. Ive been up for 21 straight hours after sleeping for 23? On this stuff for five straight years give or take. xr 20s. Woke up tired, late for work. Didnt care. Got my assignment, popped a 20, worked on ten different things...all poorly. People went to break, didnt ask me to go cuz they know i say no. Went to work on "creative" presentation that was the result of a major fuckup on my part. People came back, and i felt ashamed and distracted that they would see me obsessing over the smallest detail of page 1. I retirned to my mundane busy work, and felt more comfortable. Mouth was dry so I got an iced coffee with a shot of espresso, and popped another 20. Now I was a work animal. I could do any stupid thing fearlessly and probably badly. Then it wore off less than hour later. And I was a bum. People were rapping about life all around me. I couldnt even open my mouth. They didnt notice. Its been so long. I thought, " what has happened to me?" I used to talk and care and yes procrastinate and flake, but I was fun. And I laughed and I broke balls, and my work was fine. Now im a fucking zombie on speed. Im quitting. Pray for me.