marybelle

Just Flushed Pills!!!! QUITTING

9 posts in this topic

Hi everyone-

A few of you know that I have been in denial about quitting / wanting to quit. i thought I could control my dosage and I was lying to myself when I said adderall helps me.  Adderall does not do anything but put me in a vicious self destructing cycle. I want my personality, since of humor, and the want for friends back. i want to relax and enjoy life. I binged twice this month. Once at a music festival and then in the following week to work long hours at my job to make up for being out of town. for those of you who do not know, I work as a stripper. A Lot of the other dancers do the job sober, and they make more money because they are not caught up in partying. I hope that once I quit adderall, I will still be able to do my job, because I like it. I know adderall tricks you into thinking you like doing shit you dont, but I love dancing and if anything adderall is hurting my work performance. It makes me disassociate and too cracked out to hold a conversation. Fortunately, I have made enough money during my binge, to go the next month work free and then I will only have to go in twice a week following that month to pay my current bills. That is enough time to get my brain chemically dependent off addy, and then I can see what life will be like as a sober stripper.... that will be interesting. ANYWAY.... 

I AM FREAKING OUT because I just flushed precious pills down the toilet. I cant believe I did that when I just drove an hour yesterday to buy 15 more to hold me over until I can pick up my script next week. I AM ALSO PROUD OF MYSELF for doing so... 

I obviously could not do the wean off method.. I failed MISERABLY. I don't have any pills to tempt me, and after reading the articles on this blog about how to quit OVER AND OVER and reading through the forums for hours on addy.... I can say that I am READY to quit. So here it goes guys... here begins my quitting journey... just looking at the first 30 days ahead without adderall scares the shit out of me, but being stuck in this addy tornado forever scares me more. 

Never thought I would ever flush pills down the toilet.... im sad that I let things get so out of hand, but im also hopeful and ready for a new life. 

No one knows about my addiction or my quitting, so in a way writing this is my support. 

I am so lucky to have found this site or else I would have never thought there was hope in recovery. 

 

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GOOD JOB!!! I am so proud of you!! Sounds like you had your "aha" moment and you finally get it - and you're ready to quit!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! Message me anytime.

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That's amazing!! Flushing pills takes a lot of courage.  Good job :)

Remember to be patient with yourself and accept the initial "lows" as just part of the HEALING process.

Despite not feeling great and not wanting to socialize when I first got off, I noticed that I was more able to make genuine connections with friends. Not just surface level. There's just a calmer energy you emit when off Addy.

Anyway best of luck!!! Lots of rest and like I said, PATIENCE <3

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Life is so much better as a "normal" person!  Stay strong, keep your recovery process as positive as possible.  No going back! Your not alone. Congrats! 

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Congrats! I also flushed the rest of mine wanting to be rid of them. Now it seems like your next task would be to prevent a relapse by telling your doc not to prescribe it anymore? Correct me if I'm wrong but you said you can get a refill next week and you just got some to hold you over, if I read that right? Cause I just know the most helpful thing for me was going to a new psych and asking them to take me off adderall officially, without any chance of getting more. Its a scary step but a necessary one if you really want to quit. Good job coming out of denial, in any case. ☺️ 

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thank you so much everyone!!

@Speeder906 my insurance only works in las vegas anyway, so usually my mom would pick it up and send it to me in LA every month. but I have to go back to vegas every three months to get three months worth of it prescribed. I just realized I dont have another pick up so i would have to go back to vegas to even get it filled and i dont have a trip planned home any time soon! 

but you are totally right. Cutting off access to scripts completely will be a huge help when temptation arises. 

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@Lillyloo One of the main reasons I am quitting is because I don't care to have any friends anymore. None of my friendships are above surface level, and I defiantly know what you mean when you say there is a "calmer" energy you emit. I remember what that is like and cant wait to have it back!

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Good job! I also had to flush my precious pills in order to quit. No matter how bad it was the day before- if it was in my house the next morning I was going to take it. It felt like I couldn't live with it or without it. Adderall steals your soul and self esteem. It took a little time but now I never feel anxious or bad about my choices or how I act because I know I'm being my authentic self. Good luck, the gifts are going to start pouring in since you've quit so look out for them! 

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Flushing pills is so tough — it takes a lot of courage. Congratulations on taking that step. You did the right thing. 

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