Speeder906

Update: 1.5 years Progress

1 post in this topic

I've been off Adderall for roughly a year and half and for anyone reading this struggling I have to tell you it's way better on this side of the fence. Sometimes I'm just blown away by the amount of time, effort, and life force I wasted on Adderall. Ultimately, I am glad it all happened though, believe it or not. It built me up to become the person I am today. 

Not sure how often people frequent this place anymore, but I think about it from time to time because for a while, this was where I spent hours typing out my frustrations and hoping I would read something that changed my life. Truth is, nothing anyone here says can change how someone lives their life, but can only influence it. Nothing anyone said here was going to stop me from downing an entire months worth of pills in a short few days, and that's just a fact. It helps to know we aren't alone, no doubt about that, but making the tangible real world changes is what makes us better. 

I was at the gym and Dr. Phil was on the tvs. In the episode it was all about this woman who was addicted to Adderall. I watched it, watched her, and it just reminded me of the hell of a lifestyle that was. It was all too relatable to a past version of myself. I thought about making a post about it on here but I didn't get around to it, but it shook me for a few days. I couldn't stop thinking about her and what my experience was like, and more importantly, the massive amount of progress I have made getting OFF this shit. Specifically, I remember watching her tell Dr. Phil about a phenomenon that all current and former tweakers, I'm sure, understand. She spoke about, up until using Adderall, feeling like a zombie walking throughout life, not really paying attention to anything. When she takes Adderall suddenly everything comes alive. She then went on to describe that random people's t-shirts would be transmitting messages to her as an individual. She didn't know the people but the shirts and the phrases on them applied to HER life somehow. It was the kind of delusion of grandeur I recall having all the time. Dr. Phil, of course, commented about how NOT normal that experience was. It reiterated the point that, in that state of mind, we aren't living. We are over saturated with what we believe makes up life, but it's false, it's artificial, and more importantly: it's a form of delusion. 

Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this, but this has been cathartic, and one of the rare posts I have written on this website NOT fueled by malnutrition, sleep deprivation, and excessive amounts of amphetamine. The fact that I have been able to write this much somewhat coherently, if I do say so myself, speaks volumes in my opinion. 

Life is GOOD, man. Like, REALLY good. Stimulant-free life is slower, it's calmer, it's so much bigger than the bubble that we trap ourselves into when we're on a binge. My inbox is always open to anyone going through the thick of it. I've gotten passed the phase where I'm so tempted to try and get my Adderall back because life is so good right now and it has been pretty good for many months. Now I am trying to keep moving forward and perhaps try to give back in some way, shape, or form.

Be well, everyone! 

PS. Here's a link to the Dr. Phil episode I was referring to: https://www.drphil.com/shows/former-anchorwoman-and-beauty-queen-wife-is-she-addicted/ 

 

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