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About ZayKayWill

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  1. Thanks for the support you guys I really appreciate it. I mean yeah....I always knew that Vyvanse and Adderall were essentially the same drug but like you said the time release mechanism is different. You have to actually swallow can't snort it. I always assumed that because that was the case that that was why it wasn't as potent as Adderall. I always just figured that it released into your system slower and so it wasn't as harsh on your receptors...when people take Adderall or smoke meth their receptors get really fired up you know? I always felt that since Vyvanse had to be swallowed that it didn't activate your receptors as harshly as the other I wrong there? If I am.... then yeah......maybe you guys are right and I just need to stop taking this crap. I was on Wellbutrin before, so if Im really desperate maybe I can just go back on that, although I'd rather just stay away from everything altogether. *sigh* These past 6 years have been the craziest years of my life. I can't imagine going through anything harder.
  2. I'm not going to lie I didn't even want to make this post because what I am going to say is going to sound so bizarre, but it's true. So, I quit Adderall back in 2015. I ended up going to rehab and all that stuff. It's been damn near 6 and a half years and I still feel like I'm still in the same place. My symptoms are all still pretty much the same. When I quit Adderall, the rehab ended up putting me on Wellbutrin 450mgs. Shortly after when I got back from rehab I saw a new psychiatrist since my old one retired. I told this new psychiatrist about how I went to rehab. However I was still on the long road to getting a Masters degree and so agreed that maybe something not as strong as Adderall would be appropriate. TBPH I was taking both Adderall AND Vyvanse. Adderall 20mgs and Vyvanse 40mgs. When I got back from rehab the doctor thought it would be okay to just give me Vyvanse and take me off the Wellbutrin. He put me on 70mgs. As of today I still take that, but I never take the full dosage. Usually I will pour as little as half or even a fourth of the pill into some water and go from there. I won't lie...I didn't really start doing that until fairly recently after I finished all my schooling, but I doctor said it was okay and I've known some people who were meth addicts that were put on Vyvanse to help them cope, so I figured maybe it would be okay if I did this as well. Now I'm just not so sure. It's been 6 and a half years since I went to rehab. I still have this weird strange bubble in my head. It literally feels like there's a giant bubble on the right side of my head. Not the left side. Just the right. Not a day goes by where I don't notice it. I think about it every day literally 24/7. Ever since getting out of rehab I had been obsessed with trying to do all the studies I had to do to finally obtain my Masters degree, which thankfully I did in November 2019. I haven't been working since COVID. I'm not sure if any of you guys are familiar with Quora. It's a website/App used to share knowledge. I had luckily found someone on there who is dealing with some drug problems who is INCREDIBLY knowledgeable on all the drug withdrawal affects from benzos, SSRIS, etc. Talking to him literally has been keeping me sane. I also have been reading some success stories on some other websites (BenzoBuddies, SurvivingAntidepressants etc). I once read a story of a guy who was on Benzos for literally only 5 years and it took him literally 12 YEARS to completely feel normal again. So I mean...I know time is on my side. And I do still have good days here and there....but most of my days are just awful. I can understand why it may take some people a long time to recover from stuff such as Benzos or SSRIs, but stimulants? Most people I know are fine after 2 years, although there has been some research of some meth addicts not feeling like themselves again until after 5 years. I'm not panicking too much. I still have days where I feel amazingly great and as if recovery is just around the corner, but as soon as I have those good days, the next few weeks or months will be bad before I even have another good day. It's just really scaring me how long this has been going on. I literally have not felt normal or myself for the past 6 and a half years after I quit the Adderall. I figured the Vyvanse would have been okay for me to take to ween myself off, but now I'm just not so sure...most people don't take this long to feel normal again so it just feels as if maybe I'm doing something wrong and using Vyvanse to ween down may not have been a good idea. The doctor said it would have been fine though..... *sigh* I know with time I will be fine especially if people doing more serious drugs such as benzos or SSRIs were able to recover after such a long time, but what in the literal fuck? 6 and a half years off and I still feel like I made damn near zero progress......most people when they get off meds they taper, so I figured that would have been the best thing for me to do rather than just cold turkey it, but now I just don't know. Please for the love of God don't tell me that there's no way that that's true. I can't handle it. I've gone to so many doctors and damn near none of them believe me. I'm not completely hopeless since I have been talking to that guy from Quora and I know how plastic the brain is and how good it is at recovering. Shit there are people who have had literal chunks of their fucking brain taken out yet they still were able to function at 100% somehow. The craziest thing about it too is that I was only taking the Adderall and Vyvanse every day for maybe just a year and a half. I was prescribed all kinds of ADHD meds since I was a kid...dexadrine, strattera, you name it. I never actually started taking it every day until I started working full time in June 2013 though. I know time does some amazing things, but still....6 and a half years and I still feel like I'm damn near in the same place. I'm really, really scared. I know for a fact that it's the drugs, too, btw. I know because I literally have had days where it felt like I was getting that same high that I used to get when I very first started taking the drugs....without actually taking the drug. I remember going inside a bar one day and literally out of nowhere I felt like I was super high on ecstasy or something. It was completely random. I didn't take any drugs or anything. It was just one of my very rare and 'incredibly INCREDIBLY high moments'. It was almost as if I was going to completely recover and all the symptoms would go away. Of course that didn't happen, though. Again I didn't want to make this post as to how alone I feel in this situation...but if it has been 6 and a half years and I still don't feel like I made much progress....probably I'm doing something wrong...........I just can't run away anymore. I literally am at the peak of my life. I have my Masters degree, will most likely have a great job aligned for me here soon enough, but I fucking am not even able to enjoy all the time I have to not even have to do anything because of COVID (I'm getting unemployment money). I even told the guy on Quora that I'm still taking Vyvanse and asked him if that could be impeding progress. He said it could be possible, but ultimately I shouldn't worry about it since I'm probably making progress regardless....but again...6 and a half fucking years. I'm going to be traveling to Turkey in the next month to see a friend and I really don't want to be all down and depressed about this when I go to visit her. Please help me...and thank you for reading.... Please do take what I just posted seriously. If not I'm immediately deleting this post and going back to the Quora guy for support. I only came on here because he figured maybe I could find some other stimulant users who are going through the same thing as I am.'s to hope.
  3. I was on a pretty low dose of Adderall, too. So you could be right.... *sigh* it's so hard for me to focus and do stuff without it, though...ugh...
  4. No but I've taken breaks...I've gone weeks without them and they're still there. And well...Vyvanse is so mellow. I never have cravings to take them or anything. I don't feel like I'm in withdrawal. Idk :/
  5. Bumping this topic for anymore insight if possible. Having a crappy day. As usual. The sensations have been moving down to my neck and my back. Aren't those considered brain zaps or whatever? Maybe it really is just extreme anxiety. :/
  6. Weird Brain Feeling?

  7. Weird Brain Feeling?

    I have the same thing. Not sure if it's the same as yours but it literally feels like there's a giant bubble full of water in my head on the back/right side of my head. It's been like this for 2 years. All the doctors just tell me it's anxiety, though. I really don't know.
  8. Doubt it...although if I plug my ears I can hear this buzzing sound in my head....
  9. Im 26 and no I don't really have any other health problems as far as I know.
  10. It started when I was still taking it honestly. Only thing I felt physically was what I had already described. All just a bunch of pressure and a weird pins and needles bubbl3 in my head. Don't have it anywhere else.
  11. I still take them from time to time but even when I go weeks or months without taking them they're still there.
  12. That's exactly what I'm going through. All the doctors tell me its anxiety. The truth is, though, that so many doctors are super ignorant when it comes to addiction, so I really don't think it's anxiety. I've had acupuncture before but that didn't take it away. There are a lot of people out there who say they've had anxiety and were like, "There's no way this is anxiety." but I mean idk. Just seems a bit too extreme to just be anxiety.
  13. My diet is pretty good. Ive had some brain scans and theyve all come back normal so I really have no idea what else it could be. If it really was Addy related a brain scan wouldn't show it so what else could it be is what Im wondering...
  14. I have googled the heck out of it. Haven't found anything. Some people do think its blood pressure related but I doubt it...doesnt' feel like a blood pressure thing at all.
  15. I've been 2 years off, but yet I still feel this very weird sensation in my head. It literally feels like there's a giant bubble full of water in my head. I thought it was a brain tumor, but I got some brain scans done and they all came back normal. Only thing that gets me is that I can't seem to find anyone else I know that had these symptoms, not even meth addicts. Starting to worry me :/