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  2. welp

    Привет, нашел приколы 2021 года смех ВК
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  4. 4 Months Off Stimulant Medications

  5. Last week
  6. welp

    How's the good fight going?
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  8. huge step back at over a year clean

    YES my executive functioning skills were zero so i talked myself into "needing" it and to help with ADD. which is both true but i know that life with add off adderall has to be better. thank you for responding your story is giving me hope!
  9. huge step back at over a year clean

    being mad at yourself is a good sign!! anger is a great motivator - use it to get yourself back on track! something to keep in mind is that when you quit again this time, the withdrawal won't be nearly as bad as it was last year. speaking from relapse experience myself, you'll still get the acute lethargy for a couple of weeks, but with the right mindset you'll be right back to where you left off on your recovery journey. it's not too late to just pick up where you left off (:
  10. huge step back at over a year clean

    "adulting" reasonably well is about the best anyone can hope for, much less addicts great progress!!!!
  11. Coping Mechanisms

    ^^^ well said guys! you need to give yourself permission to heal in the beginning while you're in the worst of the detox and withdrawal until the "real you" is able to think clearly about things (:
  12. huge step back at over a year clean

    @dolssa I can relate to everything you are going through. At my 1 year clean mark, I still had 0 motivation and my executive functioning skills were nowhere to be found. While things improved in year 2, it personally me two years to start to feel like I can accomplish things. I am 40 years old with a wife and 2 small children and can say that after 2.5 years, I feel like I've made real progress. More laughing, decreasing anadonhia, executive functioning returning to pre adderall levels - I am not superman but I can generally "adult" reasonably well. It's worth sitting in the shit for another year - don't beat yourself up about doing nothing. Its worth it.
  13. welp

    If they told me adderall was harder to quit long term than heroin i would believe them. worst drug ever. fucking hell
  14. Eight Years

  15. huge step back at over a year clean

    welp... still havent been able to stop.. IM SO MAD AT MYSELF
  16. Coping Mechanisms

    Hi @OnSomething. I also used adderall as a coping tool for trauma, but i did not know it. it wasn't until i got clean and the fog lifted that i started to face some truths about my childhood and past that i was suppressing with adderall and the life i was living on adderall. At over a year clean i recently relapsed because of it, just trying to run again instead of face and heal. in the beginning, don't worry too much about that. first focus on quitting. take it a day at a time. the you while you are detoxing and withdrawing isn't the real you and your brain will be too busy healing to think about other stuff. (at least thats what happened to me) and then when its time you will have a clear mind and can find better coping tools to use. for me, i'm about to start my withdrawal from my temporary relapse of the last month and FINALLY admit i need a damn therapist. don't try to to do much too soon. focus on getting through the days without adderall and forgive yourself if its messy. wanting to quit is already a huge step. YOU CAN DO THIS. x
  17. Coping Mechanisms

    Wonderful response SS! I went through my own series of traumas and I am not sure I could have survived without adderall. But then again, sometimes I wonder if taking the adderall contributed to a pattern of thinking that attracted the next trauma. "As a man thinketh, so he is". Mine started off with the loss of my family. My grief was beyond and I wasnt able to function. Adderall kickstarted my life so I could manage. It pulled me out of the mud of depression and grief. But then I made a career decisions, took on an large start up company, which ended up in further truama. Again adderall helped get me through it and helped me fight for my life. I prevailed. But again, sometimes I wonder if my adderallic thinking put me into those predicaments in the first place. Then after my most recent clash with trauma, and suffering from a total burnout from the stress, trauma, and adderall, I finally surrendered and took action by quitting adderall and alcohol, went to AA, got a sponsor, and read tons of material by Emmit Fox like "The power of constructive thinking", " The sermon on the Mount", etc. and started to use the sprituial tools suggested in AA and Emmit Fox. It really worked for me. So it was the spiritual programs and literature that gave me the tools to cope. I learned to apply them in my daily life. And this forum is also a major tool. It helped me understand that becuase of my longterm use and trauma, its going to take up to 2 years to get well again. I gave myself permission to focus on recovery above my career or anything else for at least two years. I worked part time becuase I really couldnt work full time anyway without gettin back on the adderall. I was totally fried up. Crispy critter! Nothing left in the engine. Grinding gears. You know what I am talkiing about. The scary thing about truama is it creates patterns of thought that get embedded in our pscyhe. Adderall agravates the patterns of negative thoughts. We need tools to break those patterns up and the best tool for me was prayer and meditation and doing the 12 steps. Health and fitness also got my self esteem going. Giving myself permission to heal above all else! Giving myself permission to feel like a loser for up to two years has paid off enormously. I am almost there at 22.5 months and the last few months continue to show massive improvements. Geeze, its crazy how much my life has improved over the past two years and all the trauma and drama are gone. I think they are gone for good. I also took a greif class at the local church. Taking actions daily becomes a long term investment of health and recovery and soon enough you will realize life is good and you are free!!! I hope this helps.
  18. 4 Months Off Stimulant Medications

    Welcome to the Forum! You have a lot of positive things going on for only being four months stimulant free. There are lots of ups and downs in early recovery, and it sounds like you are riding it out very well. Congratulations for quitting and I wish you continued success with your Quit.
  19. Eight Years

    Great to hear from you, @hyper_critical. I'm glad your life is going well. I think it is so important that some of the long time quitters keep posting on this site. I know it gave me lots of hope when I quit to know that people can and DO beat this addiction and move on with their lives. I'm two years ahead of you, and I will be making my ten year post in exactly one month.
  20. Hi sorry to hijack your post but i am new to the forums and can't figure out how to start a new thread. I am on day 3 of no Adderall (my first workday tho, still remote thank God) and could use some help. I know that adderall gives us anxiety... But i am feeling anxiety without it. I feel very irritable and every sound my neighbors make is getting under my skin. Thanks
  21. Hey everyone, Just wanted to post about my experiences with this stuff. I’ve been on some form of stimulant (Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse) for several years. I started law school recently and all of the negative side effects from these medications came to a peak a few months into my first year. Here are some of the side effects I had put up with over the years: extreme difficulty getting to sleep and diminished sleep quality, which in turns impairs focus, memory, willpower, nutritional decision making worsened social anxiety inconsistent focus - I would get a few hours of euphoric focus in the mornings, but could hardly focus at all in the evenings ED and reduced sex drive - I’m healthy and in my mid-20s, so this should not be happening feelings of dullness and emotional unavailability more easily frustrated and overwhelmed Over time I had come to believe that my ability to perform and keep up all my responsibilities was dependent on my taking these medications. I had excelled as an undergraduate student, both academically and as a varsity athlete, and felt that I could not have done so without stimulants. This is because every time I tried to stop, I’d never make it last the few weeks of lethargy. I quit 4 months ago and I’m thrilled to say that everything seems to have turned around. It was very challenging, and I feel like I had to re-learn how to study, but it was so worth it. I’m not longer able to sit and read robotically for hours without breaks, but now I am actually digesting the material, drawing connections and understanding it on a deeper level. My memory is better. I’m no longer simply regurgitating information on tests. I’m way less stressed out about my future, now that I know my skills weren’t dependent on medication. I’m far less anxious socially and I’m better able to connect with people. It takes a bit more effort to focus, but with practice it has become far more consistent and sustained. I feel more emotionally available and the sexual issues have gone away completely. Needless to say, I definitely recommend quitting if your situation sounds similar to mine. I’m happy to answer any questions about my experience. Hope you’re all staying healthy.
  22. Coping Mechanisms

    hi @OnSomething I'm sorry to hear about your past trauma, though discovering it's impact on your life can give you some control over it, and can be very therapeutic. it's kind of like in fiction where knowing the true name of a demon gives you power over it! Adderall as a coping tool is a story many of us know very well. there's no denying that when it works, *it works* , but it's simply not sustainable. for what it's worth, I think the most effective coping tools in first few months of your recovery journey will simply be distractions and forgiveness. you need to try to keep yourself distracted and occupied as much as possible. i know it's easier said than done because you won't feel like doing anything for a while, so even if it's just binging Netflix or video games, immerse yourself in something. if an activity that you enjoyed while on Adderall is too frustrating now, let it go for the time being. if you truly love it, it will come back to you later on down the road, but don't get trapped in a cycle of depression, constantly comparing to how it felt while on Adderall. the forgiveness part has to do with being kind to yourself. one of the hardest things in recovery is letting go of the guilt, remorse and embarrassment associated with your addiction. there will be plenty of time to unpack that in the future when you're thinking more clearly, but you need to be sober for long enough to actually get there. in the meantime, just forgive yourself enough to be a sleepy blob till you hit the first milestones of recovery - your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to just stay sober no matter what it takes! gl and keep us posted, we're here for you (:
  23. Coping Mechanisms

    Hello, I’m 0 days clean. I have said so many times I want to quit, even making promises to God, just to not. Tomorrow I am quitting. I told my best friend of how I take 100+mg a day and drink 1-2 bottles of wine every night. She is helping me come up w/ a plan. I am calling my doctor tomorrow. I have been trauma to trauma throughout my life, and since starting counseling recently realized how severe my neglect was growing up. Adderall was a coping tool that worked well at first. I am scared to give up the only thing I know, even though it’s killing me. My question is this- how do you find new coping tools? How do you know if they’re working or healthy? What’s worked for you?
  24. Ah yes I know that feeling all too well. I am on day 4 of no adderall right now and I’ve been exhausted but it I finally doesn’t feel like I’m on the brink of death. Yes day by day sounds good to me.
  25. Hi Taylor. I am so here for you. I don't have much energy today to say much other than that!!!. I don't even know if I should be allowed to post as I just filled a month script this morning. I am laying in bed sighing such deep breaths because I feel I'll be sick if I don't and somehow these weird breaths are going through me. My heart is fluttering so oddly and I am so dizzy I can literally feel the toxicity in my blood from taking too much all the time. Let's take it day by day!!!! Y
  26. One good day - then back to slump

    this is awesome to hear! when I have those types of days, I certainly enjoy the heck out of them, but I wouldn't hold myself to that standard for "normal days". ...though I might be a little biased because I tend towards introversion and low energy activities
  27. On monday this week, I got a ton of energy and clairty. I felt unstoppable. So excited. I am back!!! Better than adderall. No side affects. I prayed I made a break through. The next day I woke up and it was back to the same old sluggish recovery. Good performance for 1/2 day then lethargic. I am comming up on 2 years. I know that I will continue to improve, but I thought for a second I had made it all the way back. I got through the rest of the week ok, but nothing like monday. Does anyone else relate?
  28. That was a great post Taylor - I am glad you found this site. It really helped me get past the toughest stages. telling your story on this forum is a great start on your road to recovery. We can all relate on different levels. The loss of personality, health, and ability to love in a healthy way is scary. The only thing I cant relate to is being a mom.I suggest you have an emergency plan for your baby when times get tough. Some sort of child care back up plan when or if you get hit with PAWS - It usually lasted 2 to 3 days for me - as long as I took action like hiking, nutrition, prayer, it passed. And hitting this site during those periods helped me understand it will pass and we are not alone. Hopefully you can get enough support from Dad, but if he has to work, maybe you can find someone else who can help. Build a support network. I did 12 step program for the first 18 months and it was super helpful. Doing the steps is a guarantee for a better life. Look forward to hearing about your success.
  29. You have the will and desire to quit, I know you can do this! In fact, you did do it not that long ago! Don’t forget how strong you are. Reading everyone’s stories is what really helped me get through the first few months, and giving myself grace. You already know stopping is going to be horrible. You might not feel like the best mom some days, but keep remembering that you are doing this so that you can be a healthier and happier you, and that’s all your daughter wants at the end of the day.
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