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  1. It's only been 17 days since I've stopped using Adderall. I've quit over twenty times before now, but this time I know that I am finished with Adderall for good. I am entering the world as myself, and that is incredibly scary. I'm feeling like a complete mess- so lazy and unmotivated, with piles of things to do everywhere. Every day is a little easier. I am learning to take tasks one by one. I’ve realized how boring cleaning actually is haha. I have just sort of accepted that this who I am and this is what I am going to need to go through to get better, but I truly wonder if I ever really will get "better." Yes I don't feel as a tired as I did the first seven or eight days into it, but I still just feel so far from being who I have known for so long, the girl that I have come to know on Adderall. My story is not a whole lot different from any of yours. I am so happy to have found this website, for the longest time I have known that I have a problem with Adderall and that I am addicted, yet any place that I would go for help I would find myself fully able to connect with the other types of drug addictions out there. I used Adderall as a way to be more successful. At first with very good intentions, actually probably the whole duration of the time I used Adderall was for good intentions. I am now a physical education teacher and only 28 years old. My user name: wouldn't have known, comes from the fact that hardly anyone in my life knew, with the exception of my sister who also uses, my therapist and my doctor(s); mostly because I hid it from the world. I started using in high school, when a friend in my class offered it to me. I refused it several times because I was not one to use drugs and swore to myself that I never would, but after his explanation that it would help me in school, and that it was unlike other drugs, I finally gave in. He was so right. It was amazing, euphoric. I remember going to Chemistry, a class that I absolutely dreaded and for the first time everything made sense. I asked my friend for more Adderall, before I knew it I received a 103 on my Chemistry exam, the second highest score in the class was a 73. It felt absolutely amazing to feel smart and capable. I thrived off of this feeling. I found several ways to get it from friends to get me through the last year of high school and eventually went to my doctor to make my plea for ADHD. From the time I went on the medication, I achieved straight A's in all of my classes. I also used the drug to get my self into amazing shape physically. I finished college with my master's degree quicker then most of my peers and settled into my current career as a physical education teacher. I also coach cheerleading and gymnastics, I am a snowboarding instructor, and I started a summer camp. I do so much! Up until this moment, you are probably reading this and wandering so what was the big deal? And for most people, this is the, “me†they know, because this is the, “me†they see. Even me, after writing that, I am looking back and only seeing the positive at this moment. The truth is, through all of this, I almost killed myself several times on accident. Even found myself in the hospital more than a handful of times, nearly overdosing on Adderall trying to handle the high levels of stress that the Adderall brought into my life. In the hospital I claimed taking too much was an accident. It scared me, but I did not stop. This was a true indication of addiction. Several times, I felt my heart skip a few beats or start beating over 120 beats per minute at rest. I would feel my toes and hands tingle, I really feared having a stroke or heart attack and think it was very close to being my reality. I never was able to use the drug as prescribed; I always tried to when I got that new script at the beginning of the month. I had intentions of doing it that way. I would say to myself, if I just used the drug as prescribed I would be fine. I would go maybe a day or two and as soon as that next big task presented itself, down went the pills, taking 60-100mg at a time, several times a day and at some points during my addiction even more. Leaving myself running out 10-15 days early. I think I even went through a whole months worth in less then a week once. As you all know the doctors will not fill the script this early. I'd have to go through this painful process of withdrawal every month. I would try to find friends who had Adderall or anything I could get my hands on through this time period to try to feel better. I remember scavenging through my drawers, and bags hoping just somewhere I could find any little pill that could give me relief. I remember even licking the little case I kept my Adderall pills in... pathetic. Not only the damage that I knew I was doing to my body, I hated how Adderall made me lose a big piece of who I was while I was on it. I think that it was maybe the withdrawal period that allowed me to recognize this. After the initial strong withdrawal symptoms started to fade, I started to feel alive again, me again. That day that script came in, I would take that pill so eager and excited but then quickly realize, I was not the fun loving, patient, and easy going person that I am naturally. Rather... I am overly focused, uptight, easily irritated, and unable to connect with others emotionally. I never really had the need for friendship or socializing while on the Adderall- whatever task I needed to do at the moment always took priority, I rarely answered my phone, never responded to texts, and never made time for the people I love. I've lost so many friends, damaged relationships with family members, and lost a few people that I really loved, including the biggest loss of my life, my father who passed away from his own addiction problems 11 months ago. This I will come back to in some other post some other time. Just wanted to share with all of you my story because I have connected with all of your stories so much. There is so much more to it but this where I am at for now. I am clean 17 days and going strong with no intentions of ever going back on the medicine. I have told my therapist and my boyfriend for accountability. I have also thrown away my pills, told my sister so that she knows that I don’t want to be around it and what I am going through and even told my doctor. I am actually on my way to the doctors right now for a physical to check all my blood work and to see where I am health wise after all of this damage that I have done to my body. Good luck to everyone and let me know if there’s anyway I can help any of you succeed at quitting too.