Blue pill residue

[Chipper]

Hello, I've been lurking around, only checking in when I go through tough withdrawal moments. I've been without adderall since the end of April, about one month and 2 weeks, I think. This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm almost 40 years old. I was on adderall for about 5 years. About 2 years ago, I noticed I was addicted. Then, about a year ago, I started getting very paranoid, mostly about my coworkers hacking my personal computer or about my lover cheating on me. Paranoia was not new to me since I'm naturally a paranoid person anyway. But, I decided I would choose my lover over my job by giving work less of me (they obviously didn't like me anyway) and giving my lover more of me. Well I ended up giving so much of me at home that I began to pop 12 10mg adderall per day. I was Superwoman! But at the end of every 30 day supply I would crash for about a week. My doctor and my lover (who is a doctor too) were concerned so much so that they consulted, and that was the beginning of the end of adderall for me.

It is a shame because I really need a stimulate in order to be functioning. I always had problems in school, a slight stutter, a little inattention resulting in genuine sincere apologies for mistakes at work, a real problem with relating to people and being extremely shy my whole life. Most people think I'm stuck up. I'm far from it.

So it's been about a month and a half without those dirty blue chalking pills that left residue wherever they were, and I'm hopeful but concerned about my extreme lack of motivation. I have no idea what to do. If my brain was under achieving naturally since birth, I know it's performing poorly and unhealthy now. Before adderall, I was smoking pot daily for about 6 years. Plus, when I was 11 my father passed away suddenly and that has caused a permanent case of depression that I'll have for the rest of my life.

Since quitting, I was let go from my job. Luckily I have a great relationship with my lover.....now more than ever. However, my pessimistic lazy self is no fun to be around sometimes. I miss the days when I could mow the grass, clean the pool, and backup my computers in one day. I have no patience for anything now. And I need to find a new job. This really sucks ass. But those little blue pills aren't the answer, they just leave residual messes behind like blue stains on my teeth and clothes and debilitating paranoia.

[Zerokewl]

Hey welcome to the board it takes time to recover from Adderall. Keep life super simple right now break down big tasks into small steps. Most of all understand that you were not more productive on Adderall you just thought you were.  You are in the right place we are here to support and be supported.