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Catherine

what up homies

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hey, my name's Cat. just wanted to say to the author of the site here, Mike i believe - yo this is really awesome and i know it's helping so many people, it has already helped me out so much...so i really thank you a lot man!

i'm a 23 year old sociology major at auburn university, and unfortunately i got prescribed to adderall (instant release - wtf.) the summer i transferred here from georgia southern univ. - May 2008. basically started on 10mg, 30 count. then later got increased to 60 count on this mg. finally, i ended up on 20mg, 60 count IR. So i was taking 40 mg a day of this shit. of course, and i'm not blaming anyone but myself, i developed a chemical dependency on the adderall, and i found that over time, the 40mg a day wasn't working quite as well as it once had... so i began taking a little more here and there.

Anyway, i don't remember the exact order or how my life got to where it is now, but the worst it got for me was right about 120mg in less than a 24 hr. period. uhm, im like freaking 120 lbs. greatt idea - Sike. But about 4 months ago i CXL my reg. adderall Rx and found a new doctor in auburn. he put me on vyvanse & i found it's a lot smoother, and def. known to not take you up so high to the clouds and then drop u back way lower. But i guess since I was abusing my adderall after some time being prescribed to it, maybe it was pretty predictable i would begin to abuse my vyvanse too. well i certainly didnt think that would happen cause my doctor said this vyvanse has like a very veryy low addiction rate or some junk. well, being "brilliant college girl" again i started takin like 2, sometimes 3 a day of my vyvanse instead of just one. not right away but after some time passed i began to do this with the vyvanse.

i have a professional counselor who specializes in substance abuse now, and my parents and boyfriend know everything now cause i told em all the shit that i got myself into. i really have made it hard on my relationship with my boyfriend because of all this - excellent adderall and relat. article btw-- but luckily he hasn't blown my ass off yet because he's a wonderful Christian man who truly loves me and has been supportive. thank god. but now i just really dont know what to do, please help me that's why i wrote this whole massive thing out cause i need Mike or someone to give me their advice. There's supposed to be a kick ass rehab place in ft. lauderdale ( my insurance is covering the cost if i go) called "the recovery place" ha- original right?? But i dropped my classes this semester like a month ago, because i gotta get a handle of this shit somehow cause it's really messing up every aspect of my life. suggestions or comments pleaseeee!!!

thanks a ton,

Cat

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Hi Cat,

Thanks for your comment. Look, right now you're at ground zero. Every day from here on out is going to be a different you, a different path, all moving up and away from this moment. You have nowhere to go but up.

But "up" may not feel like "up". It may feel like "getting worse and worse" for a while, because (in my experience) the first phase after quitting Adderall is the "purification by tragic destruction" phase. This is when everything that isn't absolutely essential to who you really are dies.

So be prepared for this purification by fire and destruction. Think of dropping an object into flames, burning away everything that isn't fireproof. That's going o be you. The problem is that right now, you don't know what's fireproof and what's flammable. But you're going to find out, probably the hard way.

You may lose everything, but find your self. That's the trade you're making. Remember that when things start dieing and changing.

In the end, when you look back, you will hopefully see that the things you lost didn't quite fit you like they were, as much as it hurt to lose them.

So hang on tight, get better, fight for the things you shouldn't lose, let go the things you should, and once you've stripped your life down to nothing but the minimum, work on building it back better than ever.

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