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About Brandy76

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  1. New Addict to Adderall & Xanax - Need Feedback

    This is a very supportive board and you can discuss anything you're going through whether you quit, or trying to quit. I don't think you can use swim though. haha your social life sounds just like mine. And like you said the energetic way addy makes you act for your clients really makes you rely on it more. I work a lot fitness conventions (in addition to my corp job) where I have to be addy'd up to be the bubbly sales pitch girl. Sometimes just thinking about having to take that to be like that has made me start declining things because just thinking about what I have to put my body through to get thru social events is exhausting. I'm on the generic xanax and I swear i don't think it's as strong as the name brand. I'm perscribed 1mg at night. Lately I definitely have to take 1.5 and sometimes 2mg to fall asleep. It sucks. My doc tried me on Klonopin instead of Xanax and I hated it. It makes you tired, but like "drunk" tired not a mellow feeling tired. I would stumble while on it - my body just couldn't tolerate Klonopin. Your job sounds very stressfull and with adderall sometimes the focus still makes you not focus on the right things and you become scatterbrained I never take the adderall with the xanax as they're opposite drugs (upper and downer) I only take the xanax when it's night & i'm done with working/gym and I have nothing to do and no one to talk to. So it helps that loneliness not be too bad I think xanax is only bad to come off of if you're using high amounts, like really abusing it. Not having it for that time sucked because I couldn't feel that happiness at night, but I was still able to sleep & function. I had no withdrawal symptoms. Wellbutrin is for depression but not like the prozac types. It affects the dopamine levels instead of the seratonin so it's meant for the people who always feel tired, sluggish, and it's also used to help people quit smoking I think. When I've run out of my addy, having the wellbutrin helps a little because it does give you energy, just not that rush type of energy that addy gives. I do want to quit, but I'm so vain I like the weight loss part, even though it's leveled out now meaning I can eat like normal but it just burns so much calories naturally. On the flip side since I've been on it I can't keep or start any type of relationship, like i'm either to intense or too detached. I've forgotten how to think about others and ask questions, be concerned....all things that you need to do to start a relationship lol
  2. Finally ready

    Wow congrats on being clean for that long. I've been on it for 2 years and I can tell it's coming to a breaking point. I'm always curious when people say how it ruined their life, do you have examples? I didn't start realizing the negative things that were happening in my life were because of the addy until I found this board and read so many similar stories of these "bad" things that happen
  3. Wow congrats to you and your recovery. I don't know too much about suboxone, but isn't that given to people coming off of heroin also?? Would a doc give that freely if they knew you were stopping your adderall? Did you loose your dream job because of the adderall? I work in the corporate world and my performance has definitely decreased the few years I've been on it
  4. I need help

    That one little sentence means so much. It's really weird how the adderall makes you loose interest in pretty much everything. I'm at that point where I don't "like" anything and I've chased away all friends, barely talk to's scary
  5. New Addict to Adderall & Xanax - Need Feedback

    You sound just like me except I've been on that roller coaster for 2 years. I work a corporate job also. I'm on 30mg IR twice a day plus 1mg xanax at night. Some days the adderall goes to 75mg for the day On the weekends I take breaks from everything and I literally stay in bed an eat pizza. I have no desire to do anything unless I'm medicated. I defintiely can't have a productive day at work without adderall to get me going. Otherwise I'm so depressed I can't even fake be happy with my co workers and everything seems like such a chore. My xanax tolerance has gotten so high that just recently I went through a 30 day supply (1mg) in 14 days. I too was worried about the xanax withdrawal which can be dangerous, but nothing happened, except for me being even more miserable during my adderall comedowns without xanax to smooth the ride. Suprisingly without the Xanax (which has been two weeks) just the adderall I'm able to crash once I'm home at night. But I just feel overwhelmingly miserable. At least with the xanax I felt a little happy. What's worse is I'm also on wellbutrin but it seems to make me more depressed when it wears off? but that's a whole other issue
  6. Forced to be 6 days sober....

    I hear ya with the hair & other stuff getting better. On addy my hair got so thin I actually had a britanny spears moment and just cut it all off, which normally would've been a huge thing to me since my hair was my everything. But it's sad that being on addy I pretty much felt nothing when I had to cut it to start from scratch. I'm same way with addy & appetitie, I can eat a lot on it. The wellbutrin though has squashed my appetitie
  7. Forced to be 6 days sober....

    Aww thanks!! Telling my story is actually having the courage to quit is the challenge. There's always some event I have to be in shape I"m scared of what would happen if I stopped appearance wise
  8. Forced to be 6 days sober....

    Wow thanks so much for all that info on Xanax. I never realized it doesn't put you into REM sleep. Before addy I only took Xanax to fly so I could pass out & not be so nervous. So maybe like 3 times a year I used Xanax. But once I started addy I noticed I couldn't fall asleep no matter how tired my body felt. I would lay there for sooo long before falling asleep. I don't think I have a problem with xanax since I would never take it during the day because it just makes me too tired and I don't like that feeling. Taking 1mg a night doesn't seem all that bad. Someone once mentioned you're a xanax addict when you start taking the xanax "bars" But you're right; it's a horrific cycle I'm in. I'm always tired no matter how much I pass out on the weekends (xanax induced stupor lol) I'm sure if I stopped the addy my body would be so tired I won't need xanax to calm down or fall asleep. Normally I'm a very calm person; never have panic attacks and just never liked that downer feeling, so I don't think xanax is my problem
  9. When did adderall turn on you?

    OMG your experience is so like mine. I have a corporate job and instead of getting things done, I've literally wasted hours picking at my face in my magnified mirror or getting lost in message boards on any topic. I feel so mentally run down by the time I get home from the add'y that I don't even want to put my body thru that again just to get through a workout. But I end up taking it to get to the gym, otherwise I'll just lay in bed doing nothing; which seems so lazy for me, at least during the week.
  10. I'm no expert, but if you really don't have ADD/ADHD it reacts ike meth. Giving those horrible negative meth type side effects.
  11. I understand the facial structure change thing. My lower jaw area/lower cheek area is so hollow that if I'm not all dolled up I look like a crackhead With the eyes, I've noticed the skin underneath has gotten darker, i guess from lack of sleep I've heard it does age you physically with more wrinkles or getting acne, but for me I became addicted to getting facial fillers to combat some of that. So now when people comment how great I look, of course that makes my mind say "see the adderal IS good for you"....I know sickk. I'll be following along your journey. It will be interesting to see if you make the job switch to the military; as that's such a drastic change
  12. Finally, People Who Understand

    so agree how narcissitic this drug has made me, yes i'm nice and skinny and at my prettiest but inside, like you said I'm an emotionless zombie. I have zero interest in anyone's life or problems even my own family, I've ditched plans with, avoided calls because frankly I just don't care to hear what problems they have. I guess that's the part of the drug that makes us not have any friends lol like you I've been fearful of attempting to go to one of those meetings, because I"m envisioning celebrity rehab looking junkies & here I am in the pageant world all about image
  13. Finally, People Who Understand

    This statement really hit home. how adderall makes you have these grandiose plans, but that's all they are is plans/thoughts. Once the addy wears off you can't even comprehend those grandiose plans
  14. Forced to be 6 days sober....

    but needless to say I filled my perscription & started back on the cycle. It's weird, the ups on addy are very enjoyable so when I had that break there were no ups. Having to function at work with not even an hour of "an up" was miserable, and after work I had no enthusiasm to even go to the gym, which is my life
  15. Forced to be 6 days sober....

    I always enjoy your posts. I been on this site for a while thinking about quitting. But just like you said on the days I give myself a break and don't take them which is usually the weekends, i'm so depressed that I just pop my xanax all weekend so I can be zoned out and not face the reality that I chased everyone away and have no companionship Now I need the drug to do just about anything that requires me to leave the house , which is why lately my weekends have literally been spent in a dark bedroom ordering take out pizza (thank god for my doggie who poor thing gets bored in the bed all day) Otherwise any general weekend task, like cleaning shopping, I need the pill to get going, but on weekends if I do take it I still don't get the tasks done & end up doing mindless stuff on the internet. Now I'm really scared how when I talk to people, they constantly tell me "you've already told that story to me twice" my memory is so horrible, it's frustrating The nighttime depression when I'm back from work & gym all by myself is horrendous which is why I rely so heavily on xanax at night to feel nice And I'm tired of always having to tell people that I took too many fat burners when I'm at a function, because then I come alive but maybe too much lol It's all exhausting