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Adderall --> Alcohol? Escapism?

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I seem to have this persistent issue with compulsively turning to alcohol and other forms of escapism to deal with the aftermath of amphetamine withdrawal...

I'm a never-rx'd, sporadic Adderall (ab)user, and have been for ~3 years. I tend to binge for a few days to a few weeks at a time, then stop abruptly (regardless of supply; my source is actually quite consistent; I can easily and affordably get 30+ 30mgs a month).

I've never held an affinity for alcohol before in my life, despite (because of?) being exposed to it early in life. I hate being out-of-control and `escapism' in general. I was an intelleculatually-focused and creation-driven individual from a *very* early age. This is what drove me to amphetamine use to begin with -- it made me "better" at the things I already enjoyed and valued (actually, it made me worse in the long-run, but better in the immediate).

But the throws of withdrawal have led me down the path of alcoholism.

I'm currently a few ~weeks without Adderall, after an intense week of use, and I feel "good" overall (very little desire to relapse, despite having 15 or so pills in my possession), yet I'm drinking like 4-10 drinks a day, every day, directly from being almost ~sober. This is not healthier than Adderall, although it certainly is *different*. I feel more like "myself" but I'm also actively cultivating a deadly addiction to GABA inhibition. I know, from past attempts, that even taking a small amount of Adderall will completely negate my desire for alcohol (that is -- until I come down -- but that's usually after the liquor stores close!)

I also find myself completely drawn to any form of escapism -- TV shows, movies, video games, reading, partying, what-have-you. Before I ever took Adderall this wasn't even much part of my personality.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

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It's just exchanging one addiction for the other and alcohol is socially accepted, makes you numb, but the hangover is crappy. Are you seeing a counselor? What about AA as an option to help deal with the cravings to drink.?

So yes, I have struggled with one or both. I am still struggling, but I do believe it is possible to live a life without a drink or drug to lean on to give me a sense of self. I just have to learn about myself and why I make these choices so that I can break the cycle of addiction period...it's the cycle that drives me nuts. I can become addicted to a piece of clothing that makes me feel a certain way or a bag of chips that I can't resist. I need to re-boot my brain and that takes time. I love that I found this site and that I am not alone in battle over adderall, the most manipulative substance I have ever encountered.

Hope you continue to post updates....

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Update:

Went back on Adderall a week ago, but only 10mg/day (was 30-60 before), and decided to kick the daily drinking before continuing Adderall abstinence.

Tapered drinking over the week, stepping down from 8-10 drinks a day to 0 as of two days ago (48 hours without any). Feeling good enough. Not much physical W/D which I'm very happy about. Going to give myself at least a few more days of alcohol abstinence before proceeding to step down or completely abstain from Adderall, this time with the very mindful intent of NOT turning to alcohol to deal with the withdrawal.

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I have to really watch my alcohol intake. I never drank much alcohol before/while I was on the adderall, but now I find myself consuming large amounts just to escape. I've felt insecure, empty and unmotivated since being off the adderall. I've had a few good days, but it's a constant struggle. I sometimes just need to relax and even exercise doesn't help. So then I turn to alcohol and it makes me feel confident, at ease. I'm aware I'm just trading one addiction for the other, so obviously I need to nip the alcohol thing in the bud before it gets out of control. The withdrawal just sucks, there's no way around it and I'm going to have to accept the awfulness of it I guess instead of using other substances to numb myself.

How have you been doing without the alcohol?

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feel a certain way or a bag of chips that I can't resist. I need to re-boot my brain and that takes time. I love that I found this site and that I am not alone in battle over adderall, the most manipulative substance I have ever encountered.

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