted to check in and say thanks.

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I've been in exactly the same position and you did the right thing by flushing them. Hang in there and stay strong you can do it.

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