Unmotivated

You are right. But where do I get the motivation, the energy, the creativity, and the abilities back? I don't feel like doing anything anymore. Will I ever feel like it again? How do I make myself enjoy doing things again? I feel like I lost myself, not just my adderall using self, but the person I was before using adderall is gone now too.

Thank you for your response. What you said really makes sense, and I know that I know why I shouldn't start taking it again. Adderall ruled my life for about 4 years, I took way more than I was prescribed, and when I ran out (which I always did) I was completely unable to function. And I was always going a million miles a minute and doing 500 things at once that I was missing what was right in front of me. I know that my baby is the only reason I quit and the only thing that could have made me quit was getting pregnant. It was so hard at first, and it still is obviously, but I really don't want to have to go through the beginning again. It's just so hard for me to like myself without adderall. I dont like myself on it either really, but without it.. I just feel so worthless.

I quit adderall when I found out I was pregnant right after Christmas last year (12/2019). I had my baby August 12, 2020. I am currently breastfeeding and plan on doing so for at least 6 months. I bought a house at the end of March 2020 and have done everything I am supposed to do to be a good mom. But I feel like I suck at life. I gained so much weight, going from barely eating to eating 3 or more meals a day to ensure I had a healthy baby, and he definitely is healthy as can be. I never got my motivation back in all this time though. I am lazy. I am depressed. My house isn't set up and organized like how it would have been if I could still take adderall. I hate being bad at everything. I hate being fat and lazy. I hate having nothing done. I hate being depressed and feeling so worthless. Why shouldn't I get my prescription back the second I am able to take it again and am no longer breastfeeding? Well my family likes me better now that I am not on adderall. But I don't like me at all. And I dont see what it is that they like. I am fat, lazy, and without a personality. All my hobbies are gone, my drive is gone. Adderall ruined me and now the only way for me to be happy again is to go back on it. Just gotta wait till I've breastfed my baby for at least 6 months. Then I can fix my mess of a house and lose my baby weight. So what's the point of even trying to force my fat ass to do it now when I won't even be able to do that good of a job anyways. It's like all my abilities are gone and my brain no longer works. I thought that I would be back to normal by now, but now I'm thinking that I never will be. So please can someone give me a reason not to be sitting here counting down the days till I can have my adderall back?