Traceme

Man-I can so relate. Hang in there, friend.

Hello Friend. I'm happy you're back. On your way to be better than ever!

Fuck Adderall. It took ball loads of strength to end it. I'd say you definitely learned some beautiful things about yourself-but it sucks just the same too. Recovery is lonely sometimes-a lot of the times. Recovering as a co-dependent is lonely too. I've had to face some pretty harsh realities about myself. I'm hoping that when we least expect it-we will be able to bring some great things to the table of our future relationships-because we know ourselves better than before. <3

Good for you Danquit. It takes guts and transparency to be able to share that with all of us. Thank you. I cannot speak about the addiction side of adderall-as I am only an ex lover of an addict. (reason for joining 3.5 years ago) First and foremost, take care of you. You recognized the severity of the slip and it sounds like you've got your priorites (back)in order. It is so important to recognize your vulnerability. Hyper-critical is so correct-be careful. Great advice. As for the love side of your life........ There are many women (and men) out there who are not addicts but have loved one. Although I am no longer with one-I learned a lot...albeit kicking and screaming...but I learned and I grew. When I finally made the decision after seven years to move forward-I had a lot to work through-even saying at one point-never again...never dating-never going to love...never this...never that. I don't feel that way anymore. It took a long while for those negative "nevers" to leave my mind. Through group and private therapy-I can tell you this. There are women like me out there who will fight for you. There are women out there who will put your recovery first because they know it's the only way. There are women out there who will love you hard because they want to see you be the best version of yourself. I wouldn't date someone who has only been clean for a short time-but I can say I wouldn't hesitate dating an addict who was a couple of years out of the gate, like yourself. We are both smart right? We know the signs...we get that there are triggers-we can deduce the patterns. We also know when we must distance our self from situations that risk our sobriety. I guess all I want to convey is hope. Hope for love-hope for growth-hope for everything you have that is important to you. Hope for the sweet gal you dated as well-because I know there is a man out there who will love her like she needs to be loved-when she is ready to conquer her demons. Again-thank you for sharing. Keep walking that path to recovery. Amazing things are waiting for you.

I can relate Sunnie - northern Michigan.

I have been thinking about getting a SMALL tattoo. I have lots of ideas but I am a bit of a gypsy and am afraid I will grow tired of the same thing-forever. I would need to always love it because I wouldn't ever go through taking it off. I am just curious as to how happy people are with their body art? Share what yours symbolizes if you'd like. I love to look at peoples tattoos and I am usually not shy about telling someone I am admiring their artwork-maybe this is offensive. I honestly am not sure of the etiquette. Anyway...just for fun.

This brings tears of joy to my face for you. I know the strength it has taken on both sides to get you where you are now...together. Thank you for posting your story.

There are so many things wrong within our society...due mainly to the lack of both character and the respect of human dignity. Im so sorry you are going through this. Its deplorable. In the mean time there are many docs with solid character and hearts that genuinely want to help you. Its great that you seek out new docs to help you achieve overall happiness and well being. It's really quite brave and have I the deepest admiration for you and anyone who gets on their own road to recovery. Don't give up

Did you have any pictures of yourself while using? If so what differences if any do you see if you don't mind sharing?

You are right. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am working on ways to distract myself from wanting to contact him. Hopefully soon, with the help of some great books-I won't have to think about not contacting him-It will just be the way things are.

No contact. I am in new waters and I am lost. I could use some direction. We have all probably heard of "The No Contact Rule" at some point in our lives. To me personally, it seems so un-human. In the same breath, however, I do understand that it can help with your own healing-your mental clarity-even some decisions that need made-might all be done with the help of no contact. My love moved-without notice or a good-bye even, to North Carolina from Michigan one week ago. Yes-the same person who, I, for some damn reason even to this very moment,I still feel a sense of loyalty to that is so strong-from a distance I probably look like a giant brunette golden retriever. Another word one might use is-codependent. *sigh* What I was wondering is, does no contact really work? Why am I asking all of you? Some of you had to do "no contact" or "cold turkey" to get away from adderall. The "taper-down" method doesn't work for a lot of people so you need cut off completely to help solidify your step towards sobriety. As addicts-you have probably had the no-contact rule applied to you by various people in your lives. For some reason, this never ever sat well with me as someone who was told to do this from many different people/websites, who would swear it was the only way I would heal-or help even from my addicts behavior. I realize it may seem like there are fucking obvious answers (I know, I am in your heads right now ) to these questions. HE left ME for God's sake. He DIDN'T even say GOOD-BYE for Christ's sake (still dealing with anger here-struggling-not sorry I am angry )... but there are a few extenuating circumstances here that leave me with loose heart strings. I am probably making excuses-but-oddly he has reached out to me somewhat and I have been not contacting him. It feels wrong. Does it feel wrong because I am in codependentville right now and I am conditioned for what DOESN'T work? Am I just an empathetic fool that needs better boundaries? Anyway-I guess if you've ever had this rule applied to you-in any situation really how did it make you feel, and what did it make you realize-if anything? If you ever applied this rule what were your results? I take full responsibility for where I am right now. I fucked up. My poor love tried to let me go so many times over the last 18 months or so. I just wouldn't let him go. I should of. Not for me-but for him...I feel I may of stunted his growth on his journey to sobriety. I just really felt the love-it was so unconditional-it felt free-but overflowing. So hard to describe. I am so grateful for being able to feel like that for someone-truly a gift.

Hi Bones-I know where you are. You're in hell with her. My advice is my experience. My love tried for a couple of years to break things off with me-sort of like your wife is trying to do with you and your marriage. I was the glue dammit. I was gorilla glue. I should of listened to my addict. If someone wants to walk out of your life- Let. Them. Go. It's a tough, hard, shitty, painful lesson. I was with my love six years. He has been off medication since early March of this year. Without notice or even a good-bye he moved to NC from MI a week ago. After all the hell you are gonna go through-let me just say I kick myself for trying so hard to be with someone who deep down didn't want a relationship. I watch this video everyday. It just helps. Let. Them. Go. This is your life too-you can love her-but you need to love you and your kids without that dragon breathing down your neck everyday. I love my love. I still love him so much after everything.

I do that a lot.

You seem so easy to relate to ( I can also be that asshole) and really so freaking awesome that if you were on adderall writing this...I bet OFF adderall you would be all those things times 1000! So you know what? You are going to be better than okay...you are going to be amazing! I admit, I know this from an outsiders perspective-but believe me-I know a lot of people when they are on it...and a lot of people when they run out...I have NEVER met a person yet, that is better on it. Not one. Even when they may feel tired, out of the loop, useless and run down...they are ALWAYS genuine when they are out. This drug seems to steal that first in my own opinion. Being genuine is a priceless character commodity.

I sympathize with you Blue-feeling nothing almost seems like it would be a little worse than how I feel. How do you guys manage to get up and going everyday...I truly admire the strength or the will it must take to accomplish such a daunting feeling or lack thereof. I honestly don't know if I would have it in me at this point. I think my happiness lies within how content I am. I don't believe I am very content right now. I feel a little forced into this loneliness but I guess I've really been avoiding dealing with myself for sometime now-and well...guess now is as good of time as any for this soul search.