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  1. My first thought as I write this is "how do I keep this short enough? Nobody gives a shit about my life. My struggle is no worse than any of the millions in a similar situation" The dealer that got me hooked, a downward spiral ensues (2014-2017) I graduated college in 2013. Early in my college days I tried adderall - I loved it so much. I didn't take it regularly and was functional without it. I graduated, got a sales job, and was miserable. Being a salesman, I knew all it took was saying the right things to the Doctor: acting clueless about adderall as if I never had heard of it. Explaining how hard it ws to concentrate and that it was effecting my job terribly (it wasn't). I pretended to be apprehensive about taking it - but finally "relented" "I guess it couldn't hurt to try, Doctor." Bam. 1 20mg per day turned into a script for 60mg in a month. I went 3 years in the corporate rate race fueled by the stimulant - and I performed extremely well. Only to end up being fired because I blew up at my boss. Obviously addy induced. It threw me into a horrible depression that would get worse by a factor of 20. I pushed away every friend I had and immersed myself in programming software (I have an insatiable desire for peopl to think I'm "smart"). Hours flew off the clock - even days. But the escape was inescapable. Depression hit it's peak, binged adderall and stopped sleeping for days intermittently (2017-2018): It was incredible. Adderall + sleep-deprivation creates the escape from anxiety and relief from depression. The weirdest part: I made 10x more progress in programming after 2 days of no sleep that after sleeping every night for weeks. Completely addictive. I held better conversations, I was relaxed. So very odd. I began living at home with a VERY conservative Pastor as a father, I was demonized. I was labeled a drug addict. And I believed it when in actuality I was lonely, depressed, and lost. I used the adderall to escape the pain. My anxiety was constant and physically painful without a second of relief. Binging adderall and apinkillers, I went into a hypmotic state where I thought it would be cool to carve a design into my arm with a razor blade. Literally. Off to the psych ward for a week. I can't tell you what this does to self-esteem and self-image. Finally, started getting back to work, held a labor job - but my refusal to quit Adderall got me kicked out. I was homeless. I slept on a bus stop bench one night. A shed floor on other nights. I was ready to die by my own hand. But the adderall kept me going. I didn't have to worry about where to sleep some nights because I could just pop an addy. From homeless to working for a fortune 500 company making 6 figures in 6 months (2019 - present). My cousin took me in despite believing I was a drug addict - ultimately saving my life. I picked up a temp factory job. I was content. But in classic fashion, I made an issue with my boss out of something minor - fired again. A week later I get recruited by a Fortune 500 company and somehow get the job. I stayed up all night several different times faking pay-stubs to pass the background verification. It worked. Making $90k a year now. In meetings with corporate executives every day. Succeeding by every indicator. Quite the shift over 6 months. I "owe" that to Adderall. I am proud of it to an extent. But I am worse off mentally than I was when I was homeless and working at a factor. Full circle (today): I run out of my meds 1 week early every month. Been that way for years. Each week is a week from hell. During that week, I drink beer the second I wake up to the time I go to bed just to be able to write emails. I don't drink when I'm on Adderall. Last month I decided to get another script from a psychiatrist on top of my primary care script to fill in the gap for the week I run out. Obviously, I was caught. There is a very real chance I will be cut off. And it may save my life. And I'm scared to death I've lost myself. I have no one in my life. By choice. I pushed my family, including my 5 little sisters who adore me, out of my life. I was in a frat in college, I had many friends. I have none now. By choice. The Adderall is the serum from all of the shame, guilt, loneliness that together create a pain that is so deep. It's almost like it's worth the cost of my soul. Time to quit. But I cant: The void of my own soul is so clear to me. I know it is lost. But the escape I get from work keeps me from doing anything about it. And I cannot face what the stimulant blocks from my consciousness. I made my bed. And now it's time to wash the sheets. I couldn't be more lost.
  2. Stand with me and quit. It's toxic not only to you but to your family and friends. At first, it's an amazing drug but at the end it's hell. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. This story tells it all!!
  3. yellow smile (:

    cry a little, if you want to. no one's watching. there's that yellow smile (:
  4. Finally quit--Day 8

    So I'm new here. After reading everyones' adderall stories, I felt like it was time to share mine... forgive me if this gets a little long-winded (also forgive my stupid user name--it was chosen in the spirit of remaining anonymous!) I am going to try and focus on only the relevant parts of my story because I can feel myself about to go down a rabbit hole. I recently quit Adderall after almost 3 years of habitual use, which started in grad school. I'll start with some background. I don't think I am textbook ADD or ADHD---I always did well in school, though it was never too hard. I am what you call a daydreamer, creative type. I hate to read instructions. I can focus on things if I find meaning in it, which can sometimes turn into obsession. Weirdly though, I also can be extremely complacent, even lazy, about some really important things. Its like an all or nothing focus, which hinges on the level of interest and intrinsic personal significance I find in the subject, which probably isn't that unusual. As you might be able to tell, I'm having to rediscover myself a bit without the Adderall, which makes me sad for the time I lost. I never really "abused" it in the traditional sense, but I was using too much, too often. Like many others, I started out at 20 mg, and went to up to 30, plus some. 60 mg was the most I ever used. When I got it, everything was great... for about six months--I was SUPER skinny and confident, and more social than ever. I also really liked that adderall made me bulletproof emotionally. I was so much more task oriented--things beyond the task at hand didn't phase me. This wasn't me--I am a super sensitive person, and I used rehash every interaction in my head at ungodly hours of the night. I was surprised with the way I would act socially, and not in a good way-- I was not smooth and could be really assertive/almost abrasive, and I don't think my true self was ever really comfortable with my new way of interacting with people. This did have some positives though. I felt powerful and energetic, like there was nothing I couldn't do. Anyway, I quickly became addicted. I couldn't get out of bed without it and used it to do things that were supposed to be "fun." Pretty soon I wasn't doing anything for fun and I spiraled into a depression that has continued to get worse. My adderall use peaked when I was a studying for a major exam after grad school, one that had huge implications for my career and educational investment. Point being, I think the whole experienced changed something in my brain. I can be an anxious, type A, obsessive person as it is, and the adderall pushed me over the edge. I wasn't ready to see that at the time, though. I would spend HOURS picking at my face, like I was on meth. I RUINED my skin (it is better now, I do have scars and it will never be my pre-adderall skin). And the isolation. Adderall isolates you and sucks the emotion out of you--you don't even realize its happening. I was so numb and unhappy, but I didn't stop. I got a job after I found out I passed my test and of course continued to take adderall. Although I was back down to 30 mg, I started to realize the life I made for myself wasn't me, it was something adderall me had created. I couldnt shake the feeling of emptiness, wondering what my life would have been like had I never gone down this road. It started to become more clear that everything was all wrong. My life was completely devoid of all happiness and joy. I gradually started taking less adderall, and gradually started to hate my job more and more. I became more and more depressed. So now you're pretty much caught up. I managed to cut my dose down to 15 mg per day. I ran out right before Thanksgiving. Its been about two weeks since I ran out (I took it one last time at day 6, so I restarted the clock and now I'm on day 8). The thing that I am struggling with the most is feeling the flood of emotions coming back to me, the overwhelming depression, and the sense that my true self was frozen in time for those 3 years. I am not used to having to handle my crazy emotions and I don't remember how to deal with the constant barrage of thoughts and feelings. The thought that my true, non-adderall self could have matured and experienced personal growth during that time makes me more depressed and sad. I don't know where I am getting the strength to keep going and or how I'm not turning back to adderall, but I like being able to feel and take in the moment--even if it is sad and depressing. I was finally at a point where I was miserable on adderall and willing to acknowledge that. And because of that I am willing to try something else. The fact that I am feeling again and not stuffing my emotions with a pill gives me hope that maybe things will get better. Maybe this will all be the catalyst I needed to change things and go in a different direction. Maybe it's the right direction, or at least a better one. Anyway, thanks for reading.
  5. Hello! I haven't posted for a while because to be quite honest i haven't really thought about adderall a whole lot since quitting it. I have had some genuinely happy times since quitting and do not regret the decision to be clean at all. As of recently though I've had an extremely hard time focusing on life's responsibilities and actually getting them done seems to require what feels like a super human amount of willpower. I am getting dangerously close to the exact same mentality that led me toward getting on adderall in the first place although i don't want to ever go back to it. I told myself after a year of going off adderall I would reassess my life and decide whether or not it was worth it to stay off or get back on and although im not satisfied with my life right now, I REFUSE to start taking it again. I know it will help me get a crazy amount of shit done in the short term but after that I'll be hooked and EVERY good thing that came from quitting will once again be lost. That being said I'm also at the point where i can no longer take things slow and just focus on not being addicted. For the past year I've avoided anything college and career related, and my only real form of productivity has been work. I'm 23 and i live at home with my parents while i work fulltime/part time at a hospital as a cook (dead end job for me). I'm at the stage in my life and recovery where i really need to fight to get myself back on track for a healthy and at least financially stable life, and i'm getting VERY anxious and having doubts on whether or not I'll be able to accomplish these goals. the thing that really scares me though is the possibility of me still feeling depressed and anxious after i complete these goals. When will this anxiety and depression stop? I know i can force my way through college and finding a career but is that gonna make me happy? Once i accomplish the goals i set there's always gonna be new problems to take the place of old ones..
  6. I'm going to try and make this short and sweet but my words might get carried away. Basically I have been on and off this site for a whole year and i just found the strength and will to post and introduce myself. I quit vyvanse 3 months ago and let me tell you, its been the worst 3 months of my life, BUT, today when I woke up I finally felt hope and happiness and clear minded and I just FELT. I am so sad that this has what my life has become but I am working on forgiving myself everyday. I was on adderall/vyvanse for about 10 years, it mainly started because of my eating disorder when I was 17 but I began abusing it in college to study for exams and then after college I thought I would quit but I got a job and blah blah blah im sure you guys have heard this type of story a million times. ANYWAYS, the last 2 years I was abusing vyvanse very badly, I made a lot of big changes in my life and tried to mask the pain of situations I hadn't dealt with. I tried to quit all last year and I wouldn't take it for a few days but then I would go on a bender and take 5 or 6 30mg vyvanse in one night and drinking on it just to feel alive. I have heart issues because of my eating disorder when I was younger so abusing it this badly really takes a toll on my body. I'm an actor in LA and sometimes the vyvanse even helped me get to places I needed to go for my character but it wasn't healthy. One night I took so many vyvanse I was scared to go to sleep and ended up taking a bar of xanax and the next few days after that I felt so off and like my brain wasn't working that I told myself I would never take a vyvanse again. I honestly don't even crave it anymore because of how bad it fucked with my brain. I couldn't think straight for two days and then I just drank and smoked weed to hide from what was happening. I really thought I messed up my brain for good but after a month I realized i was just going through hardcore withdrawals. Its been three months now and I've gained almost 15 pounds, have done nothing but eat and lay in bed wanting to die. I even tried to slit my wrists so deep so I could bleed to death but my boyfriend came home and stopped me (he is to his breaking point with me). My thoughts are probley everywhere right now lol im trying to make this as short as possible but there are so many things to say. The main reason im posting is to say that TODAY, i felt ALMOST normal again. I haven't been able to feel feelings for three months, I've hated everyone and everything, i have been so depressed i just wanted to die so badly. I haven't been able to think straight or clearly, I feel like i had no opinions or ideas of my own and that I was just going to lay as a vegetable forever. I turned down every acting job because I can't act worth shit anymore and if i can't live my passion i don't want to be alive at all. But today I feel joy because its the first day i feel somewhat like myself, and that ill get through this, and that my life isn't over, and that I don't want to die. Okay my rant is over lol but I hope everyday keeps getting better because wanting to die is the scariest thing and I hope I never get back to that place and I hope I recover 100%. I don't want to hurt anymore people that love me. Anyways, my name is Sam, I would love to talk to some of you on here about your journey and have people to connect with because feeling alone is the worst.
  7. Hello everyone. I just wanted to post this article to tell you all about my story. I have been addicted to adderall for about 1 year now. The first time I tried it was in 2014 when I started my first year in university. I was 18 years old at the time, and didn't really care for trying it out. However, my friend offered me one of his prescribed adderall pills and I tried it. From that point on, I had only done it every so often. 2 years past, and I found myself in some trouble with the law. I was arrested for felony offences and thought my life was over. I had spent 6 months on bail conditions from May 2017 to October 2017, but thankfully my charges were dropped. However, I am mentioning this because this was the last straw in my downward spiral in life (during the time I started taking adderall I was still on bail conditions, thinking I was about to receive minimum 4 years in prison, thus my addiction had already started before I knew I was free). Also, what made me realize I was truly addicted was when I started taking doses as high as 60-70 mg (XR) daily, and started using it to get high, not even for days I had school work or needed to focus. Prior to this, I had always been a "polydrug" user as my councillor says, meaning I don't have one single addiction, but simply just an addiction to anything that would get me high. To summarize, I have dealt with many factors that have made me resort to adderall. As a child, I had grown up wealthy in a loving family for 8 years. At a certain point, everything went down hill when I was 9. My family lost everything, my parents divorced, my sister was raped, my house got raided, my family lost our house and several valuables. I was a child and stuck in the middle of it all, I felt worthless. Once I reached high school, I got into the wrong crowd and started doing several drugs and committing crimes. More issues occurred, as I had several relationship problems, continuous family issues, and arrests as a juvenile. Long story short, I became suicidal and felt even more worthless. After all of this, and some many other things I won't have time to mention (maybe save for another time), I resorted to adderall to deal with the stress I could manage (i.e. school and work) to compensate for everything I couldn't manage (i.e. family issues, legal issues etc.). Also, I take depression medication which hasn't helped and I have terrible anxiety but my doctor will not prescribe me any short term drug for it due to my past history with addictions (which is fair on her part). I started using hardcore for a full year from 2017 till now, and I recently overdosed. I had taken too much adderall and it accumulated all into this one dark day. I arrived home at around 5 am approximately a week ago and started convulsing. My fingers and toes curled, my body went numb, everything was going black, I heard ringing in my ears, I was drowning in sweat, and my heart beat was insanely fast (side note: I have a heart murmur as well, so I was very scared). I have overdosed in the past on other drugs once, but that was an intentional attempt to kill myself. This time, it wasn't which made me very surprised. For an hour I thought I was going to die, I felt my soul escaping my chest and all I could think was "this is it". I had texted my friend who dropped me off that I was sorry for not listening to him, and to call 911 if I don't answer you in the next hour. I was surprised I could even manage to text him, as for an hour prior to having a terrible vomiting episode I couldn't move (after puking I could move my arms, but nothing else and was still numb and sweating). Long story short, since that near death experience I have stopped taking adderall. Although it has only been about a week, I wanted to post this because I don't have many outlets to resort to since friends judge me and my family wouldn't be able to handle it (my sister is doing her own thing and must focus, while my mom has cancer and my dad has parkinsons/grave's diseases, among many other conditions). I have resorted to a drug councillor, which has helped a lot, but I have been having emotional breakdowns and several suicidal thoughts accompanied by floods of tears and agony. I do not want any sympathy, all I want is to hear from people who have had similar circumstances or from anyone who can help. I have read some of these articles, and they have helped, but I am positing this to share my story of addiction, and I would greatly appreciate feedback/responses to my story based on what I have said, as some specific responses in relation to my story would help even more. If anyone has been in a similar circumstance as me, or started using adderall for the same reasons, please reply to this and share your side. I hope to overcome my addiction, but since it's so early I am fearful that I may not be able to handle it and relapse, or possibly attempt to commit suicide again. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and stay strong!
  8. Motivation help

    14 months in, and still doing poorly. I'm mainly suffering from low motivation and energy levels. I'm still wondering if it's actually depression that's really at play l, and I was using adderall to treat that as well as ADD. I never abused adderall, but I was on it from a very young age (6 years old!) and used it daily (between 10 to 20 mg daily) for 20 years. I was not fictional when I was off it. Could not find the motivation to get out of bed, always hungry, couldn't keep my legs still, (having a mix between restlessness and low motivation to move is a very mentally exhausting battle). Well I wanted to know if I could actually function off of adderall if I quit. So I weaned off of it for about a year, and now I've been off of it for 14 months. Some of my symptoms have proven to be withdrawl. They went away in the first couple of months. Motivation and energy have yet to come about. I walk around with no sense of purpose, sometimes not leaving my house all day, often bargaining with myself to even get out of bed. To me this sounds like depression, although I'm not sad. Feeling hopeless, yes, but not sad really. I was on cymbalta for a while and that made the hopelessness go away... I was content in my laziness... but still low motivation and energy levels. Now I have just started taking sertraline... it hasn't started working yet. Looking for suggestions on which supplements to take to help with the motivation and the energy. Was thinking Wellbutrin, DL-phenylalanine, or lithium orotate... thoughts?
  9. Struggling. 5 months out.

    I just want my life back. I am more depressed than I ever knew was humanly possible. Full of anxiety about things that I've never had anxiety about before. This is not who I am...
  10. Take it or Tough it out?

    I'm having Doctor trust issues.. Today I went to my first psychiatrist appointment and explained what I have been experiencing the past 5 months since I stopped taking Aderrall. I wasn't on a high dosage.. 15 - 20 mg a day, but I took it every day for almost 3 years, and I stopped taking it cold turkey. The doctor said I shouldn't have gone through withdraw since I was on such a low dosage, which was kind of disappointing/confusing to me because my thought is, if I haven't been suffering from withdraw, wtf is wrong with me? Is this just how unhappy/depressed I naturally am? I have no reason to be depressed and I've never experienced depression like this before for this amount of time. When I first stopped taking it I experienced major anxiety and panic, which has slowly simmered down, thank god. But now I'm dealing with this lingering depression that has me feeling pretty lifeless. How could this not be withdraw if these episodes started directly after I stopped taking aderrall?? Anyways.. She prescribed me Zoloff since I have been experiencing depression for this extended amount of time. What I'm really struggling with is whether or not I should wait, tough it out for another few months and try to get to the 9-10 month mark to see if I start feeling like myself again by that time. After reading through a few posts it seems like that time frame is the trend. One of the main reasons I stopped taking Aderrall is because I don't want to be dependent on a drug for my happiness. I want organic happiness. I don't want artificial happiness stemming from an anti-depressant. I am desperate for relief, but really want to make the right decision.. Although it's a very personal one I'm looking for feedback, maybe one of you has had to make the same decision? Questions haunting me... Am I being too paranoid? Am I denying myself help that I should have? What happens if I take it, feel better, and my body becomes dependent on an anti-depressant? What if I don't take it, get to month 10 or 11 and don't feel better? I'm tired of feeling like a burden on those around me..
  11. Like many, I treat my depression with adderall. But what does this depression mean exactly? Does this mean by some awful fate our brains were naturally born depressed, and then we got our ADD diagnosis, and then we were like wait this solves my depression too hell yeah! And self medicated? does this mean that we never had ADD but really we just had depression, which cause ADD like symptoms? OR are we FEELING depressed because adderall addiction is screwing with the rewards system in our brains? ^ which basically is our addiction speaking, telling us now that we have been depressed all along, and need the drug more than previously conceived. Right? Is this depression ( whether natural or causes by adderall ) able to be solved WITHOUT medication??? to those who are still on it, what are your moods like? To those who quit, do you feel you will always battle this depression? are there any of you who have never felt depressed??? (i have been feeling insane these past week or two. I upped my dose to higher than before to lose some weight, and then it pissed me off so I quit cold turkey for a week, that made me almost psychotic so now I'm back on it, and right now I feel INSANE I took 40 mg and wow talk about a tolerance break. I'm tweakinnn)
  12. ugh. relapse

    so i have to come clean, if for no other reason than i owe it to this site for all the help and support it has provided me over the years. this may very well be a TRIGGERING post for some, but i really needed to get this out there. --- i quit cold turkey a little over 2 years ago, and while it wasn't easy by any means, i was never tempted to go back to that life. for those that don't know, i was a binge user. 150mg+ a day, awake for 5 days a time, absolutely annihilating my body and mind. i would blow through my script in a week and half, then just drag myself through life for 3 weeks until i could get high again. it was like that for at least 3 years of my 6 year addiction. when i finally decided to quit, i had been on Wellbutrin for a few months already which i continued for another few months to ease the early recovery process. i then quit that cold turkey as well. basically for two years, i've been "kind" to myself- not pushing myself beyond what was required at work, not forcing myself to get into hobbies, gaining tons of weight, etc. most of my evenings would be spent watching 4+ hours of TV. i had no motivation to pursue my passions (music and writing), i could hardly motivate myself to do even enjoyable things like videogames- it seemed like too much effort. but i kept telling myself, it's okay- be kind to yourself. to be fair, it worked for a while. i also smoked a good amount of weed, but there were also periods (months) of being completely clean. it wasn't until recently that i started realizing a powerful depression taking hold of my life. it wasn't a sadness, or loneliness- i have plenty of friends and a loving girlfriend. it was an inability to enjoy their company, an inability to do anything productive, an inability to affect my situation. my work started slipping- at some point i was doing barely an hour worth of actual work a day. thankfully im at a small company with basically the equivalent of tenure here, so frankly i could probably get away with it forever. but that's not what i wanted for myself. i wanted to thrive again. well TLDR, i decided i was going back to my pdoc to get back on Wellbutrin as it had been helpful in the past. at first, it was ONLY Wellbutrin on my mind. then slowly as the appointment drew closer, the temptation set in. i thought to myself: "man, my tolerance is probably way down now" , "maybe ill just get 1 script, just to jumpstart my life back on track"... then there was a fuck it moment. "im gonna God Damn get some Adderall, and enjoy it for a little while." and so i did. pdoc started me on Wellbutrin and 1/3rd of my adderall dose from before. no surprise- i blasted through that adderall script in about 9 days. i was awake for almost 5 days straight- shaking, twitching, geeking out. but shit- i knew that was going to happen. so now its 2 weeks later. there wasn't much of a rebound from the bender, maybe a day or two of grogginess. i feel fine- in fact i feel great. the wellbutrin is absolutely helping. i'm a bit more motivated at work, looking around for a new job, getting back into writing poetry.. but that next appointment is coming up again in a week... i honestly don't know what's going to happen. thanks for reading.
  13. depression Life ruined?

    I have been lurking this website and this forum for over a year. I have contemplated sharing my story for so long but couldn't make myself do it-maybe because being honest would make everything real- but at this point, I know I have a problem. I never thought that I would end up here. I started taking Adderall in 2012 because the nurse practitioner thought I had legitimate ADHD and I did as well. For the first year, I didn't abuse the drug. I only took it when needed and every month I usually had at least ten extra pills. Slowly, over time I gradually increased my dosage. Sometimes it was a little bit extra here and there- nothing too extreme but somehow I ended up here- prescribed 30 mg IR a day and taking up to 60 mg IR, maybe even more. I lost weight, became really irritable and lost sight of who I was. I ran out early all the time and would just sleep it off for those few days, lie about how things were going and then pickup my script. Over time I needed benzos so fall asleep and to take the edge off of the crash. My prescriber got so frustrated with me that she cut off both prescriptions. I found a new psychiatrist and told him I had trouble with it in the past (a somewhat sanitized version) and he agreed I could take it as long as I was honest with him and didn't any extra. Of course, I fucking blew it. But this time, instead of lying, I decided to be honest. I came to his office and told him I was taking way more than prescribed and that my life had gotten out of control. I'm on the "taper down" method. I should be off altogether in a month. I'm currently taking one 20 XR a day and I wish I could say that I only felt mildly uncomfortable but the truth is it barely affects me and feels only slightly less better than not taking anything at all. I'm tempted to take more but I can't lie to this guy. It's hard for me to articulate how truly alone I feel. It's not the fact that I let this get so out of control (ironically, I thought the Adderall was the only thing holding my life together, until it was ruining it), it's just the path that lead me here. A good portion of my life I have been so deeply and profoundly depressed and this was the only thing that helped. But something deep inside of me knew that I couldn't fix the underlying issues that lead me here without being sober. I'm just worried that I ruined my life. The brain fog, the tiredness and the crushing depression are so intense that sometimes I'll just sit with my head in my hands, as if I can't even contain these feelings. I rarely cry, but there are times when I start crying and can't stop. I realized that this is probably the tip of an Everest sized emotional iceberg that I've ignored for so many years. I'm so afraid. And beyond feeling afraid, I have never, ever felt so alone. I know that no one sitting on the other end of this and reading this could ever really say that I will be "ok", but to know that someone else knows what it's like to not only be deeply intertwined with a drug they thought saved their life and lose it, but who knows what it's like to feel like there was something deeply and pathologically wrong with you that lead you down this road in the first place would feel comforting. Or that someone out there read this.

    Procrastination is my new word for much of my Adderall recovery! While I have experienced and continue to experience many symptoms of anxiety, depression, fatigue and memory struggles; procrastination seems to be the winner! I know am actually still capable of a lot, I just often seem to wait and wait and wait. Not sure what I am waiting for? The withdrawal to suddenly end on its own?! Whether it's to get up and get a little exercise, head to the store or call a certain client at work it can be a struggle to "just get started" on some of the simplest of things. Funny if you google "drugs to help procrastination" the first thing that pops up is Ritalin, Modafinil and Adderall. Lol Anyway not sure there is a quick fix besides taking it a day at a time and forcing ourselves to keep busy but thought I would share!
  15. ATTN: All those who hate the pharmaceutical industry and feel they would never have started using ADHD medications if they'd been properly informed of their harm (my law firm McEldrewYoung will talk to you and get your consent and verify my words before you officially join) I have never used ADHD drugs myself, but lost my fiancee to Adderall addiction three years ago. Since then I've been researching the vested interests who have caused these controlled substances to be recommended as supposedly "safe" and "beneficial" for even toddlers. This continued to bother my conscience for 3 years day and night, during which I've conducted extensive research. The facts I've compiled (including personal communications with the FDA and Health Canada who have admitted to the alleged misrepresentation) have convinced a large law firm (MCELDREW YOUNG, ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW) to start a class action lawsuit on contingency, alleging the violation of the public's right to informed consent about Adderall, Vyvanse and Daytrana, Strattera, Concerta, Ritalin or Focalin. YOUR HELP IS NEEDED TO SUCCEED AT GETTING THESE HARMFUL MEDICATIONS OFF THE MARKET, please keep reading.this about what you can do to help. I'll be an expert witness in this lawsuit, and to guarantee its success, we are looking for principle plaintiffs (also called class representatives) who are trusted members of this forum who want these drugs recalled as badly as i do, who would do everything humanly possible to represent the best interest of every other class member (possibly thousands of damaged parties who can document side effects such as depression, heart disease, etc. including documentable addiction/abuse). These principle class representatives will get a larger compensation (can be up to $30, 000 more than everyone else), their names will be publicly disclosed but not any information from their medical records (the rest of the class members will neither have their names nor damages publicly disclosed). I have read about class action suits whose class representatives were paid-off to agree to settle for almost nothing with a non-disclosure agreement preventing the press from hearing anything. I have also read about class representatives who have agreed to settle for a huge sum for the law firm and negligible amounts for the injured plaintiffs themselves. This is why I don't want to take chances with just anyone the law firm may assign, but want trusted members of this forum who will promise here that they will not let any such thing happen to this lawsuit. You can read more about the responsibilities of class representatives here: So if you'd like to do this, I hope you are as outraged as me me to have been a victim of pharmaceutical fraud, wanting as much as me to end it. Again, I'll be asking these people to promise here to do everything they can to negotiate a huge settlement from the drug manufacturers or let the case go to trial if the drug companies refuse to comply, never signing a non-disclosure agreement and allowing us to create a huge public stink about this fraud ruining millions of innocent lives each year. To see if you qualify to represent this class, please read the top part of this questionnaire: and then fill it out if you wish to participate (will only take 5 minutes to complete, my law firm McEldrewYoung will talk to you and get your consent and verify my words before you officially join). Then my law firm will get back to you. When the law firm contacts you, I may get compensated for my 3 years of hard work if you'd kindly let them know that this essay ( helped you realize the full extent to which ADHD drugs have been misrepresented as "safe" and "beneficial" (you don't have to read all of this, but please keep reading until you see how badly you all have been defrauded by the pharmaceutical industry -- trust me, you will end up as furious as I am before you finish the first page or two, you can verify every statement instantly with clickable references). My law firm may also ask you when was the first time that you realized that your right to informed consent was violated. People who realized this sometime in the past may not qualify to participate as the lawsuit has a statute of limitations for 2 years. But the statue of limitations starts now for all those who have realized that their informed consent was violated after reading the facts I've presented to them: Thanks again for your much appreciated contributions to help prevent future generations from falling prey to increase drug company profits. Asli Theobald, M.S., Information Systems Analyst
  16. I wasn't sure where to post this topic so I posted it in general discussion. Has anyone taken Lexapro while on Adderall? While I was on adderall for a year I believed I was depressed and my doctor put me on Lexapro. Now Im almost hitting two months off adderall and I'm thinking I should get off the Lexapro as well. I'm scared I won't be able to handle it and become extremely emotionally unstable- although I feel like I'm emotionally numb most of the time. Any advice? Thank you all for being here.
  17. Only Two Pills Left

    I am not able to see my physician until June. My toes, hands, (occasionally) crotch have been having the cold sweats. Is it my body telling me to stop? I look inside my medication bottle everyday and see the amount decreasing. Little orange pills leaving. I've decrease my dosage over the past months from 30mg to 15mg a day. Now I should be doing 10mg a day because I look inside my pill bottle and there are only two pills left.
  18. Sigh…. I'm feeling frustrated, tired, lazy, semi-depressed. I'm come so far, I mean 3 1/2 years!! I am proud of of that. When I was coming off of adderall, I went through serious withdrawals that f#*%n sucked so badly. Days/months I wouldn't even get out of bed. When looking back I realize just how far I have come, there are now days where I am very productive, and so full of life. I have to really push myself to do anything. There also are still days I don't want to do anything at all. I've spent the last three days not doing anything just moping around the house. I've been drinking a lot and eating like shit. I have more emotion that I can deal with. No adderall to numb this emotion, so I've been numbing through food and alcohol. I feel everything and at times it can be really tough. I probably have low energy because of how I am treating my body but just can't seem to pull myself out of it. No energy to work out, no energy to eat healthy. When I don't drink I tend to have a lot of anxiety. I've gained a lot of weight (30lbs) that also frustrates me so much, and is a source of my depression and loss of confidence. Makes me spend a lot of time alone, because i don't have the confidence to date. I am missing my zest for life- spent the last couple days researching different medications- Provigil, wellbutrin. Provigil sounds too good to be true and I'm worried it will be the same is adderall, I don't want to relapse and I refuse to. Thinking maybe wellbutrin will help. There is no way I will go back to adderall but I am seriously down right now and am worried about the thinking pattern that I am caught up in. Planning to talk to my therapist this week to see what she thinks. Is there anyone else feeling the same way? Or have been here and pulled themselves through? If so how… Although I rarely post this site has been a huge help for my recovery since day one. You guys get it. You are the only ones that get it. Please help.
  19. My Life is Shit, I am shit

    My life has turned into shit. I've been prescribed adderall since I was 18, i have been binge using it for 10 years now. I never even needed it for add or anything really, definitely never took it as prescribed. I just abuse it. I pop all 90 within a week and a half, rarely sleeping and then i crash for 3 or 4 days, am zombie for a week until I buy more from hookups and count days until next prescription. I am an alcoholic drinking at very least a pint of vodka or 12 beers a day. I work from home, my business is going to shit. I crashed my car and got second dui. I just finished probation for that still don't have license or car or sobriety My girlfriend of 4 years broke up just broke up with me and kicked me out; i had to move back in with parents. She said my problems are not her problems and she doesnt want me in life anymore. My girlfriend before her died of overdose. I really loved them both. Now I just sit here and sulk alone and not nearly fucked up enough. I have no friends left, not that i mind because i hate everyone and everything. I dont know how to have good time and am always miserable. I take handfuls of addies and am very productive until i get all sketchy and twitchy and depressed. I see a counselor a few times a month. I guess it keeps me from killing self. I am so bored and broke and pathetic. I destroy everything good around me and don't appreciate any of what i have when i have it. "I am like King Midas in Reverse - everything i touch turns to shit" I am overprivileged piece of greedy shit i think i am too stuck in ways to change #fuckmylife
  20. Hi - I had successfully quit a three-year prescription use of Adderall for severe fatigue, ADD, and depression a couple of summers ago and here I am again. I have suffered from severe bipolar II depression for many years now. I also suffer from chronic pain and fatigue, along with ADD. I was put on Adderall around 2010 and never made the connection that my depression was getting so much worse due to it. I almost had ECT and the doctor told me to get off my meds and see how I felt. Well, I got myself off of Adderall. I was on about 40 mg ER a day. Then I got myself off of Cymbalta. Then I got myself off of my cannabis habit, which I was going on and off with for years. I was feeling pretty good after a while apart from stress in my life of moving around trying to find the right place to live. I have been partially disabled from my conditions since about 2001 after a bad car accident. So I've had special needs and in trying to think of my future after getting priced out of Denver and listening to my mother try and dictate my life and dangle a carrot in front of my face of a house some day if I can find a place affordable enough. So I settled on some hip little town in NC., having never spent any time there really and knowing no one. Compared to where I was, it was a little cheaper - though not for long.... I should have known better that it would not be sunny enough for me, regardless of what everyone else kept telling me about it. I also have severe SAD. This place rains a lot and by about October, I started to feel slightly depressed. By Decmeber, I was extremely depressed and had no energy whatsoever. There are not many medications I can take due to the bipolar. I still had some Adderall around (just in case my fatigue got really bad, I thought I'd use it if I needed to push through something and I did on occasion). This winter, I ended up taking a bit here and there and found it helped a lot. I got in to see a psychiatrist and she gave me an Rx for immediate release Adderall, Wellbutrin, and Lamictal. Wellbutrin is supposed to help with SAD but due to my bipolar disorder, I was unable to take a therapuetic dose. At first I only took 10 mg of Adderall a day and then slowly graduated up to 20 mg. and sometimes a bit more. This was in January when I started. Now it is June and I realized that my depression has turned right back into the awful "Adderall has turned against me" sense of hollowness, I want to kill myself, I don't care about anything despair - and with that dull depression headache. I have to say it did help me get things done during the winter. All I did was socialize a little and work as much as I could on my home business so I could afford to move out of here at the end of my lease this August. Now I need to get off of it again before I kill myself. I was hoping I would enjoy this place for the summer before I moved, but now it looks like I will be spending it mostly alone again, working my way through withdrwal, and all with the added stress of having to move again - back to Colorado, though to a different area I liked in Southern Colorado - with plenty more sun. I am hoping the low dose of Wellbutrin will ease this and then I can work my way off of that. I will take my B-Complex, L-Tyrosine, and NAC, which I took last time. Also something to suppor the adrenals. I also borrowed a friend's alpha-stim for an hour and it helped so much that I found a way to buy one for around $415.00. I get it this Monday and I am sure that will make this less painful this time. I also realize I've been having heightened anxiety since starting Adderall as well. I wonder it if has not been the cause of a lot of dark and scary thoughts. I have been off of cannabis for about 15 months and then I had a slip recently because I was so depressed and wound up and nothing else was working. I was sure I was going to end up in the hospital that day so I thought, Why not? Well, I felt even more dull the next day and decided to go back to no cannabis again. In fact, I realize now that I was using more cannabis on my last go-around with Adderall because it was the only thing that got me out of that sou-sinkling motivationless pit I was always in. My year-long battle with severe depression and trying to find the best place for me as I get older has put me through absolute hell, especially the past few years. I know once I recover from the Adderall withdrawal, I will feel more positive and ready to go forward again. I kept wondering why I wasn't feeling better with so much more sun lately and then I realized the Adderall had finally turned on me. I know the exact quality of feeling from last time. It definitely takes away enthusiasm and caring about things after a while. I just can't get motivated or excited about anything. When I got through the withdrawal last time, I defintely felt more motivated and alive again. I know it is possible to get through it. I don't think it took as long as I thought it would either. So here I go again. Just wanted to share. At the time it seemed like a good idea....out of desperation with severe SAD symptoms. It helped for a while at least and now it's time to go through this again. At least I know what to expect. Cat
  21. Hey Everyone, I just want to tell my story and I'm interested to hear what everyone thinks... Basically, I have built a fraudulent life based on my use of adderall. I used it to get through college, but the real thing is that I used it to create a booming business. I won't get into all the mundane details of my story but basically I was diagnosed with ADD when I was in 3rd grade so I know that I have some kind of attention disorder... But I hated taking the ritalin and so I got through high school by the skin of my teeth without any medication... I am a fun loving goofball of a person and I always HATED homework, studying, anything tedious etc... Anyways.... after years of recreational drug use... opiates, marijuana, alcohol, benzos, (of which i became addicted to opiates) I started taking adderall while I was recovering from opiates One night while high on adderall I downloaded an illegal version of photoshop and started playing with it for the first time. I became somewhat obsessed with photoshop and graphic design, so I decided to buy a camera so that I could edit my own pictures. I would take suboxone and adderall and the crash of adderall never really bothered me... I was going a mile a minute... creating elaborate photographs and digital imagery... I started posting my work online and immediate got a job doing photography, people wanted to buy my photographs and I thought hey! I could finally have my own business, be my own boss and make great money doing what "i love"... It was a dream come true... Over the next 3 years, I continued to use adderall with and without a perscription... taking whatever dose I felt like at the time and what the job called for... I learned how to make websites, do accounting, marketing, sales, and branched out my business to also do films and video editing... I decided to specialize in Weddings... because "thats where the money is" ... my business grow quickly and I began working for myself full time... eventually buying a brand new car and saving more money than I had ever in my life... I knew somewhere in my head that this adderall was unsustainable... and I told myself that one day I will be able to stop taking the adderall and the business will run smoothly... I would do things I enjoyed without adderall like meeting with clients, shooting the photos at the weddings, talking on the phone etc... but when it came to sitting at the computer to edit thousands of pictures and put together elaborate wedding films I knew I had to take that ADDERALL to get the job done right and quickly. I would binge on adderall and stay up all night and into the next day and then when the crash came calling I would do anything to take it away... alcohol, weed, xanax (which caused me to do a lot of dumb things) .... I would feel terrible for a week or so after my binge... but then when the time came it was back to the adderall to get the work done... Fast forward to January 2014 I was at the top of my game (or so I thought) ... I had booked 50 weddings for the year and I was on vacation in colorado, then in February there was a wedding in Key West, FL ... During this time I was extremely happy ... almost too happy... I felt more confident than I had ever in my life, I met and had sex, relationships with more women in 6 months than I had in 2 years... However, I would drink alcohol with or without adderall and would become obnoxious, I would binge on adderall, smoke weed and I scared away basically every woman I had met during that period. I knew something had to change, I couldn't live this reckless lifestyle and become the man I always wanted to become (I am 28 years old, still living at home with my dad, I don't pay rent, no girlfriend) I thought that maybe it is time for me to grow up and stop the adderall This was right at the beginning of my wedding season. I knew it would be hard to continue my success without the adderall but I was not prepared for what has come to fruition. depression, anxiety, uncertainty, low self esteem, obsessive thinking ... Maybe I really can't do this without adderall? Maybe I need adderall to function? I got through this summer without adderall except maybe once... it was truly a miserable experience... I don't know if even like the career or business I chose. I hate sitting at a desk, I hate editing videos, I hate being in an isolating job all by myself... I have way to much free time to lay around and do nothing... I believe that I never would have started this business without adderall I am now at the point where I don't know wether or not I want to continue to run this business, I care about the money but I don't want to live life as an adderall zombie... I have been extremely anxious and depressed about my life situation... I have tried to take adderall at lower doses, but I just feel so miserable when it wears off that I just can't bear to be on it... but then after a few days I say I need to take it to get my work done or i'm going to be a nobody in life. I truly don't know what to believe anymore, I see some people take adderall and have no issues... I wish I could live a full life without adderall but I feel deep inside that I will never be as successful and that I will regret quitting my career and business. I have had periods where I can't even get out of bed to shower, never mind go to work everyday. I have become so accustomed to making large amounts of money for minimal work and using drugs to achieve everything that I don't know how to function normally anymore. I may have to start my life over from scratch If you made it this far I sincerely thank you for listening to my story. -Mike
  22. I've been on Adderall since I was 21, and I'm 33 now. It undoubtedly changed my life for the better and fixed pretty much every work-related problem I had, as well as helping with my chronic fatigue (I have fibromyalgia) and depression. I've always been genius-level smart, but it wasn't until my last two years of college that the fact that I could only spend 20 minutes writing a paper before getting bored and distracted caught up to me. The medication also helped my confidence — I was SO insecure — and anxiety. On Adderall I was finally able to stop using obsessive meal planning and caffeine-guzzling to keep me regimented. I was prescribed 60 mg of Adderall back then, and now have tapered down to around 20-30mg/day. I would feel insane taking 60 mg again. Now I'm the CEO of my own business (an online magazine, events and merchandise for a niche female community), very well-respected in my field, and have a community and workplace that relies on me — this is one of many reasons I've been hesitant to drop the drug, I'm afraid of what a change in work habits could do to my company. But I feel like an imposter. People are always wondering why I am shy to take credit for the company I've built — it's 'cause I feel like I cheated, and was only able to work those 14-hour days to begin with because of drugs. I don't even know if ADD actually exists. But it's really screwing with my health! My resting heart rate is usually around 100 BPM, my blood pressure is high, my teeth seem to be dissolving and drifting away from each other and I'm always grinding my teeth. I'm aging much quicker than I'd hoped. I'm dehydrated and constantly guzzling water. I can't even go on long hikes or play team sports, my heart races, I'm thirsty and light-headed. I feel physically disabled as a result of this mental drug. My company is run remotely with a bunch of people working from home, but whenever we are in the same place, I notice that I feel wired and unable to communicate as effectively as my co-workers, like I genuinely feel like I am on speed whenever social and work collide. I've been very unhealthy in the past. I've always exercised, though lately I've been scared to push myself because of my heart rate, but exercise has been my saving grace to not totally lose control of my body. But there were periods of time where I was taking 80 mg of adderall, taking ambien every night, doing other drugs, drinking and smoking pot every night, eating like shit, sleeping 5-6 hours a night. Now I eat very healthy, quit ambien cold turkey three years ago, I smoke pot medicinally for my chronic pain and insomnia at night, I sleep 8-9 hours, rarely drink, and still exercise regularly. (I still take 40 mg of elavil every night for fibro, as I've been doing for 14 years.) But those negative health effects haven't changed despite other positive lifestyle changes. I want to get married soon and have a baby, and I know I have to be off adderall before I can get pregnant. Last night my partner told me that she's not ready to start making wedding plans or anything until I get off Adderall, because it is negatively impacting my health and isn't what she wants around her children. I think her impression of the drug isn't entirely fair (based on her own family's experience with it), but maybe this is the push I need to finally drop it. I am terrified, but I'm also excited to be healthy again. I don't know where to start — I'm not very well insured, so I don't have a therapist or access to counseling or other things I could take to ease the withdrawal, but I know I'm going to need a lot of support to quit without it messing up my work life or destroying my relationship. How did you do it? Where did you start? Did you manage to do it without taking another medication to help? (I used to take Wellbutrin, and am open to that, but not permanently or during pregnancy) Any experience with dealing with depression or chronic fatigue as well? Any natural or homeopathic solutions? Thank you for any advice or hope you could give me!
  23. Note: Mostly writing this if anyone has a similar experience. I know my is unique. I don't think many people get enophthalmia (extreme sunken eyes) from adderall. If you have, let me know by responding on this form considering it ruined my face, I would at least like an answer to wtf I did wrong. M/27/14 Term: 2 years, ~5 days a week sometimes 6 days a week Dosage: 20 mg IR Diagnosed: ADHD Possible Side Effects Experienced During and After: Autoimmune Disease resembling lupus/SLE, enophthalmia , Depression, Anxiety. Other diagnosis possibly unrelated: Kyphosis, Lordosis, Long Thoracic Nerve Palsy, Degenerative Disc Disease throughout Thoracic Spine Reason for quitting: Depression, Anxiety, refusing to up dosage, dependency. Medications Prior to Adderall: Bupropion (3 weeks, quit due decreased cognitive function a.k.a feeling like being on NyQuil) Concerta (3 days) My story starts like anyone else introduction to adderall at a later age. A friend gave me one of his 20 mg pill I took it to help with my studying because throughout my life I always had a problem with motivation and concentration. Now looking back on it, I was probably depressed, been depressed for a while after I dropped out of college at 21. At 25, I was clinging on to the hopes of just finishing classes without any sense of direction. After I took this single pill, I felt as though it opened up a whole new world for me. My perception of everything changed. I felt like a normal person, I could study, I could write, I have discipline, and I am finally happy! I can laugh again, it felt good to be a human being. It felt like I have been in the dark all this time but as soon as I took adderall I felt the warmth of the sun, energizing me, giving me hope for my own purpose once again. My anxiety just disappeared, my thought process quickened, and the euphoria was pretty awesome. I could actually start conversations and actually be charismatic! Holy shit! I never once in my life had that ability. I had no idea medications did this. It improved every aspect of my personality and mind without side effects?! (well, there as the crash, but to be expected form a stimulant. Caffeine has the same thing) After this, I thought getting a prescription would be good. I knew when I went on a mission to get prescribed, I didn't have ADHD, I might have ADD/ sleep apenia/some other disorder, but I felt it would be easy just to waltz on in and say I have adhd. Less expensive too I was 25 at the time without health insurance or much money. They asked me some questions and bam! got some... Concerta? Err... okay. Tried Concerta like lack luster results, I had energy and focus, but it was very erratic and unrefined. It felt like I was tweaking and it increased my anxiety 10X. I hated it. It felt like an introverted adderall, it helped some areas, but made others way worse. I couldn't afford to be like that. I waited 3 days, went back, got adderall. Easy peisy lemon squeezy. Within a year, I got a new job, moved out into my own apt, was doing good in school again. Shit, every time I look back, I wish I just stopped after the first year, but how did I know that it would lead into such a disaster. Second year, was losing it's effect. I got caught up in the cycle of being slightly depressed, but I didn't think it was the adderall. It happened after quitting smoking, so this has got be just a side effect. Kept blaming other things, vitamin deficiency, not enough sleep, diet. Yet, it just kept getting worse and worse. I started not even bothering to leave the house on the weekend unless it was worth it. Anxiety raised again during this time, it contributed to me not going out to socialize anymore. After a while, I started getting health problems, my eyes were sinking into the back of my head. My left shoulder was slumping forward more than my right. My friends and family said I looked sick and different (accused me of doing drugs). I withdrew from society even more and isolated myself. After that, I quit adderall hoping things would return to normal. 3 months later, now depression and anxiety are a constant thing now, I have trouble sleeping, trouble with classes, I thought of quitting my job more than once, doctor has diagnosed me with Lupis, long thoracic nerve palsy, degenerative disk disease and god knows what else. My facial structure has changed, I look like I aged 20 years in 6 months time. People say I look 35 years +. I look like a rat now. My eyes are permanently sunken in and it makes me feel embarrassed to look people in the eyes. Lets just say I no longer get complimented on my looks. Whenever I look in the mirror I don't see the same person either. Things haven't changed much since I started. You still reach a dead-end, at least I am in a better situation financially, but not by much with all the medical bills though. I sometimes wonder if Adderall expressed whatever disease/gene I was suffering from early, I seriously doubt it caused it, but probably triggered the gene expression sooner. I also think this is another reason why long term adderall users cannot last. After overclocking the system for so long, something just goes wrong. Adderall is the trigger, but your body would have expressed it sooner or later. Shit sucks. But I now have my mind back. I feel calmer and like I am whole again. I no longer question my decisions. I have less anxiety than before and my depression has dulled. It's still there, but now I know for sure Adderall made it worse. I am still isolated from society and I am not sure what to do. I think I might just join the military truth be told. Navy sounds good, Air Force would have been better (too late about to turn 28). With School debts, medical bills, shitty economy, I have nothing to lose, all my friends are abandoned me and my family has done the same. My motivation is crumbled yet again and I stand here wondering... wondering... being 27, the prime of my life, what is it that I should do?. After having the sense of drive so long, you kinda miss it. For now, I will take comfort in being sober again standing on my own two feet without any crutch, I may not walk any better, but at least I know I can try to run without having to carry it all the way through life. Such is life and so it goes...
  24. Im sure more than half the people on here visit this section, read about ur area, think about joining a support group, but wont actually plan to meet up with other adderallics. LETS BE HONEST!! IF YOU ARE AN6THING LIKE ME, AND IM ASSUMING MOST PEOPLE ON HERE, DURING UR RECOVERY (especially when ur at a very low point) YOU DONT WANT TO GO OUT AT ALL! Sure, maybe in the very beginning i think we all experience that sort of what i call, adderall word vomit where u want to do nothing accept talk about adderall nonstop and how ur quitting and thats how we all end up here, because we find others that want to talk about it too... But how many of us actually have successfully gone to meetup with soneone or have even gone to some type of support meeting at all?? If u have how was it? Please share... If u havent, im just here to say im willing to put forth the effort and actually go to something like this or go out of my way to make time to meet with people every once in a while even if it involves traveling if a group of people would like to get together. One huge thing ive been noticing is not just lack of ambition, its the consequences of that lack of ambition during recovery. Over the years addicted to adderall, ive lost many friends and missed out on many social events since i had become such a hone body always working on "projects". The depression while quitting is harsh,and not having friends during it really makes it worse. I know i always feel too embarrassed to even go out, im at a 3 month really hard time, and i cant even function well enough to shower daily.. But who better to understand than people on this site? I feel like im kinda askin for a far stretch here, let me know if anyone has any opinions on this! I am located in illinois, if anyone in illinois or close by is intetested let me know! But really this could be for anybody!
  25. This is a question for anyone that was abusing adderall with a history of depression, but found something that filled the void after coming clean. Was there something specific that changed in your life or that you did to change your life to keep you HAPPY {for the most part} and off adderall? PS this goes for whether you were or were not a.d.d. Im finding it hard to be sober and honest with myself and say I would NEVER do that stuff again even though I rationally know it's stupid. I admire the shit out of people that stay clean. Im just wondering if there was some awesome thing that took it's place for lack of a better expression.