mka

5 mg left

5 posts in this topic

I have been on Adderall XR since 2006, my senior year of high school. I started taking it because my mom, who is herself a drug addict, reccomended it to me to help me get out of bed for school in the am, and stay awake for first hour (High school started at 7:15 am).

I should have known then, given the fact that my mom reccomended it, that it would be bad.

Anyways, at about the same time I started taking Adderall, I started taking Effexor XR (A serotonin reuptake inhibitor for bipolar disorder). So started my terrible, enlightening trek through medicated life.

It was bad...Real bad. It got to the point, where I would set my alarm for about an hour before I actually had to wake up; 'take my pills', half the time without even remembering, then be jerked awake about an hour later by my Adderall.

I hated it. I hated who I was, and who I am now.

About 2 months ago, I quit my Effexor cold turkey. Anyone who has quit a similar medication understands the hell it puts you through. I just couldn't handle not being responsible for my emotions anymore. The whole reason I quit Effexor is because there were maybe 2 times where I ran out of pills before I got a new prescription, and basically went crazy. I'd lay in bed sobbing, wanting to hurt myself and anyone who dared venture into my sight.

I got to thinking about 6 months ago, what the hell is this drug doing to me for the long term, if I withdraw from it this bad after missing 2 days? (the Effexor) I started strongly wanting to get off of it, but at the time I was still living with my mom, who is an addict (pills, spec. opiods and benzodiazapines), and didn't think I could handle the effects of withdrawing.

Luckily, I was able to move out of my mom's house in February, and in with my sister. I now have a much more stable home life, as well as a beneficial distance between my mother and I, which makes the time I do spend with her draining, but much more bearable.

Anyways, in April, it got to be the time to make the appointment to get more Effexor. But I was pissed, bitter, and scared. Not only was I starting to wonder who the real me even was anymore, but I started wondering who I could be without the Effexor.

So, I just didn't get my prescription for my Effexor filled. It was hell. I cannot find adequate words to describe the emotional and physical roller coaster it put me through. I was up, down, hell... I was sideways. I also experienced what someone very accurately described as 'brain zaps', to the point where I didn't trust myself to walk, much less drive. But, it was, and still is very worth it. Sure, I am having extreme mood swings, I am bipolar after all :blink:. But, it is me having these crazy moods, not a pill.

I started having the same convictions and longing to quit Adderall about a year ago, but again, I was terrified. I still am.

I was on 30 mg of the xr, once a day, and then 10 mg of the blue bastards once a day "as needed" (ex: when the xr started to plateau in midafternoon I'd pop a 10 to draw it out til bed).

Again, at about the middle of April, my Adderall XR ran out, and it came time to make the appointment. Again, I was bitter, pissed, and scared. So, I didn't make the appointment. However, I had a bunch of 10 mg regular release pills left from the days I didn't take them. So, I began weaning myself off of my Adderall.

I started by taking 2 blue pills a day (20 mg) for about 2 weeks. Then, I dropped it to 1.5 (15 mg) for about a week and a half. Next, I dropped it down to 1 (10 mg) for 2 weeks. For the past week and a half or so, I have been taking half a pill, or 5 mg. Tomorrow is my last half of a pill.

I am terrified.

I found this website today at work (I am a secratary), and it made me feel amazing to find people who understand the fear, regret, confusion, and feelings that I have.

I want nothing more than to be free of any mind altering medications, and I know, especially with the help of this website, that I can do it. I will do it.

Thank you.

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mka,

You're almost there! I can't believe you're already down to 5mg. That's amazing progress. You're in much better shape than many people are when they first find this site. Plus you've already quit the Effexor. So once you've killed off the Adderall you'll be totally med free!

FWIW, you may experience a slight freakout when you go totally off the meds for the first time. That is, when you go from 5mg to zero. Even at a small dose like 5mg, you've still got the placebo effect working in your favor. If this happens, stay strong. If you can survive on 5mg, you can survive on 0mg.

Good luck this week, and make sure to come back and post updates!

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If you quit Effexor cold-turkey, then nothing is impossible! That is incredibly hard; I was on it for years and if I was even four hours late with my pill, I began to feel like a basket case.

So many of these meds can severely exacerbate mood-swings ... either when you take them as directed, or especially when you quit. A year or so from now, you may want to re-visit the question of whether you actually have bipolar disorder, or whether some of that may have been the pills. That's not to downplay anyone's very real troubles -- yours, mine or anyone else's. It's just to say that a lot of doctors have become far too quick to hand out very heavy diagnostic labels which come with prescriptions for lifelong medication attached... and bipolar disorder is a prime example. Good luck!

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mka,

You're almost there! I can't believe you're already down to 5mg. That's amazing progress. You're in much better shape than many people are when they first find this site. Plus you've already quit the Effexor. So once you've killed off the Adderall you'll be totally med free!

FWIW, you may experience a slight freakout when you go totally off the meds for the first time. That is, when you go from 5mg to zero. Even at a small dose like 5mg, you've still got the placebo effect working in your favor. If this happens, stay strong. If you can survive on 5mg, you can survive on 0mg.

Good luck this week, and make sure to come back and post updates!

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I did kind of freak out last night and this morning about being Adderall-free, luckily though I have a wonderful, supportive boyfriend, and a smart, supportive sister. They are helping me tremendously to get through this. Plus, I feel like this website is an amazing help as well. You are all so encouraging and understanding. It really helps to have the support of people who have been through this. My boyfriend, bless his heart, tries his best to offer me support, but he even admits, he doesn't understand exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I can do this. I will

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If you quit Effexor cold-turkey, then nothing is impossible! That is incredibly hard; I was on it for years and if I was even four hours late with my pill, I began to feel like a basket case.

So many of these meds can severely exacerbate mood-swings ... either when you take them as directed, or especially when you quit. A year or so from now, you may want to re-visit the question of whether you actually have bipolar disorder, or whether some of that may have been the pills. That's not to downplay anyone's very real troubles -- yours, mine or anyone else's. It's just to say that a lot of doctors have become far too quick to hand out very heavy diagnostic labels which come with prescriptions for lifelong medication attached... and bipolar disorder is a prime example. Good luck!

I understand what you mean, if I woke up later than usual, like on the weekends, I would be a complete basketcase. That was actually one of this biggest triggers for me wanting to get off of the Effexor, aside from just wanting to be in control of my emotions.

I'm still very scared about being Adderall-free. Even though I never abused the drug, ie taking more than I was prescribed, or taking it more often...I know I am still definitely addicted to it. And that scares me, especially considering that my mom is an addict, and I have been striving for the past 7 years to NOT be like her. Thank you so much for your encouragement, it means the world to me. Keep being wonderful :)

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