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Found 6 results

  1. Small Changes Adding Up

    Writing this because I often feel like I'm making zero progress as I haven't given up my ADD meds entirely, but looking back from my original post I am realizing there's a lot of little changes and little wins that are important to realize. Also the work starts far before that last "day 1". So... Hey Self - Things I want to remind you of when you feel like you're making no progress... 1. AWARENESS - I have become way more aware of my "triggers" - the environments, time of day, certain tasks/responsibilities, situations where I feel I need to be 100% on, emotions and wanting to avoid / escape them. 2. URGE SURFING - I used to give in immediately to a strong urge. Now when an urge hits I have more capacity to sit with my discomfort and observe it. The time I am able to wait between an urge and fulfilling that urge has become longer and longer. And sometimes even long enough to avoid it completely. The craving does eventually pass if I wait it out long enough - and the pride and satisfaction I have each time I escape using it at all is a pretty amazing feeling and should be celebrated. I am trying to remember this when the cravings hit. 3. THINGS THAT FEEL IMPOSSIBLE TO DO UNMEDICATED ARE POSSIBLE - and won't feel torturous and impossible forever if I do it enough times unmedicated. I have learned how to do the hardest thing - going to work unmedicated. At first it felt like I was drowning and that everything was mentally grueling and zapped my brain of all energy. But after several medication breaks and stints of sobriety I am realizing I can do everything at my job without medicine, and it does get easier and less mentally exhausting the more I practice doing these things without a little pill. 4. I HAVE GOTTEN BETTER AT THE SHAME CYCLE ( still working on it though) - I originally thought that I could beat myself into submission - that if I punished myself enough for falling off track then I would do better. But it's just the opposite. The more I hate on myself for slipping up the more I use to try to escape that feeling. The more forgiveness I give myself when I've messed up, the quicker I move on and get back on track. This mean little voice is still there in my head sometimes and it still comes up but I am getting better at identifying it and replacing it with love. 5. JUST. KEEP. GOING. / SCREW PERFECTION This thing takes time. I can not rush it. Being a perfectionist only leads me to an "all or nothing mentality" and I'm learning to embrace slow patient growth. I have gotten up time and time again when I felt like giving up. THIS WORK is just as important (and necessary) as quitting for good is. Curious to know if anyone else notices these "small changes" adding up too?
  2. I am 7 months and 28 days clean today. I started a new job 6 weeks ago. It took me about three weeks to adjust to working. I'm back doing what I was doing before (when I was on Adderall. ) different company. I noticed my coworkers were bouncing off the walls from day 1. I thought in the back of my mind they were both on Adderall. Then I let it go. I just assumed that my energy is so low that everyone seems high on life compared. However, now that they've gotten more comfortable with me they have separately admitted they are on it in a joking manner. Since I've found out (officially) Ive been so triggered. The other day it took all my will power to not ask for one. What did I expect that I would return to my Adderall filled world with no one on it? I'm not planning on getting back on. Just venting because I have no one to share this with. If anyone has had similar experiences Id love to know. Is the whole damn world just on Adderall?
  3. Anyone else triggered by holidays ? I’m starting to realize my trigger points in sobriety are really just times when I upped my dosage during my addiction. Holidays were definitely one of those times. Even though I’m slowly creeping through month 10 still feel like I have so far to go...I just want to stop thinking about those stupid pills. I’m feeling better physically and mentally for the most part. outside of these nagging thoughts that go through my head. Daydreaming about boundless energy forgetting the horrific side affects. sorry just venting!
  4. Hey guys 👋🼠So here's the sitch I'm in and could use some help with. I have just significantly change my environment and moved to a different city I know that I've been making progress in my reduction and reducing my impulses when I have triggers but this new environment I've moved into is overwhelming me with how much I have to adjust to. I am from a smaller town with very little activity and I developed ways of coping without utilizing the medicine in my old environment now that I've moved I fear that I'm not sure how to develop new coping mechanisms that are not substance based. I've read all the posts on the difference between quitting cold turkey and weaning yourself off and from everything I've read and my own usage I know that it's best to wean i've read all the posts on the difference between quitting cold turkey and weaning yourself off and from everything I've read and my own usage I know that it's best to wean myself off. I've been studying my habits tracking my impulses setting timers making sure that I am accountable with a person in my life that is capable of doing that for me which I'm grateful for and I've held myself to those goals when I was living at home now I've thrown myself into a situation where my environment is completely different I am in a At home now I've thrown myself into a situation where my environment is completely different I am in a place that's much more active than what I've been used to. I'm posting this wondering if there's any members that have had experience with what I'm doing having the goal of weaning off knowing their intake is very high and having to develop new coping mechanisms in a place where they don't have anyone to support them.
  5. so ive been addicted to adderall for 5 years steadily trying to quit wanting to quit and really just screwing up with that for about 2 years. i recently opened up to my boyfriend and some friends about how i fell off the wagon since my last "clean up".. that lasted 24 days.. i ushually cant stay clean for more than two weeks. i also started seeeing a therapist who has really been pushing me and helping me and honestly ive never done so much work or insight on myself more than i have the past 3 weeks.. journaling and eating right and just staying consious that im in recovery im an addict and just trying to remember that so my brain doesnt play tricks and make me belive once is ok... today was 16 days huge 16 straight days of putting my health first ... well untill tonight i didnt journal today and yesterday and today kind of just floated through the day without any affirmations meditation journaling or staying consious of my goal ... i really wanted to take some earlier today when i was triggered at the pharmecy getting my birth control.. so i had adderall thoughts for sure my boyfriend was gone tonight so i invited some friends over for a chill movie night.. or so i thought.. they inivited like 4 more girls over whom im friends with but choose not to be around ushually because they use. i knew this but said ok come over anyway god forbid i say no and put myself first and just be honest.. right? well i saw some in someones bag and i was triggered. i went for it and took some.. i actually stole these... the whole shame guilt and im clean!! ~ couldnt be seen or shown to anyone.. im very secretive and alone in this addiction so its like maybe if i steal it and no1 knows than i can "pretend i dont know and that i didnt do this. terrible, i know but i did. i actually had heavy thoughts of no dont do this dont waste ur 16 days u will be fine and it was an imense feeling.. i ushually turn that off.. so it was a good sign i felt that but i still friggen said fuck it and took it. and than took some more. every time i take an adderall it cant be one. this is so dangerous...i know this yet i decided to fuck up my 16 days. im feeling down and just like sitting in my self pity or just like this feeling of u chose this. deal with it. i guess what im asking here is how everyone copes when relapsing after a good positive stretch. what do u do after? i mean that sounds silly but i guess i just need some guidence i dont wanna dwell on this any longer what are some relapse prevention skills u guys have> am i still in recovery? i know that answer is yes, but i cant help but feel like im starting way over ... not 16 days over but like day one from 2 years ago over... im sure u know the feeling.
  6. Triggers

    Triggers triggers triggers yes I have them but what I struggle with are the times all is good I'm sober life is good but I still choose to use. Like there are no triggers that are my big ones present I just fuckin cave and use I go numb be invisible and just use Anyone else experience this?