Invictus

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About Invictus

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  1. I have lost my mind

    That is a fucking nightmare. I don't know if what I'm experiencing falls under "stimulant psychosis" or not but I'd bail on the lease and take them to court. Before it was just a fear, but now it is an obsession or paranoia. Taking all these steps and spending so much time when there isn't even a roach problem here. I would not sleep at all in that circumstance unless I was in a sealed metal container with micro air filters. I've seen them before at past apartments, but since upping my adderall I think I would have a complete meltdown if I saw one. Thanks for the response. Broke student with no insurance so I'm kinda on my own right now. Aside from the whole paranoid delusion thing I'm at least cleaning up well and taking good care of the place. Still battling suicidal thoughts but yeah I am flushing this shit as soon as this semester ends.
  2. I have lost my mind

    Wow, I didn't know that was a thing. I just thought I was so inept and had such awful memory that I had to spend 9 hours a day writing notes, and even then that I'd ultimately fail. I definitely don't need stimulants to function as I've gone my whole life without and done well when actually applying myself. I just feel like now, mid-semester, would be a bad time to quit. I'm familiar with addiction and know the brain always tells you it's a bad time to quit but I think this is one of those times where it is a legitimate concern. So, as opposed to quitting outright I am trying to bring my dose down and get a lasso around it. My problem is after I take my 2 prescribed doses in morning and then around noon, when I start adding 2.5mg chunks every hour or so to keep the work going. Thanks for the post, and thanks to the others who replied as well.
  3. Saying Goodbye to My Charisma Candy

    I haven't been using it for very long (couple months), but it progressed so rapidly that I can thoroughly relate to what you wrote. I'm beginning to cut down now because I have already lost myself. I developed what I believe to be a small degree of stimulant-psychosis, and I can't fathom the concept of getting through school without Adderall. I know I need to quit now but at the same time this class I'm in is so intense I feel completely inept and inadequate. I can't even picture a way of making it through this without popping a ton of Adderall. It's like I'm battery-powered, and Adderall is the type of battery I use. From what I've researched, an L-Tyrosine supplement will help get your brain producing dopamine on its own again. Taking a magnesium glycinate (not magnesium oxide) supplement is supposed to get your brain's receptors back into working order quicker. I'm a novice to quitting this dirty drug though so that's about all the help I can offer.
  4. I have lost my mind

    Been seeing a psychiatrist for years to treat Generalized Anxiety Disorder, depression, insomnia. Been on every antidepressant, currently on a cocktail of Prozac, Valium, Gabapentin, Mirtazapine, and Seroquel. I could never commit to anything, school, careers. Looked into it and thought I had undiagnosed ADD, which very well may be the case, but I had gone through rigorous school before without any treatment and managed to pull through. Now I'm in a very compact, fast paced class and I'm feeling inept, like imposter syndrome. I was started on Ritalin, felt good but had stomach problems so I was moved to Adderall IR 10mg 2x day. I will sit and write notes for 9+ hours a day. I took some days off so I could have "spares" and would pop another 2.5mg because hey, I had a lot of work to do. Another 2.5mg, this is temporary so don't worry about it just need to survive this class. Told my doc the 10mg wasn't quite enough and I was put on 20mg 2x day, this was after one month of the 10mg 2x day dose. I break up the pills and pop the pieces like candy throughout the day because I always have the excuse of needing to do more homework. Since upping my dose to 20mg BID, something weird happened in my brain. I've always had a phobia of the giant cockroaches you get down here in Florida, but it was within reason to some degree. Since upping this Adderall I have turned that fear into full-blown paranoia, if not delusion. I spend hours Googling how to protect yourself from them and keep them out. I found myself in a tight closet pouring silicone caulk over a crack. I bought a mosquito net for my bed because my ultimate fear is having one of them crawl on you in your sleep, which to be fair does sometimes happen. I spent hours sealing the holes of the openings for the mosquito net and tucking it under the mattress tightly so no roach could get in. Every evening I get in with a flashlight, check in every pillow case and under each sheet and blanket to make sure nothing is in there. I use a ton of plastic wrap every night to cover my trashcan to seal any appealing odors. In summary, it has only been a couple months and I recognize that I have totally lost my mind. Conversely, the Adderall helps tremendously with the school semester I'm currently drowning in. All I feel I can do at this point is pray for divine intervention. Upping the Adderall dose also makes me drink more alcohol every night than usual (separate problem) and my sleep is totally broken. Bottom line is I have several months worth of Adderall IR 20mg 2x day, I spend literally all day writing notes for school and spend the rest of my time worrying sick over a roach problem that doesn't even exist at this apartment. If you actually read all of this, thank you. I have lost control and feel like my mind has gone with it. More homework you could do? Take another 2.5mg. Again and again, wreck your sleep and feed the psychotic paranoia. God help me, I am broken.