Searchingsoul9

Relapsed

5 posts in this topic

So i officially relapsed maybe a few months? I can't even remember. I used to get prescribed Adderall, but i burnt that bridge in my hopes of ending availability to the pills.

 

This guy i met in the city offered me adderall. For free.

I should've just said no thanks, but i was on autopilot. We took them together and i was so frustrated because i was clean for like two years and the 60mg of xr he gave me was barely doing shit. Eventually it kicked it, unfortunately i drank so much that i didn't even get the full high.

The next morning i wanted to vanish. Regret. Depression. 

 

Since then i have taken amphetamines maybe on 10 occasions. Each time i wonder why i even took it. It's not what it was when i first started. I hate it now, yet for some fucked up reason i end up being offered it or finding it unintentionally and never do i just say no.

I just flushed the last three pills i had.

 

At this point it doesn't do anything but make me slightly focused and semi content for maybe 2-3 hours. The rest of the day/night is all down hill. Panic attacks or just straight mind numbing depression.

I see a psychiatrist in about a week for the first time in a long time. Hoping i can end this battle once and for all. 

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It's just a slip. Don't let it derail you!!!  Get back on the road to recovery ASAP and hang on for dear life.  My friend, know that it was not you who failed.  Your "animal brain aka lower brain" simply took over your "prefrontal cortex aka logical brain" and won the battle for a tiny bit of time.  As I can tell from your post, you are now back in control and you don't have to let it win again.  

 

Play the tape forward and back if you continue to use adderall.  First, think back to your previous using days and imagine all of that stuff happening once again if you continue taking it.  Visualize the rest of your life addicted to this drug and how that will make you feel.

 

Next, play the tape forward quitting right now and resuming your recovery.  Visualize all that you can and will achieve.  I know you can do this!!

 

You came back to the site and posted right away.  You know the goal and you didn't have a full fledged relapse.  You are doing better than ever as your slips are no longer sucking you back all the way down to the bottomless pit of suffering and despair.

 

So glad you are back and please stay with us! Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way!

 

Hugs!

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It's just a slip. Don't let it derail you!!!  Get back on the road to recovery ASAP and hang on for dear life.  My friend, know that it was not you who failed.  Your "animal brain aka lower brain" simply took over your "prefrontal cortex aka logical brain" and won the battle for a tiny bit of time.  As I can tell from your post, you are now back in control and you don't have to let it win again.  

 

Play the tape forward and back if you continue to use adderall.  First, think back to your previous using days and imagine all of that stuff happening once again if you continue taking it.  Visualize the rest of your life addicted to this drug and how that will make you feel.

 

Next, play the tape forward quitting right now and resuming your recovery.  Visualize all that you can and will achieve.  I know you can do this!!

 

You came back to the site and posted right away.  You know the goal and you didn't have a full fledged relapse.  You are doing better than ever as your slips are no longer sucking you back all the way down to the bottomless pit of suffering and despair.

 

So glad you are back and please stay with us! Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way!

 

Hugs!

 Thank you so much for your reply! It really helps me move forward and not dwell on the slip ups.

And i am reading a book right now about the "animal brain" and it's very scientific and helps me understand WHY i do what i do. 

I will stay on here for sure.

Even though i do not have a steady supply of adderall, i am seeing a new psychiatrist shortly and there is always the possibility that i could slip up and get a prescription again...but i had to fill out forms and i made it very clear i was heavily addicted to amphetamines (although, i almost kept that part out so that i could get a skript need be)

Hope you are doing well and having a good day!

xx

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Maybe this slip was the proof you needed to realize that adderall just doesn't do anything good for you anymore.  Maybe you learned or gained something from this experience.  I wouldn't dwell on the negative, I would just focus on moving forward.  So glad you're here!  Xoxo

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Maybe this slip was the proof you needed to realize that adderall just doesn't do anything good for you anymore.  Maybe you learned or gained something from this experience.  I wouldn't dwell on the negative, I would just focus on moving forward.  So glad you're here!  Xoxo

 You're totally correct.

Every time i have failed and slipped and used, i realize that it is nothing like it once was...yet i still chase that high.

For some reason i can't see my old posts from a year or two ago, i wanted to read about all the negative shit it did to me.

Oh well, i will use this is a lesson

xo

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