jobella

I've been abusing adderall for 5 years and its ruined everything. I started taking it once in a while because it made me more social and it spun out of control. I was taking 60 mg a day every single day for about 3 years. For the last 2 years I have been on and off of it and I hate that I cannot function without it.I don't know where to begin to fix myself. No one knows about my addiction, I haven't told a soul about it so writing this is strange for me. My life has come to a complete stop. I have failed out of school, I have been unemployed for 3 years, I lost touch with just about everyone except for immediate family. I do not go out, I lliterally sit in my house all day in isolation.... and I STILL take it. I do not benefit from this drug at all and I still take it. The longest I have gone without it is 6 weeks. I do not take it everyday like I was, Its like I'll take it and run out , go a month until I can't stand sitting and doing absolutly nothing... then I go for it. The problem is, without it, I will not get out of bed in the morning. I will stare at the ceiling all day long. I just don't know what to do. I desperatly need to start working again, ASAP and it scares me because I don't know if I can without it. If I can't even get out bed to go to the grocery store how am I gonna go to a job every day. Will I even get out of bed to go a job interveiw if I get one? If I do will I be able to get through an interview without it? I have been looking into ways to deal with this and the word Rehab is coming up a lot.... but I'm need of an alternative method. As I think back to before I started taking adderall I ask myself "How the hell did I do that?" How did I function on my own like that? I was a full time student while working a fulltime job. And its all gone.