Scott

I need your advice

6 posts in this topic

Hey!

My name is Scott and I am 25 years old.

My current Adderall use is 60mg. I take Adderall XR and Adderall Tablets.

My reason for writing this is to seek out advice from all of you. I am going to be completely open about everything. I can guarantee you this is gonna be a long post since I just took my adderall, which I apologize about in advance. I am looking for suppourt, advice, assurance, and really anything you have to help me in quitting adderall.

Before Adderall:

Growing up I have always been an unusually bright person. My friends would describe me a shy and outgoing. I prided myself that my friends saw me as dependable. I had dreams and ambitions. I think that was my dominant trait actually. I just knew where I was going, and no one was going to stop me! In school I wasn't the "top" student, not even close. My hobbies were hanging out with friends, cooking, couponing, etc. If something caught my interest, it was easy to have the motivation I needed to get involved. I was normal, if not usually chipper. And waking up in the mornings was easy as can be.

Starting Adderall:

I started taking adderall in May of 2012, after my little brother was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor told my mom it was usually hereditary and so I looked into it. It explained me perfectly. I was forgetful, unorganized, and somewhat lazy. I think a lot of the issues I had were other people's opinions of me versus my opinion of myself. To my mom and family I was lazy and unmotivated. But looking back I was a typical teenager/early-adult. Either way I decided I wanted to get tested. After being tested the doctor said I was a classic of ADHD Type-2. Type-2 simply means that I stare off into space and daydream versus setting fire to a classroom. Once diagnosed I went to my doctor and we met. He told me all about ADHD and what I could be. He showed me photos of handwriting before/after and grades that improved with treatment. Treatment being Adderall. When I first started taking adderall, it messed with my "senses". I felt like I was in an out-of-body experience. I quit it for a few days. I called my doctor after I returned to normal and told them about my experience. He told me that I just need to "stick-with-it" as my body adjusted to the new drug. I did.

Taking Adderall:

Starting out I was still myself. I was a socialite and still stayed actively engaged with my friends. My magical moment came when I worked myself up to 20mg. I had a almost high-urgent need to do something. I always wanted to be a cleaner, and now I was. I didn't enjoy cleaning, it became something I "loved" to do. I had ridiculous amounts of focus, and I could focus on something and actually accomplish it. I think I started misusing Adderall when I got a job with the county and had to wake up at 5:00AM. I took it to STAY awake. I realized soon that the dose didn't always have the same effect, so I started increasing my use. The next year I got a job promotion where I had to stay alert. Therefore I used Adderall to stay mentally sharp and awake. I worked long days and would take 40mg in the morning at 5:00AM and 1:00 PM. I really didn't sleep much anymore either. I also stopped hanging out around friends and became more of a homebody. I then moved out of my moms house and into my own place. I lived alone and I think that added to the social anxiety. As the year went on I started to need Adderall in order to wake up, versus simply stay awake. It eventually got to a point where I would spend all day in bed, because I didn't even have the energy to get up and take Adderall. It was somewhere around this time that I started to hate going out in public. I just lost interest and would rather stay locked up then go out into the world. I rarely saw my friends. In fact I saw my landlord more then I ever saw any friends. I would go see them and I really enjoyed it. Even though now I was quiet and reserved versus Loud and obnoxious. I don't know what it was. I didn't feel uncomfortable I just didn't have that same spark I once did. It wasn't long after this when I realized I needed to quit Adderall. I decided to quit and went cold-turkey. I SLEPT for a good month. Afterwards, I would go to work and come home and sleep. Then after three months from summer break, I went back to work. I no longer enjoyed waking up like I used to. I was always late to work. All was fine until I started getting the "head-bobs" while driving. I wasn't as clean anymore and my entire work performance suffered. My landlord was upset at how filthy my apartment was. Eventually I talked myself into taking Adderall again. And everything took off except I was at 40mg versus 60mg. But after a month I went back to 60mg. I then moved in with roommates. We get along great and I really enjoy them. But I think after six months they are starting to not be a fan of me anymore. I spend time with them, but I mainly stay locked up in my room. Plus my room is a mess. I cleaned so much that I am sick of it, and the 60mg doesn't seem to be doing much. I also started back college, which I had been forced to quit due to finical aid issues before I started taking Adderall. I can barley make it out the bed to go to class. I have to take Adderall or have something extremely important to do in order to get up and go to class. Even then my sleep schedule is so messed up because I work overnights on the weekend. When I am not working I sleep.

Overall:

Since taking Adderall I have become secluded from society. I used to love waking up in the mornings but now I can barely get up to take my Adderall to get motivated for the day. And once I am up I only have 4-8 hours that my Adderall works, and then I have to re-up or crash or burn. My room is a mess, nothing is organized, I see my friends once every few months, and I just feel like I'm drowning. I take Adderall everyday.

Fear of quitting:

Last time I quit Adderall I went through an awful month of just sleeping. And even after that was over, I had little to no motivation. I could wake up, but really all I wanted to do was sleep. I loved to go see friends but honestly I think we just drifted apart. They don't ever care to hang. Plus, I live with roommates and I need to clean, to maintain peace. In addition I'm in college and I can't afford to go through this as my grades may slip. I don't know if I am also depressed or if my Adderall addiction is the culprit.

Questions:

I have taken Adderall for 3 — almost 4 years now. I used to take 40mg, but now I am up to 60mg. How long would it take to get over the initial part?

I have looked at the "alternatives" forum but I don't know what anything is. Can one of you explain the basics and common alternatives?

When quitting Adderall what can I expect with my job since I live on my own and have to pay bills?

Do you feel that friends were a vital role in your success with quitting Adderall? What suppourt networks are in GA?

What do you personally recommend after reading my story?

Did anything I say stand out? I don't know much about this addiction, but I know it's a biotch.

Is there anything I can do to prep for coming off Adderall?

Any advice you have?

Lastly, do you ever feel like you are "you" again?

Thank you for everything, and I apologize about the long post in advance.

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I can relate to so much of what your saying.

I have such a love hate relationship with adderall.

If you really are looking to quit theres loads of advice here on the forums...taper your dose down, take supplements, drink coffee constantly, ect.

All of these things really though are just trying to make quitting suck less.

If you really want to quit, i feel like you have to embrace that its going to be rough, and change your expectations of yourself temporarily.

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Also though, youve only been on addy for a few years at an average dose!

Many here have successfully quit with higher dosage, and longer use! And you are still young!

You will definitely have an easier time than plenty of others that have done it :)

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I strongly recommend scouring this site and you will find most all the answers to your questions.  

 

IF you think you can handle tapering, then I would suggest trying to do that first and slowly wean yourself off so you can get adjusted slowly over time.  If that ends up and doesn't work for you, then I would suggest planning an all out cold turkey quit when you know you will have enough time to go through withdrawal and sleep accordingly.

 

It's attainable of course to quit, but it CAN be done.  We are living proof.  Please see links below for tapering and quitting cold turkey methods.  

 

I've never tried the non-stimulant meds like Straterra so I don't have any words of wisdom on that.  However, I would maybe find an ADD coach or visit websites under a search of "alternatives to prescription medication for ADHD."  

 

I have found how to manage my life without ADD drugs just fine and it is no longer the overwhelming task it used to be when I first quit.  But it mainly just took time of being off the drug to get used to living without a pill that automatically made me start cleaning and organizing.  I think we have to use the same tools everyone else does by making a to do list everyday and keeping a planner, schedule, etc.  I have found I just have to put forth the effort of doing this on a daily and weekly basis and I am very productive.  If I don't make a plan and schedule things accordingly, then I will most likely not do much of anything.  

 

Go to this section:

http://quittingadderall.com/how-to-wean-yourself-off-of-adderall/

http://quittingadderall.com/how-to-quit-adderall/

 

You can do it!  Good luck and keep posting! :)

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I will share a few of my thoughts with you, Scott.  Regarding how long it will take you to recover, that is a very individual thing.  Most of us long-timers around here agree that it took 2-3 years to feel like we were no longer in active recovery mode.  For me, the first nine months were the hardest times - mostly battling low energy, depression and weight gain.  I was indeed grateful for my Dish Network TV.  As far as Adderall alternatives go, I never found anything that is not a DRUG even close to a replacement for Adderall.  The sooner you accept that and move on, the easier and more successful your recovery will be.  It took me a couple of years to finally give up trying to get some kind of a lift out of a pill.  I used different energy supplements, usually laced with caffeine to give me a needed boost.  I still love drinking a sugarfree redbull in the afternoon!  I used L-Tyrosine and fish oil to combat the depression, in fact I still use them on occasion.  Have your vitamin D tested - it might be low.  I also had some success with Lions Mane for a better memory.  And a good multivitamin coupled with good nutrition. 

 

Above all, make a plan to quit and stick with it.  Visualize yourself Adderall free, especially while you are still using it and cannot quit now for whatever reasons.  I quit in my mind before I stopped taking the pills and I grew to hate the addiction because I had to keep taking those fucking pills until I came to a time when I could afford to quit.

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Scott, 

 

For me, I was tranquilized for the first 4.5 months after going to the ER/psych ward/7day detox.  They put me on some hard core drugs that just made me a zombie and I basically slept most of the time. I finally got to a point that I was SOOOO wanting to just be normal again and exercise I weaned myself off the 3 drugs they put me on and I felt grateful to have energy again.  For me, I went from being on speed to being on tranquilizers so by the time I was finally just my "normal" state of being I guess it was good enough to stay off adderall.  I just started exercising all the time.  That helped a ton!  I signed up for a bunch of races as a way to motivate myself for something positive and take my mind off missing adderall.  It really worked.  Anyhow, I did miss adderall a lot, but I think because I got so active so quickly I was able to recover quicker.  I was just so thankful to be off the tranquilizers and losing the weight they had caused me to gain.  I felt like a million bucks.  

 

Your recovery is totally up to you!  It definitely is going to be different for everyone so just hang in there and now you can do it!

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